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Yeah that would be pretty stupid I guess. But if it was all those things, plus several others then it can make you want to end it all.Quote:
Originally Posted by linnealand
I did go to see doctor recently. Now I have fluoxetine (prozac). Takes 4 weeks to work though. And statistically speaking, I'm now at a higher risk of suicide (according to wikipedia). I've never taken anti depressents before so lets see how it goes.
Thanks to everyone involved. Good for you DMA, as you said it takes sometime before the medication kicks in. Do remember antidepressants are not like they were years ago they are not as potent yet more effective. As you know from your research, sometimes antidepressants can make one worse so pay attention to how you feel. You will be able to tell the difference. Like other medications, sometimes what works for you may not work for me so although we may have the same symptoms; it may take a few trials an errors in order to get the medicine at the right dosage that fits your needs. Now DMA I am proud of you for making such a giant step. I know it must have taken a lot out of you. Keep your head up and I will talk to you later. ;)
This is excellent advice. Personally, I'm a mess when it comes to writing resumes. Planning is definitely the best way to give yourself the best chances. BigS, you've got sooo much heart, and I think your comments are both touching and wise. Many thanks for your very kind words.Quote:
Originally Posted by BigS
Hello again dma. :) I'm very happy to hear that you saw a doctor and that you're giving the anti-depressants a try. It will take some time for them to work properly, but the only way to get to that point is to take them. Remember that the way anti-depressants work is to free you of the physiological issue so that the real you can work out the rest. They should always be taken in addition to some kind of therapy. This will help the doctor to make sure the amount is right for you, and it will also give you the chance to work things out with someone else on your team. It will take work, but given some time you'll be back and better than ever! I'm really proud of you for taking these steps. It's not easy, but you're absolutely doing the right thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by DMA
Okay, let's take a look at someone else's life for a second. Abraham lincoln is considered to have been one of the most important presidents in american history. Here are some of the setbacks he faced before he got there:
* 1831 - Lost his job
* 1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
* 1833 - Failed in business
* 1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
* 1835 - Sweetheart died
* 1836 - Had nervous breakdown
* 1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
* 1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
* 1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
* 1848 - Lost re-nomination
* 1849 - Rejected for land officer position
* 1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
* 1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1860 - Elected President (success)
That's the kind of determination to have. Right? See if you can get your hands on a copy of the song "PICK YOURSELF UP." here's a piece of it:
"...Nothing's impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over again.
Don't lose your confidence if you slip,
Be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again.
Work like a soul inspired,
Till the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you'll be a man, my son!
Will you remember the famous men,
Who had to fall to rise again?
So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again."
And here's "High Hopes"YouTube - Frank Sinatra - High Hopes
I don't know about you, but whenever I'm having a hard time music is the best thing to lift me right out of it. Find things that are inspiring, and stay away from the depressing stuff! Some of my very favorite mood lifters are aretha franklin, james brown, bob dylan, johnny cash, frank sinatra... I swear I'm in my 20's, but you can't get me away from the classics! Dma, I wish only lovely things for you. Keep stepping ahead!
Oh, and as my dad has asked me on many occasions, do you know how to eat an elephant? It's one bite at a time.
Interesting taste in music you have. Usually I would listen to angry music if I am feeling angry, sad music if I am feeling sad, etc. Except if I listen to something from when I was younger, it can remind me of happier times. Which doesn't always make me feel better.
6 days in on the prozac. I'm not doing well. I was awake till around 5am last night, just laying there going over different things in my head. Probably spent a couple hours just thinking about all the places in my house I could tie a rope to to hang myself. Is this the meds doing this?
I asked doctor for sleeping pills when I went to ask about anti depressants. He didn't want to give them to me because he said they are addictive.
I love all kinds of music, but dark music can put you in a darker state of mind if you're already down.
Here's a little story to take to heart:
Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
6 days is still very early into the process. It's going to take time, and you have to be patient with yourself. Lots of people spend the whole night worrying themselves sick about things they don't actually have to think about. You are allowed to let the stressful stuff go. Stressing yourself out in night-long sessions isn't going to help you at all. You need your sleep, too. It's probably related to some anxiety issues that are related to the depression. You are allowed to feel good. You need to force yourself to do positive things and think positively. The sleep issues will definitely get better as you get better.
