I have come to a place in my early adult life where I feel that I have little to no meaning. Every day I wake up and go to work (which I do enjoy) and come back home finding myself thinking the same old thoughts. It feels like my career has become the meaning in my life which is the last thing that I want. I have goals. I have lost a lot of motivation to complete them because when I do get high marks for that exam or when I stop that bad behavior then I'm left with a feeling of emptiness. Maybe a 2 second feeling of achievement then nothing. People often think that I failed after an exam etc. because I don't look happy when in actual fact I get 95% average.

Setting other goals have become boring and doesn't excite me anymore. Is this as good as this gets? Is this it? If it is then I fear that I may not survive it.

So far you have learned to be one way... competitive student... in life, and you have come to see yourself only as good as your last test score. You are young and have a whole life of living, learning, and discovery ahead of you! Life is not easy for anyone; we all have to make an effort to make the best life for ourselves.

These are the areas that you have to begin learning about... :)

1. Study different religious paths(without becoming a fanatic)

2. Add sports and lots of exercise to your life.

3. Develop your sexuality in a healthy manner with other people(no porn).

4. Have one altruistic outlet.


You will start enjoying life as you begin to develop yourself further. :)



Best Wishes in 2008,

Isn't it funny how our society places so much on career? Then, once you have it one, you are wondering what the heck else to do...

Yeah, I know what you mean, sometimes I'm not motivated and sometimes things don't excite me. But I guess sometimes you just got to force yourself to do something. You might find that you actually like it.

For example: I thought I would volunteer at hospice, which I just recently started. Somedays, it feels tough to get myself motivated enough to do it. But I'm glad I did, because I get to help people who need it. Maybe you could do some volunteering, check out some cool and inspiring movies and music, read a new book, get into something that's new for you. Get in the car and take a random road trip.

Thanks for the advice Choux. I used my studying as a example because that is the last goal that I have reached. I will seriously be thinking about taking a more spiritual approach to things. I'm sure that's half the battle already won.

I was just looking at goals online to try and find something that I can aspire to and I found something that really made my heart jump. "Kissing in the rain" and "Fall asleep watching the stars next to somebody I care about". Just then I realized that I need romance in my life. I need to share my life with somebody that I can care about and somebody that can care about me. If you haven't picked it up yet, yes I am single and I have been for about a year. I think it's time that I get back in the game. How can I go about meeting that somebody special? How can I get myself back into the game without being thrown in with a bunch of players? I want something meaningful.

There seems to be so much that I am missing out in life. I just need to figure out what I want I guess.

Just a thing to think about... relationships and romance is good and all... but your happiness and whatever it is you seek shouldn't be based on other people. Because they come and go. And you really don't want your happiness to be a rollercoaster like that.

That's also true!! Why is this so hard? How can I find out what I want in life? What makes me happy?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bardonicus

That's also true!!! Why is this so hard? How can I find out what I want in life? What makes me happy?

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I would just recommend getting out there, live life to the fullest, be the best person you can be, be true to yourself, and experience all the cool stuff out there.

The trouble that I'm having is that I'm not finding any pride, happiness or excitement in anything that I set out to do anymore. I suppose this is because I don't really know what I want but then again I could be wrong. I understand where your coming from but how can I live life to the fullest.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bardonicus

The trouble that I'm having is that I'm not finding any pride, happiness or excitement in anything that I set out to do anymore. I suppose this is because I don't really know what I want but then again I could be wrong. I understand where your coming from but how can I live life to the fullest.

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Do you think you are suffering from depression by any chance?

I had depression back in my teen years and I underwent therapy and medication. I still have to manage it but it's safe to say that I'm back to normal. Since I know the feeling all to well I can safely say that this is not a case of being depressed.

It's just that I don't know what I want to do with my life. What really makes me happy? What is worth going for?

Bardonicus
I am 52 years old and I kind of feel the same way. Every year I think it will be better next year and it isn't. I feel like I am stuck like in the Groundhog Day movie.
I am stuck because I haven't had a regular job in 8 years. I can't get anywhere financially,
Nothing goes right for me. Then my vehicle breaks down every November and I can't get it fixed until April so I hybernate. So my advice is, you like your job that is a bonus many people go to work day in and day out and literally hate it. Work toward your goals. I see so many people that say they want to do this and do that 'someday' BUT then they get their paycheck and blow it at the bar, or eating out and don't concern themselves about HOW they are going to afford what they want to do someday. Then they get laid off and lose their house and everything they worked so hard for. So live simple and save for your dreams. Spend time studying things that interest you like Choux said, study religion, politics, psychology, photography, a sport or whatever to keep a healthy interest in life.
I finally got a job I start tomorrow so I have to take my own advice now.:rolleyes:

Thanks for that amazing post. That really opened my eyes. Already I can say that this post has been of tremendous help for me and I'm sure that it will be for others as well. One last thing that I still have a problem with: How do I know what I really want? Is the happiness really in the act/achievement or is it a state of mind? If so then how can I reach that state of mind?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bardonicus

........l. One last thing that I still have a problem with: How do I know what I really want? Is the happiness really in the act/achievement or is it a state of mind? If so then how can I reach that state of mind?

