Magic is inside you, outside you. If you are real, then magic is too. In order for magic to work for you, that understanding has to be there first.

Get to know yourself. Looking at only what is going on outside you and feeling miserable with your life? What is inside you? Learn to meditate, to not think. Read about deities and learn more about the one(s) you identify with.

Find some books on meditation and brainwaves. Find yourself a teacher, someone who seems to "get it." A good teacher is not necessarily someone who is of a magical leaning, just someone who sees that you are struggling and is helpful.

And please quit whining. Even if all the swirling thoughts are kept inside, what you think (or don't think) is what you are. What do you want to be? That's what you need to be thinking about and learning about.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you male or female?

Do you have a deck of Tarot cards?

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Male and no

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Originally Posted by Noobsim

therpy will not help trust me

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Why do you say that?

Because it is not about mental stability it is about fullfilling a want that is very importand to me

What is magic to you? If you could clap your hands and turn on the light, is that magic? No it's the clapper. I'm not mocking you. I'm just trying to make the point that as Arthur C. Clarke said in 1962, "any technology that is sufficiently advanced will be indistinguishable from magic."
Magic is anything that is beyond our comprehension. For people 100 years ago, every aspect of our lives today would seem like magic.
Don't despair. STUDY! And make your own magic.
Anyone who has "discovered" new magic and been to selfish to share it with the world... well you can hardly expect them to share it with you on some goofy little forum.

Your desperate tone in your writing has me getting the impression that there is a person or persons that you would want to use the magick on. That would be one of the wrong things to do, and in would be something that you really don't want to do. There is a rule that some say is of three-fold and some say is of seven-fold: what you send out comes back to you, like Karma. Trying to control others, even to try making them fall in love with you is wrong. Besides, if they fell in love with because of a spell, how could you ever be sure that they ever really loved you? And if you were wanting to make bad things happen to others, you could count on it coming back to you worse.

Are you sure that your best recourse isn't talking to someone, or maybe a therapist? The best of us all need to talk to someone once in a while. And sometimes, insisting that we don't is one of the first signs we do.

My dear spells aren't real, if they were everyone would be doing it everyone would be happy and they would have everything they ever wanted, what are you looking for in life? What's made your turn to an illusion?