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If your in this forum asking for opinions from total strangers regarding your inability to get some then yes it is sad... If you are proactively seeking to change your situation but have just been unlucky, then it's not sad it's just a game of averages... you may get 50 no's but you will eventually get a yes...
Samira... just tell them
Assalaam alaikum sister Samira,Quote:
Originally Posted by samira_m
It is not a big thing to have a torn hymen, especially as it is possible to happen without sexual encounters.
You do not have to tell your parents, nor do you have to tell your husband until you feel that he will accept you and believe you when you say that it was not due to a sexual encounter but due some other reason.
Hope the following helps you in allaying your fears.
Wa alaikum salaam.
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http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?re...=eng&txt=hymen
Question:
Praise be to Allaah, I came from a religiously-committed family and I am also religiously-committed, but now I am living in a state of fear because I am soon to get married to a young man who is also respectable. The reason is that I think my hymen may have been broken – without committing any immoral action, Allaah forbid. Should I tell him about that (although it will be difficult for me) or should I leave it until the wedding night and not tell him? I do not know what to do, please advise me. May Allaah reward you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
So long as you are chaste and have not committed any immoral action – praise be to Allaah – then you do not have to tell him, and you should not worry about that. The hymen may be broken due to jumping, insertion of fingers, heavy menses, lengthy spinsterhood and other reasons that the fuqaha' have mentioned.
See: al-Mabsoot (5/8), Kashshaaf al-Qinaa' (5/47) and al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/88)
The husband should think well of his wife if he finds out that she is not a virgin. As we have mentioned, virginity may be lost due to causes other than immoral actions. If we assume that he asks you, you can answer him in a way that will ward off doubt from his mind. Rest assured that Allaah will support His believing slave and help him. See also question no. 40278.
The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked: A Muslim woman had an accident when she was small in which her hymen was broken. She has got married but the marriage has not yet been consummated. In another case, a woman suffered the same accident, and now religiously-committed brothers are coming to propose marriage to her. They are both confused about their situation. Which is better – should the married woman tell her husband before consummation of the marriage or should she keep quiet? And should the one who is not married yet go ahead with it, lest it become known and people think badly of her? This happened when she was small and was not yet accountable. Or is this regarded as deceit and cheating? Should she tell those who come to propose or not, for the sake of getting married?
They replied: there is no shar'i reason why she should not conceal it, then if he asks her after consummation of the marriage, she can tell him the truth. End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah (19/5)
We ask Allaah to help you and guide you.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
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http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&QR=40278
Question:
I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my deeds. I got married – praise be to Allaah – to a man who is good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well, our relationship was excellent in all ways, love, respect, harmony and love for one another's families. But then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If your husband is wise and religiously committed, and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is to believe you when you say that you are innocent of any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily by committing the sin of fornication.
This is if we accept what you have discovered about your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as is well known to the experts in this field.
The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or not or whether she has committed an immoral act or not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for many reasons.
So the fact that the hymen is present is not a positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is not a positive sign of the opposite.
We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make the matter clear, because there may be many reasons the hymen is broken.
We hope that your husband will understand this matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause division between husbands and wives, because of the great evil that results from that affecting families and individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'Iblees placed his throne on water then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them to him in status is the one who causes the most fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, 'I did such and such,' and he says, 'You have not done much.' Then another of them comes and says, 'I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife,' and he draws him close to him and says, 'How good you are.'” Muslim, 5023.
So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened.
We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile between you.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A
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WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED! I am a 16 year old girl. And I can say from personal experience that we want the guys not to be sex minded pigs. Having sex while you are a teen does not make you cool. It doesn't. Wait until its right for you. Don't do it because you haven't yet, do it because you really love the person and are in a committed long term relationship with them.
I'm 20 right now and I'm still a virgin. I haven't found anyone I really want to sleep with yet, and in my opinion, it's more important to have someone you want to share the experience with rather than random or frivolous sex.
There's no age limit on being a virgin, and in reality, the world doesn't recognize you as much different a person after you lose that "status". So in other words, don't rush it.
And if you're still a virgin at 40, you can make a documentary to complement the move The Forty Year Old Virgin, so no worries.
Noticed that your post is a couple of years old so your situation may have changed. However, since I'm dealing with a similar situation I couldn't help but speak up. If you've 'lost it' by now, maybe someone else can benefit from my opinion and that's all it is, an opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Imax
I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. Logically, I know it is not "sad" or "pathetic" but it sure as h*** feels that way. I know quite a few people and I can honestly say I don't know of anyone else that can come close to understanding what this is like.
