PS. When I said hold out for the right counselor, I meant shop around in a serious way, as though you were picking a school to go to or a buying a car. Make it a serious decision. I did not mean to use "not liking therapists" as a reason not to do it!

Also, in every therapeutic relationship--like any intimate one--you eventually run into misunderstandings and possibly hurt feelings. It's important to be up front about that, to talk it out, rather than just stop going. So if you initially like someone and then they do something you don't like, TELL them and give them a chance to make it right. Of course, if they don't or their explanation seems lame and you give them more chances and eventually decide they are not a good person for you to be around, then find someone else.

But find someone to start working with on your isolation and self loathing.

Also, start making friends in real life. It will seem like work at first, but if you find someone you like, you'll start to look forward to seeing them and the next friend will be easier. I found a great friend when I answered an ad for a walking partner. I thought it would be just exercise once or twice a week, but we really hit it off and we've been friends for four years now.

I've been isolated too. You can do this.

No, I didn't mean my parents wouldn't help. They would be there for me in a second. It's just that my dad is often kind of depressed himself, and I don't need either of them sad over me. They already worry about me and have suggested I talk to someone in the past when most of the crap in my life was happening. I refused then though because I felt like they were implying I was crazy. That was before I even started cutting (age 12).

Also, anything I tell my mom goes to my dad and vice versa. Anything they know goes to the rest of the family usually. I don't want everyone thinking I'm insane or watching me extra close or worrying. My one cousin, who I never see anymore, always used to see right through me and know I wasn't okay (he was as there for me as I let him be). I don't want everyone in on my problems.

I used to have a lot of friends, but stuff happened and I didn't always fill them in because I'd rather deal on my own and I was, in some cases, embarrassed. Then I started egtting depressed, and they didn't get it. In middle school, you don't want to hang out with the girl who is often sad and quiet. I retained some close friends and stayed friendly aquaintances with the others. I think they thought I was melodramatic.

Overdosing is easier to do and hide than cutting, I have found. I will try to stop though. I've been trying. I may just flush the bottle, but it feels like a waste and weaker than outright resistance.

I don't want to subject anymore people to the mess I can be, and so I can never get close with people because that means letting them know I'm a little messed up. I don't try to invite people to my problems, and I don't really trust them to stick around either. I right people off as jerks a lot too-I'm not great with second chances.

It scares me that, even if I do get better, I'll still have to let people in on my past someday..

Still unsure of counselling.. if I could do it like this, online, maybe..

I'm scared, I took 21. I think I should puke, but it's hard to do quietly in a dorm. What do I do? If I flush the rest now and wait it out, will I survive? I'm such an idiot.



I really really don't want to throw up. Please help..

I wish I could give you a hug.

Look, I'm going to try to reason with you. If you keep taking more, you will make yourself dangerously sick and have to go the hospital. Someone will just find you on the floor and then they will call 911, your parents and everybody is going to know anyway. That's where this is leading.

On the other hand, if you call your mom right now and say, I really need your help, but I also really need to know that you will keep this between you and dad and not tell the whole family. Can I trust you to do that?" Then you are going to have some control over how this plays out.

I understand about being a sad teen. My mother was killed when I was 14 and my father was remote and depressed the whole time I was growing up, so it was like being orphaned. Life does get better. Give it a chance.

I'm going to look up tylenol overdosing now. Please stop.

I'm not going to take anymore, and I don't want to die. I can't believe I just did that. I just really don't want to throw up if I don't have to. I can handle feeling like crap, but I'm not ready to die. If I have to throw up, I will.


I'm looking into the free counselling. It can't be as scary as this.

You are closing in on enough to kill you. 20 pills killed a teenager a couple of years ago. (She took them for a migraine headache.) I don't know how big you are, but maybe 14 if you took them all at once will kill you. The dose will reach peak blood levels in a half hour to two hours.

I think you should call 911 right now.

Yeah. Throw them up if you can.

You can also call:
The Poison Help hotline 1-800-222-1222

I will hang out here and check in.

I just threw up. A lot. It wasn't that long ago I took them so... if I start feeling bad, I'll tell ym RA. Do you think that should be okay?

I'm 5'5 and 1/4 and weighed 121 a couple weeks ago. I think I probably lost a little weight though since then.

If I called poison, they could probably trace my number. I'm just scared I didn't throw up enough. This is so gross. Do you think I'll be okay?

I'm really relieved to hear you threw up! Thank you for telling me...

I don't know enough pharmacology to know if that's enough, but you sound pretty thin. I really think you should call the poison control number. They'll be able to advise you better.

