I've spend the past couple of hours crying - steady flow. Hubby's sleeping so maybe I thought it a good time to just let it out.

Events of yesterday and Mom giving me a nice kick to the heart just took me down.
Why can't I bounce back anymore?

It's like I can't take anymore hurts. No more. There's no more room in the Inn. I just seem to get hit and can't bounce back as always.

My heart is just so sad. I'm not depressed... I can see, hear, walk, talk, but my heart
Just couldn't be heavier.

Hubby says I need to toughen up. Yeh, okay, that will happen.

Things effect me that shouldn't. I'm just tired of hurting. Hurting for people I don't even know, I do know, who could care less, who do love me and on an on.

And then I feel so awful as I have visions of people really suffering.

I just want to go off by myself and heal. I'm just tired of all the hurt in the world.

I see pictures of Britney, that are not nice... and I feel bad. Sad for her, worried if she is okay...

I just want to heal and hurt no more.

Do you believe in God?

More then anything.

Then give Him the burdens of your heart. He has made you aware of others pain so that you can intercede for them.

I love you and thank you so much. Those few words make incredible sense.

Thank you again.

And sorry if I am upsetting anyone I don't mean to.

Bless you SS.

You are very welcome. I hope that Jesus gives you peace as you pray.

I do feel peace slowly visiting me:).. And I am smiling now thank you again.

I'm not one to reach out at all... but I knew I had to and bless you for being there.

Your words helped so much.

You have an awesome gift to be able to love so deeply.

:) Can I return this gift :) :LOL

Believe me, it's not voluntary ( and that is awful to say) but it's not always fun.
I guess I just had a one two punch... but I do love to love :).

Saved Sinner, when you rest your eyes tonight, and for many night, please tell yourself what a huge diffrence you have made to me.

Seeing it the way you said it, just helped to lift my heart.

Thank you so much.

I sent you my number if you ever want to call and talk.

I got it SS thank you so much and did respond.

God is so good to have brought you to me tonight.

Can you help my swollen eyes, like you did my heart :)

Bless you again.

Get a bag of frozen peas and put in on your eyes. :)

LOL that's about all frozen peas are good for yes?? Ick them and limba beans.

You made a world of difference.

Bottle that Sunshine :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Allheart

I've spend the past couple of hours crying - steady flow. Hubby's sleeping so maybe I thought it a good time to just let it out.

Events of yesterday and Mom giving me a nice kick to the heart just took me down.
Why can't I bounce back anymore?

It's like I can't take anymore hurts. No more. There's no more room in the Inn. I just seem to get hit and can't bounce back as always.

My heart is just so sad. I'm not depressed ....I can see, hear, walk, talk, but my heart
just couldn't be heavier.

Hubby says I need to toughen up. Yeh, okay, that will happen.

Things effect me that shouldn't. I'm just tired of hurting. Hurting for people I don't even know, I do know, who could care less, who do love me and on an on.

And then I feel so awful as I have visions of people really suffering.

I just want to go off by myself and heal. I'm just tired of all the hurt in the world.

I see pictures of Britney, that are not nice.....and I feel bad. Sad for her, worried if she is okay....

I just want to heal and hurt no more.

---

I am so familiar with this type of pain right now, just in a different way. However, I have read many of your answers to people and they are wonderful. You have a gift Allheart, but with that gift comes a great deal of pain. When you care, in the sincere way you do, you set yourself up to help carry the burden that others have. That's tough to do sometimes. Your honesty leaves you vulnerable. So while those of us on the receiving end of your gifts are blessed and grateful, we forget I think the price you pay to help us.

I know people do not mean to be selfish, at least I don't, so without further delay...

Thank you for every word of advice you type, every thought you share, every post you respond to. Thank you for walking right beside us, and not in front of, or behind. Thank you for being a beacon in the thick of the fog, for everyone of the 1800 posts (give or take a few hundred) that you have taken time to respond to. I applaud, respect and honor your ability to reach out to anyone of us night or day.

