What is really the problem?

The problem: "I am bad and not worthy of love."

The solution: "When I feel good about myself, everyone else will love me."

How is that a problem it's the truth..

And that is why you need to meet with a therapist for a while, to find out why you feel that way and to help you change that feeling.

I know why I feel that way. I am fine with my eating for now once it gets out of control I will get help.

If it gets out of control

What does "out of control" mean to you?

Purging 15 times a day purging everything you eat. Not wanting to get help once it is really bad. I am eating like right now I am eating kind of a lot but its okay because I know I am going to purge it only because I ate 120 calories already today I can't afford to eat anymore .

Have you already crossed the line so that you refuse to get help?

No I would get help if I really needed it. However the only way I think I would need help is if I was purging 15 times a day. I would accept help if I needed it.

What if you were purging 10 times a day?

Ummm its not good but 15 is a problem. That's when I would get help. Itsd not like I'm purging because I want to I can't help it like right now.

Of course you can help it now. Purging is not normal. Twice a day is a problem.

Why don't I purge?

Because you don't have the same feelings about food. And you don't need to it is bad for others

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Originally Posted by levylane

because you dont have the same feelings about food. and you dont need to it is bad for others

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What feelings about food? How you feel about food is not your problem.

Why don't I need to?

I am disgusted after I eat , I think its so disgusting that I ate that what ever that may be. And you don't need its as simple as that. I don't think anyone should do it. I do it because I don't like the way I look and I feel fat so I need to you don't.

I have realized that I do need help. I purge now 5-6 times a day and I don't want to anymore. I don't know where to go for help.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by levylane

I have realized that I do need help. I purge now 5-6 times a day and I dont want to anymore. I dont know where to go for help.

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You talk with a trusted teacher at school or your guidance counselor who will figure out how to get help for you.

And you will post her so I can continue to follow your trail?

Ive already talked to a teacher and I don't want to tell them and bring them into this. I would feel bad if they had to deal with this to.

I will continue to post here this has helped me so much.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by levylane

Ive already talked to a teacher and i dont want to tell them and bring them into this. i would feel bad if they had to deal with this to.

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That is why teachers are there, to deal with stuff like this. They would be THRILLED to help you. (I know -- I was a teacher.)

Its just that school starts on the 29th and I don't want them to have to deal with this along with planning their classes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by levylane

Its just that school starts on the 29th and i dont want them to have to deal with this along with planning their classes.

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That is what teachers want to do, help their students. A teacher won't be involved in your future care or counseling or spooning food into your mouth, but will connect you to the right person who will help you.

So I'm confused I thowup almost everything I eat but I eat more than a gold fish am I or am I not bulimic? I will talk to one of my teachers but what if I'm not bad enough?

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Originally Posted by levylane

so im confused i thowup almost everything i eat but i eat more than a gold fish am i or am i not bulimic? I will talk to one of my teachers but what if im not bad enough?

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You are bad enough. :) (Psst, I'm a counselor.)

I want you to deal with this or I may have to drive over to your house and haul you to a counselor myself.

Yes, you are bulimic. I will make a badge for you to wear if you like.

I eat way more than 1 goldfish maybe I am just a purger.. if there is such a thing. And I don't know if I am bad enough to need help.

You have no control of anything.

I have control over how much I eat and if I want to eat so I have some control.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by levylane

i have control over how much i eat and if i want to eat so i have some control.

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And that's it?

Well I have control over my cutting and laxatives and my suicidal thoughts I have control over my school work and my friends that's all though.

What control do you have over your friends?

No like I have control over who I want my friends to be. I have control in my life its just not as much as I wish I had.

What do you want control over that you don't have now?

I want to be able to not eat and not feel guilty that my mom is mad at me for not eating and I want to be able to do things I want to with my friends and I want to go inside my friends houses.

You can't do that with your friends until you begin to eat normally again.

Why can't you go inside your friends' houses now?

Because my mom is afraid I will take medication from their houses or take razor blades from their houses or laxatives from them. Its not fair Im going to do the things I am weather I get the meds from them or my house. I feel guilty to, because sometimes I say I want to change and get help but the next day I don't and one day I will be super happy and outgoing then the next I am depressed and I don't know why I feel up and down all the time.

Question: how many laxatives is to many, for 1 dose?

One is too many.

levylane, I care about you and want you to get help. I want you to go to a therapist and kick this problem so you can enjoy life again. Okay? For me?

Well I am just starting to find a grove with my purging and the laxatives. I am going to be fine I'm not bad enough to get help. I would love to get help when I need it.