Ken, I'm so glad that you're still around! Are you alone, or is there someone there with you?
Thanks!
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Ken, I'm so glad that you're still around! Are you alone, or is there someone there with you?
Thanks!
I am glad you are too. Thanks for posting today.
I'm sorry you were so depressed. If you got out too soon, it's okay to go back. You can just call them and say that. Like Clough, I'd like to know if someone is with you.
Also, please post tomorrow. I would really like to hear more about how you are doing.
Hi, asking!
I tried to send you a private message, but your mailbox is full! Would you please empty it at least a little bit?
Thanks!
Ken, I am so glad to hear you are okay. At least physically. I too want to be sure someone is with you at all times. If not, I'll take some personal time off to help you through this.
Ken, you know as well as I do that switching medications can cause a "psychosis" such as this. As hard as it is, we have to remember the side effects and not follow through with the feelings they give us.
Feel free to email me anytime you want. I am not asking for unsolicited PMs or emails, Ken has my email already. I'll give you my phone number for you to call should you feel this desperate again. I only say this because I answer my phone 24/7, Ken is a friend, and I am a friend of his. Again, this is NOT asking to take questions or answers off the board, just supporting a friend.
I am not alone,there are at least 2 of me in here... haha(at least he hasn't lost the sense of humor)Quote:
Originally Posted by Clough
I am at the parents for the duration,thanks though,I wouldn't like to be alone at this time anyway,the girlfriend would spend more time with me if she wasn't too busy either.
I am going to the therapist on Tue.but if this keeps up I am going back inpatient before then anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Thanks again for responding, Ken! I can't remember if you have any background in playing a musical instrument or singing.
Do you?
Thanks!
I can't seem to get to sleep, but I do sleep about 6 hours each night(so far)Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
I am a little delirious(thank god for spell check)Some higher functions(like typing)are slow to return,but I seem OK for now.
I am HIGHLY reactive to caffeine.I have a cup(big one) of coffee and 1/2 of a mountain dew,then it's Propel water for the rest of the day/evenings,I shake uncontrollably even now(9:30 PM),, maybe no more caffeine for me for a while.
I have had many 'episodes' and I am now being treated like a child with no responsibility as to when to take meds and I am OK with this,, for now,sometime I will want those concerns removed,but best for now they are as they are.
I will write back as often as I can, thanks for looking into this thread everyone.
I played Violin for some years then Cello for more,but that was quite a while back,doubt I have much of those skills left.Quote:
Originally Posted by Clough
Now, I do remember!
Do you still have the instruments? Do you like to write poetry or lyrics?
Thanks!
No,no writing or the like,I am more into the woodworking than other arts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Clough
Hi Ken,
Maybe a small do-able wood working project would be cheering? Something non challenging and soothing?
Nice to have you back.
How are you doing today?
I have been told to try Benedryl for the lack of sleep,it has taken the shakes down to a tolerable level and I hope to sleep tonight(last night wasn't much of a sleep)Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
Ken, I can't say how glad I am to see you back here. I had Clough calling you almost endlessly, I'm sure he got tired of my PMs. LOL
The benadryl will take the shakes off, but with your meds, I'm not too sure about the sleeping part.
Hey, Ken, Was today any better? Okay if not. Just let us know how you are feeling. Bad depression about the worst thing I know.
I sometimes take benadryl for sleep.
It's very springy here in California. I'm trying to attach a picture of poppies. I've never done this before here... Hope it works.
Thanks for the pics,my property was burned(cleared for the new 'prairie' season) and the new growth is coming up already,rains have given a lot for the plant life lately!!
Today was much like the others,the shakes are settling down thanks to a friend(bi-polar) who had cogentin for the side effects of the meds,I have now taken 1 for the night and hope it does enough for the shakes and then I can get some sleep!! :)
I would love to see the prairie plants coming up. American prairie always seems so romantic to me (not in the love sense). I try to imagine people seeing it for the first time, wading out into it. I didn't know you lived on prairie. Is this tall grass or short grass?
