Hello; I'm trying to start a band and It's going to be hard rock but I also want some calm piano songs on are Demo CD too. Kind of a Evanescence thing. But it is so hard wrighting songs. All I'm asking is for some one to turn my horrible songs into magic. Do not laugh when you read this but this is all I've got.

"What if there was no price to pay?
I'd do things my way
I wouldn't be bleeding my heart dry
We don't need this screaming
Don't yell at me becaues you prayed for me to die
If only I were breathing
I'd say to you goodbye
If only I left today......."

I know "Har Har" it sucks but give me a break I'm only 12 and it just came to me and I wrote it down. Anyway, please fix it or if you can wright a song for me using my words. I would be so grateful. Thanks.

Hi, AmyLeefreak!

I can help you with writing songs! But, the first thing that I would like to ask you is, what might be the title to what you've posted here, please?

Knowing that, will help me to help you to fix it up.

Thanks!

Hey this is Amy Lee freak and I would like the this piece to be called Goodbye. Thanks for reading it and for trying to help.:D

Hi again, AmyLeefreak!

I've done some re-wording and left out some things from your song and also added some thins, so that it will have a better metrical flow to it. It can always be re-worked and re-worked. I'm sure that you get the idea as to how it flows better this way.

Quote:

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Goodbye

What if there was no price to pay?
I'd do things my way____
I wouldn't bleed my heart dry
I'd do things my way____

CHORUS

We don't need this screaming
I'd say to you goodbye____
If I were only breathing
I'd say to you goodbye____

CHORUS

---

The following would be a good start for another verse. I would suggest splitting the sentence apart and making it into two sentences.

Quote:

---

Don't yell at me because you prayed for me to die.

---

I would suggest continuing on with a couple more verses.

What I've done are only suggestions. Please let me know what you think.

Thanks!

Oh, wow, that's so awsome! Thank you. That really lets me see what I've written in a new way. Thank you so much!

Hey, I want to run this by you. To see if I've gotten any better.:D :o

"Burning in my own skin
The truth dares to seep through, to you
Just like a whisper
The words slip by your ear
Never taking in what you had to say
I'm lost without you
I've lost myself, again

Maybe, just maybe
I shouldn't have to lie
I just can't stand to see you so alive
I'm ready to break
The sun will have to set today
So my darkness can come out to play

Burning in my veins
Life seems to fade
Dripping down your face
bleeding down my hands;
The blood turns your eyes red

So I pray, I pray, I lose myself and pray
That the rain will wash away this this pain
My tears will only take what's left of me
So have it
So burn me in your hate
It won't break me down
I'm already broken can't you see?
How lost I am without you

And I guess I'll just lay here
Bleeding as you do
So i guess you'll just have to see
What has become of me"

"Walking in my sleep; havn't I told you I'm not only dreaming
Seeping past my lips; I dare to say what's inside of me
My soul cries for fogivness; trust, I would never hurt you that way
Some walk away from love but I'm here to stay

Sunlight burning my skin; darkness cinsuming my mind
I try not to qiuston this emptyness
The anser lays in my heart; never even thought about it
But, why do I lay here dieing, I believed in you
They see me pass them by but, they don't hear my screaming
I can't feel the bleeding anymore

Open your eyes into the night
No more dreaming; that's through
Just rest your head in this soft box, the dead awaits you
No more dreaming, your not sleeping
Your life is really breaking away

Sunlight buring my skin; darkness consuming my mind
I try not to qousition this emptyness
The answer lays in my heart; never even thought about it
Till I saw you.....

I should have never trusted you
You brought on this deadly chill
Your the fever I can't sweat out
Tell me what I'm living for
Becaues right now it's pain
it's the pain....
I'm only bleeding so I don't have to think about
Anything, only my place in the grave

I've opened my eyes
for the first time
I've only said it
Never belieaved that you've given me evrything
So now I'll just take my place
in the grave....."

"Tell me how to beleave that she's gone
Time and time again I feel her precise taking over my mind
I wonder where I stand becaues right now I'm alone
Seeing through her eyes; I'm bleeding
Out all the lies that make me seem so...

Hey,I just wanted to say,I think your writing is really good,you can write a song,I'm not ha ha ing ,and good for you!

You need a chorus to break the verses,and bring it all together.

Keep it up.

Hi again, AmyLeefreak!

I haven't been able to get online for most of this week because of phone problems.

