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I feel like my life is such a waste, all I do is make everyone around me feel sad or angry. I don't want to be here anymore. I hate being around people I wish they would all go away. I try not to think like this but I can't snap out of it! I lay in bed at night and think bad thoughts and I can't stop myself. They would all be better of with out me in their lives.
Are you seeing the counselor?
Yes I still go I don't have a choice. I don't see the point I just feel uncomfortable going I feel stupid sitting there. What's the point I don't want to talk to herQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Tell her what you posted here. I double dare you!! She needs to know this.
Your probably right but I hate going there and I don't like her! I hate getting asked stupid questions and I don't want to talk about myself. I don't want to feel like this and I wish I could stop these thoughts I don't want to be around my family I wish I had no family it would make things easier for them and meQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Are you taking your meds like you are supposed to?
Oh, and be sure to tell her you are uncomfortable and do not like meeting with her. (I heard worse from a couple of my clients.) You are not supposed to LIKE counseling. It isn't a tea party.
No I don't want to they make me feel sick mum makes me take them In Front of her but I just pretend I do then spit it out. It doesn't matter if I tell her I don't like meeting with her I have no choice I don't get to make any choices in my life! I'm just a burden to my mum and she doesn't deserve it none of them need to put up with me. I wish I didn't care about them would make things easierQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Yes, you are making choices. But nothing will get easier until you start cooperating. You really want to be miserable for the rest of your life? And now you are turning into a liar. You are much better than that! That is NOT who you really are! If the meds don't work for you, there are others to try. Tell your mom and the doctor.
Have you been going to school?
I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life I was fine before I don't understand why I feel like this now. I don't care if I'm a liar I don't want to take any more medication I don't want to bother my mum with my stupid little problems. Your right I am making choices not ones I want to make but ones I get forced to because I have to. My mum lies to me what's the difference?Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
No still on holidays until next Tuesday, not looking forward to thatQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I don't need to bother anyone with my problems don't know why I keep posting on this site. I am just a waste of time heaps of people have more problems than me I'm just a stupid teenager ill get over it.
Sooooo, your mom lies to you (about what?), so therefore you will lie to her. Hmmmmm. What's wrong with this picture? Oh, and you lied to all of us too. I understand why, but can't you see how you are hurting yourself? -- yourself far more than anyone else?
What can we do to help you get back on track?
You post here because you LIKE us and know we make sense and won't lie to you. P.S. I was once a stupid teenager and even now at the age of 68 have never stopped kicking myself for not doing something I should have done.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Can someone just explain to me how taking medication will help me how talking to a counsellor will help me? I asked mum and she just said because it will. I don't care if I hurt myself I. Just sick of hurting everyone around me. I don't like lying and I hate being lied to but I didn't feel like I had any other choice! I don't know what I should do I tried the medication I tried talking to councillor but it just made me feel worse. I don't want to feel anything anymoreQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
You haven't given the meds and the counseling enough time. How long have you been on the meds? and how many times have you gone to the counselor? Rome was not built in a day. You don't mix up cupcake batter, pour it into the little paper cups, and then take them out of the oven when they are halfway done. You are patient and wait and do it right. And no one is lying to you.
I took them for 2 weeks and I've been to counselling a few times now. It's a waste of time all of it, it doesn't help. I don't want to talk about it I just want to forget about it. I want to be like I use to be I don't understand why I feel like this I just feel all this pressure take your pills talk to a councillor my head wants to explode. I wish I could disappear but that's not going to happen! My mum lied to me I did something and she found out and she said she wouldn't tell anyone and she lied she did tell and now she made things worse.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Think I just need a good slap in the face maybe that might snap me out of it. I will start taking these stupid pills for longer and see if they work but I don't want to talk I hate it you try being in a room where someone stares at you and ask you questions it freaks me out I dread going. I don't see how being forced to do something I hate will help!
C'mon! You were a mess before you even told her. And the meds take at least four to five weeks to start working. AND you haven't even gotten to first base with the counseling.
Get back in the game and hit a home run!
4-5 weeks that's a long time :( counselling sucks but like I said I have no choice the only choice I have there is if I talk or not. I told my mum that for my sister I know that was right and I know I had to report it, but I trusted my mum when she found out something's and I talked to her about it and she promised she wouldn't tell and she did she told the counsellor and the doctor and she made everything worse she promised she wouldn't and she lied how am I suppose to trust her now. I hate that she even found out my fault but she lied to meQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
4 or 5 weeks is nothing... I've spent longer than that deciding what underwear to buy...