Hope the shakes are better tomorrow.
:eek:You really didn't know??Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
Yes,we are on 35 acres of sand prairie,surrounded by 1500 acres of nature conservancy(land locked)
We have 250+ identified species and the conservancy has a little more(more diverse lands)
The return of the Badger and Bobcat are just a few things we brag about.
We have been at it since '93.
The shakes are down(thanks to a friend and his cogentin(sp?) but it did allow me to sleep with some semblance of comfort.
Wow! I had no idea. That sounds so beautiful. Bobcats and badgers too!
Congratulations on a half decent night's sleep. I hope things are starting to look up for you. What does it look like outside?
Sorry so long on responding.Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
I joined a different site(answer bag),it is a more 'social' site and I got very involved in it,almost to an obsession,I am now coming back to earth.
Outside now the plants are growing to almost ankle height(too much rain for the area in the past few weeks, we have standing water in many areas and moss is forming),the birds are moving in to the new birdhouses I installed this spring(17 bluebird boxes,half of them needed replaced) and the early morning birdsong is truly inspiring.
Medication update:After being put on Geodon and Tegratol for a 2 1/2 month time I was removed from them by a new psyche dr.The tegratol lessens the effectiveness of the geodon and now I am going through some serious withdraws from it.This year has been a real roller coaster ride for me.
I have been prescribed a combination I used to be on many years ago but as of yet I am not able to comply with them,the withdraws are too intense.Sleep is sporadic and I am in need of steady sleep,much less the ability to eat(upset system),the change is necessary but not very comfortable.
I am taking 80 mg of Geodon every other day as the withdraw symptoms get too much to handle,sleep for 8 hours and have an OK 24 hours before the symptoms return and it starts over again.The Dr didn't think I would go through withdraws from only a couple of months of use,but I am.Today I am contacting the pharmacy for a lesser dosage of it as I think 80 mg is too much,I have scrips for 40 mg and I can try to use them every other day to ween myself off.I hate self medicating.
Still on the Geodon as I still have problems with cramps(withdraws),the other meds have stabilized and I am (finally)sleeping like a normal person.
Staying on the 'new' meds hasn't posed any new problems so I will continue with them.
Good to see you back Ken. I've been so busy with work I have had little time to do anything but sleep.
Glad you have hit the stabilization level with your meds. Hope all else is going good with you.
Thus far,all is A OK,just not looking forward to the next run in with you know who:(Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Update:
Meds have begun failing me in the sleep dept.I haven't been working due to carpel tunnel and tennis elbow(been 6+ months now)I have surgery for the carpel tunnel in a week(Friday the 13th)then maybe,after recovery time,something for the tendinitis, they haven't instilled much confidence in me concerning that one,they say it's a tricky thing, I am not sure what's going to happen.
I am back on the Zoloft/Depakote and some nights sonata or ambien,both offer some relief from the sleep disorder,but I am up at 2:30 AM most nights anyway,even taking them.
I have Lorazepam(Atavan) for the really high times,Cogentin for the shakes and a few others for 'just in case',additives prescribed for more rest,although I prefer not to take much else,enough is enough(especially after last springs episode with the overdose)
So far the mind is still clear and the depression is not an issue,but this lack of sleep will take a toll eventually,something has to break.
Hi Ken,
Can you exercise? If you are not able to work, then you would have time maybe to take a walk in the morning, maybe a half hour, and then an hour in the evening after dinner. That would do two things, help you sleep and also slow the onset of depression.
My own experience with ambien was that it was great for occasional use, but that if I used it regularly it didn't help, but not taking it was even worse. When I finally kicked it after tapering to a quarter of a pill every night, I barely slept for two weeks. It is really nice, but only to use once or twice a week. It also affected my memory quite a lot.
I have been struggling with insomnia lately too. It helps me to not use the computer or do any work late at night, to go to bed relatively early, and to get exercise. Fresh air in my room helps me too for some reason.
