Ask Me Help Desk - For Clough

Ok I get it

Quote:

I am out of work and I want to take this opportunity to get my education. In this day and time you need both parties working in the household to make it. Right now we are barely surviving on his pay alone. I am seeking an online degree from CTU, because I am so tired of the endless dead-end jobs that take me nowhere. I know with my degree I can get a decent paying job so I can better support my family. I want to be someone that is proud of their job. I want my son and my husband to be proud of me for bettering myself. . I also want to take some of the stress of my husband who has been supporting me for the last two years.

Possible revision is below...

I want and need to change my life for the betterment of myself and family. I am out of work and working to educate myself. In this day and time, people need both person's in a relationship working together to make ends meet. Right now, we are barely surviving on my husband's pay alone.

I am seeking an online degree fromm CTU, because I'm so tired of the endless dead-end jobs that lead me to nowhere.

I know, that with my degree that I will obtain, I can get a decent paying job co that I can be able to better support my family.

I want to be some who is proud of their job and realizing their own worth as a person. My desire is for my husband to be proud of me for my attempts at bettering myself. I would also like to take some of the stress off my husband who has been supporting our family finantially over the past two years.

What do you think of the revision?

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Quoted below, is your first paragraph.

Suggestion: I would suggest titleling it like this, My Need and Desire to Change. You will appear more organized that way.

I am working on a revision of your paragraph.

Sticking my nose in where it may not belong... I got confused reading her essay, not being sure of the order of events. Maybe adding headings will unconfuse me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

What do you think of the revision?

There are still mistakes in grammar. Do you want my corrections, or should I go back to reading my novel?

That sounds better than what I had I think I need to buy a thesaurus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

There are still mistakes in grammar. Do you want my corrections, or should I go back to reading my novel?

any help is appreciated... I was confused on the flow of my paper.. it did not make sense to me but I had all the info in it and Clough is such a peacj he has been helping me

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

There are still mistakes in grammar. Do you want my corrections, or should I go back to reading my novel?

Your corrections in grammar would certainly be welcome! After all, you are the professional writer! I've just been a teacher of a fine arts and cultural things for many years.

Thanks!

Here are my corrections to Clough's edit (did I change it too much?):

I want and need to change my life to better me and my family. I am out of work and working to educate myself. In this day and time, both individuals in a relationship must work at paying jobs in order to make ends meet. Right now, we are barely surviving on my husband's pay alone.

I am seeking an online degree from CTU, because I'm so tired of the endless dead-end jobs that lead me nowhere. With this degree, I will be able to get a decent-paying job that will enable me to do my part in support of my family.

I want to be someone who is proud of her job and realizes her own worth as a person. I also want my husband to be proud of me for my attempts at bettering myself and want to take some of the stress off him for being our family anchor during the past two years.

No you did not change too much it is pretty much the same

I changed some phrases to simplify them and make the wording cleaner and clearer. I do want it to sound like you and not me, though. Hmmmm.

Well I am pretty simple so I think it works lol I thought I was a pretty decent writer but I think I am wrong

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Your corrections in grammar would certainly be welcome! Afterall, you are the professional writer! I've just been a teacher of a fine arts and cultural things for many years.

Thanks!

I am so happy you can help me I appreciate it your opinions are held high at AMHD you are awesome

Now, does what has been written address sufficiently what needed to be addressed in the first task?

Quote:

Step 1 - The Need or Desire for Change (P1DB)

Yes indeed

This paragraoph does not seem to belong, especially not where you put it:

I used the internet to look up every possible choice. I found that CTU was the best choice for me. It is highly accredited and the admissions advisors are very helpful. I can look after my son and get a great education with CTU. It has been five years since finishing my online degree. My life has been wonderful and extremely fulfilling. I have rewarding job at a local doctor’s office. I am working on getting my Bachelor’s in Health Care Management and getting great grades. My husband and I own our own home now. We are so happy to have financial freedom and our privacy back.

Quote:

Wondergirl;1707886]This paragraoph does not seem to belong, especially not where you put it:

Nice spelling of paragraph, Wondergirl! :D ;)

I know it don't make sense when I copied and pasted it went all kooky.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Nice spelling of paragraph, Wondergirl!! :D ;)

Oh, good! You found it and passed my test, Clough!

I was also suppose to state in my paper why I chose CTU if that helps

Quote:

Originally Posted by nitelight198073

I was also suppose to state in my paper why i chose CTU if that helps

Why did you choose it? Name three reasons.