asking: thank you! It means a lot to hear that. I hope so to and in a way I did feel it was the right decision.

mcrunner: I totally get that you second guess other people. I do to. I think its pretty normal. Hehe (understatement) I'm even scared to walk home from the bus. I live in a city and around this time of year it starts getting dark around 3.30 pm and I'm done at work at 4.30. I take a longer route as well, so that I can avoid dark areas that are kind of deserted.

I've been thinking about the identity loss... it isn't all that strange. At first I was like HEY what on earth is happening to me. But one second you can be completely sure of yourself and know what you like, who you trust and who you are... and then its as if a rug has been pulled from underneath you and its all gone.

I still have a core of people around me though that I trust and who love me and support me and the people who have been less supportive or show signs of making me uncomfortable: they have to go. For example a couple of weeks a go a guy I know kept asking if I would make out with him and it made me feel incredibly uncomfertable... and now I really want nothing to do with him. Of course he doesn't know about the thing this summer. But still... he didn't respect my boundries...

This is not necessary a rape case... it is more a case of power abuse!
You are only 20 years old, he is much older than you, so he took advantage of you!

This is a nasty way to learn not to drink alcohol(a lot... or with people you do not know well), consume drogs or any other substances that could make you do things you don't want to do...

Anyway, this kind of things make me furios... my sister had a similar experience with someone I trusted at that moment! It happened right in front of me... I still blame myself for not noticed at the right time!

Trust me: this is not your fault only if you learn something from this and if you teach others how to stay away from situations like this!
Good luck, mcrunner!

asking: I'm glad my post could help! :)