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I can relate with your feeling of not knowing what you want.
I never had ambitions even when all my friends in school were planning on doing this and that when they grew up.Some wanted to teach,others to write,sports and so much more.
I was lost even then, on what I wanted to do... there are so many options yet so little time to do them all.
Life runs by us and before we know it we are at the crossroads of choosing again.
I have worked at different jobs at different times in different fields,I was content in the duration of each job.Things worked out that I wasn't to be in any of them for too long.

I used to think that I was like a tossed leaf in the wind.Sometimes it stays in one place when the winds die down but soon there is a gale and off it is again to another place...

I am a mother now and I stay at home now,I still haven't chosen what I want to be in "Life".I am happy where I am as a mother and wife.

Now, I know where I want to be, I have a goal in mind,but a long way to go when and if I get there. It is nothing materialistic or worldly although I do work on making a good life for my small family in this life.

I think what you are looking for is peace,contentment in what you do,where you are and who you are.
Peace and contentment is the one thing that is not available from outside yourself,your friends cannot give it to you,your loved ones cannot gift it to you and you, yourself cannot buy it from anyone or work physically for it the same way you work for a living.

Peace and contentment comes from deep within you,when you know that you cannot always have everything you want,from knowing that sometimes things will be hard to bear,there will be losses and gains,love and laughter,tears and happiness.

Feeling whole is intertwined with being. Thinking and action are things we do. Being is where it's at. You saw "kissing in the rain" and "fall asleep with someone under the stars." To do those things you have to be there. There doesn't have to be a partner present, but you must be there in order to do it. Be.

That's makes sense simoneugie, it really does and thank you for your story firmbeliever. Action is definitely a key factor in this whole process but before I can action something I need to know what I want. That's a huge part of the problem. I don't know what I want. I have many self help books that can help me with taking action but none of them speak about what I want in this life or how I can go about knowing/finding out what I want. I have searched the web and read many books but none of them tell me how to do find what I want. Why is this so hard? Or better yet how can I go about doing this. I have spent some time in contemplation and meditation but I have still to find an answer on this.

Then the search is a spiritual one. Your soul isn't surprised by anything. Your immediate self can be. Ask your spirit/soul to lead you. Have the courage to follow.

How about you find your passion by volunteering give of yourself to others find a cause dear to your heart. Who knows maybe you will meet someone like minded like yourself.
Get out and experience life. Don't let it pass you by.
You could run or jog outside.
Join a photograph class
Take a cooking class.
Join a bike club
Volunteer at the museum be a mentor join a mentor club for boys.
The rest will follow.
Where your passion is so is where your heart is.
Good Luck

Thanks for the great advice, how can I mentor without knowing who I really am or what I want? It has become clear to me that I still don't truly know who I am or what I want. The one thing that has put me off majorly form socializing is the fact that I drive a scooter. I don't know why but it's something that has really taken a huge beating towards myself esteem. It's all that I can afford at the moment and it's just who I am. Why is it that I have this poor self esteem about something that shouldn't matter?

Bardonicus,

It was a pleasure to tell you my story...

But you do not seem to have understood a point I made.
The feeling of satisfaction does not come from what you drive or what you wear alone,it is something that comes from deep inside you.
It depends on knowing yourself and knowing that you are doing right.

If things depended on having enough money or the best education and a rich life,then all the rich will be satisfied and happy in life.We see different, many of those who have too much are dissatisfied or unhappy enough to pay loads of money to find a simplistic lifetyle,a thatched cottage somewhere with basic necessities.Or they are looking for thrills which threaten their very lives.

I agree with Simoneaugie, it is a spiritual quest you are on.
I am not sure who mentioned religion (Was it Choux?),I agree there too.Knowing and understanding life in a religious way helps many sort things out better,especially in regard to a life after death. It helps take the focus away from worldly things and acquiring things in a materialistic way to a spiritual outlook on life.

I can agree with that, so I'm on a spiritual quest of some sort. I'll give it a go and I'll post back my results in a few days to let you guys know what I have found. Thanks again for all the help.

