Originally Posted by
Jake2008
I suspect that different situations have you in the same place- taking a nosedive emotionally, and as you said, ruminating about what you perceive as a problem.
You have to stop it!
Intellectually, you know your partner after so long, as to not expect a hurtful comment over something that bothers you. For all you know, she guards her words very carefully because you act so overboard with any comment to do with how you look. My guess is, she gave you the fewest words possible in a positive way, to avoid exactly what you have described, as happening.
I think too that it wouldn't matter if she ripped off all her clothes and jumped your bones because she loves bald headed men!! Then you would think she was just feeling sorry for you and it was pity sex.
So, the problem is not her, the problem is your habit of reacting negatively to what YOU see as a negative, about yourself. No amount of compliments will convince you otherwise, so stop expecting them to.
Instead when you get that nagging feeling that a tornado is about to invade your brain and mess up your common sense and confidence, go and sit somewhere quiet, and write out your thoughts. The 'event', how it made you feel, and what you should do about it.
That last bit is the hardest, but in time, becomes a reaction, and that turns the negative nose-dive, into a positive spin, and you can accept not only a compliment, but believe it too.
Most importantly is learning to accept that the only person that can judge you, is yourself. We all have things about ourselves that we find negative, like stature, weight, eye colour, etc. No amount of tearing yourself up will change the basic facts. In your case, you may very well be balding, and because there is nothing you can do about it (something to write down while you're figuring out how to actually think about it), and you are taking a nosedive that not only depresses you, but depresses others around you.
Another thing you could try is attaching a number, like 1-10, for importance. For instance, let's say your baldness issue has had you spinning for 2 days now, so you let yourself get to the critical 10. Had you taken hold of the thoughts and feelings when they first started, and worked on them, it may have only been a 2 or a 3. In other words, you could have stopped the cycle, and moved on to more important matters.
This is called not taking yourself too seriously, building confidence and self-assurance, and changing your thinking, which in turn, changes your behavior.
You have some work to do.
