I am married but am having an affiar and want to get out. I tried to break it up before but I only went back to him but this time I am for sure I want to leave him. Should I tell that its over again or just make my distance from him
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I am married but am having an affiar and want to get out. I tried to break it up before but I only went back to him but this time I am for sure I want to leave him. Should I tell that its over again or just make my distance from him
Do you want to get out of the affair or out of the marriage or both?
Seems like you want out of the marriage because you had an on going affair?
I say maybe it is best to break it up with the person you are having the affair with and then think about divorcing your partner.
Hi, lady tine!
Greetings and WELCOME to the site! I just moved your question that you had posted in Introductions to this forum topic area so that it will get the most exposure to those who are best able to answer it. Introductions is for people to introduce themselves and we try to not ask questions there.
It can be a little confusing when first learning how to use this site! Your question will get noticed much more in this forum topic area.
We would appreciate it if you would return to Introductions sometime to tell us a little about yourself though, if you would be willing to do that.
Concerning your question, I'm having trouble understanding who it is you're wanting to leave. If you would clarify what you mean, it would be appreciated.
Thanks!
You went back to the affair, not the other way around. It doesn't matter what you say or do with your "new" partner, it matters what YOU do.
If you feel that he is too strong a temptation for you, tell him that you are going to stay with your husband, and please don't contact you. Let him know that you hate to leave him, and it is hard, but that you would appreciate his support in ending the affair.
Oh, and you have to stop doing whatever it is that he likes you to do, or he'll never give you up
When you figure this out let me know! I am in the same boat and have been doing it for a couple years. I hate it and can't walk away from either. Good luck!
No such thing as cant.Quote:
Originally Posted by 88sunflower
Yes you can walk away, it's really easy you just put one foot in front of the other and continue like this for a while, before you know it you'll be gone.
Come on girl. I have no pitty for people that say they are stuck!
And I 100% have no pitty for people that Cheat! I mean wow... what are you doing is so wrong on many levels
Your in a place where you don't want to be.. yet you are not making any effort to change it.
And you are sleeping with another man. Which does not seem to shock you.
Change is never easy. But it is something we do everyday. And we must to keep ourselves happy..
Change your life.
Regards
If you want to end the affair, contact him (not in person) and tell him in no uncertain terms that it is over. Ask him to never contact you again.
Then erase his number from your phone, erase his email address from your computer, block him from your Facebook and myspace accounts. If he contacts you, ignore him. Do not answer his phone calls, do not retrieve his voicemails, erase his emails without reading them.
Well since guilt didn't work, and you seem to have no control over yourself, ask your husband for help, as partners who are cheated on, have good ideas to help you in your time of need. Bet you, or the other poster never thought of that.
There are no easy answers, you just have to act like a married woman, and go home, and take better care of your own. Not someone else's.
You need to tell him that what you and him are doing is wrong and then stop talking to him permanently, it destroys the sanctity of marriage. Afterwards you really need to work on your relationship with your spouse, fix the communication and distance problems because if they weren't there you wouldn't be cheating in the first place.
-Mouse
Both and this time mean it ! If you truly want to end it you will.Quote:
should I tell that its over again or just make my distance from him
The choice is in your hands.
Do what is honorable and hopefully you will never feel the need to stray from your vows again.
Stop the affair today. Right now.You get up your strength, clear your head, and right now decide it has ended. You don't need to meet one more time, you don't need to explain anything to anyone.You just stop.You call and tell the person it is over and that is it. No elaborate conversation, no tears, no excuses or reasons or justifications. You are clear and blunt and decisive. (I'm not suggesting you to be rude or cruel but there is no need for discussion, indeed it is not appropriate and may make it more difficult).
All you've to say is "I have decided to end this affair and will no longer be seeing you. I wish you the best."
Then hang up and go about your life and get your marriage back in order and think about what made you cheat in the first place.
Okey I have totally decided that I want to leave is guy. I love my hubby and never would want to leave him. At the moment my hubby is overseas and I met this guy online. We have been sleeping together. When I got in touch with him he seemed nice but got interesting day by day and after couple of months I feel really gulity about all this and want to end it but can't.Quote:
Originally Posted by lady tine
How do I end it with him.. cal him text him or email him...
I don't want to meet him or call him...
He has no idea that I want to end this
Please help...
Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
Okey how should I end it...
I don't want to tlak to him... and in fact he doesn't even know that I am thinking about break up
It's an affair with a married woman, it's hardly the most solid of relationships.
I think that you should call him, I think that's only fair. Although I more than don't agree with what you two have entered into, it is still a semblance of a relationship and he is still a person so he deserves some respect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by neverme
Like I said I had tried breaking it up by telling him and it didn' work... because I had gone back to him... he'll think I am just doing it for attention...
