I am 35 and I just need a friend. I need someone I can talk to about what is going on in my life, ask advice, chat with, and return the favor. I work a lot and have No friends. I am lonely and just need some advice on where I could find someone who will chat with me on a serious level.
Any suggestions?

What kind of advice are you needing? You can post in specific areas to ask advice on this site. Have you seen how many categories they have on here?;) Make time for yourself! That is what my number one piece of advice would be to start! Good luck

Well you found the right place
We all try are best to be serious about any questions that are posted on here
We are all here to help each other and here to help you

There is private messaging on this site for one to one

I'm always here if you need a chat : ]

This is a great place to get unbiased advice. You will get thoughtful answers and all points of view.

If you are spending most of your time at work, then is there someone at work you can reach out to? Maybe start by asking them to join you for lunch and see if a friendship can grow from there. You might be surprised by what you find.

Thanks to all who replied. I will do my best to try your advice. To startover 22: my question was do you know a chat room w/ live chat or IM to find someone I can talk to onm a regular basis. Cookie monsters answer said there was one on one here... THX cm! To jjwoodhull: I appreciate the advice... but I work w/ 3 people and rarely get a lunch. The people that work there are teenagers and my boss. So as far as work... not a whole lot there as far as friends. Boss is too close and kids... well wouldn't get it... They need to be kids.
Thanks again!

Need a friend, what I was wanting to know are more of what are your concerns more specifically, and we could talk about them here.;) This place is the best place I have found to talk about issues and get great responses, some a little tough and some a little soft...
So if you have something in specific you want to talk about, lets do it.
What type of work are you doing? What are your hours? What do you like to do on your off time... we should start there.

Yeah. This is the best place for advice. I found out this site accidentally on a search from Google I guess, but since then I have nothing but to thank myself for getting to know about it. It's the best place for serious and unbiased advice. Make the most of it. We are all here to discuss and share things we normally can't with people we know. So go on and tell us about u!
Good luck and take care!

OK, well, I am 35 w/ 4 teenagers. 2 at home (step) 2 w/ their father. I am in sales I work from 8 to 6,7,8 when I am done 6 dys a week. In the am before work I do the paperwork for my sign. Others business. After work I cook... sometimes and go to bed. I have been sick lately I am going to the DR. for a colonoscopy... and I am terrified. I am stressed about my finances, and my health. I am fighting my son about his grades and trying to help but he won't help himself. My other 2 boys are to busy to see me and my 18 year old daughter( lives w/ us) is going against ao much of what we taught here tatoos # 3!
I just need someone to say you will make it. I know a lot of this is normal... but sometimes it is too much. My sign, other That's a mess in itself... will leave that for another time except to say I have no support system and should something be wrong I will have no one to talk to about it. Fears concerns bills ideas... Does that make sense. I am just lonely and scared. I am sure I am making more drama about it than is necessary... I just feel so alone.
This dr. gave me a list of possibilities and none of them are fun. No matter what I will need to change the way I do things, which on top of all I have going seems impossible. Something will have to give and I don't know where I can take from. I feel like our survival depends on me alone and no matter what I do it is not enough... they always want more. I am just so tapped out right now. As far as after work in my spare time I don't have much. I don't have interests... or I don't know what they are. My boss is needing more from me .I love my job but there again I need a way to get to where I can do more... Ok HELP;)

Sorry... a bit pessimistic today... lol :eek:

Need a friend, this is all totally normal. You sound as if you have too much on your plate. If I were you... (before you go under) I would be trying to make some major lifestyle changes. Working that much can't be good for you and not having one ioda of time for yourself is just not good. If you had more time, all of these other things may come a little easier. Do you think this is an option?

I wish it was but we are barely skimping buy as it is... I considered a 2nd job until the dr. came about

What kind of work is it? Can you bring it home to finish?

