It did come out through all of this, at the hospital, that he can remember he was forced to perform sexual acts with one of his father's baby moma when he was 3-4yrs old. He says I was the first person he told about this.

Okay, so you made the first step. That is what is important. Now more and more information will slowly be remembered and come out.

Although I feel bad for everyone involved. I feel terrible for this poor confused boy. It is good that he is with you and your sister right now so that he can straighten himself out with people who do care about him.

applelonia-You are not alone through this we will be here!

I feel like I'm the only person in this world that cares about him and his future. My sis is preoccupied with other issues and situations. I have two kids of my own but I am doing very well where (at the moment) I don't have any major stresses at all. That is why I am so involved in this case because this is the biggest stress in my life (besides what's in my other post)

Is there any way you can take him in? You seem to be the strength that he needs right now. Not to mention the fact that he obviously trusts you.

I can honestly say that coming to this site and asking help here really pushed me to make the choice I did. I was floored by the outcome but that is why I wanted to find something structured. Something that is equipped for this situation. This is what stresses me.

He really does open up to me more than anybody else in his life, but like I said I have 2 kids of my own. Boys that are 6yrs and 9mths I can't put the time and effort he needs at this point. Plus, I can't afford to put my kids in this line of... well... up until maybe he gets some help.

I work with individuals with all sorts of mental and emotional problems, we have a lot of resources here, but I just can't find anyone who will touch this situation within this state.

What state are you in again? I can try to do some research for you.

Without getting into details I have been through a similar situation.

Have someone share the Gospel with him and let Jesus take control. Over time, Jesus will change the desires of his heart and help turn his life around.

That is all well and good, it did finally (after 6 years) work in the situation I knew of. But does not work in all situations. Please keep all options open, including this one.

I think I have talked to every mental medical professional in the state of Oklahoma... mind you I have been working on this since I found out about this situation... nobody seems to want to help

What I am hoping will happen is that I can try after this holiday to contact the people I spoke with and let them know he has already been turned in to authorities and see if they may try to help. I am just disappointed that these doctors I've already talked with didn't jump to try to help save a child in need like this. It's just like someone drowning and everybody trying to pretend as if they don't look so if they die it wasn't their fault. I have jumped in head first to try to help a child that nobody cares if he is helped or not. This is hard

YES it is but do it anyway!

Is there anyone anywhere that specializes in child cases like this?? Anybody that has dealt with something like this?? Anybody that knows what to do??

The only way to get help is to go to the authorities, sorry! Yes it hurts like hell but if you don't do the right thing here you will mess up a lot lives, PLEASE!!

Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry that the people who were supposed to help you didn't. One other option you may have is to go through his primary care physician. Take each child and have them examined by their own doctor and tell him what you think happened. He is required to report it, and he will be able to expedite their treatment.
Another kind of sneaky why to get the boy some help is to have him tested to see if he has a learning disability. If he does, even if it is borderline, he will be eligible for state aid which can included, medical treatment, mental health treatment, and perscriptions.
[email protected]. This is the email to someone in child protective services in Oklahoma. Try sending them an email and see if they can at least point you in the right direction.
Most children in this situation start to exhibit behaviors. If he does anything that even remotely seems like he is being a danger to himself or others call the police. You can have him 302'd. It may be called something else where you are, but essentially it forces him to be evaluated by a therapist for 24 hours. During that time they try to determine if he needs further treatment and what type would be best for him. There is one other last resort but I am hesitant to mention it unless everything else fails. It is the last resort, so if nothing else works I will tell you what it is. Hopefully one of the other things I have mentioned will work.
Another thing that just occurred to me is that if you are in a state where you got a large number of the Katrina Hurricane victims expect that that services will be slow coming. The department of Humans Service in those states are very near to being overwhelmed by the amount of people who need services all at one time.
Be patient, but persistent. Try not to question the boy too much because questions asked the wrong way will affect his responses. A journal for him may be helpful. He can just start with writing down his feelings, not just the ones from the past but what he is feeling now. This may give the therapist some information, and the more they know the better.
Be careful how you deal with him. Children who have been touched inappropriately lose the ability to understand appropriate touch, and misinterpret a lot of things. Pay attention to situations that may cause him anxiety, because he may re-enact what happened to him on the other children when he is afraid, this gives his a feeliing of control over his fear. When he tells you of incidents that have happened to him, try to remain calm because if you get hysterical, he may stop telling you because he does not want to upset you. Children who have been touched inappropiately get into the habit of trying to please the people who have abused them He absolutely has to feel comfortable talking about it. Most important, tell him you care about him and are there to support him as much as you can.

