Quote:

---

Originally Posted by trulytrying

I think shes hugging you in friendship and gratitude for your devotion and love. I think she wants an amicable break up and not fighting and meanness. Please don't allow yourself to be strung along...I wouldn't interpret her hugs as a desire to be together.
I think shes just being friendly and trying to encourage you.
Quit calling her! That will take her by surprise! Leave her ONE message and let her know she has "X" amount of time to get her things. Let her know if she doesn't respond you will put it in storage...give her until a specific date and tell her she will have to call you to schedule a time within that deadline. Then don't call her anymore!
You set yourself for disappointment every time you call right?
It hurts each time she doesn't answer right?
Then STOP calling! It's like poking yourself in the eye every time you call! If it hurts--then stop doing it. Instead of calling--just go straight ahead and poke yourself in the eye! See how silly that is? : )
Be strong! You never know what the future holds.

---

Thank you for the insight! IT does hurt each time she doesn't call but now for some reason she was in a specially CHEERY mood and actually called me to want to talk and hang out? What does this mean by any standards? I guess I should just lay it out there and ask her where do I stand because the longer I wait, the more heartbreak I feel. Thank you for posting

How are you? You hanging in there?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by trulytrying

How are you? You hanging in there?

---

Well I am more confused than I have ever been in my life with my situation. After she told me how much she trully misses me I don't know what to feel because I want her back but she has yet to tell me anything than I have already said here. I don't think I can keep waiting to see her . Every time she says she wants to meet up she delays or doesn't follow through so what am I supposed to think>? Its extremely frusterating, and confusing and I don't know what to do other than try my hardest not to think about it. I wish iknew if she was having second thoughts or she is just playing me like a fiddle . I honestly don't know what is going on and its extremely sad.

It sounds like she is basically playing games to comfort herself. Like she misses you so she tells you and you tell her what she wants to hear. It makes her feel good that you still want her but in reality she has no intention of messing up what she has now.
She just doesn't want it to be final in her mind.
She wants to feel she has a plan B if things do not work out with her now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

It sounds like she is basically playing games to comfort herself. Like she misses you so she tells you and you tell her what she wants to hear. It makes her feel good that you still want her but in reality she has no intention of messing up what she has now.
She just doesn't want it to be final in her mind.
She wants to feel she has a plan B if things do not work out with her now.

---

That is such a shallow thing to do, I'm hurting really bad because of it because I loved her and now this. I guess I should just try to be as active as I possibly can, I don't really know how to act around her anymore because of how and what happened

Yes you need to get involved with things and get on with your life. Don't guide your life with what if she calls, what if we really end up going out, what if, what if, what if,.

I really believe that often the one that breaks up often keeps contact to ease their hurt and they are the one in control because they usually don't have the hurt and other emotions of the one they broke up with. So therefore they don't necessarily think about how they are hurting you by contacting you and getting your hopes up. Like even though they broke up with you they might have a reminiscing moment and feel the pain so to ease it they call you, get over it and continue with what they have been doing until they have another moment.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Yes you need to get involved with things and get on with your life. Don't guide your life with what if she calls, what if we really end up going out, what if, what if, what if,..........

I really believe that often the one that breaks up often keeps contact to ease their hurt and they are the one in control because they usually don't have the hurt and other emotions of the one they broke up with. So therefore they don't necessarily think about how they are hurting you by contacting you and getting your hopes up. Like even though they broke up with you they might have a reminiscing moment and feel the pain so to ease it they call you, get over it and continue with what they have been doing until they have another moment.

---

Well she came over, didn't say much , noticed some of her things have been packed up , I told her I want to work things out, she got a disappointed look on her face and left... what's that mean

Any ideas on the delays? Or is just delaying long enough till she HAS TO GO?

Disappointed look ---sounds most likely that she is buying time so your bringing it up isn't what she wants to hear. She most likely is still waiting to see where things go with the ex and if they don't work out you are still there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

disappointed look ---sounds most likely that she is buying time so your bringing it up isn't what she wants to hear. She most likely is still waiting to see where things go with the ex and if they don't work out you are still there.

---

I mean seriously if she wanted it to be over she would just call at any time and get her things? Is she that lazy? She admitted she is hurting inside. If she wanted it over she can call any time she wants but why won't she? Is she really thinking about getting together, but how could it ever be if I can't trust her anymore. I guess what do I do?

She most likely wants it over but right now she wants you there to fall back on if her current plans fall apart.
You put your foot down and say it is over that she broke up with you and you are tired of feeling emotionally involved with no hope.

Right now you are leaving the door open to leave her play with your emotions.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

She most likely wants it over but right now she wants you there to fall back on if her current plans fall apart.
You put your foot down and say it is over that she broke up with you and you are tired of feeling emotionally involved with no hope.

Right now you are leaving the door open to leave her play with your emotions.

---

People have said to me that SHE IS ALREADY GONE. There isn't anything I can do to change her mind about the things that are going on. But every time I try to talk to her she never does and then has plans right after we are supposed to go talk. I imagine its to go confide in her ex about what WE TALKED ABOUT. But she sure is making this difficult

You need to make it simple and quit communicating with her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You need to make it simple and quit communicating with her.

---

Oh that goes against what I was going to ask, I really want to know what she is thinking and doing. SO I was wondering should the next time we speak I ask her direct questions like where do I stand, what are you doing? Or won't that work.

If you feel you must continue with her
Yes ask her. Don't let her get off the hook with a disappointed look.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

If you feel you must continue with her
yes ask her. Don't let her get off the hook with a disappointed look.

---

Well we have had 2 times to get together since 2 weeks ago that we separated. Both times have turned up no answers. I don't know what I should do, keep waiting for her or ask her to meet again probably only to be disappointed again

You I guess I'm done with this, to all those out there thank you for your answers.. anyone got any good books to read or recommended?

Realize you can not make somebody love you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Realize you can not make somebody love you.

---

Love is a choice that I am aware of now

I wish I knew what to say to her, I'm contimplating on cutting all ties with her and stop but its too hard when she works at theplace I frequent its too hard for me to let go..