Hello,
I'm a 19 year old female and since I was around 12 or 13 years old I've had this terrible desire to be raped buy a guy. Not only raped, but beaten, yelled at, or anything else that would mean me being hurt by a male or anything to make me feel as though I have absolutely no power and were completely dominated. I have never been in a sexual situation other than making out with a few people and I do not enjoy porn but I can easily get off on a rape scene in a movie or a rape description in a book.
What I like most about rape and abuse towards women is the fact that the men are getting off on dominating and hurting the women.
I have had very few thoughts of consentual sex, but I have always had nightly fantasies of being raped. Guys I were dateing would be the one in my fantasies rapeing me.
I have heard women's stories of being raped and how terrible it was for them, the humilliation and the depression and how impossibly difficult it is to get over it... but this does not phase my desire.
I've had this fantasy for probably six or seven years.
Is this normal? Do other women think about this too? What kind of person does this make me?

Wel I don't think about that kind of stuff I think you should go to acouncilour myself

In all likeliness it's a product of how you were brought up. If it's obcessive, psycotherapy as well as a psychiatrist's medical intervention might be required. A psychiatric evaluation could determine if therapy is warranted.

If it is indeed a fantasy, it can be played out carefully and cautiously within a relationship.

No, this is not normal and I would advice you to seek professional help

I think that if you have really expierenced it with a nasty guy, then you'd understand why it's so terrible.

Many women have that fantasy of being raped but know that they really wouldn't want to be.

How do you feel about yourself?
One explanation could be that you feel worthless and unhappy with your life to the extent you feel the need to be punished somehow. You should talk to somebody that can help you come to understand exactly why you feel this way.

RUN, DON'T WALK---to your nearest psychologist! Wanting to be dominated is one thing. But raped and beaten?! Rape isn't about a guy getting off at all, it's about control. But it seems you like that too. Go get yourself some major help! This is not a healthy way to feel.

Hi there it sound like you should try a little domination don't say you want to be raped say you want to be controlled and have a man be in compelte control over you it's not bad but it is something that you can either like or dislike but yes say you want to be dominated because that's what you truly want

Well starbuck8 it's not un healthy and there are many people who love it I would never tell her to go ask to be raped but if she has a partner WHO SHE TRUSTS she should tell him how she feels I wouldn't go all out but it's not a bad thing to try just don't do it with a stranger first time or ever really lol... I've tried mild dtuff I thought I wanted the same thing I have been raped though (fourced) that how I lost my virginity after that a few years later when I had a good man with me and we where having sex I thought there was something missing and because I had only been raped before and by another man I didn't really get the soft side of things I thought I wanted rough so I talked to my partner it took a lot of guts he tried it out it was OK I found I liked it a bit rougher so did he but we both had our lines that couldn't be crossed it's al about trust and being dominated by a male needs to be experimented with someone you trust until you understand what you can handle and what you truly like (ALL SEX SHOULD HAVE A DEGREE OF TRUST AND PASSION BEHIND IT)

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

I think that if you have really expierenced it with a nasty guy, then you'd understand why it's so terrible.

Many women have that fantasy of being raped but know that they really wouldn't want to be.

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BEING RAPED IS NOT WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS I DON'T THINK SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT I have been raped and it left me cold and shallow I felt used and worthless it threw me into deppression and started my long fight with self inflicted wounds which I have finally fought my way out of and god help me it was the worse years of my life what this girl really wants is to be dominated and domination in the right way can truly be a pretty amazing sexual release

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Originally Posted by rebeltequila

well starbuck8 it's not un healthy and there are many people who love it i would never tell her to go ask to be raped but if she has a partner WHO SHE TRUSTS she should tell him how she feels i wouldn't go all out but it's not a bad thing to try just dont do it with a stranger first time or ever really lol... i've tried mild dtuff i thought i wanted the same thing i have been raped though (fourced) that how i lost my virginity after that a few years later when i had a good man with me and we where having sex i thought there was something missing and because i had only been raped before and by another man i didn't really get the soft side of things i thought i wanted rough so i talked to my partner it took alot of guts he tried it out it was ok i found i liked it a bit rougher so did he but we both had our lines that couldn't be crossed it's al about trust and being dominated by a male needs to be experimented with someone you trust untill you understand what you can handle and what you truly like (ALL SEX SHOULD HAVE A DEGREE OF TRUST AND PASSION BEHIND IT)