What are the so called rules of life? I mean life is just one big complicated system which has it's laws and it's effects. How can I go about learning the rules? Surely you need to know the rules before you can be good at the game?

Learning the rules of life... that is a tall order.

My suggestion would be start with different religions views on life. I could provide a link for my own beliefs maybe someone else could help with theirs.

The Purpose of Life by Khalid Yaseen , Does Life Has a Purpuse?

Hope you find, your purpose in life...

Religions go on faith and belief and are so radically different on some rules and so similar on others. Surely there has to be a set of universal rules that applies to all mankind. It is those universal rules that I am interested in learning.

I would try a book " Many lives many Masters" I love that book its by a psycologist
Brian Weiss
Have fun

I am still trying to get a hold of it, thanks it sounds like a great book. I think my problem might be with self love and the relationship I have with my true self.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bardonicus

I have come to a place in my early adult life where I feel that I have little to no meaning. Every day I wake up and go to work (which I do enjoy) and come back home finding myself thinking the same old thoughts. It feels like my career has become the meaning in my life which is the last thing that I want. I have goals. I have lost a lot of motivation to complete them because when I do get high marks for that exam or when I stop that bad behavior then I'm left with a feeling of emptiness. Maybe a 2 second feeling of achievement then nothing. People often think that I failed after an exam etc. because I don't look happy when in actual fact I get 95% average.

Setting other goals have become boring and doesn't excite me anymore. Is this as good as this gets? Is this it? If it is then I fear that I may not survive it.

---

Try going out, meeting people, perhaps you'll find the love of your life... if you do.. just remember, love is just an emotion... was the meaning in my life...

Bardonicus, you are on the quest to find yourself. You're searching for happiness, a state of being, and that happens when your thoughts are subsided and your mind is quiet. You can check this out by seeing that when you are "kissing in the rain" and "fall asleep watching the stars next to somebody I care about" you are Being in the moment, not thinking about anything, searching for any answer, or worrying about financial situations.

You get there by continuing on the quest that you're on right now, which is the irony. So be in the moment of your quest to be in the moment. Keep looking for the answer to your questions "What really makes me happy? What is worth going for?" from every possible sources, until you find that the answers can only come from within you. Most of the answers are to show you ways to distract you from your thoughts so that you could be in the moment and be happy through the various activities. The only true happiness you find is when you have found yourself.

Enjoy your journey and have fun with this quest that you are on right now.

I can honestly say lately I've been feeling the same. (I'm new on here by the way.)
I'm planning to start university in September, and am also working part time. And I spend a lot of time questioning whether this is all there is to life. I don't feel any sort of achievement. My work is a decent place, but it all still feels like a chore. I guess its just that you have to find out what you really want out of life, and once you figure that out, you're more likely to go after it instead of just following what you have to. I'm not quite there yet but I'm trying lol.

I'm sinking further and further into this hole of unhappiness and I know that if I don't find an answer soon then I might not... I don't know. Is this really all there is? If it is then is it even worth it?

I read so many posts of people all with the same problem and I have to say that it does not help to know that I am not alone anymore, If anything it is a confirmation that things are not going well with humanity. There is a huge group of people out there just like myself all having the same problem yet there is nothing being done. Not by ourselves or by anybody else. What are we waiting for? Some Messiah to take all of this away? It's not going to happen. Waiting around for an answer or something to happen is killing me. Sticking around and doing the right thing doesn't pay off. That much experience has taught me. What the hell is up with everybody? How can you just be going through routine and be happy with it all? Aren't you seeing what I'm seeing? Are you insane? Or am I insane? Just give me the truth and I'll deal with it but this waiting around and enduring this life that should be good. Waking up and wondering if there will come some time that things will change. Some huge event that will make life worth living. Not that I want to kill myself. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for living but clearly I'm missing something that is obviously very important to living this life with purpose and passion. No more of that 'you have to find your passion' crap. I tried.

I don't agree with people who say 'find your passion'. I agree with you. Life seems to be monotanous. But sadly nowadays many people have accepted that as a way of life- you work to live. You don't have time for anything else. It shouldn't be like that but it can't be changed until people accept that that's how it is and work together to find a way to change it. Your not insane. Your feeling what many others are feeling, and we all need help in changing that. Sadly I don't have the answers, and I know my opinion doesn't help, but I just had to say something.

I´ve reading this thread with interest, because I seem to have the same problems.

I used to wait for things to happen, but nothing happened for many years, so now at fifty, I´m reevaluating my life.

It wasn´t always like this. I think life goes in cycles. In my thirties, I led an adventurous if a bit frivolous life. I travelled all over the world, I had a good husband and good friends, fun job to do and had enough means to work as an artist. I remember waking up every day thinking: What fun will there be today?