I was thinging distancing myself from him without him not knowing will make things easy for me... at the memont that is what I am doing... we bot are working but in different places. We are in touch well we use to be in touch through email because now I hardly reply to his emails which has helped him get over him... and in a short while I think I'll just lose touch of him... he'll get the pic that I am not interetsed...
So what do you think
I think it is all or nothing. Stop all contact. Very simple. Very easy. Erase the address books and contact numbers and emails and block him from everything.
Now your trying to do it the easy way, why is that? If there is any chance you two meet up you need to tell him it is over. Final, that is it. No more contact.
Very simple. Your making it harder then what it really is.
Your taking the easy way out. I think that if you make your situation you have to deal with it like an adult.
Stop sticking your head in the sand.
This man is a person too and he deserves some semblance of respect.
Then once you have said it to him, cut all ties and leave it at that.
The guy your sleeping with probably doesn't care anyway because I am sure you told him your married so he knows there would be no strings attach. Meanwhile he can sleep with you whenever the time allows.
You stated you broke it off with him before but went back don't repeat the same mistake twice. All your doing is making a fool of your husband. If you want to get on the right track stay strong by sticking to your decision.
You can email him.That would be my suggestion because if you text he will text you back and most likely try to talk you out of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by lady tine
It is probably ideal for him as well because he really does not have to commit to you because you are taken so he may try to hold on to this relationship. Be prepared to defend your position.Stand strong.
Okey he is married two and has 2 kids like me.
And basically our relationship is like this. We chat online while at work. And on weekends text to meet up to have sex. That's all it was basically and in that time say 2hrs we share the little about each other.
I feel like I hardly know him... I am alone so I keep in touch with him for company...
But honestly I just want to end it.
He is not at work today. Should I emial him that ist over telling him exactly what...
End it one way or another. If you feel more comfortable with email, then do that.
Do it now, get it over with.
Exactly how do I start?
Won't he think I am doing what I did that last time
Do I need to explain why?
Stop it already. Send an email. Its over, end it. Very simple enough already. That is it. It is even worse to know that he is married with kids.
You need to seek counselor right away. You need one.
Geez really it can't be that hard if you REALLY want to do this.
Just TELL HIM , email ,text whatever. Then hope your Hubby never finds out.
Sorry to be harsh but I feel more sorry for your husband and his wife!
Your starting to make excuses, just email him goodbye forever, and delete his responses, and never contact him for any reason. Your making something simple, into something hard.
What if he tries to contact me?
Do Not respond! He will find another booty call, somewhere else.
I managed to tell him its over by email and it felt really good... he replied to my email... texted to meet and then called but I never replied to him... but on Saturday I he called from another phone whereby I answered it was him I asked me for some time to talk and I told him that there is nothing to talk about... and ended the conversation... see what I mean he keeps coming back... I don't want him in my life... what do I do to get rid of him...
IGNORE HIM!
You've started well now just continue.
Change your phone number if you have to..
Change your email.. whatever it takes.
Keep doing what you just did this time , he will eventually get the picture and get sick of trying to contact you.
I agree with everyone else. Just ignore, and continue on.
I do feel extremely bad for your husband and his wife, I was a victim and is one of the worst feelings ever.
Just concentrate on your marriage for now, and your kids. Kids get affected by this stuff too. My dad cheated on my mom and it really did hurt us.
Thanks guys... so the main point is don't let him get to me...
This has been a really help...
Thanks
Glad to see your finally getting it ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by lady tine
My whole day has gone with no distribance from the man I was having an affair with which is great...
I just have this one scared feeling that he's going to contact me back... which I know what to do not contact from my side but how do I get that feeling out of me...
Don't worry about what hasn't happened yet.You can make yourself nuts wonderingQuote:
Originally Posted by lady tine
*what if*?
Just stick to your original plan of ending it and eventually he will get the message.
If you concentrate your efforts on figuring out what made you cheat and find the tools to insure that you will never do it again,you won't have time to worry about *what if* he calls you again.
If he does continue to bug you tell him,either leave me alone or I am telling your wife.
You have a husband to keep you busy.
Well to be honest it feels great to be free from affair... but I really feel hurt from guilt for what I have done... and what hurts is how I feel ike being used for sex by my former lover... how to get over his... because now I realised it was all about sex...
The two of you was using each other, not just him. You have to own up to your actions too and shift the blame on him. Both of you was wrong because your both was married and your unfaithness is unfair to them.Quote:
Originally Posted by lady tine
However, I am glad you feel guilty because it shows you've a conscience. Some cheaters don't. I hope you learned a valuable lesson from this and don't repeat it. Now you've to face your guilt and if you need help to cope through it you can see a therapist or come here but you have to let it out and not have it manifest in you.
Think of the guilt as a seat-belt for your soul. It's your brain's way of telling you not to cheat again. It's reminding you that the fun of being unfaithful is not worth the hassle of deceiving someone.
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