Ask Me Help Desk - I'm Really Scared

I'm Really Scared

I'm 11 and every Monday at school we have this band and it's mandatory I really have trouble reading music notes just because I can't remember them and the teacher really puts pressure on everyone it's really hard because we have a test every second week and I go up front and I have to play in front of everyone and I get so nervous and my face goes really red
And then I really suck and the teacher's like I'm very disappointed with you and then I feel like I've let everyone down and then I feel really bad for the rest of the day then one day the teacher called me into his office and we had this talk about how if I don't get better I'll fail and I explained to him I just can't do it and he says just practice so once I practiced every night for an hour then when we had a test I still sucked so when I got home I started cutting myself and throwing myself onto the wall because I felt like I sucked so bad and I was worthless I thought that I deserved this then my mum came in and saw me and she got really angry and started yelling at me and saying why would you do this to yourself and I just sat there when she left I felt really bad so I put my compass through my finger then I just started crying uncontrollably
And I just ran away up to the nature reserve I stayed there for 2 nights then my dad came and took me back home now we have a test tomorrow and I'm really nervous I thought of killing myself just because I'm really scared of how I will go and I don't know what to do and I can't talk to anyone because I just start crying and then I feel embarrassed and then I just can't talk to them my throat locks up and I just run away I hate going to school on mondays that once I slashed my mums tyres just so we didn't have to go but I still had to go because dad came and picked me up. Can someone tell me what to do I really don't know what to do...

What instrument do you play, please?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

What instrument do you play, please?

I play Trombone.

Good caring answer above! I do have to agree to a lot of it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by catitude

I play Trombone.

Do you have trouble positioning where the notes should be on the slide? I know that it can be hard to remember where they are.

Hi,

I read your post and really feel for you.

My first thought was to see the school councilor, this situation is their job!( if you don't have a councilor, then the principal, someone you trust and are in authority, nurse even)

An adult in the school will help you, but you have to be honest with them, just as you were honest with us here.If you copy this post and take it in, you could let them read your feelings, then go from there.

You might feel ashamed from the cutting, but that does need to stop, taking yourself out of band is not a negative thing if your emotional health is being compromised.

You ran away to the nature preserve, that is a wonderful place to regain serenity, remember that place in the future, I find outdoors to be a great place for solitude and tranquility, peace is always a few steps away.

Please take our answers to heart, seek the help with an adult within the school, you won't regret the effort, it is your future were concerned with.

Let us know how things went,

Ken

Hi, We had the test today and I sucked like usual the teacher went spaz at me and started yelling and said if you don't improve you will fail this class then I got sent out so I was sitting out in the corridor when the principal walked by and asked me why I wasn't in class I said that the teacher kicked me out because I wasn't good enough then the principle had a talk with my teacher and that got me some revenge on him which made me feel a little better then at lunch I was feeling really down so I went to the toilets and cried then when we had class everyone was calling me a sook and I felt like cutting myself because I thought I deserved it but then I remembered what you guys said and I just started working on my assignment I have trouble reading the notes in my book and I have trouble making high notes like G's I don't really want to talk to an adult about this because I'm not really comfortable talking face to face about my problem I want to stop band but my mum is really like she'll say c'mon you can do it your better than that and she won't let me pull out of band because she doesn't know how hard it is. I really need help I'm feeling really down because if I fail one more test I'll fail this class and then my mum will get really angry with me and say that I could've done better and that I didn't try hard enough and then I would have to have a "talk" with my dad.

What time and day is it where you are now?

It's 7pm Monday 29th of October

Quote:

Originally Posted by catitude

It's 7pm Monday 29th of October

What country are you in, please? It's 3:36 a.m. where I am now. That is in the MidWestern united states. By the way, I was a music teacher in schools for many years. I also have taught band and play a number of instruments.

I'm in Australia

Quote:

Originally Posted by catitude

I'm in Australia

Thanks for the clarification. What grade are you in?

I'm in Year 6

So young to have so much pain.

