Ask Me Help Desk - Permisson to do something very stupid

Permisson to do something very stupid

:)

This question is from a "Sulky, petulant, misunderstood" husband.

My lady is currently mad at me because of something I've done or didn't do, I'm really not sure what I'm being crucified for. I guess I should try and figure that out? Yah think?

Anyway we are coming up on 45 years of marriage and I've never been unfaithful, nor has she. So with that in mind, am I allowed to seek comfort with another woman? If I am allowed, can some of you ladies volunteer to help me out? After all, I'm a male and I have needs (?). Does that sound right?

Understand that my lady is Scottish/Italian, comes from NY City and was in the U.S. Marines. Normally she would require that I have an autopsy before she will allow me to seek another ladies favors but she may not this time.

I hoping to get lucky because of my "Silver Tongued Request".

Actually this is a test to see if anyone buys that load of "nonsense". Personally, I'm going to continue to sulk until she admits she is wrong in punishing me because I'm to dumb to know what I did or didn't do. :)

You Sir, have a death wish..

Don, honey baby. You don't dare even think of such a thing - not with your mate an ExMarine! What the blazes are/were you even thinking/dreaming about??

Be a nice hubby and don't even think of doing something naughty like that. Ok, you can dream about it but just don't go further than that!

Do you presently own a doghouse out in the yard?

Do you presently have a work shed you can disappear into?

If not, why not?

Ben,

Not at all. I just don't think I should ask her permission first.

Between me, you and the rest of the world, I can't think of a reason why I would break my vow to the lady and I was curious if any one would make the connection between stupid excuses for infidelity.

So far no one is that dumb, thank you God.

Twink,

Have no fear, I would never want to hurt my lady in that way. I'm just in a playful mood but trying to get a message out there that the Male is just as responsible for his behavior as a woman is.

Nope, no shed or dog house, however, there is a six foot deep hole in the ground that my lady says is reserved for future use. I wonder if that is a clue about how much leeway I actually have

Some times I think people think hoping into bed with someone else's spouse will be the cure all instead of the disaster it is.

FYI - No takers on my request as of yet!

I'm in Australia, but I'm Italian. Would it work if I provided long distance 'comfort' electronically?

I would hesitate to offer anything more personal, or closer geographically, since you Yanks are so trigger happy and your madder half is Scottish/Italian (stubborn combination!) and has been in the US marines.

How far are you from Chicago?

Wondergirl,

I'm at the opposite side of the US. All the way on the Eastern coast of Virginia.

However, I was in Chicago when I went to Boot Camp at Great Lakes in circa 1965 and then again when IBM sent me to Shronberg (?) on a technical problem at Sears.

Do those events count.

Quote:

Originally Posted by donf

Wondergirl,

I'm at the opposite side of the US. All the way on the Eastern coast of Virginia.

You're not that far away. Chicago is closer than you think!

Quote:

However, I was in Chicago when I went to Boot Camp at Great Lakes in circa 1965 and then again when IBM sent me to Shronberg (?) on a technical problem at Sears.

Do those events count.

Yes, you get 50 points for each! It's Schaumburg. (How quickly they forget... )

Welcome to Tennessee... but you may be looking down the barrel of one of my husbands many firearms!

At first I actually thought you were serious!

What did you do now Don?

J9,

I do not lie to you. I have no idea what I did or did not do.

For all I know, it may just be a ploy to keep me off-balance. You know part of a females training arsenal for complacent husbands.

Quote:

Originally Posted by donf

J9,

I do not lie to you. I have no idea what I did or did not do.

For all I know, it may just be a ploy to keep me off-balance. You know part of a females training arsenal for complacent husbands.

Here, slip here these hormone pills, all should be better in no time. :p

Yuk, Yuk. I am not suffering from hormone imbalance.

However, for some silly reason, Bonnie will not let me watch all of the NY Giants football games I've saved over the years.

Doesn't she understand the pro football season is ending. Why, I'll have to wait almost three weeks before I can watch some Grapefruit league baseball.

Not hormones for you you silly goose!

OMG, she won't let you watch footyball? What happens this Sunday with the Superbowl?

Does she like to cook? I'm having a Soup-R-Bowl Party... she can cook and eat with us gals, you can drink and watch with the guys!

Two for the price of one!

Its not that she won't let me watch football. The lady has even sat through some games with me.

Bonnie sees nothing gained by watching the games. The lady doesn't mind when I toddle off and umpire or referee the games (I do Baseball, softball slow or fast pitch. Basketball, my favorite ended for me when I blew a knee out taking a runner from first to third. I stepped in a hole and thought for sure I would never walk again. But I survived.

J9 - I have to ask you this - What is the difference between Bonnie requiring my autopsy and you offering your graces to me after I stand in front of your husbands loaded weapons. Aren't either of those choices equally fatal for me? :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by donf

I stand in front of your husbands loaded weapons. Aren't either of those choices equally fatal for me? :)

Not if I hide the ammo! :p

I see. I am honored by your offer.

Now if I can just get permission, OH Dear.

J9,

We actually have family living in Powell, TN. Do you know them? I that why you are being so kind and generous?

Baybe... I AM family... lmao!

The ammo is off the property. Tell the wife to bring her fav soup next Sunday for Soup-R-Bowl Sunday.

:eek::confused::eek:

(My face reading your post! :) )

Neverme,

Please understand that this thread is very tongue-in-cheek. I care very deeply for my lady and would never hurt her.

This started because she was mad at me yesterday for some undisclosed reason. Bonnie will do this from time to time to keep me on my toes and I guess in line, behaviorally speaking.