I am assuming that you've talked with your doctor about the suicidal thoughts you've had? It's very important that you do. It's part of the depression. If you are seriously concerned about the possibility of actually attempting any of these things, you should voluntarily admit yourself to a hospital with 24 hour care. The disease is plays tricks with your mind, and it can make you think in different ways. Your job is to let the deepest, greatest, strongest parts of you make the decisions that will make you better.
Have you ever heard of wayne dyer? He's a psychologist with some very special ways of looking at the world. I know that there are lots of his lectures and audio books that you can find on the internet for free. I would also really recommend deepak chopra, who is a doctor who deals with the mind and the body. They're incredibly insightful. Find them!
Also, you might want to try to find a copy of lucinda bassett's "attacking anxiety and depression," or something else like it. I think you might find it extremely helpful. You need to find ways of being in control of your thoughts instead of letting them try to control you. These are things that will serve you for the rest of your life, including when you're all better.
Whatever you do, don't stay in bed all day. Force yourself to get outside, and do something that pumps a whole ton of fresh air into you. Keep some kind of a schedule during the day and stick to it! You're going to come out of this better than ever, but you have to be strong about it. Go and get some fun stuff, too! Funny movies, funny anything. Laughing and smiling (even when it's forced!) will actually change your chemical balance faster. Do you like monty python?
I'm sending you more songs. "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life!"
YouTube - Always Look On The Bright Side Life Monty Python Music Video
U2 - Beautiful Day
URL Makeover
Live Like You Were Dying
YouTube - Live Like You were Dying/Tim Mcgraw
And some James Brown:
YouTube - James Brown - Get Up Offa That Thing
YouTube - James Brown - Good Foot (Rare)
URL Makeover - I feel good
Then check out some of these songs:
40 Inspirational & Motivational Songs That'll Keep You Refreshed! at Goal Setting College at Goal Setting College
They might not be your favorite genre, but you don't have to tell anyone. :) It's about the words.
I know I was trying to get to sleep but I am so restless. I can be OK in the day, such as listening to happy songs and not feeling too depressed. But at night I have no distractions and only myself for company. I just can't turn my brain off it's working flat out going over things in my head.
A few months ago I was getting worse and worse after going to bed, going over things and being hard on myself. Eventually felt so bad I cut my arm with a knife and after that I felt a lot better and slept better than I had done in a long time! But as I am right now I do try and get some exercise most days. So I am not really low like you need to be to start cutting yourself. At the moment I don't cut I just loose sleep. I've tried thinking positively, I tried letting go of everything to stop thinking, I just stay restless and lay there without sleeping.
I went back to doctor to ask for sleeping meds. He was worried I might overdose on them since I was feeling suicidal. That is probably the real reason why he didn't want to give me them the first time round. I said I wasn't planning to overdose so now I have some temazepam. Should knock me right out I hope. Will be trying one tonight.
I even told a close family member I wanted to kill myself after they asked how I was. It didn't quite get the reaction I was expecting somehow... they went out to the cinema with a friend.
Suicide is not the answer.Quote:
Originally Posted by DMA
Since you don't give any details on what the issue is that has you thinking of this it is difficult to make any concise comments.
Do you have a belief system? Religion? Faith?
Is there a clergyman or someone not related to you or the issue that you can go and just talk it out with?
I understand your angst and not feeling like you can go much longer or further with things the way they are... but I always try to remember this... if you are brought to it, God will help you through it...
I think marie asked some very smart questions! What do you believe in?Quote:
Originally Posted by DMA
On a personal note, I really hope you got the opportunity to check out the doctors I wrote about in my last post. Wayne dyer and deepak chopra have done a tremendous amount for all kinds of people in all kinds of tough situations. I feel happy with my perspective on the world, and I know that they've played a part in that for me.
Sleeping pills can help, but be careful with them. Some kinds can make you groggy during the day, and they can become addictive. I've used them at different points in my life (I'm prone to insomnia), but I get a much better quality of sleep without them. I try using them for a week only, and then go to half a pill for a couple of days. If I'm setting myself up for sleeping earlier and preparing myself in calm ways before I go to bed, I can usually stop taking them altogether at that point. I can identify with what you described, and it sounds anxiety related to me, which is probably very related to the depression.
