The amazing thing about being human is that we can have our dreams, set goals, have fantasies, AND then we grow, change, set new goals, have new dreams and fantasies and have a completely normal life. You are not a weirdo, and I never thought that.

It is also possible that if and when you gain enough confidence in your current relationship, and feel safe in communicating about everything with each other, it might just be enough for you to let him always take the lead and eventually feel like all you need is to give in to his needs when he wants them. That might suffice/compensate your urges for 'being dominated'. You might even eventually trust each other enough to talk about 'role playing' your fantasies out. Also, realizing that you like it when he is nice to you will probably continue to help you change. It just goes to prove that we can love vanilla one year and change that taste for chocolate another year - and accept it.

You do have courage, dear, putting any deep feelings in writing no matter if we are strangers or not, is showing courage - one little step at a time. And not having sex yet shows me that you are the one who really is in control of yourself and proud of it. Girl, there is nothing wrong with you at all as far as I'm concerned.

Stay with us and enjoy your life and build on great memories all you want.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif Wishing you a wonderful physically and mentally healthy life.

I want to thank everyone who gave helpful answers. I never put much thought into why I might have those thoughts, I didn't think the way I grew up had been part of the reason. But now that I am reading your opinions and putting more thought into it, I feel that I can over come those urges and not end up ruining myself.
Since this is the internet I wasn't expecting much more than criticism and posts saying nothing more than to get myself some therapy. But I am surprised by the care that some of you put into your answers.
I know that professional help might be a good idea, but I'm still refusing.
I think it was very smart what Chery said about letting him always take the lead. I do feel that it could compensate for some of those urges without being destructive.
Anyway, the responses have helped me with trying to understand it. I've decided I'm going to do things to try and build my confidence and self worth while also trying to have a happy and healthy relationship with this guy and slowly work my way into a better frame of mind.
I know it will be difficult without professional help, so I will keep that option in mind if things get too difficult for me or if I slip back into old ways of thinking.

To Starbucks:

Not everything one writes should be taken as some deep rooted problem, sometimes it is what it is. You could make connections into everything a person does and connect it to some past issue, most of the time it is innocent and does not need deep psycological probing to find the root. The onus is on the poster to consider the extent of what is going on. Again, there is a line between innocent sexual fantasy (which I think she is trying to express) and some type of psycological problem, she must determine which it is.

I agree with what you wrote interms of advice given and your observations are valid, this is more in response to your comment about nobody reading between the lines.

No one mentioned that in some relationships, a partner can be extremely successful and in charge at work, but at home and in the bedroom that same person can be totally submissive. This could be healthy because of the average of totally dominant and totally submissive is neutral.

Upbringing, verbal, psysicial and emotional abuse can negatively affect self-worth.

BDSM play is just that. Within that realm there is generally "safewords" that are agreed upon in advance which keeps things from getting out of hand. Red (stop), Yellow (slow down) and Green (More of what you are doing) are popular. "safeword" is the universal safeword which means stop. In play, "stop" does not mean stop. This makes the scene more real.

It's good that you now have recognized that something is different and your going to try to effect change. You need to have self-worth and be productive in society. In the bedroom, it can be a totally different story.

I have been through it all, you don't want it!
It is kind of normal, some girls do get thoughts like this. Usually it's caused by the need of feeling horrible, have people take pitty on. There's something in your life, or was in your life, that caused this. Don't think you are not normal!
Yes, go to a councillor. Also, someone before me mentioned going to a dominatrix (spelling?). You can try to get a male to tie you up and over power you, but not harm you mentally or physically. I would say to try this. This may help, but it might not.
Just, do not get raped. Do not get beaten.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BMI

To Starbucks:

Not everything one writes should be taken as some deep rooted problem, sometimes it is what it is. You could make connections into everything a person does and connect it to some past issue, most of the time it is innocent and does not need deep psycological probing to find the root. The onus is on the poster to consider the extent of what is going on. Again, there is a line between innocent sexual fantasy (which I think she is trying to express) and some type of psycological problem, she must determine which it is.