Research shows that the success of therapy has little to do with the expertise of the therapist, but a great deal to do with her values and the respect she shows others. Therapy comes not just in an office but to hundreds you help online. You are our (AMHD) little secret and there looks like many who would like to keep it that way. So Britney, put your duke's up and quit stressing our therapist out!

Allheart love, we need to talk. You and I, just like we did last year. Do you still have my number? I NEED to talk to you.

First,

I am so sorry. I am just picking this up now. Please know how much I appreciate your words.

I should have listen to Savedsinner and used those frozen peas :). My eyes are killing me.

Life1973 - I love you and I thank you so much for taking the time to share those words with me. I am trying not to cry :), as my eyes look like a prize fighter, but this time they would be tears of incredible gratitude to you. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Life, I do understand what you are saying, truly I do. Life, when someone lets me care for them it is the greatest gift they could give to me. I should thank them. If that makes sense.
From the depths of my heart, I thank you Life. May today bring you nothing but Sunshine.

J-9 of course ditzy Allheart can't find your number. Talk about giving... you are up to your eyeballs in things, and can calmly and lovingly reach out to me as though you have all the time in the word. I felt you love there J. Thank you so much you beautiful giving soul.

Savedsinner - thank you again. I love you deeply. You words lifted me.

All of your words lifted me and again I thank each of you. Please, know, I have so many blessings and I am not ignoring them. I have always held things in and I think the dam just broke a bit. So that's why I posted this as I have hidden, so long and knew I had to accept the sadness in order to fix it.

My hubby, who is not handy, can cook a very good scrabbled egg, but that's the extent of it, did the most adorable thing this morning ( He knows I'm wresting a bit with things).
I came down and by the coffee maker was the can of coffee from the fridge. He said,
I put out the can of coffee for you, but I didn't know how to make it... awwwwwww how sweet is that :).

I keep saying thank you, and I mean it, but it just is not conveying how grateful I am to all of you.

With all the love in my heart,
Allheart

Oi Lady I tried to return your pm yesterday but you have turnt them off and low and behold yesterday got the better of me no surprises there huh ;)

You know I love you just for who you are and I wouldn't want you to change for the world never have I had a friend so caring and so loving you are a very special person and you have the most amazing soul ever you glow and I bet you're the person that walks into a room and everyone smiles at you.

Don't feel bad about your mum she was just having a bad day and no doubt you just happened to call at the wrong time.
Lots of love and hugs from your adopted daughter and her kids we love you xxxxx

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Oi Lady i tried to return your pm yesterday but you have turnt them off and low and behold yesterday got the better of me no surprises there huh ;)

You know i love you just for who you are and i wouldnt want you to change for the world never have i had a friend so caring and so loving you are a very special person and you have the most amazing soul ever you glow and i bet your the person that walks into a room and everyone smiles at you.

Dont feel bad about your mum she was just having a bad day and no doubt you just happened to call at the wrong time.
Lots of love and hugs from your adopted daughter and her kids we love you xxxxx

---

I read this and out loud I said, Oh my God how did I get to be so lucky. Ahhh there go the tears. Not bad ones at all.

I thank you so much. I always wanted a daughter... always :). And one to be strong, loving and beautiful as you who has the most beautiful children... So now I am a Mommy for real and Grandmom. Yeeeehaaa!!

But I always wanted to dress my daughter in pink from head to toe... is that okay with you.

Laura, you have noooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea what you mean to me and what your words mean to me.

I am a Mommy falalalalalal :)

Mr. Allheart is talking about getting me a puppy Man I need to cry in public more often...

Please know, I am grateful for so many things, I promise you that.

Now, I must go shopping for all the pink I am going to have you wear dear daughter
And pigtails are a must :)

Love and kisses to my beautiful family.

Thank you everyone and I hope I didn't cause anyone to be upset.

If you don't hear from me it's because I'm under piles of work at work, but I will pop back in to let you know and all of you know how much I love you.