About your close family member, most people don't know how to handle that kind of information. As hard as it might be to understand, it doesn't make them bad people either. And as hard as it might sound, even though you might not be feeling like you're at your best, you're going to have to be the strong one in this. You have to be the hero of your own life.
Nature gives every single one of us the strength to come out of anything. Believe in that. It takes a lot of work, but you will get there. Force yourself to do the right things. You'll get better, and you won't believe that you were ever so hard on yourself.
Someone in my life committed suicide 4 years ago, and although I wasn't the person closest to her in life, I was the one who had to notify her family and friends. I cleaned out her apartment. I took care of just about everything afterward. She was an incredible human being, and I will never be able to express just what a mistake she made, and how awful it was. I won't go into details, but I do know that she changed her mind after it was too late. She kept talking about suicide, and although her doctor was aware of this, she wasn't put in 24 hour care. Even we notified her doctors. YOU have to know where your limits are, and if you are seriously considering suicide, check yourself into a hospital.
I can promise you that suicide does not teach anyone a lesson. Your life is a GIFT, no matter how tough some of it seems, and YOU have to make it become the life you want.
It's not about a girl or a job or a house or a bank statement. Life is a joy; you just have to know how to see it that way. When things are tough, you have to find your way out of it with hard work and a positive attitude. They say that success is 90% attitude. Happiness is at least that. We're wishing the best for you. Good luck.
I consider myself a rational person believe it or not. Based on all the available evidence it is very unlikely that there is a god, so I don't follow any particular religion. I can see some of the benefits and how religion can give people hope, but I just don't believe.
I was planing to have a look in my library for wayne dyer and deepak chopra. But it isn't a very big library so I'm not expecting to find much. Still there might be some good books there by other authors.
So far I'm disappointed with the sleeping pills. Even after taking 2 of them I was laying in bed for hours feeling very awake! But yes it seems like they don't help get good quality sleep at all. I will ask about getting something much stronger next time I go to see my doctor. Looking back I've had trouble sleeping for years. I think I've been depressed since school without realizing it. Gradually getting worse but taking a nose dive this last year or so.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I can totally understand and agree with you, linnealand. Even if you did go into details about your friend I'm sure I would agree with you about how awful and such a mistake for her to commit suicide. I think feelings are not always rational and I don't seem to be able to deal with them sometimes. My trigger can be an event or maybe feeling very lonely... I start to feel worse quickly and then I start hating myself... if it gets to that stage I can really start to verbally abuse myself (in my own head), which includes repeating things other people have said to me... then it can get dangerous if I start to try and rationally think about it. When that happens I give myself reasons and evidence explaining why I'm worth less than nothing and reasons absolutely everyone will be better off after I commit suicide. By then I'm not thinking about 24hr care because I'm hating myself. But I'm taking anti depressants so I haven't given up yet. But I still think there is only so much a person can take before they welcome death. Lets say I manage to hang on in there but unless things start to get better eventually, then... well it may be possible I will attempt suicide. But I'm not expecting that any time soon.
Some other authors to look for are Marianne Williams... specifically "A Return to Love" and "Everyday Grace"...
I have my moments... thought any time my thoughts head to ending it all I immediately scold myself... it's simply not an option... I was the 'adult' the kids went to when one of my daughter's high school friends committed suicide... and I don't mean to be harsh here... but it's a very selfish act... you may not think or even believe it's true... but the people you leave behind will be crushed... and you will be the cause of their grief...
I always remind myself of the possibility of reincarnation... and figure... well... if I were to do that... "they" would just make me come back and face the same type of trials again in order to learn the lesson I'm supposed to be learning... and next time it might be even harder...
Why do I know how you are feeling?
