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I'm a 58 year old male living alone, no wife or girlfriend, no kids, no friends. I do work but just barely able to function. I guess I have some severe social anxiety. I've tried every drug and psychotherapy there is. None of them help. What do I do? The pain is unbearable.
If you could have one wish, what would it be?
To be normal
And what is your definition of normal?
Not suffering from anxiety, depression, and loneliness. To feel alive and have some peace and happiness. To have a reason to live and not feel empty inside.
How many therapists have you seen? Have you taken any antidepressants or other meds? If so, for how long?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
I'm not sure but just about every AD and maybe a half dozen therapist since I was 13. The only thing that helps a bit is Xanax and that's just to help me sleep.
Why didn't the therapist route work?
Did they give you tools to break out of your shyness and to feel better about yourself?
What is the longest you stuck with a therapist?
Ii've been seeing the current one for about 7 years. He's a nice guy but he hasn't told me anything I don't already know. I've read all the self help books too. Maybe yoga or meditation is the next step. That's about the only thing I haven't tried.
The therapist isn't supposed to tell you stuff. That's not how therapy works.
Seven years is five years too long. What are his credentials and how often do you see him for how long per session?
He's a psychologist. I see him an hour a week.
Does he work with you to come up with practical things to do, challenges, to jumpstart getting back into life? Do you ever have homework?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
He dies some of that. He encourages me to try Internet dating and things like that but no homework. He's more insight oriented than cognitive behavioral. I tried CBT years ago when I volunteered for a study combining Paxil with CBT. I didn't find it helpful.
I've used it a lot with good success. Would you be willing to give it another try?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
What didn't you like about it?
It wasn't that I didn't like it. I just didn't find it helpful. But I'm willing to try anything.
Did you have to report back at the next session?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
Tell me briefly what you do at work, how many people there are with you, and how long you've worked there.
No, there was no reporting back. They had some sessions where they simulated interviews and other situations. I'm a research analyst at a hospital and I've been there about one and a half years. There are about 25 people in my department. They are nice to me but I feel that I don't fully participate and mostly hide in my cubicle.
Do you hate any kind of changes in your life, even with how the grocery store is arranged?
Do you really prefer working or even being alone, that you are your own best company? And you can always find things to do?
Were you ever into playinng sports? Would you consider yourself clumsy sometimes?
Definitely fearful of change. Tried sports as a kid but was awkward and clumsy at it. I don't like being alone but just not comfortable ever, even by myself. My heart is always racing and always anxious even when there is no reason to be.
Are you really quite smart and have a specialty area, such as remembering historical dates or odd facts and trivia or are good with numbers/math? (The research work makes me wonder.)
Has anyone ever criticized or commented on your maybe odd-ball or off-beat sense of humor?
If it's something you absolutely love doing, you have no problem focusing--and can stick with it for hours at a time with no interruption--and hate it if interrupted?
(Please be patient with me. I am asking all this for a reason.)
I know the reason. I'm familiar with Asperger syndrome and I don't have those symptoms. Except maybe being good at odd facts and trivia but not the other stuff. I've met people with those symptoms and it doesn't describe me. Thanks for taking the time to try and help me.
There is Asperger's and there is Asperger's. The spectrum is huge. Have you ever taken a test?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
And Asperger's would not be a judgment but a new way of figuring out how to cope. (P.S. My husband has Asperger's and has functioned very well throughout his 67 years, but does have some quirks including the social thing.)
No, no one gave me a test or even suggested that there is one. Do you have one in mind? I can ask my psychologist. I had a co-worker who married a guy with Asperger's. I met him and he's very functional though it's obvious he has it. They are very happy together. Would my treatment be different if I did have it? I really don't think so based upon what I read about it.
I would do a lot of CBT stuff with you and give you lots of "homework" and make you accountable to me. :) Three years ago I had a client who came to me saying exactly what you are saying here. He and I had a great time working through this!Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
Here's a good outline of possible characteristics --
Martha Kate Downey - List of Characteristics
Dr. Amen had a terrific online AS test, but it seems to not be there any longer. How about this one? (I haven't taken this one myself. ***ADDED*** Now I have. :))
Aspie-quiz
You very possibly are a candidate for Mensa, by the way.
I took a look at the website and still don't think AS describes me. I can't believe someone like me would have a great time with CBT. What are some examples of homework and how was he able to get over the anxiety it must have caused? I don't have any interest in joining Mensa though I think I qualify.
Did you take the test?
I haven't taken it yet. But I looked at the symptoms on the first website and I don't have most of them. I definitely have some kind of anxiety disorder, mostly in social situations (e.g. scared to death of public speaking), some agoraphobia (I have difficulty traveling by myself far from home), maybe some OCD, and secondary depression. I know that's self diagnosis, but no psychologist seems to do diagnostic testing anymore. Well, my current one actually gave me a Rorschach and TAT (he's old school - 88 years old). He told me he didn't see anything alarming.
When you have nothing to do, please take the test.
Where are you as to state and city?
You're such a good writer. Would you write something for the site blog? I'm the managing editor, and it definitely need some new juice. 200-800 or so words?
I will. It's a long test. I live in New York City (born in Brooklyn and now in Queens). Luckily not personally affected by Sandy, but disturbed by the devastation I've seen in other neighborhoods. Would you believe I have a Ph.D. in psychology? I wanted to find out what's wrong with me. Never found out. The DSM manual at the time didn't even have SAD. My specialty is applied research and evaluation. What do you want me to write about? Maybe I would if I could get some good advice.
I'll bet you deal with stats a lot.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
What would you like to write about? I'm game for anything (not x-rated).
I'd write about why I'm miserable and what I can do about. That's all I can think about at the moment.
Maybe throw in one positive somewhere (for me?)?
That works for me. You can post it on the Blog itself and I will handle it from there. :)
Do I post it in question form? Will people reply to me with advice? I will take the test and tell you the results later.
You can do anything you want. Make a question for a title if you wish--or not. I can edit anything that doesn't look right (but will check with you first). I can leave it open for comments, or have you also put it onto one of the boards for more views.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
Check this to find your score(s) --
Qualifying test scores - American Mensa, Ltd.
I want to ask you something else. For the first time I'm actually thinking of going to a psychiatric facility as an inpatient. Ironically I work for one if the largest healthcare systems in the US and our psych facility just opened a beautiful new building. It's a lot nicer than where I live. I used to think inpatient was for people who want to harm themselves or others. I'm not suicidal only because I'm too much of a coward to do it. Is it something I should consider? I mean checking myself in, not suicide.
Ha, ha -- you're funny!Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiderman
Well, you might need a psychiatrist's okay to get in. Could you obtain that?
You also might need a diagnosis first, but that should be easy to get nowadays. (EVERYone wants or wants to give a diagnosis, it seems.) Want me to sniff around for a clinic where you could be tested, or I'm betting you could do that yourself, probably right where you work.
You also would want to find out what programs are offered to inpatients and would they (the programs, but maybe also the other patients?) help you function better. Or would they be something you could get "on the outside."
I'm not sue if NY requires a psychiatrist OK. It depends on the state. I would Google it but I'm in small claims court now and it doesn't work here. I got engaged last Feb to someone totally inappropriate for me and she threw out the ring when we broke up. I'm suing her.
I found a site that says you will get balanced and nutritious meals. :)
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