So you definitely feel better being around people, even if you're not friends with them? Much better than being by yourself?

Are you a religious person? Have you ever gone to church, temple, etc. etc.

I guess so.

As for religion, I don't know. I want to be yet I stay away from religion because it also depresses me because when I do something wrong I feel as though I'm going to end up in hell. The church I attend I do not like.

May I ask which religion you belong to?

And, also, can I get a thermometer check?

6.5

And I would rather not mention my religion. I believe I am agnostic.

Ok. Good number. I'll take .5 :)

How long have you been dealing with the fear and anxiety?

Since I started middle school. I was always a worrywart child, but it got worse in middle school. And my senior year of high school.

Were your worries always around living up to your family's expectations?

For the most part. Others had to do with fitting in... I think my mother's depression also played a factor back then. It doesn't now since I realize there is nothing I can do to help her even though I've tried.

The first thing that helped me with my fears and anxiety was identifying it didn't mean I was a broken, useless person. I realized it was hereditary, but undiagnosed in my family. In fact, it wasn't until I finally started going to counseling that I was able to eventually identify those in my family that suffered from the same depression, and today, at least one of them has decided to get treatment for it.

Do you realize that you are not a broken or defective person?

No.

I believe that a lot of the bad things that happen in life is due to my own fault and shyness. Others I know is because of things I cannot control, but I cannot help feeling angry at myself for not being able to control the aspects of my life that I can control... :( Even if I do, I end up making a mistake which just further hurts my self-esteem.

Yes, things are happening because of your shyness and fear.

But, do you realize that you are not shy nor do you have fear because you are defective?

You are not defective. I'm not defective.

If your family has a history of high blood pressure, and you get it, even if you eat right and exercise, are you defective as a human being?

Then why do I keep making so many mistakes?

Um... no? Since it's not really my fault in that situation

There are many reasons for making mistakes.

Some we make because we are learning something new. For you, that would be how to be a young, independent adult.

Some mistakes are made because we don't see why we act the way we do and we repeat them over and over.

Other mistakes are made because we feel like we can never change, never be better, and so there is no use in trying.

Do any of those sound familiar to you?

All three.

But it's the last one I'm struggling with. I know what I'm doing wrong, I just don't know how or whether I can fix it.

Ok, you agree it's not your fault if hypothetically you got high blood pressure handed down to you, so what if you got this problem with anxiety passed down to you? Your mother is depressed, and you prove you are not defective by being able to see she is depressed and wanting to help her.

That is amazing to me. I needed to go to see a counselor before I could see the truth about my family, and you realize by yourself.

So, I have a problem with my brain chemistry. So do other members of my family. Some chose to deal with it by using alcohol and other addictions, I chose to get help and take medication when necessary and learned how to live with it. Just like you would with high blood pressure.

But then that brings me back to square one, of not being able to get the help I need, in case I do need medications. Which is why I feel hopeless. I feel very hopeless. I've tried to "cure" myself without medicine but I really want to know if they would help me and I don't have that option because of my parents :(

First, thermometer check.

I have hoped for a year that things would get better. But I realize they are getting worse. I feel that I need a counselor to guide me through my shyness and fears, and medications for my overwhelming anxiety. I will never get the help I need because my parents just don't understand. Because medicine didn't work for my mother, I guess they think it won't work for me, and they also say that these medicines have horrible side-effects of withdrawal once you stop taking them and other things. I don't know what to do. I have gone on like this for a year hoping, but now I'm losing that hope.

5.5

A whole Point Down? Wow. Getting better. :)

Let's review.

• You don't feel as hopeless as you did at the start of this post.
  
• You managed to get yourself to college - a fantastic achievement no defective person could accomplish.
  
• You've admitted that you feel better being around people, even if they are not your friends.
  
• You can admit it's possible that this is an organic problem, maybe even passed down through genes.

So, it sounds to me like you are a pretty cool person who cares a lot about others, wants to please, can achieve goals, is very self aware, very intelligent - you just need some assistance to get this little "fear gremlin" in check. Does that sound right to you?

Yes. I want to have the confidence that I can move on with my life and make connections with other people and make lasting relationships and do the things that other people my age are doing without all this sadness. I guess I want what any typical 18-19 year old wants. It's just that I get in my own way with all this fear and the high expectations I had of myself. I don't know sometimes whether it's OK to give up if I'm just not getting something in school.

You will become a wonderful, caring, successful person because of all of the wonderful traits I already mentioned:

Quote:

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a pretty cool person who cares a lot about others, wants to please, can achieve goals, is very self aware, very intelligent

---

You are very much ahead in the game of life. At my age, I have had experiences with lots and lots of people, and at your age, to be as self aware, intelligent and caring as you are, you are very special. All we have to do is get you the help you need without causing any unnecessary friction in your family.

And, I think you and I have pretty much proven why hurting yourself is not only not an option, but would be a BIG waste of a very special person, in my opinion, right?

How would I do that? And thank you for helping me. You've helped me get to a four (: I really am glad I finally opened up somehow. Even if it is anonymously on a website I just discovered. I feel some relief out of talking to someone.

I am glad to hear you are feeling better and all the way down to a four! Congratulations.

Not too long ago, I thought I was having a heart attack. I was sitting in a ER parking lot talking to one of my very good friends who just happens to also be my MD.

He was talking me down on my cell phone. He would periodically ask me to take my pulse.

He would talk to me about what was going on before I felt this way. He reassured me. And my pulse continued to go down. If it was a heart attack, my pulse wouldn't have gone down, pretty stupid in retrospect, but in the moment, that fear literally made me feel like my heart was going to pound out of my chest.

It's similar to what you are experiencing. You have to remember it's not real. The fear is not real. I was not having a heart attack, and you are not defective.

Now, from here I can give you general information on how to proceed, or I can give you more directed information based on your location. I would give you any method to contact me you feel comfortable with. Facebook; email, etc.

You tell me. General information, or do you want a way to tell me privately more direct information so I can help you get support confidentially?

Something general please. I have no accounts other than my email and I'd rather not give that out due to privacy issues.

OK.

I will give you an email address only I see in the event you ever change your mind. [email protected] (Yes, my username is my real name, and that is my real photo).

So. General information on counseling.

• This is a great service... this link will bring you to a college campus counseling search page. You enter your information, and it will give you details on where to find confidential help.
  
  
• From the same site, these are very useful coping mechanisms I was alluding to when I asked what activities you were engaged in when you feel like you're at a "1". I would suggest walking where there are lots of people as well as the suggestions on that page. Take deep breaths when you walk. Listen to your favorite playlist.
  
  
• This site is very helpful for those dealing with anxiety disorders. You can search for specialists here as well, but even more importantly, they have lots of helpful information about how to manage your anxieties.
  
  
• They also have lots and lots of personal stories, which you can also add in order to help others just starting to deal with this issue like yourself.
  
  
• If your "thermometer" ever gets above a '7' again, if it even crosses your mind, if you have not already established a relationship with a counselor who can help, I want you to contact:
  
  
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a national 24-hour toll-free suicide prevention and intervention telephone resource that provides immediate assistance to individuals in suicidal crisis by connecting them to the nearest available suicide prevention and mental health service provider.

Of course, you can come back here, use my email, whatever you need. Remember, you are not defective.

I hope this helps.
Cliff :)

p.s. there are counseling services, counselors and support groups that will help you for free up to a sliding scale based on income. Do not assume you will get no help because of the insurance, your parents or money issues. Attack this as if you just got a high blood pressure diagnosis and do everything in your power - without worrying about what you can't control - to make it better.

Can I get a final number before you go and defeat your anxiety gremlin?