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Wow, life! That was a lot to read and to take in!
You do have to admit that was a bad move to stop off at the mall without letting anyone know where you were (before the grocery shopping) and that it would take longer. This wasn't like a five-minute stop. And you managed to get your boyfriend to be there too. That took a call to him, didn't it? But no time to call a parent?
Do you really blame them for getting upset?
Thank you everyone for your help it's starting to make me feel better now. I think this website will help me. I also have a problem that I've tried to ignore for years. People see me as this pretty, prefect, smart girl.. honestly I'm nothing they see. I'm fat I think I am. My friends.. I have the greates friends ever, I've toned down the list though, because you can't trust everyone so I limited my friends. They always tell me I'm beautiful and perfect the way I am. I try to believe that, but I can't. My mom and her sisters are always making fun of me. They are diff. They are skinny and short. They make fun of me because I have size 7 feet and they wear size 5. They have small boobs so they say my boobs are too big (c36) not big at all! I wish they were bigger.. kind of not really. I'm 130 pounds and they are 114 or under that. One of my aunts, I think she is concieded. She looks like she is a kid, but she's like 35. She can pull it off though. She has 2 kids and she still acts young. She weighs like 97pounds or something (litterally) and she's like omg I'm fat I need to loose weight. They are all like that. All my aunts. They think they are fat because they weigh this amount. I love food, I love to cook, eat, and try new stuff. They call me fat. It hurts my feelings, but sometimes I try to defend myself. My Doctors tell me I'm average size and height. 5'3 and 130 pounds or less. My weight changes on and off, but it's never oveer 130. But I really don't like my skin. I have scars from back acne, not severe, but I'm embarrassed by it. And stretch marks on my thighs. I hate my body... My boyfriend doesn't care if I'm fat or w/e he's one person that makes me not feel that way, but when I hear from someone in my family that I eat too much. Myself esteem goes down again. It's not easy to loose weigh like it seems. For them it may be easy. But me My body behaves diff.. They call me fatass all the time, I just ignore it now but I think about it a lot. I want to be skinny.
They get upset because they worry about you. You say they are from another Country? How long have you been here?
The Cultural shock may take a bit of time to wear off. Earn their trust.
You sound fine to me. If you eat right most of the time and don't fill up on junk food and candy, that's what matters. I am short and small-boned and wear size 5 shoes and always hated my looks when I was your age. Five-foot-four or -five seemed to be a much better height and it used to be impossible to find shoes as small as I needed.
I'm 64 now and look back at my high school pictures. Man! I was cute, but I couldn't believe it back then.
I think body image is a huge problem for girls when they are teens.
I agree... Body image in our teen years , what a hard time that was. But as WG said; looking back now I was really cute!:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I was born here, I visited there once. They are from Laos. Southeasten Asia. They think differently than Americanized families. One thing I must say is that yeah all parents get worried. I did apologize to my dad, but my mom made me mad so I didn't. I know I did something wrong today, but it's just when I'm not doing what they say I am doing, it makes me so mad. I don't do drugs!! They think I hang around druggies. They see kids my age smoking, so they think I'm doing it. I promise to God I don't. They say the most random things sometimes. Idk where they get them from. When I'm by myself they think I'm with my boyfriend When I told them I'm at school for a class they think that I'm with him honestly they need to put things in the past where they belong. I am trying so hard to change and I've made progress. My mom let's my boyfriend come over when she's home and we just watch movies or do whatever, but she is there to supervise so yeah. I'm lucky she even let's me do that. But you don't understand! Peer pressure! So many kids my age are doing more stupid things than I am. There are some girls that will sleep with anyone to some kids that will drink and come to school hung over. I'm not sure if there are kids like that where you are, but there are sure a lot here. There are about 5 girls I saw pregnant before school was out for the summer. I know people that have parents that don't care and let them do anything they want. It makes