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-   -   I can't go on like this anymore (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=722302)

  • Dec 13, 2012, 04:51 PM
    Wondergirl
    from wrongplanet --

    1. "I recomend you dont and if you really want help go straight to a psychiatrist in your own time. Ive been in the psych ward twice (involuntary) and seen many people join in voluntary and then get baker acted for no reason. They then have to stay for an extra 72 hours minimum plus the 24 previous. Trust me you do not want to be in a psych ward, it is no real help and likely will only cause extra problems in your future."

    2. "That depends on your goals. You are dehumanized. Remember, you presented yourself as unable to function outside of their environment. You are not considered to be in full control of yourself.

    3. "Sometimes I wanted to be able to get away, but mental hospitals are not the best places. Unless you believe yourself to be a risk, carefully consider the committal."

    4. "I was involuntarily committed once as a minor. My other time in such a hospital was more of a voluntary thing.

    My outpatient shrink who I was seeing regularly and I thought of it. He arranged an appt with a nurse who asked a number of questions and I sort of straddled the line in describing how depressed and hopeless I was but it was enough for her to recommend a stay. As for my experience there as an adult, it was absolutely benign but maybe as pointless as anything I've ever done. I re-introduced myself into routine of showering everyday and eating and sleeping properly but really no hope of getting any value out of it. It felt like a place where people are churned out, come in full of despair and get revitalized back out into the world. My disposition didn't really change the whole time and people probably mistook my introversion for something more negative. If the cost of my insurance covering the stay didn't get passed on to society I'd say meh, but that's a decision I sort of wish I didn't make.

    Everyone's different but I'm not sure why to do this except as a last resort. Will say if the real world were half as orderly as it is inside such a place I'd be coping better."

    5. "In many places they will not allow you to stay in your room; you have to be out and with people all the time. If you stay in your room, they may assume you are isolating yourself and keep you hospitalized until you can force yourself to stay with everybody else all day every day for several days.

    There's very little reason to go to a psych ward other than being suicidal or psychotic and wanting not to end up dead or injured. You do not receive therapy that's any better than what you can get outside; and you'll almost certainly be heavily medicated. In fact, in many places you do not get individual therapy at all.

    If you are in danger of losing your life or doing something exceedingly stupid or dangerous because your brain is running away with you, then yes, check yourself in. But if you are not in that situation, then you will not get any better being in a psych ward. The primary benefit of a psych ward is that you are less likely to be able to kill yourself there. All they do is basically stabilize you and send you home. You cannot do long-term learning in a psych ward because you have to do that in the real world.

    If you want help, you should find a normal therapist. It's a very incorrect idea that because institutionalization is more intensive, it will help you more. In fact, it will probably help you less. Being in your own home, in your own environment that you can control, facing the real problems of everyday life, you will be much more comfortable than staying in a place where you have no privacy, where people treat you in a very condescending manner.

    I thought the first time I went inpatient that they would help me, because going IP meant getting serious about getting better. I was sorely disappointed. All they will do is medicate you and check on you very often to make sure that you don't kill yourself."

    and more on How to voluntarily commit oneself to a psychiatric hospital? - General Autism Discussion
  • Dec 13, 2012, 06:35 PM
    Raiderman
    I agree. I imagine I would start thinking of myself as a mental patient and that would feel worse. Even if the outside world didn't stigmatize me it would be like stigmatizing myself. But I think I need something more intensive than an hour a week of therapy.
  • Dec 13, 2012, 06:45 PM
    Wondergirl
    Do two hours a week -- twice a week for an hour. And go to someone like me with a master's.

    You can even go for a third hour to a group. :)
  • Dec 13, 2012, 07:04 PM
    Raiderman
    I'll give that a try. Thanks for the encouragement. When you had that patient like me, what kind of homework did you give him?
  • Dec 13, 2012, 07:05 PM
    Wondergirl
    He decided on his own homework assignments each week and then reported back to me how they went.
  • Dec 13, 2012, 07:20 PM
    Raiderman
    Sound like a dream patient. It's like he was his own therapist. I would not be able to do that. I would have to be told what to do.
  • Dec 13, 2012, 07:38 PM
    Wondergirl
    He was not a dream client! And you would do as well or better. Look how well we have been doing here!