I agree with what you wrote interms of advice given and your observations are valid, this is more in response to your comment about nobody reading between the lines.

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To BMI,

I was just responding to a few posts in a row that didn't seem to have read through the question entirely. I wasn't trying to read more into it than there was, but I read it carefully and considered everything she said.

There was also an answer from a "guest" that seems to have been removed now. Also my response was removed. I got a little hot headed when I saw the "guest" post, because quite frankly, it creeped me out.

I give my opinion just like everyone else does here, and that was my observation. I don't just read the questions, answer them, and then just go away without reading other feedback.

I was not trying to probe some deep rooted problem. I say what my gut tells me. People can take it or leave it. If it helps great, if it doesn't, well I tried and that's fine with me.

Thanks for your comment though. It was more a reaction to the "guest" post, and a few others, and I may have acted in haste.

EDIT: It was the keywords that sent off a red flashing light with me. "Beaten", "Rape", "Abuse"

Well said starbucks, thanks for the clarification. I always enjoy your comments on threads as they are always well thought out and constructed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

To BMI,

I was just responding to a few posts in a row that didn't seem to have read through the question entirely. I wasn't trying to read more into it than there was, but I read it carefully and considered everything she said.

There was also an answer from a "guest" that seems to have been removed now. Also my response was removed. I got a little hot headed when I saw the "guest" post, because quite frankly, it creeped me out.

I give my opinion just like everyone else does here, and that was my observation. I don't just read the questions, answer them, and then just go away without reading other feedback.

I was not trying to probe some deep rooted problem. I say what my gut tells me. People can take it or leave it. If it helps great, if it doesn't, well I tried and that's fine with me.

Thanks for your comment though. It was more a reaction to the "guest" post, and a few others, and I may have acted in haste.

EDIT: It was the keywords that sent off a red flashing light with me. "Beaten", "Rape", "Abuse"

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HAD TO SPREAD IT Starbuk... but you my dear, have not lost your 'radar' or gut feeling as far as I can see. You honestly feel and you do your best, so keep up the good work!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

You its common nowadays due to movies and books so avoid this thinking and keep yourself busy which makes your life better.

I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by a man 7 years my senior when I was fourteen - daily for four months. I have never engaged in intercourse before or after those four months.

Rape scenes in film and literature turn me on, like, really bad. It's strange and I can't explain it.

But, in other words, I don't think you're crazy. Look at S&M. Aha. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MyBadMind

Hello,
I'm a 19 year old female and since I was around 12 or 13 years old I've had this terrible desire to be raped buy a guy. Not only raped, but beaten, yelled at, or anything else that would mean me being hurt by a male or anything to make me feel as though I have absolutly no power and were completely dominated. I have never been in a sexual situation other than making out with a few people and I do not enjoy porn but I can easily get off on a rape scene in a movie or a rape description in a book.
What i like most about rape and abuse towards women is the fact that the men are getting off on dominating and hurting the women.
I have had very few thoughts of consentual sex, but I have always had nightly fantasies of being raped. Guys I were dateing would be the one in my fantasies rapeing me.
I have heard womens stories of being raped and how terrible it was for them, the humilliation and the depression and how impossibly difficult it is to get over it... but this does not phase my desire.
I've had this fantasy for probably six or seven years.
Is this normal? Do other women think about this too? What kind of person does this make me?

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Seek serious counseling, take care of yourself.

Terri52

Honey, I don't think you REally want to be raped. I was raped before and believe me its an awful thing.

Your post makes me wonder if you have ever been sexually abused as a child?

I was raped when I was 11. And now as an adult, the only way for me to find any enjoyment out of sex with my husband is to 'roleplay' roughness. I have been to counselling for it and it is getting much better. Its NOT NORMAL. Go to your doctor right away!

I have the same feeling too. It stems out of my shyness and general indifference towards people. Sometimes I just desire someone coming out of nowhere and taking my virginity by force and humiliate me in the process. I have never been intimate with anyone in my life, nor have I ever been sexually abused or even stimulated in any way.