The more you focus on the negative the more you attract that to you. If you start saying better things, focusing on more positive things then maybe things will slowly change for the better. That is up to you to do, no one can change the way you think about yourself or you're life. Hoping that one day you will learn to change the way you think and the way you respond, that you will turn things around. It takes effort. Time. No one can hand you everything you want. You need to work for it, part of life. Trials come and go, it is what you learn from them that is important.