My son is seven and gets so angry that he can barely breathe. He goes into fits of anger and hitting but only at others. Not at me or his dad. For the most part he is a sweet boy then he gets angry over the smallest thing in school and acts out. In the past he has hit his teacher and I am afraid that he will hurt someone or himself. Please help me. I don't want my son to end up making very bad decesions because he is upset. I have taken him to see our family doctor and he stated that there was nothing wrong. Please help me find out what I should do.

Have you discussed this with your son? What does he say? What are his reasons?

He may need some counseling to deal with his anger issues.

Talk to the child. Why is he angry? Is he seeking attention? Also, try to seek a counselor or a therapist. They may prescribe medication for his anger if it is a hormonal imbalance.

See another doctor and get a second opinion.

You don't want to "raise an angry child". You want to improve his emotional condition and the emotional situation in your home. Parents create a child's reality, and parents must make an active effort to change their negative behavior through self-examination as well as managing the child's emotional problems.

Be positive! Think big improvement for your child! He is only seven... he can change in a relatively short period if others in the family work together with a therapist's guidance as a family unit.

Medically there is nothing wrong according to your family doctor, I would get a complete phsycical and blood tests for any chemical unbalance if possible.

Also if it is not medical then it would be a mental issue, that needs to be addressed or a disipline problem. What happens to the child when he hits others ?

Yeah he could have a chemical imbalance. From everything I have been reading kids that act up a lot often have vitamin deficiencies and lack essential fatty acids.

I agree with the advise above. A good therapist will help him learn to direct his anger towards objects. Pillow pounding, teddy bear ripping etc. You can help him vent his feelings in safe ways. He would like to learn, especially from you. How do you express anger? Everyone has feelings of anger. It is what we choose to do with them that makes a difference.

Please tell more about your discipline at home. Is the child able to have his own way more at home? What keeps him from getting angry at home? Is it a situation where he is in more control than he is when he is other places?

School can be a lot more chaotic than home. That does not make his behaviour right at all, but might be a place to start when talking with him and letting him know that his actions are not acceptable to you. Perhaps by providing him with some other alternatives for his actions, you can solve the problem. Be sure to praise and follow through with the ideas for his acceptable expression of his feelings that you work out. It will be important to make sure that his teacher is willing to go along with it, and knows the plan so that there is consistency for him.

My brother was very similar to your son. Maybe even worse. There was even a time when he was about the same age where he even chased another brother with a knife because he wanted the TV remote! From as long as I can remember he was like that. Big fits of anger that can be brought on by the smallest things. The whole family would have to walk on egg shells around him.

He is now 23 years old. About a year ago he took such a fit of anger that he ended up in the hospital in the mental health ward. He went through about 3 days of examinations from doctors and phychologists. By the end of all that they diagnosted him with something (I can't remember the name) but it basically meant that he was withholding so much feelings from things that have happened in childhood that when something happens that angers him all of those feeling come back at once. There for it produces such a huge fit of anger. He got a lot of help through counselling and is now has a totally different perspective on his feelings. He is able to talk about the past openly, and talk about emotions without holding everything in and just showing anger in return. He is now a very calm person.

Is it possible that your son is also holding in feelings so intense that causes such anger? I think you should bring our son to a cousellor to talk. There is obviously a reason (wether it is similar to my brother or not) why he is acting like this, and I think he needs some help.

I would start with his school guidance counselor. There are anger management classes and programs for children even a young as your son.

How does he do with expressing his emotions (good and bad) verbally? Sometimes at that age, especially if his language development is a little behind, a child cannot find another way to express his anger. He can't find the words to express it, so he does it physically.

My stepson has some of the same issues. For one thing, you have to set boundaries that hitting is NEVER an acceptable way to deal with anger. When he tries it around us, he gets a time out and we sit and talk about the way he feels. He is not allowed to "clam up", but must try to find the words to express how he is feeling, why he is feeling that way, and what is a better way to deal with those feelings than to act out physically. He just turned 9, and we were afraid that his physical outbursts were going to start causing some real harm.