It didn´t last - but it lasted a long time, though. Now I´m used to my boring life, but still - I´m a beliver in fate as well as making your own luck. I think the secret is being with people who are good for you and not taking life too seriously.

Easier said than done! Also, I think I had more fun because my moral code was not too strickt then. I had platonic lovers, lots of free time and lots of quality time with my husband. We had a semi-open relationship, not too uncommon in Europe where I live.

Something I wouldn´t dream of doing now. Maybe it´s the prize we pay for being totally responsible... but I hope not!

I think the fun is out there. Really, I do.

Violet

Bardonicus, if you want the quick answer, read a very short book called, "No Attachments, No Aversions" of Lester Levenson. Then go away by yourself for at least 3 months and search deep within your heart for the answer you're looking for. I promise you, if you really search within, you will not go without. Otherwise, no external answer will satisfy your question.

I have heard of that book. I'll try to get it. Please if anybody else is reading this and they feel the same then post your opinion or even just let us know that you feel the same way. That way we may even be able to find an answer.

Okay, so I read the book forevernow. There seems to be three main discoveries that he made regarding life.

1) It's loving rather then being loved that is the root of happiness.
2) Intelligence and thought is the activator of ANY and ALL things that happen in life.
3) We are all part of the same source. All drops in the same ocean.

It seems that he overlooked one or two things in his teachings.

1) Everybody can't make practical use of these teachings in the same way. It seems that every person has their own way of using the above knowledge to free themselves. What works for you does not always work for me.
2) Letting go of every other emotion except the feeling of loving is over simplifying things a bit. I mean we have dozens of emotions and this guy is teaching to let go of all of them except one. So we just ignore 95% of our being? Unreasonable.

The most important thing that I do think that he missed but almost touched on it was self love. That really seems to be the key behind everything that he discovered. Self love. Sounds very new age bull but I think that this may be a overlooked state of mind.

Question: How can one increase self love? How can one cultivate that state of mind?

Now that you have some idea of the direction and see a few things through your own inner vision, it is correct that not everyone prefers to make practical use of what one person did, but everyone can. You will probably go through various methods of finding the ultimate answer, and there will probably be one that you like the best, which is good. The main point is to head in the right direction to find your answer.

Your second point requires a bit deeper understanding of the relationship between desires, wants, feelings/emotions, and thoughts. Desire to live creates want for security/survival. This want of security/survival creates wants of approval (love) and control. If someone we love does not love us, we try to make them love us through some kind of control. If situations don't meet our approval, we try to control it. From these three wants--survival, approval, control--come all our (negative) emotions. The most basic ones are apathy, grief, fear, lust, anger, pride. From these emotions arise every other emotions. These emotions create thoughts.

Love is not an emotion. It's always there. It's who we are. We can check this out for ourselves. When we love someone, like our first love, we feel very happy because our mind is very quiet at that moment. We have no worries, fears, no other emotions except love. We just want to be there, in that moment. The main thing is to totally quiet the mind so we can feel our happiness. So, from your question, we cannot increase that which we are, but we can remove what we are not--the emotions. To cultivate this state of mind is to have the intense desire for it--which you already have. What is left now is to find the method that you like best which will take you there.

What other concerns do you have?

So every other feeling except love isn't part of us? How can't they be part of who we are? Those emotions are definitely real and reside within myself.

I totally agree with bardonicus about this to be honest.
I agree that love is a natural feeling that we all have.
But for some people, jealousy/anger etc are also a natural thing.
Its our emotions that shape who we are as individuals and if we ignore these emotions all the time, we will be ignoring our very self and will become an empty shell of a person who is dead to any kind of emotion apart from love.
Love cannot survive on its own. Love is born from jealousy and lust, and forms into a pure emotion that provides us with happiness. But love can also prove to be a bad emotion if someone does not love you in return or you cannot find how to love yourself.
So without other emotions, how would this even work?

Bardonicus,

Maybe we think too much instead of live life.

I don´t think we should work and work and be unhappy, waiting for something wonderful to happen. Each day should have enough happiness in the small details. The rest will follow in time.

I was once told that it is wise to live each day as we would live a whole year. Embrace the day in the morning and ending it at night when we sleep to get ready for yet another day.

I´m trying to make the quality of my life better. This morning I started having a different brand of coffee, listened to a different brand of music and had lunch in an unexpected place. I went to the gym after work but stopped at a store and bought a new gym outfit.

Tomorrow will be totally different, but it´s miles away yet.

I am winding down for the night and I will be watching a favorite movie just before going to sleep.

Violet