Sorry if my posts are extra long, but this is very complicated. Another thing that you should do is go to the doctor yourself. You can not take care of anything else if you don't take care of yourself first.
Give all the kids opportunities to be kids. Treat them like kids. Encourage them to do regular kid stuff playing, movies etc. Children who have been abused tend to be forced too soon into adult roles. The window between adulthood and childhood is very small when bad things happen.
You are going to have make a lot of decisions on top of the ones any parent would have to make and it will be difficult. So remember to take care of yourself. Don't neglect your own wellbeing to take care of the kids, because in the long run it will hurt them more. Give yourself time to do the things that you enjoy that doesn't involve the kids. Do this religiously as if it is your job, because it is.

Thank you. I will try to contact someone as soon as the 4th is over. I'm okay myself. I am just disappointed that this got to my own son. It happened, not in my care, but when they both were at my parent's house last summer. It freaks me out to think what he had done to my son. I want to be mad but I'm filled with such a great need to get help first instead of reacting negatively. I keep thinking these kids could have never told me and this would have never been known, that's what scares me the most.

My son has his own counselor, but I just found all of this out and I haven't gotten a chance to address this.

I am so sorry about what is happening because I know this must be hard on you guys.
To answer your question... if it needs or happens to acure that the state takes him away that doesn't mean you have to or will be leaving him alone or abandoning him, sometimes you just need someone who is exerienced in these kind of things. You guys will not be able to keep him supervised 24/7... this is not healthly for you or him. If you really don't want him to leave home then try speaking with a therapist about what is going on... therapist only know what you tell them, so keep names out and just say it is someone else. Try and read about it in the library or online. Just know that something's you are going to need help with, it is just going take time. Keep letting him know that you guys are there to help him and that if he needs to talk that you are there for him... if he knows he is doing wrong and he just can't help you might just have to go to the doctor and get medication... if you ever need to talk about what is happening just know we are here to listen and give whatever advice we can. Good luck.

This is the only option I have to work with is to sit and watch everything.24/7

We had an appointment on Thursday to take the kids to an investigator to tell their side of the story, by themselves. I had to leave after my son was done. I left my sister and her two girls there to finish up. It seemed harmless and pretty simple. Well, shortly after I left I got a call from my niece in Texas telling me that right after I left, my sister was arrested and her kids were taken away. I'm all messed up. I made a bad mistake. My whole family is against me now. I'm considering just moving away from everybody. This is a horrible mess. I can't stop crying over everything, I've caused to go wrong.

It seems as if there is more to this situation than you knew about. When the children were questioned, they told the rest, as they should have. Have you found out what, if any, charges are being brought against your sister? I am sorry that your family is against you in this, but you did the right thing, and usually when people do the right thing there are people who will be against you.
You really can't be held responsible for telling, and remember if you hadn't said anything whatever was going on would have continued to go on. And all of those people who are mad at you, where were they when all of this was going on?
You found out what was going on and you reported it. That is exactly what you should have done. Anything less than that is criminal. We all have a moral, and social responsibility to protect our children, and that's what you did. You should not feel bad or in any way guilty about what you did. Your family may not know the whole story, so give them time. Once everything comes out they should be more understanding. Give it some time.

I hate to think that the your sister played some part in this, but that is probably what the children said. If she didn't actually play some part in it, they may have assumed she knew what was going on and didn't do anything about it, and that's just as bad. Just remember if you had said anything you may have been the one that was arrested. If you hadn't said anything about it you WOULD BE just as responsible for it happening.

Pray for strength, and find people who are supportive of you and your decision, you will probably find a lot, here and with the people you see. Stay strong. You did the right thing.

My sister was charged with child endangerment on two counts (one for each child). They said if I would have had my son over to there house at anytime after we turned my nephew in I would have gotten my son taken too. The detective said they took her girls because my sister said she didn't have anywhere for my nephew to stay and was continuing to allow them to sleep in the same room. I could have taken those girls home with me they are split up and only 3 & 7yrs. I'm sick at this whole situation, and I keep feeling that I'm all to blame for this separation. I know something had to be done but I didn't want it to be like this. Everybody (except my sis) thinks I called and had her kids taken away just out of spite. ANybody that truly knows me everyday knows I would never ever wish this situation on anybody even though I did contribute. This is hard on me.

That sucks your sister was charged, but as Taukame said, YOU did the RIGHT thing.

Your family is mad at you? So what.

The real question here is whether or not your sister is. It sounds like she isn't, and therefore, the rest of the family won't stay mad long.

Either way, you did the RIGHT thing.

Is it possible for you to contact Child Services and arrange to have the 2 girls stay with you?