Of note, his mother has always let him do this. If she tells him he can't have something, he stomps on her foot, punches her in the stomach, or kicks her. Instead of stopping this behavior, she tells him she's not in the mood for his crabbiness. Now, however, she is seeing how big he is and how much he can hurt, and also that this behavior is causing problems at school. He's in anger management now, and doing much better.

Thanks for all the advice. I have tried talking to him several times. I am going to get a second opinion from a therapist.
When I ask him why he just says he doesn't know why he is so angry. I also asked him what helps him calm down he said going home, and he has also said when I pick him up which I felt was the same answer. My son is really smart. All his teachers have great things to say about him its just his temper that is going to block a lot of opportunities for him. That is what I don't want. I put him on punishment and he is not allowed to play with his toys or go to the skate park (which he loves).

When he hits he is on punishment until he doesn't have another tantrum usually 2-3 weeks. He has to come home with a good report for that long then we let him off punishment. I do admit sometimes I am too easy with him and then other times I feel I am being too hard on him. I stay on him about his education and even more so now because the psychiartrist with the school system stated that the only reason why he has not been dealt with at a harsher level is because he is very successful accademicly. I looked in to a private school that deal with children with learning disabilities. The only question is would this be a right environment for him?

Cristal444
I have spoken with the schools guidance counselor and she referred him to the school psych and she has been seeing him once a week for 1 hour with a group of other children. They also offered it with a counselor from the hospital but she never returned any of my questions. So I followed up with her and she said she isn't on site and the hospital charges $130 a session. So I figured I would do this with our family doc and get referred to a specialist. That is in the works.

I'm afraid that you may get advice, from the professionals, about medicating your child to solve the problem. I'm not saying that people should never do it, but I would be very very hesitant. If he can go for a number of weeks at a time, I think he can learn without the need for medications.

They weren't talking about medicating him, they were talking about getting him to talk to a qualified doctor to express his feelings in words rather than anger.

Good, I'm just thinking about what many people experience when doctors or professionals get involved. People who work with it daily, in my opinion have a bias toward recommending it very frequently.

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Originally Posted by MrsPYC2000

My son is seven and gets so angry that he can barely breathe. He goes into fits of anger and hitting but only at others. Not at me or his dad. For the most part he is a sweet boy then he gets angry over the smallest thing in school and acts out. In the past he has hit his teacher and I am afraid that he will hurt someone or himself. Please help me. I don't want my son to end up making very bad decesions because he is upset. I have taken him to see our family doctor and he stated that there was nothing wrong. Please help me find out what I should do.

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Your son probily acts the way he does because he knows he can. **That is unless he has be diagnosed with some type of disorder. **Children, for the most part, are excellent at a adapting to their environment. In other words they do what they feel will get them what they want. If he knew that acting a certain way would cuase him not get what he wanted eventually he would not do those things. In real life there is no perfect handbook for raising children. You are making a positive step by asking other for there opinion. I have a son like that ,also. I got him from his mom when he was 11. It took about 3months to see a change in his behavior. My goal was not to try and change him. I encouraged him to change to help himself. EXAMPLE I would tell him that nothing is owed to him, if you want something you have to earn it. I met a lot of resistance from him, but what could he do I was the adult and smarter(maybe not be much, but smarter:=) ). He started with a lot of toys and privileges and slowly but surely when he acted up he would lose them and vise-versa. 2 years later he at least nows how to act even not perfect but he can act. That's what he will need in the real world, in my opinion. All that being said he is 7 he can only do what you let him do, you're the Mom and Dad. P.S. before you think about medication look at the stats for children that took meds. And the ratio of them that use drugs as adult. There is strong correlation. You're a good parent for looking for answers!!

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Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

I'm afraid that you may get advice, from the professionals, about medicating your child to solve the problem.

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I may be wrong, but I don't believe I read that anyone suggested medicating the child. Anger issues are handled much differently than depressive disorders.

Now, some anger issues do stem from depressive disorders, but anger issues should be dealt with professionally before even considering medication.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I may be wrong, but I don't believe I read that anyone suggested medicating the child. Anger issues are handled much differently than depressive disorders.

Now, some anger issues do stem from depressive disorders, but anger issues should be dealt with professionally before even considering medication.

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I agree with you here... no argument from me that they should be handled differently... that does not mean that always happens...

