I'm 16 years old and last night, my 20 year old boyfriend who I have been dating for about 3 and a half months asked me to marry him. The time we have spent together has been phenomenol and we both feel like we have been dating for at least a year. I, of course, responded to his question with a "yes". My question is, is it the right thing? He makes me feel so amazing and I have never been this close to a guy. I have had sex with him and we talk on the phone every night for at least 3 hours. So I don't think that all he wants is sex, but I am not sure and have been thinking about it since he asked me. Was my decision the right one?

Probably not, I do not think that 3 1/2 months is long enough to decide whom you will spend the rest of your lifes with. Also, due to the age difference this could be a case of statutory rape even with your consent because there is 4 years difference, but that is not your question. So, perhaps you should tell him that you need to hold off for a little while. And did he give you a ring when he asked you? If not, it sounds as though he is playing with your emotions and will take advantage of you. Just how much do you know about this guy after 3 1/2 months??

It could be a good decision, or a bad one it all depends on the relationship. However, with today's divorce rate you have a better chance of the marriage failing then succeeding, especially since you're so much younger. Just ask him if you can wait to have the wedding ceremony... If he really loves you then he will understand and will be willing to wait until you're out of school or at the least 18- an adult.
If you're second guessing yourself then your not ready.
Love is everlasting and needs to be taken seriously, trust your gut feeling. Is it right or wrong?

Ok I feel like I have a little insight on this... for I was in a similar situation. Are you too young? Yes... your probably only in your second year of high school right? I dated a guy that was 5 years older then me... and we were together for 3 1/2 years... yes he gave me a ring and asked me to marry him... but it turned out to be more like a promise ring. Even after more then 3 years together, it ended up not being the perfect match, and we had a very exciting and loving relationship in the beginning like you do now... but to be honest... and I'm only saying this because I have totally been there before... just give it time. Your in no rush to get married. If he really loves you... he'll stick around no matter how long it takes. And if your still together by the time you turn 18, and you still want to get married, then go for it. Because by then you will know if you really love him or not, and you'll be old enough to make that decision on your own.

good luck though. I know what I feels like to be young and VERY in love. It's the best feeling in the world. Just take it one day at a time. There is no use in rushing these sort of things.

=)

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To young to marry?
I'm 16 years old and 20 year old boyfriend

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YES !

Try living with someone and then see how you feel about spending the rest of your life with them.. talk about a test and a half on a relationship!
Seriously,if its meant to be and you guys really want to spend your lives together then you can wait. At the end of the day marriage isn't going to keep you guys together- it's the two of you that will do that...
I was as in love when I was 16 and without being patronising (really I'm not,just talking from experience!) I'm glad I waited. Because although I'm only 3 yrs older now I've already learnt that these things only get better as you get older...
I'm sure deep down though you'll know yourself what feels right.
Hope it goes well for you whatever you decide! X

Listen to Mr. Curlyben, he is 100% right.

I agree w/ a lot of people on here. Ive been friends w/ more in mind w/ a friend of mine for over 1 year and a half now. I was 16.5 when we met and he was 22. But we decided not to date until Im 18. That's two monthes away and we are so happy we've taken the time to really get to know each other before dating.

Have you gotten to know the important things about him? His goals in life? Does he want kids? Does he plan on living where he is now?

What about his friends and fam? His boss and co-workers? What do they think about him?


Bottom line is that if he loves and respects you, he will wait for you.

.Brandy,

I do hate to rain on your parade but not only are you to young to be married, you should not be spending your time with a fellow that is 20 years old.

I promise you, that I do not say this to be mean. I married at 18 my lady was also 18. The first four years were relatively nightmare as we struggled to learn how to live together.

We were extremely lucky that our son wasn't born until we were 22.

At sixteen your biggest problem should be what to wear to your ring dance or Prom, not contemplating marriage.

Please, relax and enjoy being 16. If you are that important to your boyfriend, he can wait two years. I would also suggest that you spend time with your Priest or Pastor or Rabbi so that you can talk this through with him/her.

Honey, the fact that you asked this question tells me that you are having second thoughts.

No matter what happens in your life, don't ever question that little nagging voice in the back of your mind. If you choose to ignore it, you will regret it. Been there, done that. I can guarantee you that when I chose not to go with my gut instinct, it always came back to bite me in the butt. So, give this a lot of thought. There is a reason why you are suddenly not sure. Just take a step back and continue dating him. The good thing is at your age, legally you can't rush into marriage. So, just tell him that (by law) you need to wait until you are 18 to get married and that it is better to wait until then to discuss marriage. By that time, you will both know if it is the right decision. Although I don't approve of your having sex, I am not your mother. Please make sure that you are using protection at all times. There are so many sexually transmitted diseases out there now that do not have any cures. Of course, pregnancy is another big issue. You are too young to be dealing with such emotionally devastating life altering stuff. I am sure you are smart enough to realize all these things and are taking the proper precautions.

