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I have a friend that is really close to me that I have known for awhile. I recently discovered that she cuts herself and I have no idea why. She told me she digs into her skin with her razor on her legs. And last night she apparently cut her forearms with a knife. I was speaking to her about it and she tells me its an addiction. I want to help her. But I have no idea what to do?? What should I do?
You can tell her that it is dangerous and she really needs to get professional help. Encourage her to find somebody she can talk to and get help
I have and I do talk to her about it but she says she doenst need help, I'm so worried about her. I want to try and get to the root of the problemQuote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
Cutting into one's skin allows the cutter to "cut through" anxiety and thus feel better for a short time. It also gives that person something to control when it seems like she can't control anything in her world. The best thing she could do is find a counselor who deals with anxiety and/or cutting and just vent, vent, vent. The counselor will be a good listener and will help her not only set goals to end this destructive behavior but also find new, positive ways to get rid of anxiety.
She probably doesn't even know the root of the problem. That is why she needs professional help. She doesn't even see it as a problem
Cutters cut for a variety of reasons
Some think they deserve the pain
Some it numbs the pain
Some it releases an inward pain
If she lives at home, ask her if her parents know about this, if they are paying for her therapy. Tell her parents if they don't know.
There is really nothing you can do to help her... that is for *professionals*. Don't listen to gruesome stories, tell her you won't, just have a regular friendship with her if you wish. Keep it healthy. :)
Hi I used to cut myself as well, I went through a really bad time and have things happen in my past that made me so depressed I turned to cutting myself as a form of release, I hadn't told my mother or anyone what had happened to me when I was younger... I ended up on anti depressants which helped and have been clear of cutting myself for 8 months I still have the urge when things are going badly but have managed not to.. Your friend is obviously unhappy and I think asking her to go to the doctor about anti d's will help I hope you figure this out x
Cutters are a different breed of depression. It's something that no matter how well intended you are, you yourself cannot help. You're just a girl... w/ no therapy background. Have you studied psychology in university? Are you a therapist? Of course not, but you ARE a good friend that cares. Your awesome for staying involved. Now that you have this information that she cuts, you NEED to take it a step further... You need to help protect her from herself. She may even cut too deep one day:(. (I don't know what kind of parents she has and if you think they have her back or not). I don't know how old you guys are... but if you're in school, perhaps tell the school guidance counselor or school shrink? Take her to your pastor, go with her? (Hey, I'm not into religon, but I know going to the church for help is free.. ). Call your city hall and ask if they have any kind of government service that offers free counseling? Find ways of helping her that includes therapy. She needs it... right now. (OH, how about going to a library or big book store and looking up "cutting" in the psychology section. It will give you an idea about what she's feeling and thinking... so you can make your best mind up).
Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off
Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off
Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off
Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off
Two Of my friends Are going through a deep Depression And are cutting themselves. Most Get Shrinks they Don't Help. I have one myself. They Just don't get it. I have given them Advice I have told Parents teachers Shrinks Friends Fam and nothing Helps. The best you can Do Is Keep them away from things that are sharp. Keep Them Occupied and Check On them. My Friend was over it then She relapsed. It caused everyone be distant from her. Even Me. But With checking in on her. She Is finally Coming back around.
What part do you think shrinks and counselors miss or don't understand?Quote:
Originally Posted by FriendofEmosSg
Why do you think kids cut? What's going through their heads when they do?
If anyone knows what to do I would serously appericeate finding out. Me and my other friend want to tell someone but were not sure who. My 'Cutter' friend has seen the school consullor before and she hated it because everything she said was told to her mum and her parents are also in denial. I am serously concerned. And it might be worth know that she has a really ****ED up life!
I wouldn't exactly say "I know what to do". I also understand that her life is very messed up or cutting wouldn't be happening. I spoke with all the people in my family that are therapists (and there are MANY) and I was told that cutting releases anxiety and stress apparently, so "cutters" need that kind of outlet or they feel like they can't get "relief".
I think that perhaps a close friend can approach her with this knowledge and try and brainstorm some other ways she can release her anxiety. Like make a list of alternatives, (ie: running/jogging till feeling subsides, get a thick skin veg and a toothpick and stab it till.. etc). Use your imagination to help her figure out ways of exhausting her need to damage herself... cus ultimately I was told that she needs to damage herself due to feelings of unworthyness, even if she doesn't realize that feeling exists. Also, I was informed that cutting becomes a habit over time, as it has... so she needs help reprogramming her mind to grab something external (that ISN'T SOMEONE ELSE), and not internalize her aggression toward herself. Her anger and her habit go hand in hand... so she needs to premeditate a new solution for her next episode of cutting by putting her new idea IN PLACE BEFORE her next upset. This way she will have that alternative there and available. Hopefully she'll use it or stop her cutting short... and switch.
Anyhow that's the best I can do with the info I have. I hope it has been of some usefullness. Take care and I hope that you or your friend will have the courage to step up and take the risk to get involved...
As far as her telling someone, does she have a close family member.. (doesn't have to be her parentals, if they're not close)? Or friend of family that's an adult? Maybe a good friends mom that she likes a lot? A teacher that she likes? THERE HAS TO BE an adult in her world that she can confide in... maybe YOUR mom?
This thread was sent to me recently... to my email address. So I figured someone was soliciting my help... but then I notice the original question was posted in 2007... after I went to the trouble of answering it :( big fat waste of time. :(
Thanks for your answer. It was a good one! This sort of dredging up of old threads happens a lot with this new skin" called GO. So a warning is, when a question pops up this intrigues you, check to see how old it is (although fresh answers and analyses may help new posters).Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetDee
Umm I recently discovered my friend has been cutting herself too. So your not alone. My other friends and I are very worried so we are speaking to the school counsler about it. Even though she told us not to tell anyone but its for the good of her life. And I would suggest you doing the same for your friend
My friend does that too. Here is what I'm going to do.
