Im not sure I am ready to go posting all of my problems its much more than what I have encountered on this site but I don't want to make a start.

Many of the posts I have read are thought provoking, they have lead me to question myself. I don't know what to start explaining and I would feel a lot more at comfort if I was to be asked questions rather the burst out with loads of information about myself.

So what should I start explaining first here's a list of my problems

* Lying
* Insomnia
* Obsession
* Crime
* Sam

There's loads more but they link in sub catergories, can you please ask a question about a certain problem because I will find it easier to explain them one at a time.

Hi there - maybe you could start with 'Sam'? Or wherever you feel comfortable, some people on here will judge you but many are caring and helpful. We're here to listen. I choose 'Sam' as I do not understand what this is.

Well sam is like the worst part of me and the best part of me. I haven't got a split personality because I created sam myself. When I did bad things I used to blame it on sam and say it was the naughty side of me ( when I was young)

In my veiw sam is all the emotions I've ever hid and locked away that have materialized into her. Its hard to explain she is , Rage, Greed, Envy, Hate, Manipulative , cold, Strong, Clever- Sam is Me, but I just tend to hide her.

Now I can't seem to control this sam, I feel like letting her out because along with the bad things she's the good things as well. On the outside I am just emotionless and weak, I go along with the flow. But when I let that side of me out I excel, I'm stronger.

That's what sam is , my dark side.

Okay, why don't we go into the insomnia now. Many problems can manifest themselves just by not getting a good nights sleep.

Yes - lots of problems can occur because of lack of sleep, tell us how bad it is- how often-if there seem to be triggers-or if it seems to trigger anything?

Vicky, I am wondering if many of the problems are due to lack of sleep. How about you?

I do sleep sometimes for about 3 or 4 hours. When I get home I can't get this sleep unless the place is spotless clean by the time its done I'm not tired. Then there is the film I'm hyperactive at night time so I calm down by getting in to bed and watching a film. By now its usually 3am if I'm nt tired another film comes on. By the time it reaches 7am I see no point in getting to sleep and stay awake then go to work at 9am. This is my usual pattern I have not slept for a week now.

Marsh, this sleeping is not in the least bit healthy for you and could be a major contributing factor to most of your problems.

You do not mention your age. How old are you? Are you married? Children?

What kind of work do you do?

I'm 18. The sleep has been like that ever since I was young. At the age of 6 I would get sent to bed at 8ish and I would still be up until 1am sometimes watching t.v. I'm just very hyper at nightimes it came about after I had night terrors. Any how I work as an assistant at a morgue with my uncle.

How about the lying and crime.

I have been seeing a psychologist since I was 13 after I set a fire in my school. I was caught on cctv but still lied about. Since I've moved house due to stress the lying has almost stopped. I used to fabricate the truth creating stories with lies and then start believing them myself. Now that I think about it . It has really calmed down and I don't see it as a problem. But if threatened by the truth it will probably arise again. As for crime its like I don't realise what I'm doing is wrong . Its like I know they a bad but I never knew it was wrong. I'm very impulsive and what leads me to do bad things is curiousity. If I don't know what something is like I will feel an urge to do it. And once punished it still doesn't register and I do it again! I can't tell the difference from wrong and right that's what it feels like.

Marsh,

Are you on any medications?

Not anymore I was given risperidone an anti.psychotic I think. But I do not see or hear things anymore and if I do I don't realise them they aren't that bad

Have you ben given a diagnosis by your psychiatrist?

Surprisingly not yet although I have a new psychologist that is making an assessment. He has referred me to see another psychiatrist next week. They won't section me will they? Due to my obsession I am worried they think I plan to kill someone

Tell me about your obsession. I was thinking it was about the cleaning, but there seems to be more to it.

My obsession has been with me since I was young I hope you will not be offended by it. Its an obsession with death , violence and murder. The worst of my curiousities. I get thrills from the thoughts but I cannot make them go away. I long to feel what it would be like to kill someone. My obsessions pass in phases but this one has always been with me and when obsessions become too much I can do terrible things. I will break down one day and I admit I do aim to do it but I haven't told them that last bit.

Are you saying that you aim to kill someone someday?

Yes

Then you really do need to continue with your therapy and your therapist does need to know this.

Why. People plan to be rich and happy doesn't mean it will happen. What do you think is wrong with me. I would not tell them that it would jeapordise my future

Let me ask you one thing off topic here...

Tell me what you think of clowns.

Just bear with me.

I find them annoying and frustrating and they hurt my head now that I think of it.

Do you ever see them?

I saw one yesterday. What's this leading to

If you can't be candid with your medical team, then how can you honestly expect to be helped? Last time I looked, there was a difference between psychiatric problems and adolescent head games...

Well said, J_9.

I don't see what, if any, problems are occurring here that a psychologist/psychiatrist team can't handle... and it appears they are already in the picture. With all due respect, I don't see how any of us could be helping any more than that, frankly. How 'bout it, Marshbog?

Yeah I agree - sleep deprivation is not good - can play all sorts of tricks on the mind

I agree - if what you are saying is true - these are serious problems and can only be/ should only be dealt with by professionals. The only way you can get the help and understanding you are looking for is by being honest with the people who are trying to help you. They will only do what is right. By you and by everyone else. That is what they are trained to do.

My obsessions feeds me and fuels me oddly I like it and I do think it is beyond helping now. I don't want help in that area. Generally I don't want help in that area. The doctors know a lot about it I told them that everyone lives to experience what they desire and they can't change my destiny. Generally I'm a nice person and I hope that now you have an insight into some parts of me you will not single me out. Thanks for your time.

there's a side to me that you have seen then there's the side I have been hiding in what seems to be my very own dreams x thanks for the advice I am seeing a psych this Monday.