me want to too go out to the club and do some crazy stuff too, but I know I'm better than that. My boyfriend doesn't drink or smoke, thank God for that. Back to the part where there are some parents that don't care what their kids do, I used to want that just because I wished I could do anything I want. But my cousin "shorty" She is one of those people I envy she gets everything she wants when she wants it. Her mom got her a cellphone when she was in 5th grade and I got mine in the 10th. Big diff there. I just got my car this year and she already has her permit and getting her license in May. I envy her. I always thought she was smart and gorgeous. But the funny thing is that she envys me. She told me herself. What could she possibably want that I have. Well, she said I have a great guy in my life, I get everything I want, I have the greatest mom, a dad that is not a bad drinker, so on. We did not talk since sept of 2009 and it will be a year next month. I hate this. I miss herr so much. Yet she doesn't care. I don't understand. The reason why we don't talk is because she wrote on her blog a whole bunch a about me. Excuse my profanity. She called my family and I es. (so disrespectful) She said She hated us because when we were kids my mom always defended me and I was always the wrong one. Idk, I didn't know what she was talking about. I have the blog if anyone wants to read. I'll change the names and places to protect anyone's identity. I also have the messages from when I messaged her first to tell her I didn't like the fact we weren't talking which was in Feb? A long time ago. She told my friend which is her friend that She tried so hard to talk to me and she can care less. Honestly she didn't try for crap. I didn't hear anything from her. I don't see her trying to message me or text me I told her if there is anything u need please text or call me I'm always here and I will always love you. What's sad is our families are close very close as in we live down there street from each other.
Nothing is wrong. It comes with the age.
I loved being 17 but wouldn't go through it again for anything.
Your mind will be all over the place because you are experiencing so many new thoughts and emotions. Daily It is bound to be confusing
Conflicts with parents happen... to people with parents that care. If they didn't they wouldn't say anything and let you do anything.
Communication is difficult with them because they live in different world.
You are looking at it from two perspectives that are never be close.
It is best to leave it at "If they didn't love you and care, they wouldn't say anything.
You may not understand them.. but it is based on love.
So try to see their side a bit.
Talk face to face with your cousin. Be proud that your parents love you enough to care about what you do. Talk to her face to face and do it soon. I have always found a phone conversation isn't as effective as looking someone straight in the eye and laying your cards on the tableQuote:
Originally Posted by lifeless118223
Very calmly. Try it!
Oh, Laotian! My mom's church sponsored a Laotian family who were absolutely wonderful! The food was to die for! And the family was so close, so now I understand about your parents seeming over-protectiveness. It's tough (for them AND for you) to be in another country where customs are so different. I have Vietnamese friends who always worry about their kids, especially their daughters. Daughters, you know, are like precious jewels to an Asian family.
Can you think of anything you can do differently to help them be more comfortable with the fact that you are growing up and becoming more independent?
I understand, and since I'm getting all this advice from people that have experienced, and that were here before me, I know that the advice I'm getting is wise. I will take in everything you guys have told me. I will try to make myself better even more by the day. It's just I want physical love not just emotionally. Like in church my parents don't hug me like other parents do they just give me a hand shake when we shake other peoples' hands and say "peace be with you" My mom has been though lately I don't know what changed her mind. It feels right when she does. My mom doesn't show me affection the way I wish she would. She doesn't talk to me like other moms, she talks to me, but it's awkward when we have conversations unless it's funny. My dad and I don't talk like that. When he does talk to me and lectures me he starts to get angry and talks about the past... Which makes me mad! I don't talk back, but I mumble little things. I know that I shouldn't, but It's hard not to. He sees things diff than my mom though. My mom seems to understand me more than he does, but when it comes to both of them, it's another story.