I only mentioned it for the mother to be aware of my concerns. Not that anyone on here suggested anything. I'm talking about when she actually goes to the appointment.

Talking to a child like you would talk to another adult about their problems may or may not be effective, as kids see things much differently than adults. As to the source of anger, there are several factors to consider. Mainly, what kind of attention is your child receiving both at school and at home? Parents may give their child all sorts of attention, but unbeknownst to them, can be furthering the situation.

Putting any attention on the anger issues adds to the energy of anger, no matter what that may be or how that may look. This is the same concept true peace workers will use for refusing to be involved in "anti-war" campaigns. Anti-war carries the energy of war, as you are thinking NOT war, NO war, war is BAD, etc. All of these things emphasize war, the exact thing you are trying to avoid. The same holds true for trying to help a young child resolve his anger issues.

Instead of focusing on the problem of anger, perhaps try focusing on the things he loves. Ask him what he would like to do today. What would make him happy. What he would like to create. Encourage him to use his creative mind, as anger can also be a result of a lack of creative outlet (which can come from even the smallest parenting techniques we are all guilty of: saying "do it this way", "no", "i think..." (rather than "what do you think"), etc.).

One more important note, which might sound contradictory to the point made earlier is that the expression of anger in and of itself is not a bad thing. Anger is just another emotion, such as joy, love, and happiness. It is important that your child feels safe to express what he is feeling, regardless of what the emotion is. The issue arises when a child gets the message that being angry is unacceptable and wrong; at this point anger begins to store up in the system, which can cause all sorts of chemical and physical imbalances over time. Consider setting up a specific time and space where you child can freely express his anger, and be careful not to judge what may be coming up for him. The more supported he feels in releasing his anger, the more likely he will feel safe to do so.

The key piece here is for him to feel free to be expressive and creative, not stifled.

I give him as much attention as I have time. I work a full time job in management and I use to make time to spend with him at school when I had a day off during the week. I was promoted last month so my workload is a little hectic right now and his step dad is picking him up from school 3-4 days out of the week oppose to the 1-2 he use too. I thought that might be it but I meet them at the house or sometimes even beat them home. He is a only child and I don't plan on having anymore. I really need help teaching him the things he needs to know.
Your right that children require different conversations that adults and that's what I do. He knows what is right and wrong but its like when he gets mad for whatever reason all the conversations we've had go out the window.
I want him to be able to talk to me about anything and he is good about telling me the truth about the times that he has these tantrums in school even though he knows he's going to get in trouble.

MrsPyc2000, I totally agree that you would be upset that she suggest that. You didn't have to put a dissagree on that. I agree with you on that point, I would be upset too. I just missed that part when I was reading your post.

Try giving him omega fatty acid and Little Angels (health food store should have this) before it gets to the point they try to make you put him on meds. Also cut out junk food and sugar.
They made me get my son on meds and said if I wouldn't they would say I was an unfit mom etc...

People always want to say it is the parents not disciplining etc... which you do have to be consistent and not give in
But many kids any more seem to be born with a chemical imbalance or something. My son was raging by 7 years old and nothing could control him. CPS said restrain him. I had to restrain him for hours on end many times just so he couldn't go and try to kill another kid. Around that time a lot of parents were on talk shows saying they were afraid of their two year old. One mom and dad said the 2 year old girl was getting up at night and getting a kitchen knife (they had them hidden) and stabbing her teddy bears and they were afraid she might decide to stab them someday.
When I lived in Texas a 3 year old boy was walking out the door and down the street in the middle of the night.
I don't think ALL this behavior is parents although many parents do give in to kids or leave them to raise themselves, etc...

Grains & Greens Nutritional Foods

Read the book the EXLPOSIVE CHILD author name is Dr. Greene (I think). It help ed me A lot with my son.

Don't ever go back to the doctor who told you there is no problem - he's an idiot.

Go to a psychologist who deals with kids a lot - get a recommendation.

Well... eather he does have something wrong or it's a stage that he is going through. Give him a little while to see if it is just a stage. If he keeps acting like this after 6 months then he does have a problem. He could just have a really bad anger problem that could be with him the rest of his life or he could be going through a stage. Good luck