It is not easy doing the right thing and people are mad because it brought them trouble. So what they'll get over it and if they don't, who cares. You did the right thing ,if no one can see that... to bad

:o Well, my sis called me Wednesday and asked me to take her to visit her girls for the first time. My kids were both in daycare so before we went we dropped off my nephew over to start staying at one of our older cousin's house. Once we got to DHS for her first visit she informed the worker that she removed her son so she could start working on getting her girls back, plus they had done a background check on me and I was okayed to take the girls home whenever they decided. Once we saw the worker she gave my sis papers to have them released back to her as long as my nephew is out of the home. On one side we are glad everybody is free on the other I am still working on finding a place that treats this type of behavior. My family still don't know the details of all this like I'm running them down to you all. They just see the surface. I don't feel like explaining this to anyone so I continue to let them turn their nose up at me. My sis is a more "go with the flow" type person whereas something will happen without her putting forth any effort (irresponsible) I'm more like "try to get as many people involved to point out the best direction to go to get things rolling" type good or bad. This all is still playing out and I still have large part in it. I just don't like people putting me down or acting like I'm a bad person when they don't know. I'm trying to be all that I can be through the grace of GOD right now.:rolleyes:

I am glad things are turning around for all of you!

I am very frustrated with this because I have so many different situations going on right now that this is the most draining thing I have to deal with. I feel like this is my responsibility and there isn't anyone else to pass the torch too. I know that if I don't come up with something nothing will get done that is too much pressure for me right now. I have other things on my plate to clean off too. There's nobody that seems to care... I care about everbody... everybody else and their well-being but nobody bothers to check in on me at all. Everybody expects me to always be doing so good... I'm not right now.:(

I seem to support everybody and nobody seems to support me... I guess that's why I'm here!? :o

I know your catching it from all sides right now and that's rough but somebody has to do it. Not everyone can handle what your going through and it would be fair if everyone else that is affected by this situation pitch in to help. Do not hesitate to ask them to do their part. I guarantee though that our support will be here for you.

I'm really glad that you are making some progress on this. But you really should let the other people in your family know what's going on. Some burdens in life are meant to be shared in this is one of them. There is not point in you taking all this on yourself. It will only make you resentful and overwhelmed. You have family and that's what family is there for. It is not all on you to do everything. Let the others do their part too.
I know that a part of you feels that if you do something, nothing's going to get done, but you have to give everyone a chance to do their part. And that means full disclosure. It is understandable that your family is bit upset with you, because just like you, they didn't know everything that was going on.
It seems to me that you are on the road to taking all this responsibiliy on yourself, that will not do anybody any good. You can't take of anybody if you are not taking care of yourself. Part of taking care of yourself is allowing the others in youf family to do their part. Have a talk with everybody and tell them what's going on, and give them a chance to rise to the occasion. Don't try to take on any more than you have to.
Good Luck!

Can you tell us what his response was when you sat him down and talked to him? I know it is scary to get the DPS system involved, but sometimes that is the best way to receive help. It doesn't necessarily mean he will be locked up and the key thrown away, but sometimes the court can get him the help he needs and be monitored by a judge for accountability. It doesn't always mean he will be thrown away or dumped somewhere... Maybe you can call around some more and ask questions about previous experiences they have had with similar behaviors in the system. That might help you ease your mind. But if you know someone has done something illegal, it is your obligation to help not only your niece, but others as well. Who are you advocating for? Him or the rest of your family? Let the professionals do their job. But I do know that it is hard to trust sometimes, especially when you don't know how it all works... maybe you need to be asking different questions.. . and there is not going to be a great solution for him, he needs to get help, and if he has to suffer some consequences to do that, it is better than what help he has now. So think about different questions to ask agencies... hope this helps.

After DHS gave my sis her girls back and my nephew is bounced from one family member to the next, DHS told us (my sis and me) that we need to find help for him. THey only cared about him being out of the house with the girls not his treatment. This is what frustrates me the most. I've been laying low here lately ironing out all of my situations making my home life better just giving others the chance to step to the plate about this. It has been about 3 days and nobody has made any moves concerning my nephews well being. If this was my son he would be at the best facility (wherever) getting the best help. But nobody seems to think like me. It is more like out of sight out of mind. That is so irresponsible. I'm stepping back like my Pastor instructed me and seeing if anybody else is as concerned as me. I'm so concerned because my nephew touched my son. Now I have to try and direct/communicate to my son that this has to stop now. I don't want my son to become a predator like my nephew did him. This is all very unorganized to me. The only things getting played out is all the plays I coordinate well I can't take on all this alone.

