I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.
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I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.
If I tell someone what will happen. I get it I have to tell so it doesn't happen again but what happens then? I'm worried we don't live in a big town I'll see him again and he'll be angry then. He said not to say anything. Everyone will know! Will my parents even believe me. I don't want them to be ashamed of me if they even believe me anyway I suppose I better suck it up and do it maybe today
First off let me give you some details about myself because we can relate. I'm fifteen years old and I have been raped twice so I must ask if you wanted "it" or not. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him? I know what it's like to be raped... and it's honestly the worst thing you will ever experience. It will stay with you until the day you die. It's something you have to live with. You have to learn to cope with it though. But most of all you need to tell someone... But until you do, matters will just get worse... Believe me...
After you tell comes the tricky part. I'm sure your parents will believe you, you're their child. Proving that it happened may be harder. That's up to the police, that's not your problem, or something you should worry about.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
After that, it depends on what the police and the DA decide (not sure if you have a DA in Australia, or what the equivalent is). They'll decide whether to press charges against him for statutory rape, possibly grooming a child, or coercing a minor, etc. etc. If he's convicted you won't have to worry about him being mad, he'll be in jail, where he belongs.
If he's not convicted you can get a restraining order against him. You shouldn't be afraid. Once the adults are aware of what happened, they'll make sure he has no access to you.
You're doing the right thing by telling your parents. Remember, you can always just show them this thread, they can read what happened, and then decide what to do about it.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
It doesn't matter if she wanted him to kiss her, or if she wanted to have sex with him. According to the law she's not legally allowed to make those decisions. He's an adult, she's a child. The law protects children from things like this. It's statutory rape, which isn't the same as being forced to have sex against your will.Quote:
Originally Posted by emogirlheart
Adrian, it may not be your word against his. There might be physical evidence.
How long ago did this happen?
Did he use a condom?
Have the clothes (especially panties) you were wearing been washed? Were you wearing a coat or jacket that doesn't normally get washed? Even your shoes might have trace evidence.
"Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him?"
Sigh - I guess the FACT that the OP cannot legally consent doesn't matter.
Again, sigh.
Again, show them this thread, let them read it and it will help them understand what happened and how you feel. I doubt, after reading this, they will feel ashamed of you. Like I said, maybe disappointed, but they will realize you fell prey to a predator.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
So what happens next. Your parents should take you to the police or the local equivalent of a prosecutor. They should ask to speak to an officer or prosecutor familiar with rape cases (preferably female). They will go over the case with you and determine whether there is sufficient evidence for prosecution. At this point everything will be confidential.
Do you have any physical evidence? For example, did you launder your sheets since it happened (f you didn't put them aside in a plastic bag immediately).
If they determine there isn't enough evidence, they may decline to prosecute and that will end it as far as you are concerned. Otherwise this is whether it will get tougher. He will be arrested and charged. However, I think people will side with you. People will detest pedophiles and sexual predators.
It will not be easy, make no mistake, but it will be worth it, because it will help you hold your head up high.
Aside to emogirlheart
As Alty noted, it doesn't matter whether she wanted it or not, even if she encouraged him. She is under the age of consent which means she can't legally consent. The only thing here is whether she can prove it happened. Once that happens, its rape.
I think this is an irresponsible thing to say and does the opposite of helping the situation. Whether she was attracted to the guy or not, he acted in a predatory manner and it's not her fault.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I would like to reassure you that you were caught up in something you weren't ready for, because an adult designed the situation that way. You know it's wrong, which is why it has bothered you, and why you came on this site. But you are putting your concern in the wrong place.
You don't want to embarrass or do anything to disrupt his life, but he has disrupted your life in a huge way. Men who do this once normally have a pattern of behaviors and there is nearly a zero chance that he hasn't done this before. Next time he may act with force, or he may start threatening to do bad things if you tell. You need to tell your parents now.