My daughter... 29 in October... won't speak to me... for the past 4 years... and has told me she never will and I won't ever be a part of her life or that of my two beautiful grandchildren... one of which I saw get born... the other I've never met... and I honestly can say... that I am still in the dark as to why or how everything could be good one week (she would call me 3-5 times a week to help with the first grandbaby... tell me what a wonderful mother I was... that she wanted me in the delivery room with her for the second baby... etc... (when this happened... she and I had had MAYBE 2 times where we actually raised our voices to one another)... she called me her best friend... then two weeks later (after visiting/evacuating from a hurricane to her father's home... I was told what a horrible mother I had been and she wouldn't 'subject' her children to me... as I said... it's now been 4 years... and though I can get through most days... there are those that I just weep... and feel helpless and hopeless... but I know... and sometimes I have to dig deep to remember it... (when I'm in one of those terrible funks)... that nothing is hopeless... and that everything works out as it should...
"Everyday Grace"... by Marianne Williamson... find it... I listen to it sometimes twice a day... and at the very least... once or twice a week... it helps me through those deep and vicious dark places...
I hope this helps... I am praying for you...
Marie
I don't really understand why your daughter would do that, it doesn't make any sense to me.
I've thought about that before. When I'm at my lowest I am thinking I won't really be missed. Sure, there may be a couple of people that might get upset but they will get over it. When I'm at my lowest I believe they would be better off after I'm gone; again with reasons explaining why. But then I've been told outright by parent why I'm worse compared to everyone else, and they want me gone. What's wrong with me? I try not to be a bad person... who have I hurt? No one I can think of. I'm just a bad person whatever I do I should just be put down. I just don't deserve to live anymore. People shouldn't even have to look at me I'm so degusting.Quote:
Originally Posted by marie1973
I know exactly how you feel. I have tried to commit suicide, it was a horrible experience, ended up in the hospital with doctors trying to shove tubes down my throat. 5150'd psych ward, the whole bit. I look back on that now and it scares me. What if I had succeeded? I wouldn't have gotten sober, never would have been able to hold my babies in my arms, never would have gotten married to my husband, what I'm trying to say is that I would've missed out on a wonderful thing- life. Get some help- in the mean time we care about you. Talk to us we're here for you :)
Okay, that explains a lot. How old are you? When we're young, we look up to our parents no matter what they do or what they say. Many times, our feelings can reflect the things we hear. This is especially the case when it comes to how we see ourselves. It's a hard puzzle to solve. On the one hand, you can internalize the negative things that have been said. If you actually start to believe those things, it can feel like those words are almost powerful enough to crush you.Quote:
Originally Posted by DMA
On the other hand, you have to remember that the only person who can decide who you are is YOU. Many people come from situations that aren't ideal. We don't get to pick our families or where we come from, and sometimes, especially because until we're well into adulthood and independent lives our families create our image of the world, it can be a rough road. But you can't ever, ever, ever let yourself be consumed by those derogatory remarks.
The more you get back on your feet, the more opportunities you'll create for yourself, and the more you'll become independent. You need to believe in yourself from the beginning. You said that you don't believe in God. I think that people who do find something to believe in have an easier time with faith in the world. But what's most important for your situation, no matter what, is that you believe in YOU. You have to believe in all the goodness there is in this world, and you have to go after it. It's out there every single minute of every single day, and it's waiting for you to see it.
There's a children's story/CD/movie called "The Point" by Harry Nilsson. The rock man asks the main character, named oblio, "did ya ever see paris?" oblio says no. the rock man asks, "did ya ever see new delhi?" oblio says no. the rock man answers, "well, that's just it. ya see whatcha wanna see, and ya hear what ya wanna hear. ya dig?" so if you're letting the bad things in, they'll try to live inside you. But if you shut them out, and if you let the good things shine in, your life will become a whole lot brighter. There's no reason to think about giving up, EVER.
Hi DMA, seems like you are having your moments and it is good to see everyone is doing their part to help you stay on your feet. Remember you have to try really hard to filter out the negative. It is not easy... in fact it is very hard to do. I will be signing off for a while because I too am now dealing with some emotional stuff:( . I have to find a way to help myself and be in good health before I can think of assisting someone else:( .
DMA, you hang in there and remember "Success is the greatest revenge" Have a good week! :D
"Remember you have to try really hard to filter out the negative." This is great advice. ALL of us have to do this everyday to keep healthy. "Success is the greatest revenge." It's TRUE!Quote:
Originally Posted by BigS
BigS, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time, too. You've been so wonderful, and I really hope things turn around quickly for you. Your great attitude will do a lot to help you. I wish you well!
