I'm seventeen, turning 18 in October, and I am engaged. (Fiance is 21 years old. BTW, they have NEVER met him before!) My fiancé and I are getting married October 30th, that is FIVE days after my birthday. Welp, I want to tell my parents. I have already told my Grandparents and they're happy, but now it's time to tell my mom and dad. I am unsure how I should do this. I'm pretty nervous about it, too, because I don't know how they're going to react. Can I get some advice on how to break this to 'em? Thanks in advance.

Oh, a side note: I am not looking for answers from anyone telling me that I should wait, or that I am too young, etc etc. I was simply asking for ideas about how I should tell them. Please don't be judgmental or give any sort of lecture.

Thank you, in advance for any *helpful* answers. Haha.

OK so you are turning 18 next month and are getting married.
Congratualtions!:)
I'm thinking at this point since your parents have never met your betrothed, why does it matter how you tell them?:confused:

You must have been dating him for a while, to be at the point of marriage, right? But your parents have never met him, so I'm thinking that they are estranged, not that important to you?

I'm glad your Grandparents have met the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

I'm going to go with Mom and Dad... I'm getting married next month, Surprise!!

I hope they are the fun type, because I don't think it's going to go over very well.:)

I'm really not trying to criticize you like you asked, this is just my opinion, and I really do wish you the best!:)

I live with my parents. My fiancé has been in Korea the past year, because of the US Army. I want to break it to them as gently as possible. LOL. If it is possible. I just keep telling myself that I'm going to be 18, it's my decision. My fiancé is the one who wants me to tell them. I'd prefer to just elope and tell them after. This isn't going to be fun for them! :P

Yes, It's not going to be fun for them at all. They are going to ask a lot of questions, so be prepared..

He has been away for at least a year.
He has been in Korea
He is in the army
You are 18
What are you thinking?
Why do you want to marry a man you haven't seen in a year?
Why haven't we heard about him?
What do you dislike about living here so much, that you are willing to get married to move away?

These are just some of the things I would think about, I'm sure there are more, you need to be prepared and think about them.
Good luck:)
I know you don't want to hear this, but being a Mother, I would not approve with out a lot of information.

30 is too young as far as I'm concerned.:eek:
Sorry, I don't mean to judge, but I am a Mother.:D

I'm totally not saying this in a b!tchy way, but at this point, my mind is SET. I don't think their approval is necessary, I just want to tell them because it's the right thing to do, kwim? And thank you for your help. I think I'm going to sit them down at my Grandparents house and tell them. I don't know.
Thanks, again.

Tell them this.

Mom and dad, I'm an adult, I can support myself, I can take care of myself and I love this guy. I know you haven't met him but I'm 18, I know everything, so I'm going to marry him.

I won't be a burden on you, I'll never ask for a thing, we're set, he's 21, we'll be fine.

How's that?

Of course, they know that at 18 you don't know jack and this marriage will most likely end in divorce, because that's what statistics say, but who cares what they think right? You're going to get married, it'll be super cool!

I hahave one question. Do they know he exists or will you be springing that on them, too?

How long did the 2 of you go out for before he went away??

Friend4u178, We have known each other well before we started dating, and before he went away. Altenweg, most marriages, especially those to people in the service, are at a young age. I'm not getting married because it's "cool" but that's fine. I'm not even going to comment on that any further.

I still want to know if your parents know you've been seeing him, even if they haven't met him. Telling them you're getting married to someone they've heard you talk about will be easier than telling them you're getting married to someone they didn't even know existed.

Perhaps since you already have it all figured out, you already know the answer. Maybe you will be in the 1% of the population that married young, got lucky, and married a nice person they never learn to hate later. Maybe you won't end up in a trailer park a single mom when Mr. Perfect gets fed up and walks out on you because he'd rather be with someone who doesn't believe they know everything.

Perhaps you will see everything that's wrong here before you alienate everyone around you.

But since you already have everything else figured out too... I'm sure you already know that your parents deserve the respect to be told what your plans are, NOW.

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Originally Posted by brokenbabiie

Oh, a side note: I am not looking for answers from anyone telling me that I should wait, or that I am too young, etc etc. I was simply asking for ideas about how I should tell them. Please don't be judgmental or give any sort of lecture.

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I wasn't going to tell you that you're too young or that you should wait or give you any sort of lecture, but after a comment like that, you're kind of asking for it.

