Scott, you are taking this so out of context. Let's switch it up, shall we? How would you feel if she said...

"Scott, I think your face is nice enough to sport a bald head."

Do you see how changing the position of the words in a sentence can make it a compliment? You are making a mountain out of a mole hill and beating yourself up over one little word.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by J_9

Scott, you are taking this so out of context. Let's switch it up, shall we? How would you feel if she said...

"Scott, I think your face is nice enough to sport a bald head."

Do you see how changing the position of the words in a sentence can make it a compliment? You are making a mountain out of a mole hill and beating yourself up over one little word.

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J_9 thanks for your response to all this... if she had said "Scott I think your face is nice enough to sport a bald head" then it's the same as she said but imagine she said "Scott you have a REALLY nice face to pull it off" then I wouldn't think twice... if she had even said "Scott you have a NICE face to pull it off" again I wouldn't think anything... it's because she said "NICE ENOUGH"... it's like someone asks me an opinion of a car and I say it's nice enough then I'm saying it doesn't blow me away here as some car I would say that's a really nice car or that's a beautiful car... I'm so confused please help me

You are putting too much emphasis on a simple word. Dude, it really Twyla's a compliment. I don't know how many more times I have to say that. Compliment.

She won't be around much longer if something this minor is such a big deal. Dude, you're stressing me out and I'm one of the most laid back people you will ever meet. Give it a rest already. She meant no harm.

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Originally Posted by J_9

You are putting too much emphasis on a simple word. Dude, it really Twyla's a compliment. I don't know how many more times I have to say that. Compliment.

She won't be around much longer if something this minor is such a big deal. Dude, you're stressing me out and I'm one of the most laid back people you will ever meet. Give it a rest already. She meant no harm.

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I'm really sorry... I know she meant no harm... I tried to speak to her there but had a massive fall out

Of course there was a massive fallout. She gave you a compliment and you over-reacted.

You seriously need to let this go.

My intent was lost, it seems. I was just showing you that we all have little slights and hurts ALL DAY LONG, and we dust ourselves off and proceed on with the day. Sure, sometimes we mull them over when falling asleep or watching an old movie or reading an old letter, but there's an unhealthy line that you seem to have crossed. You are too full of yourself and are going to lose her if you can't put a lid on this.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by J_9

Of course there was a massive fallout. She gave you a compliment and you over-reacted.

You seriously need to let this go.

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We were meant to be getting married in October but I'm not fit to be with anyone I'm so full of anger, jealousy etc my grandfather was the same I'm better on my own

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Originally Posted by ScottJJ

We were meant to be getting married in October but I'm not fit to be with anyone I'm so full of anger, jealousy etc my grandfather was the same I'm better on my own

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Oh goodness. Scott, it's time to get off the pity pot and pull up your big boy panties. You are acting worse than my 13 year old son when he has his iPod taken away.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by J_9

Oh goodness. Scott, it's time to get off the pity pot and pull up your big boy panties. You are acting worse than my 13 year old son when he has his iPod taken away.

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I know and that's the time of my life my thoughts stem from (high school) hated my face since then

High school was how long ago? You aren't a child any longer. Time to grow up and be a man.

Put on your big boy panties. Those were little girls. I bet they would feel different now. You have to stop letting those little girls causing your depression. That is an excuse. They are an excuse.

If we all gave power to how we were treated in school we would all be committed to an institution. You need to stop using that as an excuse.

Are you tired of your own mind games yet? Is that all you have to do is diddle with your own brain? Bet you have NO FRIENDS.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Are you tired of your own mind games yet? Is that all you have to do is diddle with your own brain? Bet you have NO FRIENDS.

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"Bet you have no friends" thanks for that

Quote:

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Originally Posted by J_9

High school was how long ago? You aren't a child any longer. Time to grow up and be a man.

Put on your big boy panties. Those were little girls. I bet they would feel different now. You have to stop letting those little girls causing your depression. That is an excuse. They are an excuse.

If we all gave power to how we were treated in school we would all be committed to an institution. You need to stop using that as an excuse.

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Thanks again J_9 you are correct about those people

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"Bet you have no friends" thanks for that

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What else do you expect Mr. Sensitive? You are so wrapped up in your own world you seem to have no room for the feelings of others at all. You seem unable to consider truth or logic.

What kind of work do you do? What kind of social life do you have?

If this whole thing is about YOU then lets find out about YOU, and not just what you want to tell us. Can't let go of what your girlfriend said, let me show you how easy it is to change the subject in your brain, and discuss what I want to discuss.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottJJ

We were meant to be getting married in October but I'm not fit to be with anyone I'm so full of anger, jealousy etc my grandfather was the same I'm better on my own

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Or you can decide you are not your grandfather and make the changes necessary to live your life instead of reliving his.

She has been with you for seven years. Seven years. If she didn't care about/love you and if she didn't like/love your looks, she wouldn't have stayed for seven years.