I am 21. It is true I believe things that have been said to me. It's very difficult to remember that many specific experiences, I guess I have just tried to forget about them. But they have shaped myself image I'm sure.
Is it ever too late? Is it possible to have a life that cannot be salvaged and should be written off?
I need to believe in myself. I clearly do not. Where does that leave me? Just hating myself. You are all too kind to me. If I am a bad person, you should be not trying to help me and you should be telling me to kill myself. If I am not a bad person, why do I find myself in such a bad way? If I am treated badly and other people are not, then clearly there is something wrong with me.
There is such a thing as becoming a serial victim. Sometimes people actually draw these things into their lives and they never realize that's what's happening.
You need to be compassionate to yourself, but that doesn't mean throwing pity parties.
Is it ever too late? At 21? No, and I don't think you believe it's too late either. Do you know anything about nelson mandela? He was locked in a tiny cement prison cell in south africa for 27 years. After he got out, he managed to become president of the country, break apartheid, and become a symbol of dignity and peace around the world. You haven't even been on this planet for 27 years. Can you imagine what that must have been like? He certainly didn't give up.
I just saw a documentary on a 27 year old paraplegic who changed his whole life to find more happiness in it. He can only blink his eyes and move one finger a fraction of an inch. HE'S not giving up hope.
And YOU have the whole world in front of you.
What defines a bad person? Do you intentionally hurt other people? Do you lie, cheat, steal, manipulate? If you don't, chances are you're not a bad person. If you do, stop doing it!
I certainly can't make you like yourself. No one other than you can!! You have a lot of wisdom in your hands. You have to CHOOSE to use it. YOU have to change your consciousness. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. Suicide is not an option. Now start thinking about things you CAN do.
It is never too late... every day is new... with no mistakes in it... and your day to begin again... be gentle with yourself... surround yourself with people who are positive... and support you...
When you were little... what did you want to be when you grew up? Go from there and try to figure out a path for yourself... and take it a day at a time...
No I don't hurt anyone. I don't lie, cheat or steal. I sure don't manipulate. Although some manipulation I would just call social skills. But I don't have those anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by linnealand
I'm feeling much more positive now. But I cut my arm up today. So many times all down my arm. I've never done that before. I think people are going to see it tomorrow (not family). It will be interesting to see their reaction. I expect 99% of people will not say anything and pretend not to have seen it.
After I cut my arm up, I overdosed on sleeping meds. I got some stronger ones from the doctor too. But it's how I need to get to sleep now it feels good today. Going to take some more in a minute to get to sleep for the night.
I'm also feeling a lot better about killing myself. I was thinking how I can help people and since I don't need to be alive anymore I was thinking my spare organs can be given to people who need them to live. Such as lungs, kidneys, heart, etc. to people who really need them. They should be able to make better use of them than me :)
Hi again DMA, it is amazing the power of negative thoughts. 20 compliments can be overshadowed by 1 negative saying or thought. Please explain to me why you are not allowing your medication for depression to work; and if it is making you feel more suicidal then you should inform your doctor so something different can be prescribed for you. DMA please explain to me why are you taking more than the prescribed amount of medication.
As for donating organs well they will need organs they can use, if you overdose on drugs then you might have damage them and they might not be useful enough for someone else. Oh yes, explain to me why you a child of God is less important than the rest of the world? Why not use all the talents you have now that you are alive to help others.
Volunteering is amazing, you feel good when you help others and realize that you are not the only one with problems. We all have problems and issues, it is how we deal with them that matters most. Does that mean you will never have problems when you get older... certainly not but you will learn how to deal with the speed bumps in the road that life has to offer you?
DMA you need more help than just medication. They are supposed to assist in your treatment and you should be in some group or “one on one” care where you can discuss your problems.
I too am going through some stuff but I wanted to check and see how you are progressing. I hope I am not too confusing. I will check back to see if you have answered any of my questions.
If you ever listen to country you should listen to Brad Paisley; he has a song "If I wrote a letter to me". It talks about growing up.
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