I really do wish you would seek adult help,the feelings of cutting are not something that just go away,and your teen years are just ahead.

Can you write a letter and leave it for someone to look at?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KBC

So young to have so much pain.

I really do wish you would seek adult help,the feelings of cutting are not something that just go away,and your teen years are just ahead.

Can you write a letter and leave it for someone to look at?

You really do need to seek adult help in your personal issues as to how you feel about yourself and what you are doing to yourself. Writing a letter would be a good thing.

I would like to know what is the main thing that is bothering you. If it revolves around the issue of being a musician and being successful at it, then it might be something about which we should discuss.

I could write a letter but I wouldn't really want anyone to come talk to me about it I would just cry and wouldn't be able to stop if someone tried I'm crying right now I just don't think I would be able to talk to someone about it I just start crying and crying and crying we have dinner now so I'll be back in about 15 minutes

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Do you have trouble positioning where the notes should be on the slide? I know that it can be hard to remember where they are.

I did ask you the above question earlier in this thread. Would you mind answering it, please! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by catitude

we have dinner now so i'll be back in about 15 mins

Okay.

Yeh I do have trouble rememberring the slide position plus I can't read the notes plus I can't make high notes like G's

Hi! You are back! I am here. For how long, I'm not really sure. It is very early (late) for me.

Do you take private lessons from anyone? Do you get private lessons in school?

We have a lesson every week on Monday after the test that teaches us stuff but the teacher has pretty much given up on me so I sit there and pretend to know what I'm doing.

Oh yeah that's a group lesson which has about 16 other people in it

Why do you think that the teacher has given up on you?

Well, He's Like (Myname) If your not going to put in any practice I won't help you and I do practice and I say that and then he says if you practiced you'd be better than that and yeah so now when he asks what note something is or what position this note is I get it wrong and then he sighs heavily and goes on to the next student which doesn't make me feel to good.

He really doesn't sound like a very good teacher. He should be willing to help you to do better at playing. Do you put in any practice on your own? If you do, how much and how often?

Are you there? I can see that you are wandering around this site. I would like to help you. I am trying to get to know you and what the things are about which you are concerned.

I do care.

Okay. I can see that you are offline right now. I am hopeful that we can continue this discussion at a late time then.

I do put in some practice about an hour on the weekend and about 15 minutes during lunch but I still can't get it the notes look like dots and lines I can't make the trombone go any higher than an F I can't remember the slide positions I don't really like my teacher I think he's mean but that's probably just me.

I hope that you received my private message. I really do need to go to bed now. I do want to help you. I do care what is happening to you. Okay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by catitude

I'm 11 and every monday at school we have this band and it's mandatory i really have trouble reading music notes just because i can't remember them and the teacher really puts pressure on everyone it's really hard because we have a test every second week and i go up front and i have to play infront of everyone and i get so nervous and my face goes really red
and then i really suck and the teacher's like i'm very disappointed with you and then i feel like i've let everyone down and then i feel really bad for the rest of the day then one day the teacher called me into his office and we had this talk about how if i don't get better i'll fail and i explained to him i just can't do it and he says just practice so once i practiced everynight for an hour then when we had a test i still sucked so when i got home i started cutting myself and throwing myself onto the wall because i felt like i sucked so bad and i was worthless i thought that i deserved this then my mum came in and saw me and she got really angry and started yelling at me and saying why would you do this to yourself and i just sat there when she left i felt really bad so i put my compass through my finger then i just started crying uncontrollably
and i just ran away up to the nature reserve i stayed there for 2 nights then my dad came and took me back home now we have a test tomorrow and i'm really nervous i thought of killing myself just because i'm really scared of how i will go and i don't know what to do and i can't talk to anyone because i just start crying and then i feel embarrassed and then i just can't talk to them my throat locks up and i just run away i hate going to school on mondays that once i slashed my mums tyres just so we didn't have to go but i still had to go because dad came and picked me up. can someone tell me what to do i really dont know what to do...

