Ask Me Help Desk - Confused over comment from partner

What type of work did you do before this new job?

What did you do after high school?

Is this girlfriend of 7 years the same one you thought was playing you?

What kind of social life do you have?

How old are you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

What type of work did you do before this new job?

What did you do after high school?

Is this girlfriend of 7 years the same one you thought was playing you?

What kind of social life do you have?

How old are you?

Worked before in a call centre

After high school went to uni

Yes same girlfriend

Social life list touch with original circle of friends from school(no fall out) now I am friendly with other guys I spend some time with when out to play pool or have a beer

Age in 30s

Is it possible you are stressing a new job, and hiding your fear of failure behind the concerns over your girlfriends comments about your face?

Are you experiencing any money issues?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Is it possible you are stressing a new job, and hiding your fear of failure behind the concerns over your girlfriends comments about your face?

Are you experiencing any money issues?

I am stressed about the new job frightened that I do not like it as it's a completely different environment. I haven't hid my fear though I have expressed my worries to friends and partner.

No money issue although new job will be a reduction in pay at first which is a concern

Yeah. I goofed. I used the word "either" instead of "enough." My bad, had a busy 18 hour shift last night and made a quick post before I closed my eyes to sleep.

Scott, as we grow older we get bigger, we become hairless, we get wrinkles... You get my point. It happens and we are powerless to stop the aging process. We can either embrace it, join the hair club for men (in my case hair club for women), or crawl under a rock and whither away.

Let me tell you a story I have told very few people.

I am a woman. I was bald at the age of 33 due to chemotherapy. I didn't wear a wig, hat, or scarf. I paraded my baldness proudly! He11, I was beating that old demon cancer and was proud of it. I lost my breasts AND my hair, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. My family and friends supported me.

One Sunday I took my 4 year old daughter to the grocery store. In the parking lot I was laughed at by 2 adult men. They laughed and made comments loud enough for others in the parking lot to take notice. I was so embarrassed! I got my girl in the car and drove home crying. After about an hour of self-pity, I realized that these men meant nothing to me. They did know my struggles and what I had to overcome. They were immature idiots. I now have very thin hair, you can see my scalp. Do I care what others think of me? No.

The moral of the story is that it doesn't matter how other people perceive you. The only thing that matters is how you perceive yourself. Are you proud of the man you are inside? Looks don't count. Are you a good person? Are you proud of your accomplishments?

Looks fade. Beauty is superficial. Some believe they are judged on how they look. Are they "put together," do they "dress to the nines," etc. You get my point. Some of those people are the most hideous people because of their actions and treatment toward others. True beauty, as silly as it sounds, comes from within you.

The first thing you need to learn is to stop giving these high school people (what, at least 12 years ago) power. They have no power over you. That was in the past, it should stay in the past. Stop using it as en excuse. I've known a boy who was abandoned by his mother in a park at 10 years of age. He became an upstanding member of society who didn't use the faults of others as his excuse for not moving forward.

You have to stop giving words so much power over you and focus on how others treat you.

In my personal experience, I've had plenty but that's another story, CBT is not at all effective for people like you. You need talk therapy. CBT isn't going to help you with your feelings and interpretation. Rather than confronting your fears and learning to work through them, CBT is more like training Pavlov's dogs. It works better for OCD than it does for clinical depression and/or anxiety.

Morning guy, yeah more questions. Just wanted to know about your families in general and if you have siblings and cousins?

I have to agree with J's point about having someone to talk to which is why most people have best friends to run things by. Often those feeling get magnified and blown out of proportion when they have no OUTLETS, or we have no way to stay grounded in reality.

Partners are great, but a trusted friend is also GREAT to have. I get the impression that you may be too isolated socially, and need more than an occasional beer with an old bud to have that sufficient outlet to see and deal with those feelings and issues that get you stuck and distracted.

I also know for FACT the medication you are taking, even in low doses should NEVER be mixed with alcohol, not even 1 social beer, or wine. You mentioned uni, so just curious of your area of study. I take it you are not in the states (USA).

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Yeah. I goofed. I used the word "either" instead of "enough." My bad, had a busy 18 hour shift last night and made a quick post before I closed my eyes to sleep.

Scott, as we grow older we get bigger, we become hairless, we get wrinkles... You get my point. It happens and we are powerless to stop the aging process. We can either embrace it, join the hair club for men (in my case hair club for women), or crawl under a rock and whither away.

Let me tell you a story I have told very few people.

I am a woman. I was bald at the age of 33 due to chemotherapy. I didn't wear a wig, hat, or scarf. I paraded my baldness proudly! He11, I was beating that old demon cancer and was proud of it. I lost my breasts AND my hair, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. My family and friends supported me.

One Sunday I took my 4 year old daughter to the grocery store. In the parking lot I was laughed at by 2 adult men. They laughed and made comments loud enough for others in the parking lot to take notice. I was so embarrassed! I got my girl in the car and drove home crying. After about an hour of self-pity, I realized that these men meant nothing to me. They did know my struggles and what I had to overcome. They were immature idiots. I now have very thin hair, you can see my scalp. Do I care what others think of me? No.

The moral of the story is that it doesn't matter how other people perceive you. The only thing that matters is how you perceive yourself. Are you proud of the man you are inside? Looks don't count. Are you a good person? Are you proud of your accomplishments?

Looks fade. Beauty is superficial. Some believe they are judged on how they look. Are they "put together," do they "dress to the nines," etc. You get my point. Some of those people are the most hideous people because of their actions and treatment toward others. True beauty, as silly as it sounds, comes from within you.

The first thing you need to learn is to stop giving these high school people (what, at least 12 years ago) power. They have no power over you. That was in the past, it should stay in the past. Stop using it as en excuse. I've known a boy who was abandoned by his mother in a park at 10 years of age. He became an upstanding member of society who didn't use the faults of others as his excuse for not moving forward.

You have to stop giving words so much power over you and focus on how others treat you.

In my personal experience, I've had plenty but that's another story, CBT is not at all effective for people like you. You need talk therapy. CBT isn't going to help you with your feelings and interpretation. Rather than confronting your fears and learning to work through them, CBT is more like training Pavlov's dogs. It works better for OCD than it does for clinical depression and/or anxiety.

I did the talking therapy and yes it helped but as I finished that they then put me onto CBT it's basically evidence for vs evidence against , I don't think about those times at school when I feel or act as I do... it's automatic probably instilled in my subconscious

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Morning guy, yeah more questions. Just wanted to know about your families in general and if you have siblings and cousins?

I have to agree with J's point about having someone to talk to which is why most people have best friends to run things by. Often those feeling get magnified and blown out of proportion when they have no OUTLETS, or we have no way to stay grounded in reality.

Partners are great, but a trusted friend is also GREAT to have. I get the impression that you may be too isolated socially, and need more than an occasional beer with an old bud to have that sufficient outlet to see and deal with those feelings and issues that get you stuck and distracted.

I also know for FACT the medication you are taking, even in low doses should NEVER be mixed with alcohol, not even 1 social beer, or wine. You mentioned uni, so just curious of your area of study. I take it you are not in the states (USA).

I do have trusted friends but talking to another guy about my looks isn't a comfortable conversation to have it's embarrassing... I rarely drink but the other weekend me and my partner were out with friends and one of the guys bough me a strong whiskey I knew it was too strong but felt I would insult him if I rejected it... university was long ago my biggest regret was even going