This is not a confession on your part. A bad thing happened to you - a man put you in a bad situation and manipulated you, and you were working for he and his wife. Did you know that if even if someone did this to an adult who worked for them, they would be at risk of prosecution for sexual harassment? Just the fact that you worked for him puts him in a position of power so even if you were 25, what he did would be wrong.
You want to give someone the benefit of the doubt who acts recklessly and without concern for others. He certainly didn't treat you with respect. He cheated on his wife and children. He certainly did not show your parents proper respect. This man is a father, and he took advantage of someone else's young daughter. What kind of person does that? He may seem perfectly nice but we need to judge people by their actions, and his actions are predatory.
You will be less confused when you talk to your parents. If you don't want them to prosecute, that's another decision but you cannot let this event stand between you and your parents, and you do need counseling as well as medical attention to make sure he did not expose you to any health issues, so your parents really need to know. When we ignore things like this when they happen, the impacts come out in our lives one way or another - it can be hard on your relationships with other people, future dating relationships, your self-esteem, grades, lots of things. It can cause anxiety and depression, etc. But if you tell your parents, and get some counseling for what you experienced, you can learn how it happened that you were manipulated when you are such a smart young lady, and can restore your sense of self, avoiding the negative things that can come up if you ignore the situation.
Many of us telling you to tell your parents ARE parents. We would very, very much want our teenagers to tell us something like this so we could help them. Give your parents the chance to be there for you.
I showed my mum this thread she read it then walked away she didn't say anything. She didn't say anything I don't know what's going on. I'm such an idiot I shouldn't of told her she hates me. I'm not coming out of my room I hate myself so much I've
I really can't do this I just want to disappear. I should have never have slept with him
Adrian, I don't think she hates you. She is probably in shock. She is also probably very angry and upset-not at you. She may be trying to calm down and/or talk to your father before she says anything to you. Give her time. Remember this is very new to her and she had no warning.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
How long ago did you show this to her?
You need to do something to help change your thought pattern from a negative to a more positive direction. What are some thoughts and things that help you calm down? Music? Reading? Art? Writing? Exercise?
The implication was that she was caught off guard by a predator who exploited her feelings. That's what predator do. There is no guilt or shame in being over whelmed by a superior experienced person.Quote:
I think this is an irresponsible thing to say and does the opposite of helping the situation. Whether she was attracted to the guy or not, he acted in a predatory manner and it's not her fault.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.
Encouraging help to confront the predator. Glad she did. It won't be easy, but hopefully empowering.
I showed my mum a while ago now she still isn't talking to me but I haven't been out of my room. I can hear her down stairs with her friend. I just want to runaway I feel terrible why won't she say anything? She probably thinks I'm a slut I hate to even imagine what dad will say I am not going to be home when he finishes work he'll probably yell at me I wouldn't blame him though
I need to get out of here I need a drink or something I can't deal with this anymore
Go downstairs and talk with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
I went down stairs and asked if I could speak to her. Her friend said I had to go to my room my mum will speak to me later. It was a bad idea showing her
No, I don't think it was. Hang in there. Wait for your mum to talk with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
This is the worst day of my life. My dads yelling my mums crying and nobody's talking to me but I can hear them. I must be the most Dumbest person ever. I wish I could get out of here I need to just leave
Can you go to a relative's house? What are your parents saying?
I echo Judy. What are they saying?
You have to give them time. If they really hated you they would have been yelling at you. But they aren't. They are trying to come to grips with the situation and decide what next to do.
What you should be doing is asking them to take you to the police or prosecutor. We warned you this would not be easy at first. But that it was something you had to do. You are not dumb at all, you are a child who was taken advantage of. You have to keep telling yourself that. This was not your fault. Ask them if they want to post here and ask our advice.
Just sit tight and let them work through this themselves and then they can deal with you. You knew this would be traumatic, so just give them time.
The right thing to do is never the easiest.
Well I wouldn't say never, but the right thing is not always the easiest path. And you HAVE done the right thing here. Please be assured of that.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I think you are a very intelligent and brave young lady.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
You know how you are blaming yourself? Parents go through blaming themselves and sometimes each other. They go through the thoughts of what they could have done to protect their baby (in their eyes you will always be a baby), why couldn't they see this coming, how they can help and protect you now, whether to confront the man, etc. If they were involved in you beginning this job, then there is another layer blame they will have to work through.
