So you definitely feel better being around people, even if you're not friends with them? Much better than being by yourself?

Are you a religious person? Have you ever gone to church, temple, etc. etc.

I guess so.

As for religion, I don't know. I want to be yet I stay away from religion because it also depresses me because when I do something wrong I feel as though I'm going to end up in hell. The church I attend I do not like.

May I ask which religion you belong to?

And, also, can I get a thermometer check?

6.5

And I would rather not mention my religion. I believe I am agnostic.

Ok. Good number. I'll take .5 :)

How long have you been dealing with the fear and anxiety?

Since I started middle school. I was always a worrywart child, but it got worse in middle school. And my senior year of high school.

Were your worries always around living up to your family's expectations?

For the most part. Others had to do with fitting in... I think my mother's depression also played a factor back then. It doesn't now since I realize there is nothing I can do to help her even though I've tried.

The first thing that helped me with my fears and anxiety was identifying it didn't mean I was a broken, useless person. I realized it was hereditary, but undiagnosed in my family. In fact, it wasn't until I finally started going to counseling that I was able to eventually identify those in my family that suffered from the same depression, and today, at least one of them has decided to get treatment for it.

Do you realize that you are not a broken or defective person?

No.

I believe that a lot of the bad things that happen in life is due to my own fault and shyness. Others I know is because of things I cannot control, but I cannot help feeling angry at myself for not being able to control the aspects of my life that I can control... :( Even if I do, I end up making a mistake which just further hurts my self-esteem.

Yes, things are happening because of your shyness and fear.

But, do you realize that you are not shy nor do you have fear because you are defective?

You are not defective. I'm not defective.

If your family has a history of high blood pressure, and you get it, even if you eat right and exercise, are you defective as a human being?

Then why do I keep making so many mistakes?

Um... no? Since it's not really my fault in that situation

There are many reasons for making mistakes.

Some we make because we are learning something new. For you, that would be how to be a young, independent adult.

Some mistakes are made because we don't see why we act the way we do and we repeat them over and over.

Other mistakes are made because we feel like we can never change, never be better, and so there is no use in trying.

Do any of those sound familiar to you?

All three.

But it's the last one I'm struggling with. I know what I'm doing wrong, I just don't know how or whether I can fix it.

Ok, you agree it's not your fault if hypothetically you got high blood pressure handed down to you, so what if you got this problem with anxiety passed down to you? Your mother is depressed, and you prove you are not defective by being able to see she is depressed and wanting to help her.

That is amazing to me. I needed to go to see a counselor before I could see the truth about my family, and you realize by yourself.

So, I have a problem with my brain chemistry. So do other members of my family. Some chose to deal with it by using alcohol and other addictions, I chose to get help and take medication when necessary and learned how to live with it. Just like you would with high blood pressure.

But then that brings me back to square one, of not being able to get the help I need, in case I do need medications. Which is why I feel hopeless. I feel very hopeless. I've tried to "cure" myself without medicine but I really want to know if they would help me and I don't have that option because of my parents :(