Anyway, Congratulations! First of all, I suggest that you wait until you actually turn 18 before talking to your parents about him. Secondly, instead of telling your parents straight up that you're going to marry him, why don't you ease them into it? Why don't you introduce him as a friend first and see how they react. If it's all good, then introduce him as a boyfriend and then see how they react to that. The final step is to introduce him as your fiancé.

We don't know what you're like in person or what type of relationship you have with your parents, but if you approach this in a very mature manner, then you should be fine.

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Originally Posted by brokenbabiie

Friend4u178, We have known each other well before we started dating, and before he went away. Altenweg, most marriages, especially those to people in the service, are at a young age. I'm not getting married because it's "cool" but that's fine. I'm not even going to comment on that any further.

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As you may know, brokenbabiie, most marriages in the service end in widowhood, divorce, or murder. I do wish you luck, you will need it. Getting your parents involved as soon as possible and listening to the advice they give when they get over the shock will help you down the road. I do advise you to go one on one with the parent you are closest to, and don't raise your voice whatever they do.

I married young (23 years young) to an Army man, cost me $40.00 for a marriage license. I was so right and so in love...

Seven years later I am up to about $30,000.00 in divorce fees for doing what I wanted to do.

May your own children pay you the same respect you pay your parents right now. Wait until your own daughter comes home with such wonderful news and such a pleasant attitude.

In my opinion, you can't ask for an opinion, and tell people what to say, or not to say.

You ARE too young. Marriage at your age is a BAD idea. You aren't even old enough to support yourself with a job and an apartment. That alone says you are too young.

You need to be strong, and independent, and standing on your own two feet financially, educationally, and otherwise, before even considering marriage.

And you are living at home, being supported by your parents, and jumping over a huge chunk of growing up time, right into a marriage with a man you barely know.

And your problem is how to tell your parents you are getting married?

If you insist on going down this road, why not just get out your crayons, and draw a nice picture of a bride and groom and paste it to the fridge.

Please don't get pregnant right away. Babies having babies is never a good idea.

Don't marry him now girl, you are in love , he is a great guy--but it sounds like you just want to "get out of the house and be a big girl on her own". You'll get prenant soon have the 2 kids and then say "hey, I'm only 22 years old and never had my single fun years" break up the marriage--kids don't see their father --your dating a bunch of losers in front of them--they get into drugs early in their teens etc... go to college of some sort --concerts--travel ---dont put your parents through this.

Tell them this,a real story that happened to someone you know on line: ME

They got married at 18,she had a scholarship to college but he was intimidated by that and so she took her love over her future.

She really wanted to be a journalist.

Once they got married he worked but would not let her.

He went out every night and was a cheat and dominated her.

They lasted less than a year.They were each others first love,having met at 14.

He gave her diseases that nearly rendered her infertile.

You are being an idiot! If you were my daughter I would jump all over your $hit!

Get real! What is wrong with you that you have to make this life changing move you know NOTHING about.

THINK!

One day you will say ,I should have listened.

Hay, you can still love the guy and be with the guy but why marry?

To act all grown up?

That does not make you a grown up to it makes you a poor decision maker ,showing blatant immaturity!

Several big issues,

1. never meet him, if you have dated, in love why not, shows a real lack of maturity that you seem ashamed of him or afraid to show him to them

2. can't tell them ? If you are not adult enough to admit what you are doing and to stand up for your choices you are not adult enough to marry yet.

I don't see the rush since he is in the military its not like he can come home to you every night. When does he get to come back to the states and not have to go overseas again?
How long is he going to be in the service?

If you were so concerned about doing the right thing, you would have told them by now, or at least discussed him already.

You didn't because you didn't want to catch the flak about it, from them. So either tell them, or let them find out. Its will be a shock either way.

I wonder if she'll come back now that she has all these teeth marks on her butt.

In hopes that she will be back if only out of curiosity:

Do you know for certain that your grandparents haven't talked to them and they are waiting for you to be a responsible adult and tell them? As a parent that is something I would do.

I am all for allowing my children to show me that my worries and concerns are for naught. That they can stand up for themselves and their beliefs. So far, if my children acted as you are, I would have serious doubts about their being able to handle the situation and would do everything in my power to stop or slow down the wedding. What are the laws about contributing to the delinquency of a minor where you are?