Well, is there a campus clinic you can go to? Your life is frankly more important than your privacy.

Or call from a pay phone.

I don't want to bring professionals into this unless I have to. I'm afraid of what they'd do. I'm not looking to die. Maybe I was okay with it when I took them, but not two seconds after. I was just upset, and cutting didn't help.

I'm thinking mayeb I will try something semi harmless. Like group therapy for adjusting to college or something. Maybe, if that works, I can try something more personal.

There is a hospital, but I'm not sure exactly how to get there. Like I said, I'd rather not. I threw up maybe twenty minutes after I took them so.. I don't know. I took 14 and was okay, so seven more.. this is by far the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.

I'm glad you are ready to try counseling. But you really need to tell your parents that you need help and you really need to STOP taking tylenol.

Here's the article about the teen who died in 2003 from taking 20 of the same strength you just took (500 mg).

Teenager Dies from Acetaminophen Overdose

I'm really just concerned with not dying right now. My head feels maybe a little odd, but it could be paranoia and adrenaline too. I don't want to bring this to my RA unless I'm certain there is a problem. I don't need that on my record. I can't tell ym parents, they'd drive the full eight hours out here tonight. I'm not going to put them at risk or scare them if I don't have to. If I'm okay tonight and try counselling and get better, then maybe I will fill them in when I'm okay.

Okay. I do understand. Sorry for getting a little bossy. I was freaked. I hope you are okay. But I have no way to tell from here.

Part of growing up is learning that you can't take care of everything by yourself. There is a reason that humans are social animals. Sometimes you will need to ask for help when you really need it--like now. You need someone to hold you and get you to the doctor if that's what's needed, or just listen to you and be there if you are okay physically.

At other times in your life, you will be there when someone needs your help.

I don't know if I'm okay yet. I'm still scared. I wish I did have someone here with me to hold me, butI don't. And I won't until I get my crap together.

I feel like I'm hurting everyone, but they don't know I'm not right and that they should stay away. My parents, especially my dad, miss me so much. They keep calling and emailing, and it's just making me irritable with them because I want them to back off. I don't want them to see me like this. I hate it so much. Then I did this because this guy basically called me annoying. That was the gist of his meaning. I just feel so freaking alone. That's why I did it.

I've been there for others. Why can't they be there for me?

I'm convinced by what you say that they would be there if you let them. They must suspect that you are not doing well if they keep trying to contact you.

It's up to you to let your guard down. It seems to me that pride is keeping you from asking for the love and help you need and deserve.

Do you want to talk about what this jerk said to you?

I was just talking to him a lot because I feel so alone and I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to keep my mind off things. I could tell I was annoying him because he wasn't responding much, but I couldn't be alone. Eventually I asked him something (this was on an online game) and he said "I really just want to level my secondary" which basically means "shut the f*** up, now". So I left. And then I hurt myself.


My stomach kind of hurts, but it's probably because I made myself throw up so much, I didn't eat much today, and I'm still freaked out. I think I'm going to try to sleep. Thank you for being there for me when no one else was..

Um. I don't think going to sleep is such a great idea.

Lemons, dear. You are smart; you don't want to die; so please take some measures to make sure you are safe. Just ask your RA to check on you. Tell him you had a bad headache and you didn't realize the tylenol would make you sick--like it's an accident. But tell someone besides me that you have taken too much tylenol.

I somehow doubt your stomach hurts only because of the vomiting. I don't think you should go to sleep without more information. Ask the RA to call the poison control number and not give your name.

About the guy, it sounds like he has his own problems and was probably playing the game in order to not think about stuff. People can be selfish--especially with strangers.

Are you still awake?

I have class at 10am tomorrow. Considering my stomach is growling, I threw up maybe twenty minutes after the fact,a dn I'm pretty sure that I noticed tylenol in my vomit (sorry for the descriptor), I think I will be okay. He's going to know something is up and probably tell someone with more authority if I say anything. If I feel worse, I'll say something. It's been, I think, at least an hour since I did it. I think I'm okay.


He does have his own problems. He has many. That's probably why I trust him so much and why he can't be there for me.

I really am going to try to sleep now, so that's why I'm not responding, okay? Seriously, thank you so much. You don't know how much you have helped me tonight..

Goodnight! Sleep tight!

I was really glad to help. Thanks for thanking me. :)

My throat is sore from throwing up. I woke up cold, tired, and with my stomach hurting, so I skipped class. That was probably a bad idea, but I feel better now that I slept in. The stomach thing is most definitely due to me emptying myself of all I had. At any rate, I'm pretty sure I'm okay, physically, now.

You earned the praise.

Hi Lemons!