Anyone got any frozen peas ?

Love, Kisses and Hugs,
One very lucky Allheart :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Allheart

I read this and out loud I said, Oh my God how did I get to be so lucky. Ahhh there go the tears. Not bad ones at all.

I thank you so much. I always wanted a daughter...always :). And one to be strong, loving and beautiful as you who has the most beautiful children...So now I am a Mommy for real and Grandmom. Yeeeehaaa!!!!!

But I always wanted to dress my daughter in pink from head to toe....is that okay with you.

Laura, you have noooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea what you mean to me and what your words mean to me.

I am a Mommy falalalalalal :)

Mr. Allheart is talking about getting me a puppy Man I need to cry in public more often...

Please know, I am grateful for so many things, I promise you that.

Now, I must go shopping for all the pink I am going to have you wear dear daughter
And pigtails are a must :)

Love and kisses to my beautiful family.

Thank you everyone and I hope I didn't cause anyone to be upset.

If you don't hear from me it's because I'm under piles of work at work, but I will pop back in to let you know and all of you know how much I love you.

Anyone got any frozen peas ?

Love, Kisses and Hugs,
One very lucky Allheart :)

---

Hahahahaha oh I'm so thankfull I don't have a scanner you would die at the pictures of me as a kid in little pink dress's and pink ribbons in my hair hehehehehe scary thought no wonder I'm not very girly now :)
Millie likes pink though and dinosaurs tee hee Keep smiling hunny we love you xxx

Dearest Allheart, (this will be a letter written just to you, rather than a post in a forum)

My heart is saddened to read of your recent heartache. As another soul that yearns to fix the problems of those I care about and those that I hardly know, I pray that you will be able to truly realize the difference that you are making.

Your world is one in which you see the best in people, the beautiful possibilities, the sparkly moments. Yours is a special outlook - not "rosy glasses" but true, honest goodness... all heart. You have an innate ability to reach across the world to a hurting soul and spread the healing balm simply with your words. You make a difference. Your world is one that overflows into the tragedies and heartaches living in the hearts of the hurting teens and desperate people on AMHD. Your advice, your wisdom, your love touches and heals.

You are making a difference. You are affecting the world. You are living the immortal words of Emily inson:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

You are not living in vain. You are not living without influence. You are touching the hurting, easing the pain of the aching hearts, lifting the souls of the fainting, and helping the lost find their way again. This is living with purpose... truly "not living in vain."

My dear Allheart, you have made a difference in my life. You have shown me that love can conquer obstacles and make a person realize that they are worth being loved - and loving in return. You have inspired me, personally.

You have added another shiny rainbow into my life's story. You've helped create beautiful moments that give their shimmer to my path.

And the essence of your thoughts and heart will appear in my book. Yes, my book. With the help of life1973, I've decided that I'm going to take that leap and write a book. A book about love. A book about life. A book about surviving and singing at the same time. A book about living for every moment. Every shiny moment counts.

So, my sweet, hold that beautiful head up high and face the unknown tomorrow. Face that possibility with the courage and love that you call your own. Wipe your knees, dry your eyes, and stand. We are all here for you - when you're standing firm or when you need a hand to pull you up - we are here.

All my love,
HistorianChick

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Dearest Allheart, (this will be a letter written just to you, rather than a post in a forum)

My heart is saddened to read of your recent heartache. As another soul that yearns to fix the problems of those I care about and those that I hardly know, I pray that you will be able to truly realize the difference that you are making.

Your world is one in which you see the best in people, the beautiful possibilities, the sparkly moments. Yours is a special outlook - not "rosy glasses" but true, honest goodness... all heart. You have an innate ability to reach across the world to a hurting soul and spread the healing balm simply with your words. You make a difference. Your world is one that overflows into the tragedies and heartaches living in the hearts of the hurting teens and desperate people on AMHD. Your advice, your wisdom, your love touches and heals.