If you are having trouble telling them, think about what that is telling you about your own feelings about getting married so quickly.

Nope. My grandparents have not talked to my parents. I know that for a fact.

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Originally Posted by brokenbabiie

Nope. My grandparents have not talked to my parents. I know that for a fact.

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Grandparents can be very nice and they also can be very uninformed and out of touch.

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Originally Posted by brokenbabiie

Nope. My grandparents have not talked to my parents. I know that for a fact.

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Isn't it amazing how much you know to be fact today? I wonder what you will learn tomorrow.

Just a small question: Who first brought up getting married in October?

Please pass my sincerest wishes for a happy life on to your betrothed. I get the feeling he's going to need them.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Isn't it amazing how much you know to be fact today? I wonder what you will learn tomorrow.

Just a small question: Who first brought up getting married in October?

Please pass my sincerest wishes for a happy life on to your betrothed. I get the feeling he's going to need them.

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Can't rep but you do tell it like it is!
Good question and this girl has to stand up.

My fiancé did, thanks. :) We were talking about doing it later down the line, in about a year, but he will probably deploy to the Middle East sometime in the next 6 months to a year, so I'd rather get all the time in with him that I can before he's gone again; As HUSBAND and WIFE. I understand that some of you people have your views and I have another view. I'm doing the right thing by marrying him, in my opinion, and if my parents don't approve of it, so be it. The negative things that you're saying doesn't change my mind. You think I'm naïve, fine. I honestly don't care. Also, hypothetically, if I do get a divorce? That's going to be my problem. I'll be the one suffering from it, nobody else. So thanks for the callous comments. I really appreciate it.

It is obvious that you care only for what you want and desire.

Have you thought about what you are going to do while he is deployed? Have you thought about how you are going to handle the loneliness? Have you thought about what happens if you get pregnant? Are you ready to be a single mother which is what you will be when he is deployed?

Marriage is more than playing snuggle bunnies for six months. Also, there is a world of difference between dating and marriage.

Last piece of advice that you probably won't take (please don't tell me, I know it sounds like an Alanis Morissette song), when you finally do tell your parents stay calm. Use what has been written here as a study guide to have your arguments ready. Don't use the phrase "I am doing it and I don't care what you say!" It sounds like a 5 year old-a bratty one at that. You will need their emotional and mental (if not financial) support in the future. Remember that they love you and that a lot of what they might say will be out of fear.

I do know what I plan on doing during his deployment. We've talked it through completely. And I'd appreciate it if you (and anyone else) didn't build up some idea that I only care about my wants and desires. (I am not saying this in a bi*chy way) but you don't know me, and don't know the things I've been through to get where I am today. I am capable of staying calm, and I'm not going to answer any of their questions with "I am doing it and I don't care what you say". Again. Thanks for the advice.

I see kids and welfare at OUR expense in her future.

There is NO possible way a girl... and yes I did mean girl can possibly have thought this out and planned things out.

Sorry, but nobody, male or female who still lives home with mom and dad can do that. They lack actual life experience, and respionsibility that you can only gain living on your own, paying your own bills, living within your means. And to do this before a spouse and children which follow very soon with people in such a rush.

And from first hand experience... low ranking military people in general, do not have much responsibility in that area either.

And yes... I can say I know you and your type far better than you even know yourself. I've known and dated many females EXACTLY like you in the past.

Lets just say, not ONE that I knew back then was still with that man, was still married, or even think they made the right decision... most had kids that no longer even see their natural father some are on their 2nd or 3rd... "Right man" and a few never learned their lesson, convinced they are the only ones that know how to pick them even after several divorces haven't taught them reality dictates otherwise.

Marriage isn't something you JUMP into... and that's exactly what you are doing. I know people that take more time deciding what car to buy than you have taken about getting married, and I'm one of those.

Funny how your average kid still living at home at mom and dads expense thinks they alone have all the answers to life, love and everything just because they attended high school.

Fact is they know NOTHING about any of the above topics.(they only THINK they do)... and they will learn that their first 5 years of having to support themselves, pay the rent, bills and everything WITHOUT the help of mom and dad. And they know even less about love. And nothing about getting married.

Here is a prime example what's wrong with having to have a license to drive a car, but they let any fool get married and have kids without any practical training or experience.