    He did not want to make choices about his life. I forced him into it. :)
  • Dec 13, 2012, 07:45 PM
    Raiderman
    How can you force someone to make choices? What kind of force can you use? It's too bad you're not here. I need someone who has that power.
  • Dec 13, 2012, 07:49 PM
    Wondergirl
    "Force" was a bit heavy -- I asked questions, asked him to consider choices which we talked about, and then he decided which one to try. Each week he made choices like that, and then, after reviewing his success or failures the previous week, reassessed those choices, and then revised with different choices or tweaked choices for the next attempt.
  • Dec 13, 2012, 07:53 PM
    Raiderman
    OK. That sounds reasonable. Can you give me an example of a choice (I assume you mean homework assignment) and how it worked out. I'm particularly interested in successful ones that I may consider.
  • Dec 13, 2012, 08:06 PM
    Wondergirl
    He knew he had to be more social and get out of his house and away from his beloved cat Snoopy. Before coming to me, he had joined (paid money!) to join a singles group that had weekly dances on Saturday night plus mingling and refreshments. He had never gone, so his first assignment for himself, he told me, would be to go to the next single group get-together. We discussed what he might find there, what he would possibly do (dance? Eat? Talk to someone? What would he say?). He would report back to me at our next session
  • Dec 13, 2012, 08:20 PM
    Wondergirl
    Before he went to his social group the first time, we talked about what he would wear, about his cologne even, what streets he would take, and talked our way to the singles meeting place with parking and walking into the place. We talked about his choices once he was there. We roleplayed meeting other singles and the conversations that might occur (where do you work? Where do you live? Do you like your job? etc.) He needed to learn how to be a good listener (was too much inside himself and worried about his performance), so we worked on that. We worked on facial expressions and body language. And so on.
  • Dec 13, 2012, 08:20 PM
    Raiderman
    I did something similar. I went to a meetup at a restaurant. I was motivated to go out of curiosity - just wanted to see who goes to these things. Turns out it's people who probably have more social anxiety than I do. It went OK as far as it goes. Talked to people a bit. It seemed once my curiosity was satisfied I no longer had the desire to go. That was in Oct. may possibly to to another one at a bar near me on Xmas eve. Don't have any family to go to anyway.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 01:10 PM
    Raiderman
    There is do much talk about AS now because they same the Connecticut shooter had it. I asked my psychologist and he said I definitely don't have it.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 01:13 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    There is do much talk about AS now because they same the Connecticut shooter had it. I asked my psychologist and he said I definitely don't have it.

    Authorities are not saying the shooter had AS. He may have been on the autism spectrum, though. AS is high-functioning. He was not that.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 01:24 PM
    Raiderman
    He was high functioning in terms of intelligence and he never caused any problems before. He must have had comorbid conditions. I wonder if he was bullied in school and that was why he had a grudge. I was bullied in school but that was in junior high, not elementary school.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 01:33 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    He was high functioning in terms of intelligence and he never caused any problems before.

    That's not true, not from what I have been reading. Yes, he was very intelligent, it is being said, but there were problems with him at school. His shop teacher has spoken up, Adam had eventually been homeschooled, and a fairly dark picture is emerging. And we don't know if he had a grudge.

    There was a mental illness that had nothing to do with autism, was apart from it even if he had been autistic.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 02:31 PM
    Raiderman
    I know he was home schooled. But all they mentioned was shyness and social akwardness. No one mentioned any thing else. There must have been more but we don't know about.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 02:34 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    I know he was home schooled. But all they mentioned was shyness and social akwardness. No one mentioned any thing else. There must have been more but we don't know about.

    His high school shop teacher, school bus driver, and some former classmates gave a bit of information. I am awaiting a profile from the authorities.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 02:49 PM
    Raiderman
    I heard the same. The dad and brother must know more. Getting back to myself, I trust my psychologist's assessment. I definitely think I have an anxiety disorder that is hard to specify. Probably social, agoraphobia, and some OCD. I do have some fear of traveling alone and tend to overly worry and ruminate. I may try one more drug. None of the SSRI 's have done anything but my doc mentioned Cymbalta. I never stay on drugs long though. I get discouraged easily and nervous about sude effects.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 02:52 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    I never stay on drugs long though. I get discouraged easily and nervous about sude effects.

    It takes at least six weeks for many of them to kick in and begin to work. Give it a chance and don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.