Life is precious!
This is a wrist band my son wears. He is your age.
It is just a test. Ignore it!
Tell your dad and your teacher that you are OK with not being the best at music. I'm not good with music, do you think my life is worthless?
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be something you're not. We all have things we are good at and things we are not good at. This is fine!!
Write a letter to your teacher, tell her she puts so much pressure on you that you can't handle.
Go to any teacher you feel you can and tell her that you need her/ his help.
Don't hurt yourself for other people's lack of understanding.
I'm sure you're wonderful and have great qualities in you that one day will come out.
Write this in your journal if you have one and I hope that one year, 10 years from now, you would look at this and say, "I once wanted to kill myself because someone else was not nice to me" and lough about it.
I know it is hard to believe now, but one day, you'll be a grown up and make your own choices.
Remember, your body is the tool to experience life with. Take care of it!

Go to the test and tell your teacher. I'm not going to stand for the test, give me F and say it with confidence. No F is going to determine your life. School is not that important and I'm saying it to you as a teacher.

Have strength tomorrow.

Hugs
Ronit Baras
Teen Book: Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers

Thanks everyone we don't have music for another 2 weeks so I'm pretty happy I'm going on a interstate school trip on Monday so I won't be on for a while so bye

Quote:

Originally Posted by catitude

Thanks everyone we don't have music for another 2 weeks so i'm pretty happy i'm going on a interstate school trip on monday so i won't be on for a while so bye

Thank you for letting us know what is going on with you! Please let us know how your trip went!

I do look forward to discussing the music things with you and how you feel about them.

OMD! My poor baby,I feel so sad to hear your story,I would like to tell you my story.When I was in junir high school,we have one music lesson one week,our music teacher was very young and beautiful but extremely strict!she asked us to write a melody every two weeks and then sing for others.I got very nervous cause I was totally not good at music,all my classmates laughed at me after they listened to my first music,I felt disappointed and frustrated, and began to hate my music teacher,why she asked to do that,why?I do not understand,music lession was my nightmare after that.but I never did something bad to hurt myself at that time,I always told myself there is no jack of all trades.I have tried my best,that is enough!so I have a happy childhood! Don't be sad any more,you have to do many things in your whole life,but you can't guarantee all you done can satisfy everybody,nobody can make sure for that,the point is that you have make your effort.if you can understand what I say,you will be happy!don't put more pressure on yourself!you should have a happy life!!

So, how was your trip, catitude?

I am wondering too!

I meant I don't leave till Monday sorry. And it's not Monday yet here it's only Saturday...

The teacher is being unreasonable I would say. Not everybody is good at everything.
I mean like if she doesn't know a thing about Einsteins relativity stuff and she can't understand it would she want that kind of pressure for it being beyond her comprehension?
Not everybody is a Rembrandt or a Mozart! I don't even really understand the different ranges in music. I couldn't tell you what an octave is, but I can draw and I can cook.
I am tone deaf when it comes to understanding music but I love music.
All you can do is the best you can. Someday you will be out of school and her class won't mean two hoots to you. Excel at what classes you do good at and just do the best you can in hers.

This teacher sounds utterly ridiculous.
I say you take different classes at school and instead take private, stress-free trombone lessons after school or on weekends or something.

Private lessons are pretty expensive, and only really worth it if you take your music seriously. Otherwise it might be a really good idea to drop music if it's causing you so much stress. I know that won't necessarily please your parents, but it's worth letting them know how you feel.
Do you find you have this problem whenever you're under pressure, or is it just with this one teacher? I agree that your teacher's attitude is appalling, and you shouldn't take to heart what he is saying.
If you find that you're often feeling this way, I strongly suggest talking to a friend or a counsellor. If nothing else, a counsellor can help by speaking to your parents for you and helping them to understand how difficult you are finding things. If you don't feel comfortable saying these things to someone, copy what you've written on this thread, print it out and give it to the counsellor to read.
Remember that it's OK to cry, but try not to make yourself hurt more than you're already hurting.
Take care,
Kal

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