BEING RAPED IS NOT WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS I DON'T THINK SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT i have been raped and it left me cold and shallow i felt used and worthless it threw me into deppression and started my long fight with self inflicted wounds which i have finally fought my way out of and god help me it was the worse years of my life what this girl really wants is to be dominated and domination in the right way can truly be a pretty amazing sexual release

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The reason I said what I did was because of HER words. I understand exactly what you mean, and yes, if you are with someone you can trust there is nothing wrong with that at all if it's what you like to do. Yes there has to be trust and passion for sure.

I just got the feeling that isn't the way she was meaning it. Especially when she said she likes to be BEATEN. That part is NOT healthy, and I don't think wanting it to seem like RAPE is either. Dominance and being restrained is one thing. Beaten and Raped is another.

Maybe she can clear this up and tell us exactly what she means, but the vibe that I got from her was that she had some major issues with something.

I may have misunderstood when I read your answer. I think I understand what you were trying to say.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

How do you feel about yourself?
One explanation could be that you feel worthless and unhappy with your life to the extent you feel the need to be punished somehow. You should talk to somebody that can help you come to understand exactly why you feel this way.

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Yes I do feel worthless and unhappy with my life, My father never wanted anything to do with me and my mother was always verbally abusive and would beat me and my siblings, and just to make this clear, I never enjoyed that from her. And in any situation with a female, a class project or anything, I would not let a female take control of the situation, If a female tries to act bossy towards me, it usually ends in a fight. Also, I've always been into self mutilation and it got pretty heavy a couple years ago, but now that habit has almost died out.

Another thing is that I kind of feel like I've been saving myself to lose my virginity to rape, I always said that I was saving myself for love, but I don't think that's the case. I've been to a couple different therapists and could never talk about this particular issue, I was too ashamed to bring it up. And to clear this up, it's not just the dominance that I seem to want, it's a man who truly wants to hurt me. Sometimes when I'm thinking more clearly, I hate what I feel and I get scared that I'm going to purposefully put myself in a situation where something could happen or put myself in an abusive relationship.

This is considered quite a normal fantasy for a lot of women but not one that is ever intended to be carried out. Stay safe.

There are websites and places that sell items used for this type of activity, so there is a market for it. Certain porn sites are catered specifically for this type of sex (I've heard:). I don't think you are certifiably insane by any stretch, its just the wording of what you want that is perhaps misleading.

Saying you want to be spanked is one thing, rape is totally different. Like others have posted, nothing wrong with a trusted partner getting a little forceful provided you are safe. If these thoughts lead you down more dangerous fantasies than I would definitely talk to someone.

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Originally Posted by MyBadMind

Yes I do feel worthless and unhappy with my life, My father never wanted anything to do with me and my mother was always verbally abusive and would beat me and my siblings, and just to make this clear, I never enjoyed that from her. And in any situation with a female, a class project or anything, I would not let a female take control of the situation, If a female tries to act bossy towards me, it usually ends in a fight. Also, I've always been into self mutilation and it got pretty heavy a couple years ago, but now that habit has almost died out.

Another thing is that I kind of feel like I've been saving myself to lose my virginity to rape, I always said that I was saving myself for love, but I don't think that's the case. I've been to a couple different therapists and could never talk about this particular issue, I was too ashamed to bring it up. And to clear this up, it's not just the dominance that I seem to want, it's a man who truly wants to hurt me. Sometimes when I'm thinking more clearly, I hate what I feel and I get scared that I'm going to purposefully put myself in a situation where something could happen or put myself in an abusive relationship.

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That is exactly what my instincts told me. I didn't think you were just talking about consensual dominance. I knew you were focusing more on the violence and control.