I would like to say I have remained a virgin all these years for religious reasons but that is only a small part of the problem. In school was hardly what you would call hot but I wasn't hideous either. I had friends and I never had trouble talking to girls so I can't say I was shy. I guess I just never really had that strong sex drive that guys, especially teenage guys are supposed to have. I'm not gay, if I were, I would have been having sex with guys. I'm attracted to women I've just never been aggressive enough to actually pursue someone. Making matters worse is that I'm perceived as a "nice guy" so girls then and women now just don't think of me in a sexual way. Even if it had been some totally unsatisfying experience, I would give anything to be able to go back in time and lose my virginity in high school. I'm sure there would be some regrets but compared to the damage my self-esteem has suffered, I think it would be worth it.
It was a little embarrassing in my teens, it was a source of shame in my 20s and now that I'm half way to 40, I can't describe how horrible it is. Very lonely. A few weeks ago I was at a wedding reception. I knew almost all the people there so I'm familiar with everyone's "status". At one point I looked around the room and tried to find one other person that is my age and still a virgin. There weren't any. Nearly 200 people in that room, many of them I consider good friends and I still felt completely alone.
If your religious and moral beliefs allow you to have sex outside of marriage, then do it.
I'm not saying just pick someone up at a bar or hire a prostitute. But if you have an opportunity to lose your virginity in a way that won't leave you damaged emotionally, take advantage of it. We're sexual creatures. I just don't think we can become whole beings without having had that experience. Obviously, the safety and emotional security of a marriage are the best way to experience this.
Hopefully, you're not still struggling with this, if you are, just know that you're not alone.:rolleyes:
Umm.. it depends actually. Don't go for just any girl but wait until you really meet someone special for you or someone you dream for. But it's a good sign, remember.. breaking is easy but building is tough!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imax
Well to help you out I think like a lot of guys talk a lot about this stuff and don't rush yourself into doing stuff, don't be a man whore. Like seriously.
But I'll probably never get back on this site, so you can message me on AIM. It's okysmile.
:)
Peace.
Well to help you out I think like a lot of guys talk a lot about this stuff and don't rush yourself into doing stuff, don't be a man whore. Like seriously.
But I'll probably never get back on this site, so you can message me on AIM. It's okysmile.
Peace.
Being a virgin means you've chosen to wait. There's nothing rong with that I think.
No, it is not sad or pathetic to be a virgin at 17. It shows that you are in control of your own life and your own decisions. Sex is not a recreational activity , it is something that two people share when they truly care for each other and is ready to be responsible for sex. You and only you will know when the time is right. So be protected and prepared.
ITS BETTER TO WAIT AND LOSE IT TO THE RIGHT Girl :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Imax
Noo
It's a sin to have sex before marriage its not that hard not to have sex... whats the rush?. I don't understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by Imax
1) This is your decision. Don't let anyone make you think you're weird to not have had sex already. They can do what they want with their bodies, but as for yours, it is yours alone and you are doing yourself a disservice if you let other people make the decision for you
2) That being said, the best age to lose your virginity would, in my opinion, be when it's legal. Not as soon as it's legal, but some time after it is legal. There's a restriction on these things for a reason. It isn't to prevent kids from having fun or they would ban PS3s and minors with cell phones. It is because before the age of 18 (and sometimes after) the vast majority of kids don't know or can't comprehend the responsibilities that go along with sex. The older you get, the more responsibilities you have such as homework when you're five to filling up your parents car when you're 16 after a night out. Once you reach 18, sex can be your responsibility if you want it. You don't have to drive the car, but if you choose to, you have to make sure the tank is full. You don't have to have sex, but if you do you have to be prepared to protect yourself or deal with the consiquences of STDs, pregnancy, etc.
3) Sweetie it's never sad or pathetic to wait to do something as big as sex until you're ready. What's sad is when people dive into it at 13 and have sex for cokes or cookies and wind up on jerry springer. It doesn't mean no girl wants you. It means no girl that respects herself and you wants to do it until you're both ready. Those girls haven't had sex with you because they're not ready, not because they don't like you.
As always, best of luck
Well, 17 Is not a bad age to loose your virginty, now a days more than 60% of girls are losing it by the time they turn 16. So Your ohkayy.
I agree, you should be proud to be a virgin! I was always surrounded by people who bragged about how many people they slept with and it drove me crazy! That is not impresive!
And of course there isn't really a right age to start having sex. Whenever you feel comfortable. But you will remember it for the rest of your life. I lost my virginity when I was 19 and in love. He was a virgin too and I LOVED that! Waiting for the love of my life was something I've never regretted.
I'm a girl, however I'm 17 and a virgin.
I respect anyone who is because I have seen a lot of my friends go through it and regret it.
I'd prefer a guy who was one too.
I am 23 and lost my virginity at 18 while I was in college. Before that I had a boyfriend for three years and we never had sex. Neither of us were ready. It took this one special man and time to make me ready for that step. I know for guys it isn't always the same as it is for girls. But when you're ready and you find the right person it will happen on its own. In the meantime don't sweat it. Girls can tell when you just want to have sex with them and it freaks them out.
Make sure you stick to your wife you are very lucky
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