Ask Me Help Desk - Should I stay or should I go

Quote:

Originally Posted by NCDad

The alienation is excruciating. The only solice I have is that as you say is the possibility that it might offer them psychological support that I am still around. I feel if I move away, all of the negative things they have been told will be validated in their mind. Now they still have to question those things because I am still here. I would prefer to stay, but as I have said, I am finding it difficult to impossible to move on with my life.

As for dating, I was dating a woman for about a yeaar but it didn't work out and when I broke up with her she did some very damaging things to me. She sent a letter to my children which contained some very personal e-mails I had sent her. She also said things to reinforce the alienation. After this experience, I just don't feel like getting involved with anyone else.

I am looking at possibly getting a part time job or getting involved with some type of singles group in order to stay more occupied and divert my attention from the situation.

Wow, what an awful woman you were unlucky to have met.

Dating can be disastrous too, I've heard. My boyfriend was freaked out by his first girlfriend after divorcing... she was attractive and made a sensational first impression yet turned out to be totally awful and reeked havoc with his children and finances. Even if we never end up married, after more than a year, it's been reassuring for both of us to know there are reasonably attractive and decent singles in this world who are enjoyable to be with and who won't wreck your life. Don't let one bad experience with dating after your divorce put you off for too long. You've still got to live and enjoy your life.

Thanks frangipanis. I have not given up. I am just taking a break. I am still open to meeting someone, but it is just hard to find the ones you speak of. Can you give me any hints one where they hang out?

Lol! Finding someone special is a combination of knowing what you want and holding out for it, and a touch of luck. Love is always a risk.

My boyfriend and I met through online dating. Have you tried it yet? If you're in the states, I would recommend e-harmony.

That's where I found the psycho (Match.com). I'm on e-harmony now but have not had any luck with that either. Maybe one day I will meet someone special.

Don't worry, my boyfriend found his first girlfriend online too. Otherwise, it sounds cliché, but joining a club where you'll meet people with similar interests helps. I started going to a scrabble club (I know, geeky, eh) in early 2006 and am still developing those friendships.

What are your interests? What do you enjoy?

I really can't say, I really don't know anymore. You know, I was involved with the marriage for around 20 years in and that was my total focus. I really don't have any hobbies. I suppose I should find some. However, I would really like to find me a nice sweet 30 something Aussie. I love your accent. When I was a kid I was in love with Olivia Newton John. If only Australia wasn't so far away.

LOL!! Shucks, eh. The tyranny of distance ;)

Sadly, I look and sound nothing like Olivia... lol.

I was involved with my ex for 20 odd years. I realised when our marriage was over that I had always enjoyed board games and never had anyone to play with or challenge me, which is why I pursued the scrabble. Plus it felt good to sit across the table from other people knowing I would get to know them over time, as I have. They're a hodge podge of people... safe, funny, odd, different, and the ones that are addicted to scrabble, will always be there. They've gradually become my friends.

There must be some things you enjoy outside of work and family? Get creative here... and think what they might be :)

Yes I am beginning to think about these types of things. I plan to give it some thought and see what I can come up with. Thanks for your help, you are very kind. Would you care to chat sometime via I'm? My e-mail is [email protected]. I must turn in now it is getting late here in the eastern time zone, have to get up early. Take Care, hope we can chat some other time.