For what it's worth, I had a kind of tendinitis in my foot earlier this year. I did everything the podiatrist said and it was not going away and it hurt to even stand on my foot. Specifically, he'd had me not using my foot as much as possible, as well as ice and NSAIDs (alleve).
I started regularly using Salonpas (which are these weird little patches that contain aspirin and camphor that soaks into your skin; I didn't use the kind with capsaicin). I also started exercising my toes and feet, gradually increasing the amount, both muscular and stretches. Amazingly, after following the podiatrist's advice for 4 months and not getting anywhere, my foot started to get better in about three weeks with exercise and 24/7 salonpas. It's still not perfect but it's a lot better and I can walk 5 miles no problem. I also used NSAIDs and ice, like he said.
The trick was to gently exercise the tiny muscles surrounding the tendons. And the Salonpas. Or so I imagined.
This is purely my own thing. I didn't read it anywhere. But so long as anything you think up doesn't make you worse, it might be worth a try.
Also, if you get sleep, it will help your pain. And if your pain is less, you will sleep better. Hard sometimes to break out of that vicious cycle. But sometimes it helps to focus on sleep--without, of course, obsessing about it to the point that when you wake up in the night you get upset!
Hope all this advice is somewhat useful and not just annoying.
Good!
PS. You just gave me my 5th green box!
(my 400th greenie. Yay! Thanks!)
Still staying on the prescribed meds,now-a-days it's lower Zoloft,normal Depakote,Prestiq(due to major depressive episode)and now I sleep almost all the time,imagine that:(
Someday I would like to have a normal month,just enough sleep,just enough food,just enough social interactions,etc.
In the last year I have had little stability(not whining,just an observation),the doctor I have now is very different than the ones I had in the last 15 years in that he is more an equal in my treatment instead of a superior to me.I feel much more at ease with him.When I have a problem(depression,hyper moods,etc) I am able to get the help as needed instead of waiting for the doctor to have an opening(I have his direct number and can call at all hours, that's real handy)
I am again tanning this winter,the activity gets me out of the house every day,gets me to socialize with others(at the spa),I look great with a tan in the middle of the winter(and feel better for it),and I believe the influx of bright light is helpful to the seasonal depression.
More later,I hope everyone had a good holiday season.
Ken
Hi Ken,
You sound good for midwinter. This is always a tough time. I moved my bed right into a window where the sun comes in in the morning and I think that is helping me. I will probably hate it when the sun starts coming up at 4 am!
I was exercising for a while and feeling great. Then I stopped over Christmas and almost instantly fell into a slump. I will go out and run for a few minutes today. Even 5 minute helps.
Nice that the tanning is helping you. And GREAT that you have a cooperative doctor. I went to see a doctor last month about my back pain and he was a complete jerk to me. But he is the doctor I have to see if I want physical therapy. All he does is take my copay and insult me. THEN I can go to physical therapy.
I've had those doc's too,like arrogant snobbish over paid brats.
The last Physical therapist I saw ended up not only being a neighbor but also hunts our property in the winter, any time I have need of his services I simply give him a call:)
Hope all goes well for you in the new year:)
Ken,
Are you okay now? I'm fighting my own battles here...
It's pretty depressing...
Thanks!
Am I doing OK, somewhat,I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by Clough
I have been very down since Thanksgiving, well,even and down anyway, Many changes in medications, mainly a new drug called Prestiq, something like 6 months old now,it has removed the deepest of the depression but not all of it, that takes time.
What are you doing for past times?Getting out much?
I'm going through some issues now. I actually wish that I was on some sort of medicatiion to balance things out. Turned myself into a local mental health center this past Summer, after my rather grave physical problems, and decided not to follow through because of not being able to afford it, even though there is a sliding fee scale.
I do have friends with whom I can talk and discuss things...