I'm so sorry about how you were treated by your parents hun. It is apparent to me that you will not let any other woman do to you what your mother did, and you fight back when it comes to women. It's also obvious to me that you actually really want a man to love you, but you don't want to give up your control of the situation. By fantasing about a man raping and beating you, you have convinced yourself that it would be okay because it was your decision. But you are also telling yourself that this is what you deserve.

This goes much deeper than just a fantasy about being raped and beaten. You are using that as a survival technique. Those are you coping skills.

NO ONE deserves to be abused! Whether it be verbally, emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually.

Please find the courage, like you have here, to go and tell a Dr. or Therapist about this before it is too late. The abuse really isn't what you want , and you know that. Go to a professional. They won't judge you hun, they are there to try and help you. I think what you really want is to feel safe and find someone who will love you and keep you safe.

Just tell a good therapist/phychologist what you have said here, and please do it before you find yourself in a situation that you really can't control, and you end up getting hurt really bad or worse.

Take care of yourself.

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Originally Posted by MyBadMind

Yes I do feel worthless and unhappy with my life, My father never wanted anything to do with me and my mother was always verbally abusive and would beat me and my siblings, and just to make this clear, I never enjoyed that from her. And in any situation with a female, a class project or anything, I would not let a female take control of the situation, If a female tries to act bossy towards me, it usually ends in a fight. Also, I've always been into self mutilation and it got pretty heavy a couple years ago, but now that habit has almost died out.

Another thing is that I kind of feel like I've been saving myself to lose my virginity to rape, I always said that I was saving myself for love, but I don't think that's the case. I've been to a couple different therapists and could never talk about this particular issue, I was too ashamed to bring it up. And to clear this up, it's not just the dominance that I seem to want, it's a man who truly wants to hurt me. Sometimes when I'm thinking more clearly, I hate what I feel and I get scared that I'm going to purposefully put myself in a situation where something could happen or put myself in an abusive relationship.

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Did no one take the time to read her post carefully and read between the lines here?

Hello:

I'm going to add 2 cents in the for what it's worth department.

Many years after I was married, my wife told me that a guy we both knew, raped her. He didn't hurt her, but he raped her. She said that she fought him off to the degree she thought she could. Then she told me she came her brains out...

She liked for me to take it from her once in a while.

There's nothing wrong with her socially. She has a high opinion of herself and is a successful wife and mother - just not MY wife.

excon

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

I think that if you have really expierenced it with a nasty guy, then you'd understand why it's so terrible.

Many women have that fantasy of being raped but know that they really wouldn't want to be.

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I too am inclined to believe that you have suffered in your past to the point where your 'natural' growth was being chastised and/or mistreated and took it as the only reaction you deserve some how. On the other hand, I don't judge, so please don't take it that way.

Believe me, being a victim of real rape, having been invaded in the worst way, is demeaning and can damage you for life. I am such a victim - of strangers and my ex-husband. It took a lot of years of therapy to understand that it was not my fault and that nobody has the right to be so abusive. It also took me a long time afterwards to accept sex as healthy and not just a chore to do to please someone else.

However, I also understand that there are those people, normal - (normal by some standards, and by some not) people who have fantasies and they usually find a group or a club where they can live their fantasies in a safe and controlled environment. You could say that porno stars who play in rape scenes live out these fantasies for themselves and others, and also get paid for doing so. This may be degrading for some, but financially beneficial, and a lot healthier than the real live and dangerous abuse in an uncontrolled environment through a criminal mind.

You do have choices here dear.. 1. place yourself and maybe your life in danger and get really messed up for life, or 2. find a group or club and safely live out these fantasies with others - and you might get lucky enough to find someone who is not criminal and understands that this is mutual consent based fantasy.

There have always been S & M activities in this world with mutual consent - and in my opionion, that is the safest way for you to go if you feel so strongly about it.

It would not hurt to talk to a therapist if this gets out of hand though.
Please by all means be carefuland stay safe. I am sure you know of all the mental and physical risks - not to mention the risks of STD and/or unwanted pregnancy.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifEDIT: I also agree with Starbuck8.. getting help and clearing a few things off a very uncomfortable plate will help you grow and might even change your current 'choice' in life so that you can have a better outlook and set new goals in your life.

