I would need a little help in the relation with my husband. I am married with a nice, good looking, friendly and happy man. Our wedding was 2 years ago. I liked him from the beginning I saw him and I wished to marry a man like him.
The problem is that even from our engagement he was distant to me. It was a very strange feeling for me. He was doing very nice things to me as bringing flowers often, little gifts, driving me home every day, but instead of being happy I felt more and more empty around him. He didn't like to talk with me, there was no communication, no discussion about our future, just the elementary things about wedding. He wanted to marry me as soon as possible. When I asked him why we don't talk a lot like the other couples he said that he is not communicative person.
I should say that he was the first boyfriend I had and I didn't have any experience in dating, so I believed him somehow. I the same time he was very close to some other girls, friends of him, they used to chat a lot on Internet and I even discovered that he can be very communicative person(with them). I discovered also that he is paying more attention to some other girls than to me. He was flirting with a lot of girls and didn't care I am seeing this things and I am so injured in my soul. Every time I was asking him what is going on he told me that there is nothing wrong, he is not doing anything bad. I am so confused! What kind of love is this? Is it normal?
The honeymoon was sooo sad for me. Our first intimate relation was really sad. He didn't showed any interest for me, for my body, for my person, he did everything quickly and without any affection or care. After he finished he just left like nothing happened. I prepared for the first night after wedding some nice things, like chocolate and so on but he consumed everything before the special night which never came. I also bought some very nice dress for the first night but I didn't have the occasion to where it. He just slept every night and said he is to tired to make to "special night"... so our first contact was in some of the honeymoon days... when he finally wanted, in a totally unprepared moment.
Now am living a very strange marriage. He is saying very often he loves me, he does very many things for me, but I feel him could, when we are making love I feel he is not with me, very superficial, it is like he is thinking to something totally different than our sex. When he is touching me is like he touch a three, a stone, not a woman. I don't feel excited at all, more frustrated. I can not say I love him anymore. In the same time he was trying to flirt a lot with all the possible girls around. I asked him what is wrong with me? I tried to do anything to make him happy, be a good wife, making perfect all the house staff, I tried to make myself look perfect and people around really like the way I look, I tried to be very good in bed, I tried to do all the things he told me he likes, but he is still could and distant. Every time I ask him why does he looks unpleased he tells me that he is pleased with me as wife, but I don't feel it. I am feeling very alone.
Sometimes in the night I really need somebody to hold me, to take care of me. If I try to pat him, to touch him to show him affections he likes it but treat me like I am his mother, not the lover. It is like I am indebted to do it and he doesn't have to turn it me back. If he turns my affection is doing it superficial, unknacky, fast, from obligation. For me this is not real love. We never have a nice communication, let's say not like lovers but at least as friends, relatives. Every discussion is short, superficial and he prefers to do anything else than talking to me. I feel he lies me sometimes, I feel he is hiding from me, all my effort to become friends looks like is embarrassing him. I don't know what to think. I can not live in peace with this relation.
There are so many nights I don't sleep. It is not that bad, somebody would say, but I can not live so confused. I don't want to live in a lie. I want to know the truth doesn't matter what it will be. There are some girls which he said about that they are nicer than me, he used to talk with them on Internet. I am thinking he likes more them but he married me because thanks to God I earn nice money with my job and from early age I was able to take care of myself, living alone. Sometimes I am thinking that he uses me and is doing all that nice things for me to make me believe he loves me. I hope this is not the truth. Maybe he has some feelings for me but not the right ones. He is my life partner only in papers, not in the real life. I also don't trust him at all. I believe he is able to cheat to me.
The worst thing is that I don't really love him anymore and I hate making love to him. I felt to unsafe around him and I fell I was betrayed and lied.Please help me clean my mind and understand what is going on. I feel unappreciated, I feel I am not special for anybody and I am sad for my relation. I am so confused. Please help me understand what is going on and what should I do. Sometimes I am so desperate that I spent hours arranging my hair till late in night hoping he will show me some affection if I am more beautiful, but the result is so sad. Just some could words that I am nice and that is all. Nothing warm between us... is killing me and I loose all my appetite for my life. I feel I have no reasons to go on.
I will appreciate all your help! Thank you!