[QUOTE=Altenweg;2243064]You are right when you say that one way doesn't work for everyone. That's why getting a therapist you can work with is the best step...

Cheers:)

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You HAVE forgiven her because you have moved on. Forgiveness doesn't mean you stand in front of the offender and say, "It's okay now. It doesn't matter. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen. Let's be friends now." NOT AT ALL! You've moved away from your role as victim and released the control and power the abuser had in your life. You let go of grudges and no longer define your life by how you were hurt. You've moved on. That's forgiveness.

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True, and that's what worked for me. I do agree that there are different solutions for different people though.

I will never stand in front of my abuser and say the words "I forgive you". That's not something I can do. It's not even something I want to do. To tell the truth, I don't forgive her, I forgive myself.

What do I forgive myself for? For letting her have the power to she took away from me. For letting her make me think it was my fault. For making me afraid to tell my family who I know would have supported me, would have believed me, would have fought to the death for me.

She no longer has power over me. I have the power now, to be who I am, to accept who I was and the things that happened to me. I have the power to accept the 5 year old she took. I am whole, she isn't. I'm okay with that.

Now, ask me how I would feel if someone did this to one of my kids? I'd be murderous. No punishment would be too extreme. Nothing I could do to them would be harsh enough. Forgiveness? No. It would be death and that's not a threat, it's a promise.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You HAVE forgiven her because you have moved on. Forgiveness doesn't mean you stand in front of the offender and say, "It's okay now. It doesn't matter. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen. Let's be friends now." NOT AT ALL! You've moved away from your role as victim and released the control and power the abuser had in your life. You let go of grudges and no longer define your life by how you were hurt. You've moved on. That's forgiveness.

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My goodness... who said anything about saying it's OK, that it doesn't matter, it didn't happen and let's be friends! That's got nothing to do with what I have said, you have missed the boat love.

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Originally Posted by trudger67

My goodness... who said anything about saying it's ok, that it doesn't matter, it didn't happen and let's be friends!! That's got nothing to do with what I have said, you have missed the boat love.

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I did not say you said that.