You must be so flattered that he asked you. It is something to save in your heart. But it is something rather selfish (yes!) because you have so much life to live before you settle down. He does too. How sad to realise how many marriages turn sour, and then couples divorce. Regret over hasty marriage is tops on the list of reasons. You can't imagine ever not loving him? Right, you don't have enough time in your relationship to have seen all sides of each other. Give yourself time to be a carefree teen, sweetie. You will not ever regret that.

If you were 20 and he 24, is it still way too soon to be considering marriage. You are still in the "puppy love" stage of your relationship where everything is beautiful. You have to get past that initial part of your relationship before thinking about a long term deal like marriage.

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Originally Posted by cerisa

You must be so flattered that he asked you. It is something to save in your heart. but it is something rather selfish (yes!) because you have so much life to live before you settle down. He does too. How sad to realise how many marriages turn sour, and then couples divorce. Regret over hasty marriage is tops on the list of reasons why. You can't imagine ever not loving him? Right, you don't have enough time in your relationship to have seen all sides of each other. Give yourself time to be a carefree teen, sweetie. You will not ever regret that.

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Hey, got to spread some around, but you are correct. She should not be concerned with such things as marriage right now. She should be concentrating on school, college, a career, then marriage. No one is garranteed tomorrow, but if you waste today, it is gone forever.

Has anyone picked up on the fact that she has said she has had sex with this 20 yr. old? By the way that is statutory rape. Where or where, are the girls "parents"?? Something is just not right here, ohh, I know what it is, a 16 and 20 yr old engaged and having sex, that's it.

Not all states use 18 years as the age on consent.

Brandy, I was hoping to avoid this area of your post, but too late. First what state do you live in and what is the legal age of consent in your state?

I apologize in advance because of the intrusiveness of the question but unfortunately you opened the door. Also, are you currently pregnant or do you think your are pregnant?

Have you had the opportunity to talk this over with your parents?

To mowerman2468- I don't recall her saying she was specifically religious so I would not agree with forcing my own religious views on someone else. And seeing as she has already had sex with him, and already accepted his proposal then I think its fair to presume she isn't a devout practicing catholic either.
Isn't the important thing here to try and help brandy_lyn and respect the choices she's made for herself, and not impose our own beliefs?

Lonelily,

I disagree with you with respect to what our obligation to Brandy. The collective audience has a great deal of information and anecdotal situations that can be used to educate Brandy.

So far its obvious she is not thinking and planing very clearly. For goodness sakes, just look at the situation she's living in now.

Personally, I believe the boyfriend here is creator of this situation. Why in heaven's name would a 20 year old young man seek the solace of a 16 year old?

Then to take the next step and bed the young lady, apparently without any concern for the ramifications of that action on Brandy.

Next he complicates that felony by asking her to marry him. For all we know the marriage may be nothing more than a method criminal charges for statutory rape. All this within the space of 3.5 months.

The skeptic in me says that Brandy was manipulated and planted where the boyfriend wanted. My granddaughter is turning 16 soon and if this were her, I hope I would be wise enough to convince Brandy that this is bad enough without her running into a marriage while she is barley out of diapers.

One final comment. I was the one who suggested that Brandy seek the guidance of a Priest, Pastor or Rabbi. I did not make the suggestion as a statement of faith. I made the suggestion because it is my hope that one of the three would counsel Brandy against marriage at 16.

Thank you so much for your insight and answers. Its so cool knowing that some people care about what I'm doing and the decisions I'm making.

Okay... to clarify. I live in Montana where the legal age for consent is 16. Which, I am. Also, if we are going to get married (I am now seriously considering it) we are going to wait until I am 18. And if we are still together, I would at least have a clue about whether we are going to last.

Most people don't think that true love can be found when you are "young" like I am. And now that I think about that... its true. Love when you are young isn't really love, its lust. Maybe that's what my relationship is about... I'll have to consider...

During the teenage years, feelings of "love" or whatever are often enhanced with the surge of and change in hormones. That's why such an extremely serious decision as marriage is best made when a person is past such a strong time of change in a person's life. Just because the legal age of consent is low, doesn't necessarily mean a person has to get married at that age. The wise course would be to wait, at least until the teen years are over. I know from experience that during such a time in life, my feelings for people or certain things seem to fluctuate from week to week or month to month. You might want to read up on the statistics for those who marry at a very young age... the success rate for such marriages is so low it's scary.

Brandy,

I can not agree with your statement above. I met my wife when we were 17. We met at my oldest brother's wedding.

To this day I have no idea what drew me to her so strongly. I know that her eyes were the softest eyes I have ever seen. Even then, she was a formidable young woman.

It was 1964, the era of free love and hippies. The war in Viet Nam was starting to pick up in its fury. Even then my lady would shut down my attempts at conquering her.

She would tell me, "Are you ready for your autopsy." Or, "Do yo see your wedding ring on this finger?" I don't know how I knew or why I felt so strongly for her, but 13 months after we met, we eloped!

However, I did not love my lady in the same way as I do now. To be honest it was primarily Lust but over the years I believe my love has deepened to what love should be without choking her.

Good luck and thank you for waiting until you are 18