I agree with redhed35 that chorus breaks are needed for your song. I also think that shortening some of the lines would help, too.

I'll work on what you've written more, when I have the time.

Thanks!

Hey, redhead! Thanks. And I do agree that I need to work out a chores and shorten things up a bit but, I just love wrighting stuff on here; that's when I think my best; it's werid. Music is my therapy.:)

Hi again, AmyLeefreak!

Do you play a musical instrument? If so, what do you play, please?

Thanks!

Am learning paino at the momeant. Please excuse my spelling; by the way. I like, play it every day just to get an ear for it. But, I will be taking lessons next month.

Tell me the truth; she's not gone
I see her time and time again
Staring back at me; my reflection doesn't even know me
It can't even tell you I love you
This mask hides away the real truth
And you'll never look deep enough to find,
I'm not hiding; I'm in plane sight


Fading away each day
Innocence blows away
Holding on to her screaming
That there's no escape your iron gates
Of worthlessness, Oh honey your so helpless
Trembleing in my hands;
Comsuming your mind;
I won't bow down like the last time!

Dreaming of you
Hands all over me
Crying myslef to sleep at night
Oh, all the things I've seen
I can't stand this; Your eyes searching for there place
I can't take this; I won't be taken
Again

(Just to let people know I'm posting these mostly becaues it get's my anger out and if you see a lot of these 'things' I'm not always asking for help.)

Hi, AmyLeefreak!

I'm here, right now! What are you learning how to play on the piano, please?

Thanks!

What do you mean? Like a song?

I mean like a piece or a song. There's a difference between what a piece is and what a song is.

Thanks!

Are you still there, AmyLeefreak?

Thanks!

WOW HUN! For a 12 year old, You're pretty poetic with your words. But don't let them all be sad songs. Throw some happy stuff in there too. Something positive. IT can help with an artist's psyche. It's funny though, because it's seems easier for most to write about sad or negative things.

Just remember positive thinking when it comes to your beautiful artistic ability also. Something with an uplifting message. If you can write something beautiful that's dark,I'm sure you can create GORGEOUS happy music for your positive moods! BEST OF LUCK!

You've made some excellent suggestions there, ohsohappy!

You've made some excellent suggestions there, ohsohappy!

Thank you! I like to think positively! :) It helps people focus more throughout the day. Incorporating that into her music could give her some very good insight. I think a lot of her influence comes from what she listens to. Which is good, but I'm sure she could find a way to put more of herself in there. I'm not saying she has to write Hannah Montana songs (I can't stand her music) But, something more personal to her.

Hi again, ohsohappy!

Perhaps what she is writing is very personal to her? It will take a bit of delving to find that out, though.

I do like you idea about accentuating positive things! An excellent thought by you!

What we write, is a matter of choice...

Thanks!

Well yeah that's quite possible. But even so, It would be an excellent idea for her to delve and express her happy side. Soo much sorrow for one so young.

Oh, gosh I hate Hannah Montana and them but, I'll try. Happy songs are just so hard to do without being all corny.

Well, like I said I'm just now learning and I'm trying to play a song called Good Enough by Evanescence. a.k.a Amy Lee.

It's funny when you broke my heart
It was a rainy day
Clouds closing in
To say I made a mistake
Cried myself to sleep tonight
Thinking "What have I done"
But, when I thought life was washed away
I opened my eyes to find it wasn't like yesterday

Behinde the black lace
Opens up the world
Nothing to tell me
I was better off alone
I stand in the sun
To enbrace the feeling
Not even caring if it's not me

It's Saturday and I sit here missing
Everything that brought me to life
All the tree's in my field of innocne
Made my heart race
But, you came and took me away
I wore a smile on my face
Looking back I know it's still sits
Deep inside

Behinde the black lace
Opens up the world
Nothing to tell me
I was better off alone
I stand in the sun
To embrace the feeling
Not even caring if it's not me

(That was my first kind of Happy song thing) I'll work on it later

Wow! I think I did a really good job. But, please let me know if you find anything that needs to be fixed before I start to work on some music for it.