Nothing is going to change unless you go... do you really want things to stay as they are? I don't think you do.
I asked a question that I already know the answer of its simple take my meds and go to counselling. I've just read everything I've wrote and I haven't given anything a try really I've just complained that I don't want to feel like this but not done anything to help myself just the opposite I suppose I'm my own problem. Thanks every time I come on here I always seem to get a reality check. I need to suck it up and do this
Nobody WANTS to feel like that... just so you know... but like taking medicine that tastes bad... sometimes you need to do something unpleasant to get better. One of those life lessons you learn as you are growing up... as you are doing now.
Think that's something I need to get tattooed to my brain sometimes we need to do something unpleasant to get better! Life lessons wish I could skip that class makes me feel mental lolQuote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
And this is why I like you so much!Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Lol because I complain so much then realise how silly I really am being. Think I just need to give myself a good kick up the butt. Thanks for listening to my constant babble helps for me to get it out of my head so I can realise how silly I'm being.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I wanted to put this quote out last night but didn't get time.
What does not kill me, makes me stronger. Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888
German philosopher (1844 - 1900)
Use that during the adversities in life you come across and it helps keep things in focus.
Its also the root of the more contemporary saying that going through difficulties helps build character.
People that live a charmed life as children are less equipped to deal with hardships as adults than young people who didn't. THe fact you have gives you a leg up on the others, so even as much pain as it causes you.....you can. and should use it to channel your energy into something that will be a positive for you in the long run. Courage, resolve...and inner strength.
Since I'm on a roll this moring withthe quotes....
When life hands you lemons......make lemonade.
Thanks I like the quotes thinks I will print them and stick them to my bedroom wall so when ever I feel down I can read them. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
I feel really bad had a big fight with my mum, said something's I shouldn't have don't know what's wrong with me I shouldn't have done it. She hates me now bloody hell
I feel very guilty had a bad day and she yelled at me and I just lost it. Now she won't talk to me don't know what to do
All you can do is apologize to her. Then the best thing is to leave her alone. She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't like what you said. Most likely she was hurt by what you said. But I guarantee you that she still loves you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Even though we are parents, we still have feelings. Our children can hurt our feelings just like your friends can hurt your feelings. You have to give her time to get over her pain.
As a parent, our feelings get hurt as easily as yours do. The only difference is that we have to try to hide it so that our children are happy. Sometimes it's not that easy.
You see, I had an issue with my daughter this past weekend. She is 20, but still lives at home. She made a choice that was not very smart. She actually ended up ruining the Easter weekend for the entire family. Her father, mother (me), her little brother, grandparents, aunts and uncles. The bottom line was that her decisions affected the entire family, not just her. What I guess I am trying to say is that even though she made some bad choices, I still love her and will love her unconditionally. Your mother is the same way. While she may be upset with you now, she loves you to the moon and back. There is nothing she wouldn't do for you to be happy. However, you have to give her some space.
Tell her you love her and that you are sorry for what you said, then leave it at that. She will get over it. She loves you.
Noon, I doubt she hates you. I doubt anything short of saying you made everything up would cause any lasting negative feelings. She just needs time to calm down.
I am not surprised this happened because you are both in very emotional states. It's fairly common in dealing with the aftermath of a trauma like you have been through. It is something to sit down talk to your therapist about at your next meeting or if you can call her, over the phone. Breakdowns and blow-ups can lead to getting all sorts of negative emotions out where they can be seen and dealt with. Now you can see how dangerous it is to bottle them up.
Think of repressing negative emotions as filling a balloon. At some point the balloon will pop. Sometimes it is on its own. Sometimes a little outside pressure causes a rupture and all that air comes rushing out at once. That's what happened between you and your mother. You are both holding so much inside and something was bound to give. It will take a while to pick up the pieces of the balloon and dispose of it, but you will especially if you give opening up to your therapist a chance.
Tell your mother you love her and are sorry you blew-up and let her calm down enough to talk.
