I have been dealing with depression, self harm, suicide, and eating problems. Around last year end of the school year I began to develop an eating habit of restricting my food. I would go 3-4 days without eating and then get mad at myself for eating so I would go longer. I ended up not eating for 4-6 days. When I would not eat for 5 days I would only allow myself to ea a cracker or 2 and that would have to last me another3-4 days. When I was 8 I was raped and when my mom found out she denied that it happened and that was my first suicide attempt. My second attempt was around 3 months after the first attempt. The second one was more serious I took 56 Advil's and then another 17 an hour after the first 56. I am not proud of it but I some times( more often then not) think everything would be better if I was dead. I cause my mom and dad stress my dad had a stroke and wanted to leave my mom and she blamed me for the fights. I began purging around that time. Now I am purging twice to three times a day. I am on a 200-300 calorie a day diet. I am trying to reduce my food intake so I won't purge. 2 weeks ago I started using laxatives but I don't think I am considered bulimic. When I binge I cut after to try to teach myself a lesson. I know I need someone to talk to about this but I don't think I am or would even be considered Bulimic. Please give me your opinion and advice thank you.

Yes, you are.

Bu·li·mi·a
n.
1. An eating disorder, common especially among young women of normal or nearly normal weight, that is characterized by episodic binge eating and followed by feelings of guilt, depression, and self-condemnation. It is often associated with measures taken to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting, the use of laxatives, dieting, or fasting.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Yes, you are.

bu·li·mi·a
n.
1. An eating disorder, common especially among young women of normal or nearly normal weight, that is characterized by episodic binge eating and followed by feelings of guilt, depression, and self-condemnation. It is often associated with measures taken to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting, the use of laxatives, dieting, or fasting.

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Can't it be an eating problem would you go as far as to say I am bulimic?

Yes, you are bulimic.

I'll second that. You are bulimic.

"I know I need someone to talk to about this"

Yes, you do. Karen Carpenter, a famous singer in "The Carpenters," died of this. It sounds like you are starving yourself to death like she did.

But Im not like full blown bulimic I only purge 2-3 times a day not like 15 times a day.

Doesn't matter.

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Originally Posted by levylane

But Im not like full blown bulimic I only purge 2-3 times a day not like 15 times a day.

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Yes, you are "full blown" bulimic. A person who is not bulimic doesn't purge at all.

Well if I am Bulimic it's not to the point where I would need help... right?

You definitely need help. What don't you think you are able to control in your life?

It appears you do indeed need help very badly as you are anorexic as well.

You only take in 200-300 calories a day when the recommended caloric intake is 1200-1500 calories a day. Your body is eating it's own muscle just to keep you alive right now. If this continues, your heart will become involved in that process and shut down completely.

You will not survive this if you don't get help.

I am fine

Levylane, how old are you?

16 why?

This is stupid I was fine before I posted this and ill be fine after thank you for your concern but I am going to be okay.

No, you won't be okay, not without professional help. Self-delusion is another piece of this puzzle.

No really I am okay I have only been on the 200-300 calorie diet for a month now and I'm not using laxatives anymore I'm only purging twice a day. I will admit I'm not eating enough calories and I have lowered my intake to 100-200 calories but I'm not dead nor will I be any time soon.

Tell me honestly how tall you are and how much you weigh.

I am 5'4 and 115 pounds I have already checked my BMI and I am at a healthy weight

Do your parents and friends say you are at a healthy weight and make a good appearance?

If you are eating that small amount, your body is feeding on itself. Organs will eventually begin to fail and shut down.

Yeah they say that I am but all my friends are super skinny and I think I'm fat I eat. I am eating 15 crackers a day and only purging one time a day.

I'm am so sorry.

Why?

That you are deluding yourself and causing harm to yourself.

You must be very upset and even angry over your parents' situation.

Its not just them my real mom gave me up for adoption and I have never met my real dad the parents who want to separate are my adopted parents who are my great aunt and uncle but there the only family I know. I am okay with what I am doing to myself, I will have more friends when I am thinner, and my parents won't fight when Im not overweight.

"I will have more friends when I am thinner, and my parents wont fight when Im not overweight."

Ah. And there are the lies you are telling yourself.

Have more friends? How many do you have now, and how many more do you want?

People like us because we are thin?

I have a lot of friends Im friends with everyone at school, but I can't help but feel judged. I was bullied a lot when I was younger but I know more guys would like me and I would get more friends at school. I wouldn't have to walk around school like a pumpkin. When I feel good with myself so will everyone else. Just a couple more pounds and I will reach my goal and then I can stop.

No, you won't stop because you will have to maintain that goal and the only way to do that will be to continue to starve yourself.

You weren't bullied because of your weight.

I was bullied about everything my feet my mom my body my friends. I will maintain my weight once I get it where I want it but I will no longer purge and I will eat more I will just have to exercise more.

No, your body and weight and feet were not why you were bullied.

Has the bullying stopped? If so, why?

It has kind of stopped but if I was not bullied for my body then you can tell me why I was bullied.

You have already said it -- "When I feel good with myself so will everyone else."

Others noticed you don't feel good about yourself (for various reasons) and then bully you. It has nothing to do with your appearance and your body. The bullying has everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

How do you feel about yourself? Be honest.

I am fat,I am overweight. I am ugly without make up. I cause problems. I don't deserve to go to treatment for my problems.I feel like if I don't lose weight I would rather die. Sometimes I think everything would be better if I died. There are many more things wrong with me but really if I was smaller everything would be so much easier.

So you are just not good enough.

Yup

Your world is falling apart because of you. You are a bad person, not worth much.

Umm okay... thank you for that. You really know how to make someone feel better. Well at least I'm not the only one who thinks that.

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Originally Posted by levylane

umm okay... thank you for that. You really know how to make someone feel better. Well at least im not the only one who thinks that.

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I was not thinking that about you but summarizing what you are telling me.

So, for you, the body weight and feet and parent thing are only covers for what is really the problem.