I wish I could sales... so I have to be there to visit w/ customer, do financing, and for when a customer comes in.
My boss is very good about me taking off work when needed, but I can't Afford to take time off. I also want to keep it for if I need it. In case of an emergency.

What about your husband? Does he understand the pressure that you are feeling? Maybe he could ask for extra hours at work or find some kind of part time job so that you can scale back until you feel better.

And you said there is an 18 year old daughter in the house? I know teenagers can be difficult, but you should ask for her help. Sit her down and talk to her as an adult. Explain to her that you are at the end of your rope and you need help. Don't ask for too much. Maybe she could be responsible for dinner 2 nights a week. Or maybe she could get a part time job so that she can make a contribution to the household - Maybe 1/2 of what she makes.

Although things might be strained between the two of you at the moment, I'm sure she is still concerned for you health.

What you give, comes back to you... so you need to open up, take some time away from work, and start lending a ear to others... offer your friendship first, and don't expect them to treat you as their best buddy from day 1... it builds up gradually!!

Keep doing this,, Smile... work on your sense of humor... make an effort... go out... and in no time, u'll see that you have more friends than you actually wanted...

I was like you when I moved new into my current place - friendless and lonely... I worked on my rapport.. and now I have a huge gang (all of them good friends)

The world is full of good people... friends are everywhere.. all you need to do is, break the ice, and build on it... OPEN UP :)

I have asked for the help... no one wants to do extra. I am not trying to be pessimistic... it is just fact.
Will work on the going out to find friends... when I have time

Oh the husband... returns what I say with he has too much on his mind and needs to go out. The conversation always turns back to how he has too much going on and way too much to help. I have been asking for years

It is time to go on strike... tell everyone, the cable, the internet, the cell phones, everything is gone till someone helps me deal with all of this!! Sheesh, you can't do everything, poor lady, gosh;)

LOL! Thanks! That is similar to what I have done. I no longer cook except once in a while. Maybe 1 to 2 times a week... better than 2x a day. I also quit washing the dishes. I wash mine and any I cook with. My dishwasher is broken and I have not been able to purchase a new one... so I have been washing by hand... which is fine when you aren't the only one. It did startle them a bit and he started asking what was wrong I kept telling begging for help... now in that department they help themsevles. I do get stressed about the house being a mess, but it seems better this way... so I do what I can . I also gave away the puppy we just had to have... I was the only one taking care of her and she is happy now out on a farm with relatives.
The daughter said I should help her more. I asked her if she got it done. She said yes and I said now see, you didn't need my help you did it independently, which is what you have been telling me you want. She wanted me to do it FOR her.
I am trying to simplify... but sometimes it is just too much! Even now.

Understandably, you are under pressure. How are you and your husband? Do you have a life together or is it just "lets get through this day" all the time? Can you tell everyone to just take care of themselves, and you start working on ONLY you? How long has it been since you have enjoyed doing anything for yourself, getting a nice new outfit, a walk, anything... how long has it been where you didn't have to worry about others in your life and if they are all right?

We are not meant to work allover the place for others, we are meant to do what we need to. We are made to smile for a reason, and if you aren't doing enough... there is something wrong. I don't know if it would help or not but have you considered going to talk to someone about some of these pressures? Have you thought of telling your husband that it has come down to you asking strangers for support and not him because he isn't helping one bit? I am probably going on and on, but I do know what you are going through, I can see myself right where you are in a few years;)

I did tell him I needed someone to talk to and he said he didn't know anyone. That's it. I haven't done anything for myself... I don't even know what I like to do. I have spent so much time on what everyone else wants to do I have never really thought or had a chance to find out what I like. Does that sound off?
I have battled a bit of depression and to be honest right now I don't want to do anything... which is probably a good thing since I am broke

Can you speak to a pastor or priest in your town? Maybe they could counsel you. Or connect you with someone who is having similar problems. Or perhaps your doctor can indroduce you to a patient support group. There are lots of great, loving, caring people in the world. You have somehow become isolated over time - you need to break out of this.