I hope she forgives me I feel so terrible, I really didn't mean to say them things to her I just couldn't stop myself. I don't blame her for going off at me I totally deserved it. Everything is such a big mess. I will apologise to her in the morning. I hope she doesn't stay mad at me to long. I feel like the worst person right now. Why can't things just be drama free for a while
I'm a mom too and agree that she will forgive you. She knows you are in a bad place right now and are struggling. Be sure to do what you can to put your love and apology into action by doing chores without being told and to help out with other chores too. Be visible around the house and smile once in a while. :) And stop beating yourself up!Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I don't know if she will except my apology I was very nasty I don't even know why I said those things. I know this sounds stupid but I really feel like I need to punish myself I hurt her I heard her crying, now I'm so angry at myself.
Stop piling on the guilt. And there's no reason to punish yourself. Y9u are already doing a great job of that. It may take her a day or two or three, but she loves you and will work it out. This is why the counselor is so important -- to air out all these feelings with someone who is unbiased and whose feelings you can't hurt. Pound on a pillow and scream at it, if you have to let loose. One of my clients bought a punching bag and hung it up in the garage. She found it to be very helpful when she got overwhelmed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Well that apology was an epic fail she wouldn't even look at me she just went to work. I guess I deserved that. She makes me so angry she said so hurtful things to me to its not fair she yelled at me first she said some hurtful things so I said some hurtful things to her I know I shouldn't have but couldn't help myself it's like I had no control of my mouth. I did everything she wanted me to I went to the counsellor I talked to her told her how I was feeling then when she comes to pick me up she yells at me what does she expect from me what does she want because I have no idea anymore. I'm so angry I just want to hurt myself I know when she gets home I'm in big trouble I've smashed my mirror destroyed my room I'm so god damm frustrated. I just want to get away from her. I want to scream and cry. I'm not going to be here when she gets home from work I don't want to be near her then more I think about it the more angry I get
You have to remember two wrongs don't make a right. And what you are doing is not right. And as easy as it is to forget at your age. Other people do have lives and feelings. You have to always be aware of that.
When you find yourself at the bottom of a deep hole with a shovel in your hand... stop digging. We have another saying... Play with fire, expect to get burned.
Yell at people enough... you can certainly expect them to yell back. Particularly people who are above you in lifes pecking order... parents, boss, Teachers...
There are times in life where its appropriate to say certain things... there are lots more times where its not... and maintaining your silence is the most productive thing you can do.
You've got a lot to deal with... but you aren't alone, she does as well. So its NOT an excuse to just let it all out. Its very counter productive and instead of getting you want you want... it takes you further away from it.
Acting in this manner isn't taking to the goal of making you a stronger person... its making you weaker because you are giving in to the more immature side of your personality.
Yelling and misbehaving is the easy way out... it takes more inner strength and thought to not always react in that manner... knowing two people yelling only feed off each others anger (like throwing more logs on an already too large fire) and nothing positive ever comes out of it... its also disrespectful to do it to an elder or anyone in a position of higher authority. And whatever moral high ground you might have had on whatever issue it was... you end up giving up.
I know I shouldn't have yelled at her I do feel bad she is my mum I disrespected her let my feelings get the better of me. Why do I keep on doing this, she must be going through lots your right and I only keep thinking of myself. Sometimes I just don't think I am just thinking how mad I am at her she must be so hurt she's only ever been there for me. I know I have to give her time I hurt her my mum I love her. I've just made everything worse I really don't know what to do anymore. It's so confusing I don't know if cleaning the house doing things for her will be enough. I messed up big time.
Good rule of thumb... before you let loose with a tirade in anger... bite your lip and count to 100. You won't be as impulsive. It will take an effort to do... and its worth doing because you won't find yourself on the losing end nearly as much... and life will have a lot less drama. And yes a lot of people do cause themselves problems with how they interact with others. The good news it's a bad habit and a choice, one you can make the concience decision to change for the better.
You really are the master of your own destiny... the choices you make now and in the future will determine what options you have available to you beyond that time.
It's done now nothing I can do about that I can't take it back. I need to move on remember she is my mum have some respect my god I use to be able to control myself I didn't speak to anyone for ages now its like I have no control of my emotions. I need to make this right. Thanks for the advise ill remember that count to 100 hope I don't give her a reason to yell or get mad at me again, it's my own fault she found out I wasn't taking my medication the councillor told her so I caused the whole thing I need to just do the right thing from now on. Why do I never think about these thingsQuote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
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