I'm going to confront her about it and tell her to stop because: she can have healh issues and it an become an addiction... shs only 13, too!
If se does not stop, Im going to tell her parents. She's stressed out about life and that's the only thing I think is right. My school is stupid, so we don't have an advisor or counslor.. so yeah.
Kids cut in order to be in control of something. For them, cutting "takes the emotional pain away" by drawing blood and causing physical pain.Quote:
Originally Posted by soccerchica322
What does your friend not feel she's in control of in her personal life or family life?
... therapists DO care.
There's only so much they can do if you don't open up to them. If you're not willing for them to help - don't think they'll be able to help you.
Just tell her that she should stop. It isn't healthy or safe. Tell her you're here for her and that you will protect her from whatever it is. I would know what and how it feels. I cut myself once and my best friend/older brother Damon (who I've known for not a year and we aren't really related.) followed me to my locker before school, he ditched his girlfriend to go with me. He told me that I shouldn't do that and that he will protect me. He hugged me and rubbed my back while I cried in front of a dozen people. Including his girlfriend, my ex, teachers and the principal. This all happened today. I am sorry for what your friend does. Just do what you can. And that is be there for her. Every single day.
My friend cuts too. Whenever she thinks of doing it I tell her to call me or text me. Sit down with your friend and tell them that you love them and that nothing good ever comes out of doing something like that. Just let them know that you will always be there for them.
So my friend had these scars on her left arm and she never wanted to talk about till today. Somehow we got into the conversation and she told me how she got the scars, she used to CUT HERSELF!! She said she has been clean for a month and when I start thinking about last month and why I didn't notice. I don't want to start treating her different but I want to help her just in case she slips and does it again. I know the root of the problem, she has an abuse dad. Not like sexually but like he would hit(not often) her and her little sis and verbally abuse them. She is 16 and she said she started 2 years ago when she was 14 (im 14). I am a very "deep" Christian person and it's not that I disapprove (or approve! ) or am mad at her I'm surprised... Help?
I have a friend that is doing the same her parents don't know she is pretty bad with it I would talk to her a much as you can about you need to stop and stuff lke that but most of all I would pray as hard as you can for her!! if anything can help her its GOD!!
My friend cuts herself. I just recently found this out and somehow a girl in my class by snooping through my phone found out I told her not to tell anyone espically not teachers and she totally ignored me she told two other people and went to tell the teachers. My friend was already on medication for depression and was going to a counselor. Now because of thoses two girls she is on three medications and has to see three theripists. They take her out of class randomly and she hates it so much, thoses girl made her life ten times as worse as it already was. So please remember to delete your texts and if someone tell you to leave a serious matter alone because they have it under control. LISTEN TO THEM! THEY Wouldn't LIE ABOUT A SUICIDAL FRIEND!! Please take into consideration what I have said. A lot of the above comments are helping me to help my friend to just try to help as much as possible but if someone tells you to back off and let them cool off then you NEED TO BACK THE HECK OFF!!
It'll stop eventually. I was a pretty decent cutter once and I haven't done anything like it for something like a year. And otherwise - so what? No one ever died from a few little cuts I assume.
Have had the same problem with my friends in 4 instances. 2 of which I told a counselor about.. and even though they were mad at me for a short period, they both quit almost instantly. They are still struggling but are better. The other two are work in progress. Please pray. <3
Comfort her, ask her why she does it, tell her to spill out everything she feels like the blood running down her arm. (metaphoricly) your friend is really upset, that's obvious, it is an addiction, its hard to break, give her whatever she wants, weather its space, or leave her alone if she asks, don't tell anyone unless she gives you ppermission, seriously, I know, believe me.
Ps: sorry for my bad spelling
Well my friend cut herself, but I talk to her about it and she said "the only thing that help's is when friend's tell me how much they love me, at that they care for me"
So, I want all you guys/girls that have someone near that cut themselves, go talk to her/him tell her/him that you love her/him, tell them that you need them, that you care for them, and tell them that "you're my best friend - you can't do this to yourself and me. you can't. cause i love you and i want you in my life!"
You may make a video or something with some music and pictures- whit some text in the middle were you type how much they mean for you. And send it to they're email, twitter, Facebook or if everybody know it post it on they're wall on Facebook.
This is what I have to come with, use it, it will work! Maby get some friend's with you, go wissit them much, invite them were ever you go!
I'm glad to see that you guys want to help you're friends!
What if she refuses to get help because she thinks its not a big deal ? I feel like I can't help her from it because the reason she does it are the problems with her mom ? I feel so guilty that I can't help , I just don't know what to do about it ? I'm extremely scared that this leads to something worst ?
My friend is 14 and I'm 15, she says she cuts almost every day and I don't know how to help her. Because I really do. Help please.
Just give them a distraction like a hobby or a fun club you can both do together. Or have lots of extra fun together take any sharp things away and every time they do it draw a premant ugly thing on them!
Definitely don't tell anyone else unless it gets REALLY bad, if your friend has confided this information in you, you don't want to lose her trust by telling others, just make sure to listen to her and always be there for her if she wants to vent, talk about good times you guys have had and never bring up the bad, tell her what you like about her and remind her about how her life is good, make sure she knows you care about her... unless it gets to the point where you think her life is in danger don't tell anyone in 'authority'... hope this helped
This is from 2008.
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