You are making a difference. You are affecting the world. You are living the immortal words of Emily inson:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

You are not living in vain. You are not living without influence. You are touching the hurting, easing the pain of the aching hearts, lifting the souls of the fainting, and helping the lost find their way again. This is living with purpose... truly "not living in vain."

My dear Allheart, you have made a difference in my life. You have shown me that love can conquer obstacles and make a person realize that they are worth being loved - and loving in return. You have inspired me, personally.

You have added another shiny rainbow into my life's story. You've helped create beautiful moments that give their shimmer to my path.

And the essence of your thoughts and heart will appear in my book. Yes, my book. With the help of life1973, I've decided that I'm going to take that leap and write a book. A book about love. A book about life. A book about surviving and singing at the same time. A book about living for every moment. Every shiny moment counts.

So, my sweet, hold that beautiful head up high and face the unknown tomorrow. Face that possibility with the courage and love that you call your own. Wipe your knees, dry your eyes, and stand. We are all here for you - when you're standing firm or when you need a hand to pull you up - we are here.

All my love,
HistorianChick

---

HC - Beauty is the word that I would use to describe you. I feel so much better and close to be ashamed for being upset the way I was, but I am overjoyed that I posted here for a number of reasons.

HC - Your soul is pure beauty - and to not write a book or any other writing would not be sharing that beauty and allowing it to come out and grow.

This is going to sound so odd, but then when you looked who wrote it, it won't see so odd, I'm expected to be odd...

HC, when I think of you and visualize you I picture you with spring flowers inside you to the point I can almost smell their fragrance. Tulips, purple ones, white ones and they are just blowing in the breeze... that's what I see inside you. I've lost it haven't I :)

But it's true, you are my Spring Tulip. Bless you for your beauty.

I just hope that you embrace and accept that beauty HC and never doubt it or shy away from it.

May God shine on all of you. And from the deepest part of my soul I thank you.

The only part that hurts now, are my eyes... I NEED THOSE FROZEN PEAS.. or a tea bag Like CBW suggested.

Please know that each and everyone of you are so special to me and I can't believe
I have these type of beautiful people in my life.

The sun is now shining. I love each of you.

Tulips. I like tulips. :)

Add a willow tree or two in there and maybe it would be me...

For when we look at a willow, we only see the beautiful, graceful branches that kiss the ground and sway in the summer breeze. What we don't see is the deep, turning, ever-changing roots that make up the support system of the tree. It's the roots that define the tree.

Its our pasts, our failures, our heartaches, our successes, our tears that make up the root system. Our past doesn't define us, it creates a support network that helps us withstand the winds of change and adversity.

Here's to the development of a strong root system! :)

(Thank you AH for your sweet, sincere words. I treasure them... as I treasure you!)

Update - I am feeling better and I told hubby that it is because of all of you.

I had not idea how to thank you and I still don't, but from the bottom of my heart - I share this with you and hope you realized how much you all mean to me.

I cherish all of you.

Oh Allheart
We all get days we we feel down I know I do but some of words have been an insiration to me.
People suffer all the time and as much as may want to help people you cannot help them all.
Glad to hear you are feeling better now anyway remember when you feel sad we all feel it.

Love as always

Nicki

Nicki

You are the best and I am so grateful to know you. It was myself having a little pity party, glad you could all attend :), but also Mom's upset at me. And it hurts terrible. But I put it in the... will work on that later pile... :)... and just leave as is.

How's my girl Nicki?

Not to bad today just feel shattered after these past couple of days.
Hope you are OK this morning or what ever time it is over the pond

Morning Mummy are you feeling chirpy today? I'm feeling flipping pooped giggle sir Theo had me up for two hours this morning shudder finally crept back into bed at 4.30 :(
Is Mr AH being a good boy today?? I still have hedges that need sorting you know hehehehe

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Morning Mummy are you feeling chirpy today?? im feeling flipping pooped giggle sir Theo had me up for two hours this morning shudder finally crept back into bed at 4.30 :(
Is Mr AH being a good boy today??? i still have hedges that need sorting you know hehehehe

---

Awwwww sweatheart... Bless your soul... hopefully you can get a nap today.
I feel better today, and me eyes are back to normal, so I thank you sooo much.