You don't sound "off" tome. You sound like someone reaching out for ideas other than the ones you have already tried. Sounds as if you need a direction in making these changes that you are thinking about... and that is the hardest part, actually doing them. We can tell you over and over that you are over loaded but unless you are to the point and willing to make some changes... it won't work. JJ is right, you need to break out of this. How, well that may take a few more conversations, but starting to talk about it with people who will listen are a few great starts;)

Hmmm, I may even use some suggestions you get from here to help me in my own situation. I am so very very glad we are all able to meet and help one another.

I hope to see you soon.

Thank you for all of your ideas! Sometimes I just need to talk. I do feel better now, and have been slowly changing things. I know it takes time.
Startover 22 what is going on w/u. Everything OK?

Ya, everything is fine... but if I don't make some major changes, I know I will be stuck in a "do everything for everyone" rut. So, for that I want to maybe start up my yoga again... or just go to a coffee shop the one day I go to work at 10 instead of 8 am... you see just adding things I came to find out helped me feel as if I was doing it ONLY for me. IT MATTERS!! And I don't know why I quit doing it... a sequence of events I suppose... doesn't mean as soon as I feel better I am not going to get on board with MYSELF!!

Need, we all need is a place to go to say things we don't normally in our every day lives, things that may sound selfish out loud, or a little odd... or just plain normal. But still we feel these feelings and thoughts, we need to at least talk about them. So if you are interested, I can try and find a link to my yoga thingy.. lol and give you some good titles to some books I have read... starting with Scarlet Women, or even the Home for the Soul book I am into right now... good coffee shop reading, and good "few minutes of me time"!

I will make a list... starting with a chore list... who does what and when. I will draw out a budget and see where things are wrong... then I will get rid of some of those things... (dont ask me to get rid of my internet.. LOL) Then I will make a list of things I might just enjoy doing... reading, walking, playing cards, yoga, anything you like sweet Need, you get to make a list too;)


I am going to start my list today... I hope you start yours too, you don't have to go into great detail, just small steps you can take to make things easier and better and healthier for you.:):) Hugs

Thanks start. I would like the link. Always wanted to try yoga.
I have already made the list in my head it is just getting it inforced in my house.
I have strarted in a few small ways. Like telling the sign. Other that if he wants to drink he is a big boy but the household money won't go for it. His bill is over 300 and he is complaining but I tell him it is one of HIS bills that won't be paid if he uses it for alcohol. So It is a struggle but I am not as angry. As far as other thingsI would like to try something but to be honest everything is expensive.
I enjoyed the coffee shop but it closed down. The nearest one is 25 miles away.
My finances are awful I am living beond paycheck to paycheck. I have cut way back but w/ gas prices and everything going up... well. That is why I work so much
I think it is great that you have alreaady done what you have. Getting back to it hopefully won't be so difficult. Sounds like you have a plan. Do I get to see your list? Lol
I get my colonoscopy in a couple days. I am freaked! But I know I shouldn't worry. Easier said than done.
I think this is my place to say what I wouldn't in public. This is my coffeehouse.
Thank you for listening. Sometimes you just need someone to listen and say it will be OK.
I wish you wel on your changes and will keep my fingers crossed for you... that the transition back will be smooth!
I hope to visit again before I go In. TTYL

I made a list and it starts with my YOGA.
Then the simple things like asking the kids to do the little things I notice while walking by...
Shaving my legs seems to be the hardest ever, I love soft legs, but I get so lazy in the morning.. (I know weird to have on the list)
I am starting a drwer piggy bank, my change goes in there and hope I will be surprised every once in a while to buy something pretty, or whatever I want;)
I know these sound so simple, but it all works, I did this last year and started to feel really great about things... I am starting it again, thanks to you for opening my eyes, a real special coffee house thanks.
Yoga, wow, holy cow, never knew a few simple steps could make you feel so great! My arms, tummy, legs, and buns started getting stronger after about a month I noticed, so give it some time. Do the steps in 2 or 3 sets everyday till you can do them with ease, then work your way up to doing ten sets... DO NOT DO TEN SETS AT FIRST, I promise you will feel as if you got run over my a Mad Trucker;)

