[F]

Good evening,
My husband and I just recently watched the movie Fireproof. In this movie it discusses the book, The Love Dare. I just bought the book, and decided to take the dare. First day was: to hold my tongue when my spouse says something negative. Long story short, my husband is the most pessimistic person I know. He always has something negative to say, or some smart- comment, or hurtful sarcastic remark. I did very good not responding negatively all day, up until he couldn't even throw away a diaper for me. Then I lost it and I got really upset with him. I want us to be happy, and I want so badly for my husband to be nicer. What do I do? How do I get him to take the Love Dare with me?

Ask him. Other than that, maybe marriage counselling would be a good idea.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Actually, we just recently in the last couple months, finished our therapy program with a licensed marriage and family therapist. It's like he's forgotten all that we learned, and just doesn't care. I don't think it is normal for someone to be okay with telling their wife to "shut the F up" in front of his friends.

LD711 I am sorry to hear that your husband actually speaks to you in that manner. I respect your desire to want to make your marriage work and to be happy as well. I will say this though... there are some people that are just who they are and can not be changed no matter how much effort is put into it. If he was my husband I would sit down and speak to him and tell him that I want the marriage to work but that it takes 2 people to make it work. I would tell him that I have the Love Dare book and ask him to make a promise to follow it and try it in order to help your marriage survive. Now this is the part of my adivce that I don't know if you are in a position to do or not but I would say if you want this marriage to work then I need you to do this and if you are not prepared to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work then I think you will have your answer. I would not stay with someone who is not interested in making the marriage better. I wish you luck in your marriage and I hope that his heart will soften towards you and he will realize all the he will lose if he does not take the steps in order to help your marriage.

I could have written this post. My husband is the same way. I have tried the approach of not responding to his negativity and , but it does build up and it does hurt. Eventually you blow up because you can only take so much. I have also been humiliated in front of his friends and family with his snide remarks.

I don't know if I am the best person to give advice because I am bitter, but I will give it a shot. If you have already been through marriage counseling and tried talking to him with no success, a book probably won't help either. Unfortunately, he will most likely never change. I would talk to him about it, but just don't get your hopes up too high. At this point I think we just need to ask ourselves if we are content living the rest of our lives this way. Good luck.