I believe that she learned this tactic at Wives's School, you know the school run by the Marquis De Sade. Any way, she has her doctorate in Spousal Management and some 44 years ago Bonnie sent me to Spousal Obedience school since there could only be one manager.

Anyway, I am thankful for the response I've gotten here and in the private message all offering me the opportunity for physical pain or death if I were ever serious.

I am exceeding pleased to know that this subset of Womankind knows that men have to learn the meaning of a "Vow".

By the way, my Grandfather was from County Clare (?) so we are neighbors so to speak.

Oh once I continued I began to laugh. Honestly, very funny.

But the thing is, there would be some people and not on a board like this, but eh... others, that would see that as perfectly reasonable.

Refreshing to see a sense of humour and get a laugh.

So we're neighbours eh? :)

Neverme,

There may be other women that may not care is probably true. Fortunately, it does not seem to be the case with the ladies here on this board.

But, hey this is a guys fantasy, right. I should punish my wife when she's right? Why she deserves it! She's always right, very frustrating. :)

P.S. We all know there are two kinds of people in this world, those of us that are Irish and them that hope to be Irish someday!

You know it's not that easy on us women either being right all the time ;)

But you handle the mantle so very well.

Wow, Don, you've got it wrong. We are not always right, you just have to learn exactly how to tell us we are wrong.

Tell my wife she is wrong!

I would rather have a root canal done with out pain medication. Or try to pet a foaming at the mouth German Shepard dog.

I personally can count on one finger the number of times I've won an argument and come out ahead in the last 44 years.

Usually it is much safer to just acquiesce and lose. The cost of wining may be much higher than losing!

Quote:

Originally Posted by donf

Tell my wife she is wrong!!

I would rather have a root canal done with out pain medication. Or try to pet a foaming at the mouth German Shepard dog.

I personally can count on one finger the number of times I've won an argument and come out ahead in the last 44 years.

Usually it is much safer to just acquiesce and lose. The cost of wining may be much higher than losing!

I forget who said it, but here's the perfect advice on a successful marriage: If by chance you ever win an argument, sir, apologise immediately!

This reminds me of mom when I was a little kid:

me: Why can't I do or have x?

mom: Because

me: Because why?

mom: Because I said so.

I have a philosophy on mothers.

It is a given that all women are linked together "In utero", correct. Start at that premise.

When a woman determines that she is pregnant, she runs an automatic data scan to discover the gender of the child.

If the "getgender" call returns a binary 1, then the mom knows the child is female. Once that is established, all data pipes are opened and this immense kluge of raw data about everything is dumped down to the child.

However, if the "getgender" call returns a binary "0" then mom sends only minimal information. Such as what a recliner is, a remote (TV is optional), football and of course "Woman", "Woman" comes with an asterisk that tell us to do the best we can!

Now on the surface, that's sounds cruel, but think about it. When "Women" asks us, "Just how stupid are you?" We are now entitled to say, "You, "You, " have no one else to blame, you made me like this in your image and wisdom!"

Funny, it never works in my home.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

I'm in Australia, but I'm Italian. Would it work if I provided long distance 'comfort' electronically?

I would hesitate to offer anything more personal, or closer geographically, since you Yanks are so trigger happy and your madder half is Scottish/Italian (stubborn combination!) and has been in the US marines.

What? No acceptance of my offer?

Sob. :(:(

Now I'm the one who is sulking...

Gemini54,

Once again, I am honored that you would even consider sharing your person and heart with me, even if it is in an abstract way. Given that I am now 63, a lot past pudgy. But I do have a full head of hair and all my teeth.

The problem is the distance between us. While I do get an allowance, sometimes as high as $0.50 a week, by the time I save up the money to visit you, I will have forgotten why I wanted to be in your presence.

Electrically speaking is too much like electrical shock therapy. Not that I would not deserve it!

Very funny, and sad about your allowance, but I was suggesting a less expensive form of travel.. heh... everyone seems to get off on it these days... but if the old ticker is too weak, then fate is against us.

Any movement on the Bonnie front? Is she still mad?

You are literally hilarious! I bet she's had a great 45 years with you!:)

Dev,

In my humble opinion, she's had it perfect. Of course that is my side of the equation.

You would have to ask my lady for her side.

Don dear, I was seriously worried, for around 2 seconds. My heart stopped. Don't do that again! ;)

Sweetie, you've been married for 44 years, don't you now by now that all you have to do is say sorry and buy flowers and it's all good? Wait.. maybe she's caught on to that ploy. Better try something new. Chocolate! Buy chocolate, and alcohol! :)

If that doesn't work, a nice shopping trip, with you willing to hold her purse while she tries on clothes, should synch the deal. You'll be out of the dog house in no time. :)

Gem,

Your offer sounds good to me.

As to my lady, she's fine now. Again, I think it was just a ploy to keep me off balance and therefore somewhat well behaved.

She's doing a lot of looking at me and chuckling about something secret.

Quote:

Originally Posted by donf

Gem,

Your offer sounds good to me.

As to my lady, she's fine now. Again, I think it was just a ploy to keep me off balance and therefore somewhat well behaved.

She's doing a lot of looking at me and chuckling about something secret.

Is she reading over your shoulder? If so, you better hope she's chuckling because she finds this funny and not because she found a cheap hit man that will kill you and hide your body. ;)

Hi Don, this thread has been so much fun, it has made me laugh and smile more than once... good job my friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

Hi Don, this thread has been so much fun, it has made me laugh and smile more than once.....good job my friend.

It gave me a much needed chuckle too Stringer.

By the way. I miss you!