Even though most of us think it better if you go slow, and build a solid foundation for yourself, (education, work, career) before you make a life changing decision, the key questions are, why you haven't told your parents, and how to tell them. Since everyone else knows, why are they the last?

Keep it simple, sit them down, and tell them. The sooner, the better.

SHE doesn't care about anything... SHE only cares about what SHE wants right now.

SHE doesn't have a clue about living on her own yet, but SHE knows it has to be with him, and it has to be right now.

Is there any possible way to prevent her from ever collecting welfare or food stamps in the future? Because I for one am sick and tired of MY tax dollars going to support people like this after they have half a dozen kids, can't even hold a job down flipping hamburgers because they know more than the manager or anyone else. Because they were lead to believe that the world revolves around them growing up.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

SHE doesn't care about anything....SHE only cares about what SHE wants right now.

SHE doesn't have a clue about living on her own yet, but SHE knows it has to be with him, and it has to be right now.

Is there any possible way to prevent her from ever collecting welfare or food stamps in the future? Because I for one am sick and tired of MY tax dollars going to support people like this after they have half a dozen kids, can't even hold a job down flipping hamburgers because they know more than the manager or anyone else. Because they were lead to believe that the world revolves around them growing up.

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That is the education systems fault. They are teaching kids that no matter how badly they screw up they will get a second chance. There are school systems that don't give failing grades, even if all you did was put your name at the top of the paper, because it might emotionally damage the students and convince them that they're losers. Schools refrain from punishing bad behavior because it singles out kids and makes them feel bad about themselves.

This country is doing everything within it's power to protect children from emotional pain. While they may be accomplishing that (which I highly doubt), they are really just producing an entire generation who graduates high school with no way of surviving the real world.

It is expected for them to go from a school where they get a second chance at everything and they are treated like the most fragile china, to a college or work environment where if they do something wrong they get punished, failed, or fired. There is an entire generation of children graduating with no skills to survive in the real world, and they are expected not only to survive, but to thrive.

Sadly, this girl is a typical example of what society is doing to it's children. Everything has been handed to her up to this point, so she sees no reason why it should keep happening.

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Originally Posted by hheath541

that is the education systems fault. they are teaching kids that no matter how badly they screw up they will get a second chance. there are school systems that don't give failing grades, even if all you did was put your name at the top of the paper, because it might emotionally damage the students and convince them that they're losers. schools refrain from punishing bad behavior because it singles out kids and makes them feel bad about themselves.

this country is doing everything within it's power to protect children from emotional pain. while they may be accomplishing that (which i highly doubt), they are really just producing an entire generation who graduates high school with no way of surviving the real world.

it is expected for them to go from a school where they get a second chance at everything and they are treated like the most fragile china, to a college or work environment where if they do something wrong they get punished, failed, or fired. there is an entire generation of children graduating with no skills to survive in the real world, and they are expected not only to survive, but to thrive.

sadly, this girl is a typical example of what society is doing to it's children. everything has been handed to her up to this point, so she sees no reason why it should keep happening.

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Yeah.. the education system is a big player in the PC crap the last 30 years... but all too many parents share in the blame too by not teaching responsibility growing up. And it should start at a young age, chores cleaning the room, etc, increasing as they get older. At least they would be partially prepared for life when the time comes instead of completely oblivious and closed minded to everything that's not within their razor thin perspective of reality.

We've given her every real and valid reason to wait... but SHE thinks she has it all figured out and the rest of us who have lived through it don't know anything.

I may sound harsh... but I do hope she takes our advice and waits before she makes a very costly mistake... both emotionally and monitarily.

She forfits any right to complain in the future about anything if she goes ahead anyway and does the stupid thing...

Marriage is NOT something to be treated as casually as she is treating it. This isn't lunch.. this is life.

I think her motives are she wants to get out of the house, and marriage is her ticket out.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think her motives are she wants to get out of the house, and marriage is her ticket out.

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I do too... but she has no clue what marriage is and why nobody should jump into it. I guarantee you, she will be divorced in short order... Either because she was sleeping around on him while he is deployed.. or because after the deployment he relizes he doesn't want her anymore because she lacks real maturity. Something that will become painfully apparent to him after the hardships of being in a war zone. Nothing will get rid of the little boy in him faster than that.

But then, what do we know? After all I've been married longer than she's been outside of her mothers womb... what do I know anyway, she at 17 not even 18 knows everything there is to know about everything. She told us so.