I highly doubt your relationship has been smooth sailing. If you have the issues you say you do with anger and jealousy, I will guess that she has put up with a lot of 'massive fallouts'. She is still there. But it isn't enough, is it? Why not?

You are looking for reassurance for the wrong thing. You want her to gush about your looks which will change. She has obviously focused on your heart and the person she knows is inside of you. The person who gives her hope for a great future together.

Do you see any part of that person? Do you want hope for a future together or do you want to live in the distant past? Not only your own but your grandfather's?

What do you really want?

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

What do you really want?

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He wants reassurance that he is perfect. No one is perfect. No perfect life, no perfect job, no perfect looks. Some of us are large around the middle, some of us have lost body parts, some of us are failing in the hair department, and others are failing in all areas. To take the word "either" and turn it into something so serious and superficial signifies a very serious problem that needs professional help.

In one post, or more, it is blamed on girls in high school, yet the OP is so far out of high school that he has a receding hairline. In another post he blames it on his grandfather. Which is it? One or the other.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottJJ

Do you think I like feeling like this ffs do me a favour and don't bother posting again I remember you from last time your so unhelpful you actually are quite rude. I have no room for feelings of others? Like you know this hmmmm don't think so... it says you're an expert on this, to me
You're an expert on how to be a t"*t go away please

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You can't even answer a few simple questions, nor communicate in a reasonable manner, and its not like I am unsympathetic, but what other way can one get you off that pity pot you hold so tightly. Unless you push yourself to dig deeper you will never uncover the root of the trauma you work so hard to bury.

What are you hiding Mr. Sensitive? Maybe the others don't know we have had this conversation before about your ISSUES,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ol-186531.html

How long have you been in this therapy? Have you had your meds adjusted? What has your therapist taught you when you get stuck as you are now?

Are you working and what type of work do you do? Get angry often? How old are YOU? Come on guy, just answer the questions. I may be an A$$, but an honest one, and I do expect you to be as honest.

I'll give you another example.

3 years ago a new nurse who was hired at my facility asked me, at the time clock, when my baby was due. Guess what! I wasn't pregnant, I was 47 years old and unable to have children. She called me fat. Rather than taking it as an insult, I made it motivation.

Im sorry you might look good bald, but at least you weren't called fat in front of 15 of your peers. How would you have handled that?

Had to spread the love Tal. You were spot on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by J_9

He wants reassurance that he is perfect. No one is perfect. No perfect life, no perfect job, no perfect looks. Some of us are large around the middle, some of us have lost body parts, some of us are failing in the hair department, and others are failing in all areas. To take the word "either" and turn it into something so serious and superficial signifies a very serious problem that needs professional help.

In one post, or more, it is blamed on girls in high school, yet the OP is so far out of high school that he has a receding hairline. In another post he blames it on his grandfather. Which is it? One or the other.

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I don't blame my grandfather I'm saying it maybe is in the genes but I don't blame him... Yes I blame how I was treated in my teenage years/experiences of other females it really affected me deeply... you say the word "either" was that a mistype not following here?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You can't even answer a few simple questions, nor communicate in a reasonable manner, and its not like I am unsympathetic, but what other way can one get you off that pity pot you hold so tightly. Unless you push yourself to dig deeper you will never uncover the root of the trauma you work so hard to bury.

What are you hiding Mr. Sensitive? Maybe the others don't know we have had this conversation before about your ISSUES,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ol-186531.html

How long have you been in this therapy? Have you had your meds adjusted? What has your therapist taught you when you get stuck as you are now?

Are you working and what type of work do you do? Get angry often? How old are YOU? Come on guy, just answer the questions. I may be an A$$, but an honest one, and I do expect you to be as honest.

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Ok what questions do you want me to answer as I myself am very honest?

What am I hiding - Nothing, I'm being open in saying I'm insecure about my
Face

How long in therapy- pshycotherapy for 3 years, then after moved into CBT over a year now but can't see the practitioner enough due to work commitments.



Yes I'm I start a new job tomorrow as a plumber apprentice.

Your face is good enough to pull off being bald... does not imply that you are not attractive to her. If that were the case, she likely wouldn't be with you.

Some men look really great with a bald head; maybe even better then with hair in some people's opinion. Some would look fine whether they were bald or not... that sounds like what she was telling you; she would still think your face is attractive Whether you had hair or not. It's no different then some women can pull off short hair really well, while others could look nice whether short or longer.

As was pointed out, you are allowing immature people from your past, people of an age that is known for being cruel because they think it's funny or that it somehow makes them look cool in front of friends, people you likely don't even know today, determine how you feel about yourself now.

What a disservice to the girl you profess to love now! You are robbing her of the full potential of yourself all because of your adolescent pride from high school. Time to take back ownership of your self-worth and stop putting it on other people.