Ask Me Help Desk - Scared of my younger Brother.

Quote:

slapshot_oi agrees: Self-defense is against the law in my state. You have to die if attacked.

Haha! I hope you're kidding. I'm pretty sure you are. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

... he hasn't touced me since then because I told him that if he did I was immediately call the police.

Ohsohappy,
I just saw this post. I haven't read every post in this thread, but I am not seeing something that I think is important here.

First, your comment above shows that your brother CAN control his behavior. He can decide not to throw things, hit or threaten to hit. On the one hand, that's a good sign. He's not out of control. On the other hand, his ability to be better when threatened means what he was doing before was stuff he decided he could get away with and felt entitled to do--abusing you and your mother.

Second, his language and behavior shows he has no respect for women. I'm sure your step father set a horrible example for him and I gather you were both abused by this man. Your brother is only 17 now, so maybe he can learn to treat people better. But right now he feels entitled to do anything to you and your mother. It sounds like he is going through a lot right now, so he definitely needs help. But you are absolutely right to set limits with him and to ensure your own safety. It's imperative that he understand he cannot behave abusively without consequences. At the same time, I hope you will reach out to him when he is behaving reasonably (not just being nice to get something).

You sound you have a lot on your plate and I hope things get better for you soon.
Asking

Given that you're an adult, perhaps you should just move out. Sorry I didn't catch that - with you still at home, I assumed you were a teenager.

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

Ohsohappy,
I just saw this post. I haven't read every post in this thread, but I am not seeing something that I think is important here.

First, your comment above shows that your brother CAN control his behavior. He can decide not to throw things, hit or threaten to hit. On the one hand, that's a good sign. He's not out of control. On the other hand, his ability to be better when threatened means what he was doing before was stuff he decided he could get away with and felt entitled to do--abusing you and your mother.

Second, his language and behavior shows he has no respect for women. I'm sure your step father set a horrible example for him and I gather you were both abused by this man. Your brother is only 17 now, so maybe he can learn to treat people better. But right now he feels entitled to do anything to you and your mother. It sounds like he is going through a lot right now, so he definitely needs help. But you are absolutely right to set limits with him and to ensure your own safety. It's imperative that he understand he cannot behave abusively without consequences. At the same time, I hope you will reach out to him when he is behaving reasonably (not just being nice to get something).

You sound you have a lot on your plate and I hope things get better for you soon.
Asking

You are right that he probably can control his behavior and chooses not to, what I don't think he can control are his emotions, so he lets them dictate his actions. It's weird because he chose to act out when my father came back to stay with his dying mother. The man my mother is with now is not abusive to her, but the man she was with before him was. His name was scott. I say was because he died. Drug overdose, he was addicted to his oxycoton. This was after my mom left him, but she was with him for a good 5 years before we left, and he was very cruel to us, my brother especially. My brother has been through a lot, so I understand his behavior. But while I understand it, I know he knows it's not right.

As for moving out, I am not financially stable and an unable to do so at this time, otherwise I'd be gone by now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

haha! I hope you're kidding. I'm pretty sure you are. :)

Lol you I kind of embellished, but the state does make it seem like self-defense truly is a crime itself. This is what happens when the state gets too much power.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

As for moving out, i am not financially stable and an unable to do so at this time, otherwise i'd be gone by now.

You mean you don't have a job?

The medical community is finding that people with Asperger's who had temper tantrums as a kid usually have anger management problems as teens and young adults. Did your brother have tantrums when he was younger?

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

lol ya I kinda embellished, but the state does make it seem like self-defense truly is a crime itself. This is what happens when the state gets too much power.

You mean you don't have a job?

I do have a job but I don't make enough to support myself.

Yeah, at 20 it can be hard to be at an independent income level but you know, I think that's going to be your solution - Perhaps getting a second part-time job or a higher paying primary job might be enough to get you out on your own within a couple months. Or maybe go away to college? (you can get loans to pay for it - no credit checks for student loans). Then you can kind of put in your two cents with the family about taking care of your brother's needs, but you can do so from a safe situation for yourself. It's tough when the person who's endangering you cannot help it - my heart goes out to you. I've known a few young guys with aspergers and they did find their place and become independent - it's just a tough road to get there.

Yeah, I just want to make sure I have enough money to pay for school before I move out. School is the first priority, and if I get a second job it will hurt my grades, I'm already having abit of a hard time because of my job. I'm doing my best to save up for that.

Your story has really made me think, I have a 13yr old son that is really out of control and is always attacking his younger siblings. It has made me realise that I am so wrapped up in what he is doing that I have never asked the others how it is affecting them