My cousin.. *sigh* Idk what to do about her. The other day my aunt and I was talking to both of us, but we weren't talking.. Which was very very awkward. I later told my aunt, "I told you, she doesn't look at me or try to talk to me." She was like I had a feeling she wanted to, but she didn't because she was embarrassed at all the stuff she said to me. I do miss her, but it's just I don't think it's going to be the same like it used to be. We go to the same school, when I see her around her friends say hi sometimes, but she doesn't. It makes me feel weird. Idk, if it's me or what. She told me that she felt replaced when I was w/ my boyfriend. I would never replace her w/ anyone, but I don't think she knows that. He think it's his fault, I don't blame anyone, but myself. The thing is I try to talk to her, but she shuts me out. I go to her house all the time, but she's always in her room. ALWAYS! I recently begun to see her at family gatherings. Like I said before she had her own issues w/ her mom and fam. Her and her mom didn't get along that well, she would curse and swear at her and still got everything she wanted. That made me mad because I was a goody goody and still couldn't get everything. Anyway... Idk how to start talking to her if I did or how to approach her. It's very awkward.
Face it head on. Go to her room and say: You and I are going to talk.Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeless118223
I would be so happy to find the answer to that question. As I am talking to you guys, and thank you for that, I'm texting my friend who came to drop something off for me today. She's 19 and my bf's 2nd cousin which is funny, but she told me she went through the same thing as me. Her parents still worry about her too, I mean that's a parent's job, but the things is they need to understand that we are growing up. She told me that they say the things they say even though we don't do them. And That I'm growing up so fast they don't know what to say or do. I understand they worry and care about me, but there are just some things that aren't necessary. They embarrass me sometimes. I just want them to treat me a little different. They sometimes talk to me like I'm my little sister, which is very annoying. I just want them to treat me the age I am. At times when they treat me like a baby I will act like one. I don't mean to, but it happenens.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
My mom tells me all the time, that she knows what I'm thinking and how I feel, because she's been there, but really she doesn't know it all! She was born and raised in a diff environment so it's a little diff. for her. I just wish she would understand how I really feel I've told her, but she was like I'm not American. I said yes I am and so are you. I am proud to be Laotian/American. It's also diff for me because I grew up in a Christian family and I'm happy that I did. I have Laotian friends that aren't Chritian and their parents raised them diff. from me. I can say from what I see and hear for myself that some of them, their parents don't care what they do either. But I will not judge them.
Pray about all this and let God show you the right way to go. He will never lead you in the wrong direction. Blessings:)Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeless118223
My children have their own children. But I still "see" them as children , and I always will. Parents can't help that.Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeless118223
I will try that once I'm ready, I've been thinking about it a lot I know I will do it soon. I just think about the way she is going to react, is she going to be like "uhhh ok?" or "ummm for what? That's the kind of person she is. What I didn't like from her was she always got smart with me. She always made me look dumb.
You are not dumb. Tell her exactly how you feel.Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeless118223
Been there, done that. I'm from a German heritage. I knew I was loved when I was a kid, but never got hugged and kissed by my parents. We Germans are practical and unemotional. The good thing is that that detachment makes me a good counselor. I don't get emotionally involved in my clients' woes. But it doesn't make me the best parent. Every now and then my younger son brings up the time he accidentally stabbed his leg when he was trimming bushes, and his mom (me) washed off the cut and bandaged it very matter-of-factly, but didn't hug or kiss him to comfort him.Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeless118223
How about if you gently hug your mom now and then or give her a kiss on the cheek, maybe to thank her for doing your laundry or making some special food?
Thank you you all for the answers and advice. You've helped me a lot. I appreciate it so much!
Is there a good way I can talk to my parents and tell them I need them to understand where I am right now. As life and stuff, my dad still thinks of me as his little girl, but I don't think that will change either I just want him to understand there are some things that he isn't going to like. Such as the fact I have a boyfriend. He doesn't want me talking to him at all. My mom doesn't tell him that she lets him come over.
I could give her a hug, but it might be a little disturbing if I kissed her on the cheek, it's diff when my little sister does it to her though. It's exactly the way I feel when you said your son sabbed himself and you bandaged it, but didn't kiss or hug to comfort him.
If German-American families are anything like Laotian-American families, your parents won't "let go" of you until you are married (maybe) and probably not until you have your first baby.Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeless118223
Once I went away to college, things got a little easier. Are you planning to go to college? Will it be away from home?
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