It's still early, so Mr. AH is only gearing up to misbehave. And you just save those hedges for him and you still have that spot under the stairs :)??

How is Princess Millie. Bless her beautiful soul. And Sir Theo... was he just gooing last night?

Laura that picture of him is so precious, you just want to kiss his cheeks.

Hugs to you sweetheart.

Love you always,
Mummy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nicki143

Not to bad today just feel shattered after these past couple of days.
Hope you are ok this morning or what ever time it is over the pond

---

My Dearest Nicki,

I am sure you are. Been thinking about you and your family. Keeping all of you in m thoughts. How's Dad?

Auntie is resting and at great peace. It's always so hard for those left behind.

Many hugs and thanks for all the love, and sending you some as well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Allheart

Awwwww sweatheart......Bless your soul.....hopefully you can get a nap today.
I feel better today, and me eyes are back to normal, so I thank you sooo much.

It's still early, so Mr. AH is only gearing up to misbehave. And you just save those hedges for him and you still have that spot under the stairs :)???

How is Princess Millie. Bless her beautiful soul. And Sir Theo...was he just gooing last night?

Laura that picture of him is so precious, you just want to kiss his cheeks.

Hugs to you sweetheart.

Love you always,
Mummy

---

LOL he does have very kissable cheeks but I like squishing them and calling him hamster it makes him smile hehehehe Millie is fine she just got up and is running about with her dinosaurs roaring tee hee loony girl.
And that spot under the stairs is ready right there next to ben ;)
Theo was just being a pickle and doing a big poop and covering himself and his clothes then he decided he would get trapped wind and scream for a while :D
I think Mr AH sent his cold over though I feel rough and I'm off balance giggle I looklike I've had a sneaky few beers good job I'm seeing the dr tomorrow :p

Love and huggles xxxx us

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Allheart

My Dearest Nicki,

I am sure you are. Been thinking about you and your family. Keeping all of you in m thoughts. How's Dad?

Auntie is resting and at great peace. It's always so hard for those left behind.

Many hugs and thanks for all the love, and sending you some as well.

---

How are you firstly?

My dad is OK not really seen him as he was in bed yesterday being up all night the past two nights.
I know it is best for her no more suffering now.
I have my daughter Ellie-mae off school today she is full of cold so not getting much done playing nurse today lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curlybenswife

LOL he does have very kissable cheeks but i like squishing them and calling him hamster it makes him smile hehehehe Millie is fine she just got up and is running about with her dinosaurs roaring tee hee loony girl.
And that spot under the stairs is ready right there next to ben ;)
Theo was just being a pickle and doing a big poop and covering himself and his clothes then he decided he would get trapped wind and scream for a while :D
I think Mr AH sent his cold over though i feel rough and im off balance giggle i looklike ive had a sneaky few beers good job im seeing the dr tommorow :p

Love and huggles xxxx us

---

I love huggles :D

Oh sweetie I hope you feel better. Probably wore yourself down. Oh my little Theo and his nighttime presents.. oooh you poor things... that must hurt their little bellys so much when they have gas trapped. Is it easy to get out?
Hope you feel better sweetheart... Sorry Mummy is so far away when you don't feel good:( huggles back.


Nicki - I'm doing so much better and I owe it all to all of you. Even hubby made mention to me this morn. I told him it was because of all of you... and let him know him too, but little does he know, he's being shipped one way across the pond, as he has a spot under CBW's stairs waiting for him :D

I hope Ellie May feels better.

I know you both just take care of your little ones, love them and just keep going, but you are creating such wonderful memories for them.

I love the Mom in both of you.

Hope the day treats you both wonderful and may all the icky colds just blow away.

All my love to you... always.

Have you been feeling better, or still keeping those bag of peas on ice?