Business has been pretty good for December. I wish that it would be that good all of the time! I'm working with area agencies for various things. Have a new furnace now as well as a new hot water heater. I haven't had hot water in two years. Need to fix the broken pipes. Have already fixed them three times. Situation is much worse now though because of freezing last year...
Fixing the broken pipes is the next thing that needs to be done.
I've got to get over there and visit with you!
Later...
The online database I have here, like a diary,is very necessary for my mental well being,as well(I hope) for others who might read this thread.
I am now attempting to quit smoking.For the past week I have been on a patch for the replacement of nicotine in the system, the hurdle now is the action of putting the cig to my mouth, and the smoke from it.
During the first few days of this treatment,I smoked about half as much as I normally had previous to using the patch, the effects were not readily noticed.
Within a 4 day period,I began to notice vivid dreams at night,fatigue during the days(could also be attributed to my bipolar),and a lack of appetite.I was down to 5 smokes at that time.
Yesterday,I smoked 3.The effects of the patch are becoming more and more evident as the time goes by.It states on the packaging,if you have vivid dreams you can remove the patch at night, I did for the first time last night, within a few hours,I felt relief from the (seemingly,too much) nicotine.
I awoke today to find that the dreams I was having were much less severe,I actually slept through the night(almost) and :( rewarded myself to a smoke this AM.. :mad:
Upon reflection,I cleaned up,thought rationally about this action, I am an addict,I am weak in that I have to be vigilant in,'Policing' my thinking,I can do this,I am better than this smoking,I am on a patch to help me through the toughest times,but eventually I will need to be free of all nicotine.
The suggested timetable for these patches, Weeks 1-4,step 1(21 mg),Weeks 5 and 6,step 2(14mg),Weeks 7 and 8,step 3(7 mg)
Being on step one hasn't been very tough,, yet, I am getting more than what I should be getting for nicotine(I shouldn't even be smoking, but I did), and I have stopped the constant thinking that revolves around any addiction, smoking is no different than any other drug/alcohol.
Can I do this?Can I stay with the methods laid down by this drug Mfgr. And see this through?
I am feeling a little bit alone in this, I seem to have alienated friends and associates.I am now seen as a threat to 'friends' who still smoke(like I am some kind of authority figure,upon reflection, I did this also to 'friends' who quit, hmm... :( )
Hope to hear from others who are struggling with this as well.
KBC
Hi Ken,
This is wonderful! I am impressed that you are doing this. Like they say, just take it one day at a time, step by step. You certainly can do this. It will be tough, but I'm guessing not worse than other things you've been through. I confess I have never smoked, but I know many people who have quit. It's difficult but definitely doable. I think if anyone can do it, you can.
I am rooting for you!
I'm unsure of the timetable here. Going from "07 to '10.
Have info on patch if I'm responding timely.
Hi Dr. Bill.
Welcome! This is more like a running discussion.
Info about nicotine patch is very timely.
(Fentanyl patch not so much, but shoot anyway.)
I am going to make it,one way or another,, :)Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
I figure the first weeks are going to actually be easy(as soon as I STOP the actual sneaking one in here and there), the second stage will be easier if I can stop cheating right now.
Only have 4 left in the last pack I want to buy,, I just know that leaving them there as temptation will allow me to smoke them, but I just can't throw them out.
Once an addict,always an addict..
Thanks again for your support asking, it really does mean a lot;)
Yes,DrBill100, there isn't really a time frame on a sticky thread, at least they haven't stopped me from posting things on here for the last 3 years.. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by DrBill100
Hi Ken,
You mention "cheating" and sneaking one. Isn't that like sneaking a beer? Patch or not, oral/manual habit or not, You aren't fooling yourself.
I'm just thinking aloud. I have smoked while on the patch too.
It's almost as if the addicted self is "separate" from who we want to be. Like a willful child wanting to sneak in a secret recess instead of sitting in class, he wants to go his own way. He wants to get away with something, even if that something is playing on the freeway during rush hour.
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