Lay here
So I'm not alone
Now you hate me
Without a guess I would fall
Made myself believe that
He's so wrong and could never save me

Breathing without me
Your only breathing without me
Just two worlds between us
I know it's hard
But, don't follow me
I've found my place without you
My name was on that grave before you
There's nothing you can do
I've fallen into his trap
Unforgiven, I reached for his hand

Don't take in each word
They say I left becaues I'm worthless
Never to think that their words took me over the edge
When you've crossed that line
Tell me how does it feel
To be so cold inside
Your body becomes numb
I need to feel something again

Breathing without me
Your only breathing without me
Just two worlds between us
I know it's hard
But, don't follow me
I've found my place without you
My name was on that grave before you
There's nothing you can do
I've fallen into his trap
Unforgiven, I reached for his hand

I'm better off without this
But, why did you lie
She died and you siad I'd be Ok
He touched me and you said you had me
What happened to never letting go?
I thought I knew you
I couldn't stand it anymore

Breathing without me
I'm just breathing without you now
Just two different worlds
And yet you cry as lay
In you arms
Drinking in your tears
I lay there bleeding
But, I know I'm still here
It's just not the same as yesterday...

Hi again, AmyLeefreak!

I'm still not sure what you're able to do, musically. Are you really able to play the sheet music to "Good Enough" by Evanescence on the piano?

If you could give me more of an idea concerning what you're able to play, that would be helpful.

Thanks!

Well, I'm just now learning. I'm only able to play at my friends house and will be taking lessons soon. I'm in choir so I'm learning how to also read music a little better. So I'm a little unsure myself

Hi again, AmyLeefreak!

So, are you able to play both the right and left hand parts at the same time for what you're wanting to play, please?

Thanks!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AmyLeefreak

Well, I'm just now learning. I'm only able to play at my friends house and will be taking lessons soon. I'm in choir so I'm learning how to also read music a little better. So I'm a little unsure myself

---

Learing to read music get's easier with practice. I've been doinmg it for nearly 8 years and I still get stuck sometimes. But it's a really good skill to have. I'ts pretty much like reading another language. The hardes part for me is the rythms, not the notes. You'll do fine!! Just keep practicing! :)

Hey,I've been following your post,your songs are very dark,but I think with the haunting music they will be very good..
There is a song by alanis morrisete called 'uninvited' that kind of melody might suit..

You know how you want the song to sound! Keep up the good work,your doing great.

How do you want your song to sound, AmyLeefreak? Also, would you like to be able to play it on some kind of a keyborad?

Thanks!

Well, I'm not really sure. I know I want it to be very dreary with just a piano with the first verse and then have it build up; like the anger of girl in the story. I will be singing it and I have kind of a low voice that can hit high notes (It's werid) So when the song hit's it's piont of just mmm... letting the music burst out it be just be harder.

There's something in the wind
A feeling I only get
When I see you
Time passes by
And I still want the memory to haunt me
There's something wrong
I'm not alone
Your holding me in your arms
God help me if I'm dreaming

Moonless night's turn to a shad of grey
The wind blows softly at my ear
Whisper's of their story's
Breaking the silence
Once breaking me
I'm not the only one
Now I'm not alone

Laying here
Looking up at sky
You say that you love me
I don't even have to think
I've loved you to
And I know I'll have to watch the dream fade away
I just want to live this day

Do you hear her screaming?
Out my pain
Such a pity that I ruined her life
Just know that
No matter what she said
I'm still breathing

So cry, I'm still here
Bleed, out the fear
I say fall but, no ones there
They all left long ago

You tell me
That you have it all
Then why do you cry on the inside?
Your heart is broken
Along with anything you ever had

So cry, I'm still here
Bleed, out the fear
I say fall but, no ones there
They all left along ago

Your so blinded
In the light
While I lay in the dark
When I cry when your gone
Your off getting what you've ask for

Oh, where has she gone to
Just yesterday she breathed
With such joy
But, now were not the same
It's much colder than yesterday
And he even hides the truth
She knows it was you

Oh, where, where has she gone to?
Just yesterday she was here
Holding the child you've taken
Breathing out his last breath
Now were not the same
It's much colder than yesterday

Tell me do you cry at night
Do you regret goodbye
I remember the words
"Oh, how he loves me so"
And even though you hide the truth
She knows it's you
Hands around her neck
Holding onto her last breath

Where has Laci gone to?
Drowning deep in your sencless hate
And yet you lie to me
Saying that you were blinded
He feels no sorrow for
His mistake

Hi again, AmyLeefreak!

I can see that you're writing again. Is what you've written in post #38 a continuation of the song in post #37, please?

Thanks!

Well, I guess it could be but, the second one is about a friend of mine that died and the other is just random