My half pence, as it were.

Rape is bad. Being raped is bad. Fantasizing about being raped is about as bad as my fantasy about being abducted by aliens and used as a sexual experiment. It is a fantasy. What makes the fantasy okay is that you are in control, even if the fantasy is about a loss of control.

I don't think that exploring BDSM is right for you, at this point in your life. The lifestyle can be a beautiful thing, and a wonderful experience that I would encourage anyone to learn about, and if appropriate practice. You are not in a good position in your life to do so for several reasons.

First, BDSM is never rape. If anything, there is more content in BDSM than there is in vanilla sex. You have to have unbelievable amounts of trust and communication for it work. You practically have to know your partner better than you know yourself, on both ends of the table. Anyone who thinks that kink is the way to spice up a relationship, is going to have a failing relationship. Spice is what you throw on good food to make it even better, kink is no different.

Second, BDSM is not about harming or being harmed. You have noted that you are self abusive. Even if that has "died down" it is still part of your mentality. It should never be about "getting hurt'. It should be about exploring that fine border between pain and pleasure. You are not in a good position mentally to enjoy a BDSM relation

Third, and most importantly, you are ashamed. If you can not admit to your therapist, parents, or friends that this is something you desire, then you already know that it is wrong. I'm only a little into the BDSM lifestyle myself, but have my own "deviant" activities that I am quite open and proud of. If you have to hide from your desires, then they are not good for you.

Hopefully this puts things in perspective for you a little bit. Your first step from here should be to build up the courage to talk to your therapist. If you still have the desire to be "dominated" after you get your life issues taken care of (You are young, be patient) then there is a ton of reading material that can teach you how it should be approached safely and pleasurably.

Well, I still won't be going to therapy. It really didn't take much courage to post this to people who don't know who I am.
I want to add that I am in a relationship with a guy, We've been dating for a few months but I haven't had sex with him yet, which he's frustrated with because he's a very sexual person. He doesn't know about this issue, and he's made it clear to me that he is anti-rape and anti-abuse, but he is an alpha male type which I really like. What's funny is that he is very sweet to me and I love it. And sometimes when he's mad at me over something, I want to die because I really hate when he's unhappy with me. But then sometimes I just get that desire for him to hurt me. The thing is, I want to be happy and I want to hold on to the feeling of being loved. I know that if he was to be this abusive person then I would be miserable.
Anyway, I'm not a weirdo. To the world, I'm a pretty normal girl. I just have these internal struggles. This is my first love and I was afraid I might leave him for being too safe and nice to me, so that I could go out and look for some jerk.

Lose the word "weirdo". We are all different, and that is what makes us special.

Sounds like your boyfriend is a wonderful guy. Stick with him as long as you can. Don't feel pressured to have sex with him. That should only take place when you are both ready. As I said earlier, you are young. Be patient. Enjoy what you have now. Don't worry about what you might or might not have later.

As far as the therapy goes, I feel that it is critical. If you are faced with self-mutilation, a feeling of worthlessness, an abusive home life, and a desire to participate in activities that could cause you permanent physical/mental/emotional harm then you need help.

I'm not a professional councilor in any way, shape, or form. I did, however, have a great many dealings with councilors at many different points during my life. I know how difficult it can be, and how embarrassing it might seem to tell them about your darkest secrets. That is what they are there for, however, and any good therapist is not going to demean you. They are going to listen, comfort, and help you. They are, in every sense of the word, a neutral party that just wants to make certain that you are happy and healthy.

If the problem with going to see a therapist is because of your parents, then I would suggest speaking to a councilor at your school, and having them set up a discreet meeting with a professionals. I cannot stress the importance of seeing a doctor enough. If you have some unusual pain, you are going to see a medical doctor. Even if it turns out to be nothing, you have the peace of mind of knowing that now. Your mind is no different from your body. You are in unusual mental pain. See a doctor about it. Even if it is nothing, you have done what you have to do to ensure your future health.