Glad you are feeling a bit better. Often sleep solves a multitude of problems.

But promise me you'll start the process today of looking for some form of counseling. I think talking about your specific issues would be better, but even a group just talking about college issues would definitely get you hooked into a network of people, which would probably help a lot.

Is this your second year of college, or first? (I guess I'm assuming a lot there... )

I'm a freshmen; I'm 18. I'm attending college out of state, so I don't know anyone here. I already feel like dropping out, but it's the first week, and I don't want people to think I'm a quitter. I'm trying to hang in there, especially since my real problem is me, not the college experience.

I don't know how to break into this whole counselling thing. Maybe if I start with clubs? I just need to stay outside my head, really..

The first year is hard for a lot of people, especially if you are far away from family. It's NORMAL to feel isolated and disoriented. But not very nice.

Clubs would be good. Or organize a study group for one of your classes. It's all good.

The college should have a counseling office. Make an appointment to see someone or just drop by, but there should be someone there who can tell you what's available in terms of counseling. I was in college for a couple of years before I discovered that they had academic counseling, psychological counseling, and career counseling. I wish I'd found the psychological counseling a lot sooner. It didn't solve all my problems, but they were helpful and kind and I realized that I wasn't the only person there who was struggling.

This is a hard time of life--becoming independent. I was depressed a lot the first year. It might have been better for me to take a year off after high school and kind of settle down. But I didn't ever consider giving myself a break--of course. Now I'm old and I can't see how one year one way or the other would have mattered. But then I couldn't imagine waiting a year.

Worst case, you go home. It might feel high pressure, but your whole life is not riding on how you do in the next three months, believe me. :)

I'm not saying you should go home! I'm just saying you have options so you won't feel so much pressure (at least if that's part of the problem).

The main thing is to reach out to people when you are feeling half way okay. When you are feeling worse, forgive yourself!

I'm happy to keep talking here.

I'm from a small town that I hate. I'm afraid that if I dropped out I'd be stuck there. There isn't much opportunity. I feel like a lot of people would be disappointed in me, too.

I know freshmen year, especially this early in, is difficult for everyone. It's just that everyone seems so much more social and well adjusted than me. I can't even make the effort to be friendly, usually. I don't like to be annoying or draw attention to myself. Everyone already seems to have their little group or to have old friends going here, or at the very least to be social.

There's a website for the center, and I could've called them after hours last night when I overdosed. It's still face to face and involves being seen entering the center. I'd try group, maybe, but the site isn't clear on what's going on right now.

I like being independent. I don't like being alone.

I just want to sleep. I already don't even care about homework or my job.

I feel like my list of people I can talk to keeps getting smaller and smaller, but I have to spare people, even if it hurts me more.

You say you are old, but how old are you? If I may ask..

I am 54. I was extremely shy as a kid and was depressed sometimes in my teens and twenties. Right now, life seems a lot easier. I had almost no guidance or support when I was your age and starting college. I know that feeling of being alone in a strange place and so many new things to deal with.

I have two kids 16 and 20. My 20 year old is going to a junior college. He is smart and nice and still lives with me, but has trouble meeting people or joining groups--shy, lacks self confidence. He has a ton of internet friends, but they all live far away. He tells me he is famous in the music world he inhabits. But he has never been on a date. He had a sort of virtual girlfriend for a while. My younger son is more outgoing and has a group of friends in town.

In the flesh friends are important, but I didn't completely understand how important until I was in my 40s. I liked my friends, but I just didn't get that they are the support network. It's like a savings account. It takes me a long time to make a new friend, I mean a real friend, but I really value the ones I have now, more than family in some ways. (Not more than my kids, but more than my sisters, who are difficult!)

It SEEMS like everybody else is outgoing and well adjusted. That's what I thought, too, but a lot of people feel like they keep saying dumb things and nobody is going to like them. I'm guessing a lot of the students around you are having a hard time. At least some of them are going to be really grateful if someone like you walks up to them and says. "Want to go grab a cup of tea?" Or "want to study with me for an hour in the cafeteria?" Of course, I'm one to talk. I would have been too shy to do that when I was 18. But I actually have learned to do this.

The thing is, if somebody snubs you when you reach out to them or they are too shy to take you up on it, it's their loss. Just try someone else. Or if somehow ends up being awkward, just chalk it up to a learning experience. I know it's easy for me to say to ignore it, but after a while you really will develop a thicker skin.

I have talked to you enough already to be able to tell you are smart and interesting. :)

I don't know.. sometimes I see people I know around campus (which is weird, considering there is a huge student body), and they talk to me. Usually, I just feel not worth their time. I do talk to them though. I just don't like to initiate things. Nothing is lasting.