    Did I ask you to write something for our site blog?
  • Dec 16, 2012, 02:57 PM
    Raiderman
    I never make it to 6 weeks. If I don't feel any improvement before that I give up. I know I shouldn't but anxiety will do that. You mentioned the blog but I don't know what to write about.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:06 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    I never make it to 6 weeks. If I don't feel any improvement before that I give up. I know I shouldn't but anxiety will do that. You mentioned the blog but I don't know what to write about.

    Well, then you are shooting yourself in the foot if you don't give the drugs a chance.

    From my post on the Blog --

    My first kiss
    The house of my dreams
    My worst vacation ever
    If I were invisible
    My earliest memory
    What I wanted to be when I grew up -- and {thirty?} years later
    The best gift I ever received
    If I could go back in time
    The best advice my mother (or father) gave me
    If I could be an animal
    What three things would I take with me if I knew I would be stranded on an island for a year
    The most important thing I learned in school
    The hardest part of being a kid
    If I could talk to an animal, which one and what would we talk about

    200-800 or so words. PM the essay to me or post it on this board which I oversee. I will approve your essay and post it.


    Go for it -- or be inspired to write one of your own choosing. Write about your psychiatrist or your dog or your favorite teacher.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:11 PM
    Raiderman
    OK. I'll try
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:21 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    OK. I'll try

    No, you will NOT "try." You will produce. I'll be waiting and counting on you. By midnight tonight?
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:25 PM
    Raiderman
    Maybe.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:26 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    Maybe.

    Don't make me stand up and come over to where you are.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:39 PM
    Raiderman
    You're tough but that's what I need. If you were here I would use you as my therapist. People who are nice are just enabling me to avoid life. Maybe that's what I should write about?
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:44 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    You're tough but that's what I need. If you were here I would use you as my therapist. People who are nice are just enabling me to avoid life. Maybe that's what I should write about?

    Sounds good to me!

    (Stick with me and we will get you off your butt to make some changes in your life.)
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:49 PM
    Raiderman
    I think everyone feels sorry for me so that don't want to push me for fear that I'll snap. I think snapping has to be less painful than trying
  • Dec 16, 2012, 03:51 PM
    Raiderman
    To avoid snapping. No one pushes me and I feel too weak to push myself.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 04:10 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    to avoid snapping. No one pushes me and I feel too weak to push myself.

    I'll push you. :D
  • Dec 16, 2012, 04:38 PM
    Raiderman
    How is this?

    What does normal feel like?

    I ask myself that a lot. I often think I would like to feel normal for 5 minutes just so I can see what that feels like. What does that really mean? The norm is just like a statistical average. It doesn't imply anything good. The normal IQ is between 90 and 110 so an IQ of over 110 is statistically "abnormal". Psychologist rather use the term "maladaptive". If a thought or behavior inhibits your ability to adapt to your environment then it needs to change or life becomes a struggle.

    I've been struggling for as long as I can rememberer because of maladaptive thoughts and behavior. I have feelings of inferiority and though I'm not antisocial, approach anxiety prevents me from reaching out and connecting to people. I know this must change and I'm glad I found this site because there is someone who will push me to change. It's all about confronting your fears, challenging those thought in your head that hold you down, and coming out if the shadow and feeling the light. One day I hope to look back and realize I was normal all along and just didn't realize it. As Pogo said, "I met the enemy and he is us".
  • Dec 16, 2012, 04:42 PM
    Wondergirl
    Good job! I will post it on the blog, okay?
  • Dec 16, 2012, 04:47 PM
    Raiderman
    Sure
  • Dec 16, 2012, 04:49 PM
    Wondergirl
    It's on now. I made a few plurals, but otherwise it's good to go. Any ideas for graphics/pictures?
  • Dec 16, 2012, 05:02 PM
    Raiderman
    Maybe Google sun images since I mention going into the light. Just make sure the image isn't copyrighted. Generally they are not. And thanks for becoming my online therapist . Online therapy seems the wave of the future.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 05:08 PM
    Raiderman
    There is one typo. It's says "out if" instead of "out of" in the 3rd from last line. And the fact that I noticed this does not mean I have AS. I have it on good authority.
  • Dec 16, 2012, 05:10 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Raiderman View Post
    There is one typo. It's says "out if" instead of "out of" in the 3rd from last line. And the fact that I noticed this does not mean I have AS. I have it on good authority.

    I even added a few commas and I missed THAT? (I'm the site editor... )
  • Jan 1, 2013, 01:05 PM
    Raiderman
    Happy new year. Let's hope it's a good one.

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