Ask Me Help Desk - My hushand is Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD)

My hushand is Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD)

My husband is 37-yr-old man.. and he is kind of IAD.. We have to live separated because of Immigration law for 2 yrs.. He spends most of his time on Face book that call Farm ville... He avoids talking to me and try to make up some problem to go on Internet.. Now the immigration problem have been resolve and we can get back together.. **But** he doesn't want me to get back and be with him anymore... He afraid I would take everything away from him... What should I do about his symptom?. I need help!! His parent also not try to help him but tell him to keep on doing his addiction... :(:eek:

I will try to respond the best I can, but if he makes reasons not to see or talk to you so he can get on the internet, then chances are he is involved in a virtual relationship with another woman. You will need to sit down with him and talk it over with him. I've seen this happen more than a few times and it is horrible. Do you have kids together?

I think you decide to leave him to his family and addiction and consider dissolving the marriage down the road.

Whatever his problems, he doesn't sound like a loving husband.

Before he wanted to have kid with me.. but now he says that we should wait and see how well we get along,,

So have you seen him in the past 2 years or have you been apart this whole time?

Thing also seems even more difficult when we have a distance relationship.. just want to get back together and help him...

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudweiser

So have you seen him in the past 2 years or have you been apart this whole time?

What he said.

He visited me twice while we are being apart

But each time he seems so rough...

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchalin

but each time he seems so rough...

So you have been married for 2 years and have seen him twice? When he came to visit you he stayed on the internet?

When will you be-able to live with him full-time? Have you talked to him about the marriage at all?

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchalin

he visited me twice while we are being apart

Call me a marriage buster but I think you should let him go.

Married or not, a guy should WANT you. He doesn't want you- he likes his life the way it is-- with you far far away!

Tal is right, he doesn't sound like a loving husband.

Does he still live with his parents? If so he is pathetic, he needs to grow a pair! If he can't handle being on his own then he certainly can't handle a marriage let alone a child.

He's a loser.

Stay where you are and make your own life. He doesn't want you, why should you?

Life is short, don't waste your time on people like that.

that's my two cents

When he visited me.. he just check on his email a few times.. nothing about chating... So I would get back and see him next week... if everything is going well with my son Green card... before he seem OK with my son and want him to be together, just recently after he involve on Face book, Farmville too much.. he has changed his mind.. and say things that really hurt my feeling and son..

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchalin

when he visited me .. he just check on his email a few times.. nothing abut chating... So I would get back and see him next week...if everything is going well with my son Green card.... before he seem ok with my son and want him to be together,, just recently after he involve on Face book, Farmville too much.. he has chanced his mind.. and say things that really hurt my feeling and son..

Doesn't sound much like a husband to me. If he is saying he wants nothing to do with your son, then there is no way it can work in my opinion.

Worrying about his internet usage is like throwing deck chairs off the Titanic. Too little too late.

Jump ship before you drown.

There are other guys that know how to be good husbands.

Go find you one.

Now is not the right time... I do need to get back and talk to him first.. giving it up is just piece of cake but dealing is more challenging

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchalin

Now is not the right time... I do need to get back and talk to him first.. giving it up is just piece of cake but dealing is more challenging

Good luck ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchalin

Now is not the right time... I do need to get back and talk to him first.. giving it up is just piece of cake but dealing is more challenging

If this is your decision, then try this site: http://www.internetaddiction.com E-Mail: [email protected] (818)340-2713 pst INTERNET-A-HOLICS ANONYMOUS

I think it's ironic that they are offering online support, but I guess it's a start.

Good luck to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

If this is your decision, then try this site: http://www.internetaddiction.com E-Mail: [email protected] (818)340-2713 pst INTERNET-A-HOLICS ANONYMOUS

I think it's ironic that they are offering online support, but I guess it's a start.

Good luck to you.

Thanks for all your support.. I will try to work on my hubby.. and see how it turn out...

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchalin

Now is not the right time... I do need to get back and talk to him first.. giving it up is just piece of cake but dealing is more challenging

Er, when is the right time? If there are problems now with addictive behavior, avoidance and lack of communication how precisely do you propose to deal with them?

If these problems exist now then how will it be in 5, 10, 15 years time?