You still haven't said if he used a condom or how long ago this happened. If your clothes haven't been washed, they need to be put in a plastic bag. This is something you can do.
I am becoming concerned about the unanswered questions. Nothing is tingling so far, seems sincere but, again, important questions are not being answered.
I too am wary. Twelve hours' difference in time?Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
I'm just uneasy. I'm not sure this isn't 1 person, 2 names - not sure at all.
It happened on Saturday I only babysit on weekends. He didn't use a condom but he said he pulled out so it was all right. I left the clothes I wore in my clothes basket in my room.I don't know about time difference but right now it's 7:35 in the morning. I just wanted some help that's all I didn't come on here to I don't know I just didn't know what to do. And I'm not one person two names what ever that means. I just wanted someone to talk to
No, that's NOT all right. You can get pregnant that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
Have you and your parents talked yet?
Adrian, I don't want to alarm you but the 'pull-out' method is a good way to get pregnant. It is most effective between long time partners who know when her ovulation cycle and plan ahead. It is more than just pulling out before ejaculating. Pre-ejaculate can contain sperm.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
Put the clothes in a plastic bag.
How are things with your parents at this moment?
My mum spoke to me last night she said they were taking me to the police station in the morning. I'm nervous to go but I'm ready. I didn't know I could get pregnant still can't you take the morning after pill. I know my dad is not happy with me I heard him last night talking about me he called me a slut and that I brought shame to his family then and then I don't even want to say the names he called the other guy. He was very angry
Did he read this thread? Certainly he realizes this was rape.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
I don't know if he read it I showed mum. I don't really care anymore I have to go to police station now mum said we leaving in 10 minutes I wish it was just mum coming but dads took time off work. I put the clothes in a bag so thanks for the advise
Be sure to let us know how this goes. We are all here for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
Your dad is angry and acting foolish. You can have him read this. I understand the anger, but he has to understand that you were taken advantage of. You are not a slut, just a foolish immature girl who fell prey to a predator.
Hopefully the people at the police station will explain that to him.
Its too late for the morning after pill so you just have to pray. The chances are small that you are, but it is possible. And yes, please let us know how things go.
Worst day of my life I've never been so embarrassed. I just want this day to be over already.
I'm sorry Honey, but this may be just the beginning. We are here for you. We will do our best to help you through this. Please take comfort that you are stopping a predator from preying on other young girls. Can you tell us what the police said?
Wonder if the father is angry with himself - the child had sex in the child's house, in her bedroom. I don't know where parents/siblings were.
I'm amazed she went to the Police Station and, based on a call by the parents, they didn't send their sexual assault "team" to her house to avoid the embarrassment of the appearance at the Police Station. There's also the physical exam - if we know when this happened.
Judy, may I ask if you read something I haven't? Did I miss something?Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
According to Adrian, the encounter took place in a park not in her bedroom. I also missed where she said that they called the police. It sounds more like they were going to the station without calling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian3102
You're right on the clothes - I read the hamper and didn't recall that the rape happened in the park.
I am still concerned, not by the OP but by the parents, that they didn't call the Police instead of taking her to the Police Station.
That was not a criticism of the OP - that is how sex crimes are handled in my area (and I'm not in Australia, of course). Rape victims, particularly underage, are interviewed in their homes, particularly in a small town.
I spent most of the day at the police station. I had to tell them what happened and then answer their questions while mum sat there. It was horrible. After that they took me to the hospital where a lady doctor examined me and took evidence which I don't understand seeing as it happened a week ago nearly. They came to my house and took the clothes you said to put it the bag. They said that depending on the physical evidence he would be charged with having intercourse with a minor can't remember exactly what they called it was kind of in my own world. They said they were going to nicks house to take him in for questioning. They want me to go and get councilling from SARC but I don't want to I just want this to all go away what mess
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