I have a few old friends and a couple online friends. I'm very careful with my relationships. It takes forever for me to trust people.

I feel like if I went to a party and got drunk, I'd meet people. It's just that my walls are so high, and I don't know how to bring them down and open up.

People who know me say I'm worthwhile, but not many people are willing to know me it seems, and of course they wouldn't be my friend if they didn't find some redeeming quality in me.

I basically told that guy what I did last night... and then told him to disregard the email because he seemed normal again. Part of me still hopes he reads it though, because it could potentially mean having someone know what's going on with me and what I need. Someone who knows who I am, I mean. I'm just afraid that he'd hate me if he knew what I'm capable of.

I can be strong for other people, just not for myself. I could be outgoing if I had someone to be outgoing for. Make sense?


I keep talking about nothing, even with you. That's the problem. I just don't want to be alone with myself.. especially at night.

My head still feels funny. It's like in my ears too. Kind of disjointed feeling. I felt like crap all day and thought I was going to pass out or throw up riding the buses and elevators. I think it's because I was running on an empty stomach though. I was tempted to take tylenol earlier, the correct way, but it somehow seems like a bad idea. Can't wait to start feeling normal and for my throat to stop hurting. I feel like I've crossed some invisible line after last night..

I'll be curious to see if that guy writes back...

You should drink a lot of water and try to eat some nutritious foods tonight. Try not to get too in your head. Can you just veg out and watch a movie, then go to sleep early?

I'm guessing the tylenol overwhelmed your liver and you are feeling the effects of that. Don't take any for a long time, even the "normal" way. Really you should stay away from tylenol entirely and just weather this crummy feeling. Pretty much any drug you take is going to challenge your liver right now and it's tired, poor thing. Especially don't drink any alcohol this weekend. Be kind to your liver. :) It needs you to take care of it.

I have to tell you I'm personally not a fan of tylenol even before this. It is the number one cause of liver failure in the U.S. and yet it's marketed as "safe." It's not safe at all! Plus it doesn't work on fevers the way aspirin and ibuprofen (advil) do. Blech.

What kinds of classes are you taking? Do you have a major in mind yet?

Hey, you can hang out here which is good.

Might be time for a psychitrist/psychologist/neuropsychologist set of options to at least get evaluated.

You might need a small amount of an antianxiety drug for these transients. Since you have abuse potential close monitoring would be required.

If you have a PCP (Primary Care Physician), ask if you can try Wellbutrin SR.

I see it helping in your case.

I'll bet that your brain wanders from time to time and you can't really stay focused. You must be doing something at all times and you have trouble sleeping. Right?

I doubt he will read it. He doesn't like drama, and I warned him that it may make him hate me.

I'm probably going to take a shower and go to bed soon, then sleep really late. I don't have class until 1:30pm tomorrow. I've just not been eating well, but I'm getting better. Two days ago it was a poptart for breakfast, two granola bars for lunch, oatmeal for dinner, and a hot coccoa. Today it was two granola bars for breakfast, an apple crisp and frappuccino at Starbucks for lunch, and a turkey wrap, salad, and chips for dinner. It just wasn't as effective because I started the day on an empty stomach and have been eating way less calories than I've probably been burning running around all day.

Think multivitamins and birth control are okay.. I doubt I'll be doing any drinking.

I'm a general studies major because I don't know what I want to do, other than travel and be spontaneous. I get bored easy. I'll have 28 credits after this semester. Nine of those are from APs though.


I would like to have a medication to help me because I think I'm probably chemically imbalanced and like it would be a quick fix. That still entails seeking professional help though, which is my biggest hurdle. What is Wellbutrin SR? And yes, my mind does wander if I'm bored, which is a lot. I'm pretty spacy, so that helps people not to talk to me because I'm not "present". I'm not sure if I can say I have trouble sleeping though. Maybe..

Hun, you sound very troubled. At least you are eating. Multivitamins are GrEAT! But why birthcontrol? Are you having sex?

Medication would be a very wise choice for you. Wellbutrin does not work for everyone. There are hundreds of meds out there that may work better for you. However, you are going to have to see someone to get that prescription.

No, I'm a virgin. I just like to keep my options open, and it helps to regulate you and makes your skin clearer. Plus I've wondered if it's my cycle that messes me up, but I'm thinking that may not be the case. And no, my doctor doesn't know I considered the possibility that my period is messing with me; she thinks I just want clearer skin.

I just meant, if my liver is overworked, is it okay if I'm still taking those drugs?

What exactly does Wellbutrin do?