By all means talk to him, but it doesn't sound as if you know this guy very well, and I'd be prepared for disappointment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchalin

**But** he doesn't want me to get back and be with him anymore... He afraid I would take everything away from him

I keep getting emails on my phone telling me people are replying, so I came back here once again to see what everyone is saying. However, I read through the original problem and found this line.

He doesn't want you to come back because he is scared you will take everything away from him. Do yourself a favor and stay where you are, and leave him where he is. Take care of your son and move on.

I don't think your husband has an addiction to the internet at all, from what you have said. If I've read this right, you've seen him twice in two years, you have a son, and you had immigration problems. He could be doing worse with his waiting time, such as strip clubs, dating other women, drinking, drugs etc. Farmville is a Facebook application, a game that doesn't require any special skill, there is no investment of money (gambling), and to jump to the conclusion that this is what is causing your problems seems unrealistic and immature. How would you possibly know enough about his use of the internet if you aren't around, and blame this breakup on his 'symptom' of addiction? That is a pretty hefty accusation.

That he is afraid you will take everything away from him is probably closer to the problem. Tell me, what do you think he means by that? What arguments, disagreements and impasses have you had over the past two years that have caused the marriage to fail, just when you get the immigration figured out.

Where did you two get married, how did you meet. What country are you in, and what country is he in.

There is a lot more to this problem than Farmville.

.. I am his wife and I know what exactly he is.. By the way I posted a question here to ask about how to therapy my husband internet Hollic... I do not need to get in to my personal... Do u also play on the Farm ville too?

No need to be rude. Surely you don't expect to hear what you want to hear from different people trying to understand your situation. You can take advice or leave it it is up to you, but no need to be so defensive.

You didn't answer any of the questions I asked you. There is no way that this is all one sided, and you are perfectly innocent, nor is it likely that you are qualified to diagnose anyone with an addiction, particularly if you don't even live with them.

So, I am not buying that your story represents both sides of the picture here; there are two (three if you count your son) people involved here, and we have only heard your opinion. You seem to think that if he wasn't 'addicted' to the internet, then everything would be okay, you'd be together, everybody would have their green cards, and the problem would be solved.

You can't cure feelings if they aren't what you want. You cannot make somebody love you, and you cannot make a marriage work if you think that his internet use is the problem.

These are the questions you are deflecting:

That he is afraid you will take everything away from him is probably closer to the problem. Tell me, what do you think he means by that? What arguments, disagreements and impasses have you had over the past two years that have caused the marriage to fail, just when you get the immigration figured out.

Where did you two get married, how did you meet. What country are you in, and what country is he in.

You posted this under 'marriage' so I presume that obviously there is more to this than his internet use.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

No need to be rude. Surely you don't expect to hear what you want to hear from different people trying to understand your situation. You can take advice or leave it it is up to you, but no need to be so defensive.

You didn't answer any of the questions I asked you. There is no way that this is all one sided, and you are perfectly innocent, nor is it likely that you are qualified to diagnose anyone with an addiction, particularly if you don't even live with them.

So, I am not buying that your story represents both sides of the picture here; there are two (three if you count your son) people involved here, and we have only heard your opinion. You seem to think that if he wasn't 'addicted' to the internet, then everything would be okay, you'd be together, everybody would have their green cards, and the problem would be solved.

You can't cure feelings if they aren't what you want. You cannot make somebody love you, and you cannot make a marriage work if you think that his internet use is the problem.

These are the questions you are deflecting:

That he is afraid you will take everything away from him is probably closer to the problem. Tell me, what do you think he means by that? What arguments, disagreements and impasses have you had over the past two years that have caused the marriage to fail, just when you get the immigration figured out.

Where did you two get married, how did you meet. What country are you in, and what country is he in.

You posted this under 'marriage' so I presume that obviously there is more to this than his internet use.

I sincerely hope you have a good and warm marriage between your member family...
Thanks a lot

I'm sorry that you are not being upfront here, you have no idea how many people are in this community that can offer you really good advice.

But, it isn't up to us, it is up to you.

For the record, I've been married 33 years, successfully, just one man. I think it is fair to say that I could offer advice on what makes a marriage work.