Sun Salutation - Surya Namaskara - Step by Step
I do these in the morning... and I love doing them at night. Just try it, but make that 15 or 20 minutes for yourself, it is great!
Do me a favopr and get that list on paper... seems as if you check things off (little or big) it gives a sense of being finished;)

:) I hear the colonoscopy isn't as bad as it sounds. Relax, and just remember it is all for your own good.

Have a great day Need... and keep your head up!

As a matter of fact, even though I am not at 100% with my ear thing going on, I am going to go do my Yoga right this minute, sounds great!

I am so glad! Thanks for the encouragement! Let me know how things go!

Felt good, just did two sets a bit ago. And hey, you know what, we are all in this together, so share what you would like.;) Got to go get ready for work... have a good day today and remember the list.

God or evolution or whoever it is that created this maze called life gave us eyes in front.
It seems logical that they were put there so that you look ahead... and not behind you ;)

Imagine yourself as a third party and look at the issues you have set out so far.
Taken together, do they look like a one-of-a-kind story?
It's only inevitable that a great many people face the same set of issues.
I'm not trying to run down your problems as ordinary.
All I'm saying is that they are hardly unique.
And the irony in it all is that your problems exist because you are willing to own them.

To me, it appears that you are willingly bogged down by routines.
You need to get out of that... like NOW :)

This shouldn't sound philosophical :o... but, indeed, routine = life's misery trap.
Our routines are what force us to reflect on and be miserable about the sameness of it all.
And sameness = the problems that simply don't go away.

You need to treat every day and moment as a new one.
Ask yourself after you wake up and before you get up: "What will I do today?"
Mentally chalk out your own to-do list for the day... and do only that.
Of course, it will include work, lunch, email, the works.
But make sure it's YOUR work, YOUR lunch and YOUR whatever ;)

Does this sound selfish?
Well, it should not.

After all, there's no reason why you should be doing something for someone when they can jolly well do it by themselves and also should be doing it by themselves ;)

You need to free your shoulders from carrying others' luggage.
You need to practise answering: "You'll have to do that yourself".
Just remember to say that with a wry smile.
It works.
Always.

Suddenly, you will see a large number of your problems dissipate.
Suddenly, you will see the people you know accept DIY as a gospel.
... because they simply need to get it done... after all, it's their own need.

So, give it a try.
Don't look back.
Look ahead.
And remember to use that wry smile ;)

StraightTalk, all I can say is WOW. You hit it all on the nail with a hammer, and a very big hammer at that. Thanks you just made my day.;)

I have to agree! Thanks and slowly it is what I am doing!

Soooo, I shaved, lol and I did my yoga... and did not touch the dishes right when I got home, I waited for the kids to get here and made them do them:) Whooo that was all very hard... whats next? :):)

Whoo hoo! You are on a roll!! I came home didn't cook and am now here visiting with you. Had a blow out in my car this am feel much better!
Never say yes when you really mean no... yep hey can I use that lol!

You can use it... and I love saying out loud! Go Need GO!

Lol... u crack me up! THANKS! It is great to have someone rooting for me.
Go start Go! Never thought I would make the cheerleading squad, Better late than never!
Whoo hoo!!

That's for sure... I love cheering people on! I need to make some dinner for the little Football guy on his way home from practice... that is one guy I don't mind feeding! LOL
I will be off and on silly Cheer leader, see you soon!

Okie dokie smokie, rah rah shishk boom bah!! Thanks again! Ttyl

Ohhh what? We have chicken nuggets and canned corn... oh why didn't you say so! LOL