The amazing thing about being human is that we can have our dreams, set goals, have fantasies, AND then we grow, change, set new goals, have new dreams and fantasies and have a completely normal life. You are not a weirdo, and I never thought that.

It is also possible that if and when you gain enough confidence in your current relationship, and feel safe in communicating about everything with each other, it might just be enough for you to let him always take the lead and eventually feel like all you need is to give in to his needs when he wants them. That might suffice/compensate your urges for 'being dominated'. You might even eventually trust each other enough to talk about 'role playing' your fantasies out. Also, realizing that you like it when he is nice to you will probably continue to help you change. It just goes to prove that we can love vanilla one year and change that taste for chocolate another year - and accept it.

You do have courage, dear, putting any deep feelings in writing no matter if we are strangers or not, is showing courage - one little step at a time. And not having sex yet shows me that you are the one who really is in control of yourself and proud of it. Girl, there is nothing wrong with you at all as far as I'm concerned.

Stay with us and enjoy your life and build on great memories all you want.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif Wishing you a wonderful physically and mentally healthy life.

I want to thank everyone who gave helpful answers. I never put much thought into why I might have those thoughts, I didn't think the way I grew up had been part of the reason. But now that I am reading your opinions and putting more thought into it, I feel that I can over come those urges and not end up ruining myself.
Since this is the internet I wasn't expecting much more than criticism and posts saying nothing more than to get myself some therapy. But I am surprised by the care that some of you put into your answers.
I know that professional help might be a good idea, but I'm still refusing.
I think it was very smart what Chery said about letting him always take the lead. I do feel that it could compensate for some of those urges without being destructive.
Anyway, the responses have helped me with trying to understand it. I've decided I'm going to do things to try and build my confidence and self worth while also trying to have a happy and healthy relationship with this guy and slowly work my way into a better frame of mind.
I know it will be difficult without professional help, so I will keep that option in mind if things get too difficult for me or if I slip back into old ways of thinking.

To Starbucks:

Not everything one writes should be taken as some deep rooted problem, sometimes it is what it is. You could make connections into everything a person does and connect it to some past issue, most of the time it is innocent and does not need deep psycological probing to find the root. The onus is on the poster to consider the extent of what is going on. Again, there is a line between innocent sexual fantasy (which I think she is trying to express) and some type of psycological problem, she must determine which it is.

I agree with what you wrote interms of advice given and your observations are valid, this is more in response to your comment about nobody reading between the lines.

No one mentioned that in some relationships, a partner can be extremely successful and in charge at work, but at home and in the bedroom that same person can be totally submissive. This could be healthy because of the average of totally dominant and totally submissive is neutral.

Upbringing, verbal, psysicial and emotional abuse can negatively affect self-worth.

BDSM play is just that. Within that realm there is generally "safewords" that are agreed upon in advance which keeps things from getting out of hand. Red (stop), Yellow (slow down) and Green (More of what you are doing) are popular. "safeword" is the universal safeword which means stop. In play, "stop" does not mean stop. This makes the scene more real.

It's good that you now have recognized that something is different and your going to try to effect change. You need to have self-worth and be productive in society. In the bedroom, it can be a totally different story.

I have been through it all, you don't want it!
It is kind of normal, some girls do get thoughts like this. Usually it's caused by the need of feeling horrible, have people take pitty on. There's something in your life, or was in your life, that caused this. Don't think you are not normal!
Yes, go to a councillor. Also, someone before me mentioned going to a dominatrix (spelling?). You can try to get a male to tie you up and over power you, but not harm you mentally or physically. I would say to try this. This may help, but it might not.
Just, do not get raped. Do not get beaten.

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Originally Posted by BMI

To Starbucks:

Not everything one writes should be taken as some deep rooted problem, sometimes it is what it is. You could make connections into everything a person does and connect it to some past issue, most of the time it is innocent and does not need deep psycological probing to find the root. The onus is on the poster to consider the extent of what is going on. Again, there is a line between innocent sexual fantasy (which I think she is trying to express) and some type of psycological problem, she must determine which it is.