I'm not sure what state you live in but you should look into other areas for help. I'm a nurse who works in CA and have taken care of adol. In mental health. It is imperative that you speak to a therapist about him. They can direct you through the proper chanels. Some of the children I've taken care of were perpitrators and were initially taken away for their protection and the protection of others. Once they were evaluated by professional, a plan is made for them. Some were deemed unfit to return home right away and others could manage a strict out patient therapy program.
When it comes down to it you will have to report him (at first) not to get him in trouble but to get him evaluated for the proper treatment. You can do this with someone you trust (he trusts) like a therapist or doctor.
Don't wait any longer, he's young and still may have a chance to change things around. This disease is not one where you can expect a cure for but hopefully with God's help, your nephew will learn to control his actions with constent therapy and medications (if needed). Please take action now, as time goes by it get harder and harder for him. You must be strong and put your fears aside and think of him and the other children around him.
It will be scary at first but in the long run you will have peace of mind to know that another child is safe from him.
Good luck and God Bless.

He's been turned in and the current situation is that my sis's two girls were removed from her and put in DHS custody. They have been split up. One is currently at the shelter and the other is in a foster care home but we do not know where. I feel very guilty about having my sis's girls taken away. She is on the borderline of suicide under a phychiatrist's supervision. My nephew is also getting "medication" from his phychiatrists. The programs we have tried to get him in won't except him because he won't admitt to any of the allegations. This "good deed" turned into a nightmare. I feel so guilty.

I'm very sorry to hear that. They shouldn't have taken the girls away, usually they don't, unless their mother is unfit, ill or the girls told DHS something about your nephew and how their mother allowed him to live with them. What ever the reason, she should know where they are and should be able to communicate with them, unless she lost parental rights (which is rare and takes a while). I can only imagine how torn up she must feel.
As for your nephew, it is true he can begin to heal only if he admits to his disease. Living in denial will only hurt him. I'm sure he's scared.
Try not to feel guilty, you did only what you knew was morally & legally correct. You were thinking only of them and their safety. You're a good sister, continue to support and love them all. Eventually things should start to turn, I see cases like this all too often.
I will keep you and your sister in my prayers.

You must know much more is going on to be this worried. If you do know details worse that shat you listed you are putting your children at a very high risk of being abused and if the boy is a disturbed child then your children are at risk of death. If a 15 year old boy was to have sex with one of the young girls and the girl started crying and was going to tell there is no telling what the boy might do, it could be that is was nothing short of killing her just so he would not be found out.
I don't know about your state but in my state if you know a felony has been committed and you do not report it you are therefore guilty of a felony yourself. That would be especially true if he hurt of the little girls.

I put it all out there. My sis says she just got a summons she was served with today stating the state is seeking termination of her parental rights to her girls. This is all happening very quickly. I can't tell if she blames me for this or not. She tells me things, I listen to everything but I've been a little standoffish here lately. She's kind of unstable right now with these new series of events I've caused. So I just let her call and talk to me. I have some major issues of my own to deal with right now. I feel bad but...

Have you contacted a lawyer? A wise thing to have done before any of this took place. Are you going to get your sisters girls as a foster parent? You say you are one that takes charge, well keep going. Get your sisters girls in your care and find a lawyer that specializes in this sort of thing.
I know for a fact there may not be more to the story. A good friend of mine worked for DHS and quit because of the unfairness. He worked in 5 different states and it was all the same. I am not saying there is not more to the story, I am just saying it is possible there is not.
I am sure you feel bad and guilty, don't, something had to be done. Get some legal help and quickly, these things can get out of hand pretty fast.

For parental right to be terminated, the parents must be deemd unfit... what is going on with your sister that they are taking these girls away? I thik there is more to that side of the story... and if there isn't, they won't win... so you may want to find out... if there is a case worker, you might want to call them... also, findout who is on the case through the state... I used to be volunteer Guardian Ad Litem (I don't know if they have that where you are) but we were advocates for the children, and I even had to testify in court. I will tell you that I interviewed many many people before court... so whoever is on this case may want to interview you... and you can get some info as well... there has to be more to this part!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by applelonia

My sister was charged with child endangerment on two counts (one for each child). They said if I would have had my son over to there house at anytime after we turned my nephew in I would have gotten my son taken too. The detective said they took her girls because my sister said she didn't have anywhere for my nephew to stay and was continuing to allow them to sleep in the same room. I could have taken those girls home with me they are split up and only 3 & 7yrs. I'm sick at this whole situation, and I keep feeling that I'm all to blame for this separation. I know something had to be done but I didn't want it to be like this. Everybody (except my sis) thinks I called and had her kids taken away just out of spite. ANybody that truly knows me everyday knows I would never ever wish this situation on anybody even though I did contribute. This is hard on me.

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Sleep in the same room. Do you mean he was sleeping in the same room as the girls? That would have been a big red flag.

If that is the case, that is why they took the girls. If he had been sleeping on the couch would, or the girls were sleeping with Mom and he were in their bedroom (alone) that would be a different story.