I agree with what you wrote interms of advice given and your observations are valid, this is more in response to your comment about nobody reading between the lines.

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To BMI,

I was just responding to a few posts in a row that didn't seem to have read through the question entirely. I wasn't trying to read more into it than there was, but I read it carefully and considered everything she said.

There was also an answer from a "guest" that seems to have been removed now. Also my response was removed. I got a little hot headed when I saw the "guest" post, because quite frankly, it creeped me out.

I give my opinion just like everyone else does here, and that was my observation. I don't just read the questions, answer them, and then just go away without reading other feedback.

I was not trying to probe some deep rooted problem. I say what my gut tells me. People can take it or leave it. If it helps great, if it doesn't, well I tried and that's fine with me.

Thanks for your comment though. It was more a reaction to the "guest" post, and a few others, and I may have acted in haste.

EDIT: It was the keywords that sent off a red flashing light with me. "Beaten", "Rape", "Abuse"

Well said starbucks, thanks for the clarification. I always enjoy your comments on threads as they are always well thought out and constructed.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

To BMI,

I was just responding to a few posts in a row that didn't seem to have read through the question entirely. I wasn't trying to read more into it than there was, but I read it carefully and considered everything she said.

There was also an answer from a "guest" that seems to have been removed now. Also my response was removed. I got a little hot headed when I saw the "guest" post, because quite frankly, it creeped me out.

I give my opinion just like everyone else does here, and that was my observation. I don't just read the questions, answer them, and then just go away without reading other feedback.

I was not trying to probe some deep rooted problem. I say what my gut tells me. People can take it or leave it. If it helps great, if it doesn't, well I tried and that's fine with me.

Thanks for your comment though. It was more a reaction to the "guest" post, and a few others, and I may have acted in haste.

EDIT: It was the keywords that sent off a red flashing light with me. "Beaten", "Rape", "Abuse"

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HAD TO SPREAD IT Starbuk... but you my dear, have not lost your 'radar' or gut feeling as far as I can see. You honestly feel and you do your best, so keep up the good work!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

You its common nowadays due to movies and books so avoid this thinking and keep yourself busy which makes your life better.

I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by a man 7 years my senior when I was fourteen - daily for four months. I have never engaged in intercourse before or after those four months.

Rape scenes in film and literature turn me on, like, really bad. It's strange and I can't explain it.

But, in other words, I don't think you're crazy. Look at S&M. Aha. :)

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Originally Posted by MyBadMind

Hello,
I'm a 19 year old female and since I was around 12 or 13 years old I've had this terrible desire to be raped buy a guy. Not only raped, but beaten, yelled at, or anything else that would mean me being hurt by a male or anything to make me feel as though I have absolutly no power and were completely dominated. I have never been in a sexual situation other than making out with a few people and I do not enjoy porn but I can easily get off on a rape scene in a movie or a rape description in a book.
What i like most about rape and abuse towards women is the fact that the men are getting off on dominating and hurting the women.
I have had very few thoughts of consentual sex, but I have always had nightly fantasies of being raped. Guys I were dateing would be the one in my fantasies rapeing me.
I have heard womens stories of being raped and how terrible it was for them, the humilliation and the depression and how impossibly difficult it is to get over it... but this does not phase my desire.
I've had this fantasy for probably six or seven years.
Is this normal? Do other women think about this too? What kind of person does this make me?

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Seek serious counseling, take care of yourself.

Terri52

Honey, I don't think you REally want to be raped. I was raped before and believe me its an awful thing.

Your post makes me wonder if you have ever been sexually abused as a child?

I was raped when I was 11. And now as an adult, the only way for me to find any enjoyment out of sex with my husband is to 'roleplay' roughness. I have been to counselling for it and it is getting much better. Its NOT NORMAL. Go to your doctor right away!

I have the same feeling too. It stems out of my shyness and general indifference towards people. Sometimes I just desire someone coming out of nowhere and taking my virginity by force and humiliate me in the process. I have never been intimate with anyone in my life, nor have I ever been sexually abused or even stimulated in any way.