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I have caught my husband 3 times signing up for dating sites and getting a profile and all. I ask him why he does it and he says it don't mean nothing... but it still hurts a lot... I don't know why he keep on doing it, he says he loves me and he doesn't want anyone else... what do I do.
Ask him if it would be okay if you can start going on dates to actual places?
If it means nothing in the first place, then he would never go on these sites.
He is doing it to meet people. I don't think he is being honest with you.
You need to express how much it hurts you.
He is registering on dating sites to go out on dates. Sorry but you know what it means.
Well I told him if I catch him doing it again he can leave... I don't want him... he has this last chance... we have a small child so I want to try one more time... if not he can hit the road
Good for you... you don't need to worry about him cheating!Quote:
Originally Posted by nitelight198073
So he gets 4 strikes!! Good Luck.
It's not that he doesn't know that he is hurting you, it's that he does not care that he's hurting you.
Next time he comes knocking on your door for marritial bliss (a.k.a. sex) ask him whether he was able to get a date?
Yes, now he knows to be a lot more careful, do you check the computer data history
Unplug he computer and tell him it Does matter.He is on line cheating!
Ask him how he would like it if you did the same?
Cut him off.. no computer at all and I would check out what he is saying and doing by checking his history.
Snoop and find out how far it has advanced. Keep your evidence and then present him with it. Arm yourself with his words and don't let him know you are watching.
Oh yes and I know all his passwords and such so yes I keep good tabsQuote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
Thanks so much for all your answers and support I appreciate it:D
Tell him he can't have his "cake" and eat it too!!
Sorry for your situation. No matter what he says he is signing up for those sites because he is looking for sex. Not just a date, think about it. Why would one really be signing up for that.
Have you asked him if he s attracted to you. Can you both go to counseling. What he is doing is disgusting but always remember you are not perfect as well. How is you sex life, does he seem interested in you. Are you holding out on him. Remember he is a man if he is not getting it at home he will look out side the marriage. Not all men will do that but intimacy is a very important part of any marriage.
I know from your previous posts that you have a new baby. This could be a reason to try to save your marriage. I don't believe that he is doing this for entertainment only. You need to confront him again about his lying and possible cheating or intent to cheat. You need to insist on marriage counseling either with a counelor or clergy.
Also, most of these sites are not free. How much money is he wasting on this game?
Simple.
Sign up for your own profile for the dating websites! Make your own contact with people. He is doing it while hurting you and knowing it! You caught him three times! He is letting you catch it sounds like to me. It's like sending you a message, " you better be nice and let me do what I want. " It's like a scare tactic being drilled in your brain.
Give your own scare tactic! Look on the website and flirt by emails with perfectly good strangers like he wants to.
Hell, maybe you will find someone BETTER!
If the uncertainty is killing you you can always find out what he is really doing on these sites by installing a sniffer software (would be glad to point you to some of them). There are some decent free ones as well.
On a slightly different vein, is he going though a mid-life crisis of sorts and trying to spice up his (dull) life? If that's the case, you could come up with ways to spice it up... for both of you. And I don't mean just a spiced up sex life... could be a day spa, the theater, a night club or whatever you believe he would like and breaks away from your normal social routine.
This should tell you quite a bit about your marriage at the moment. You shouldn't have to keep tabs on him... he shouldn't be putting you in a position where you feel you need to.Quote:
Originally Posted by nitelight198073
Online dating sites are for people who are looking to date... plain and simple. He may just be curious to know what sort of person he might get matched up with, he may be trolling the waters to see what's out there, the reason for it really doesn't matter. If it doesn't mean anything to him then he should have no issues with staying off them.
The point is, it means something to you. It hurts you, it makes you feel anxious and worried about what he might be up to and about the state of your relationship. That, in and of itself, should be reason enough for him to stop. If it isn't... then you know where you stand in the marriage.
Talk to him some more... let him know how it is making you feel and see what result you get.
We have discussed everything and I appreciate everyone's input and a lot of the things you suggested I used and needless to say he now feels like a rat he actually cried and I never seen him cry. So maybe I did some good and if he does it again it is over... and about the whole sex thing no I hadn't given him any sex, I had recently been diagnosed with post pardom depression and was very hard to live with,not excusing his behavior but he was having a hard time too and that is another reason why I gave him another chance... but I told him that if it does happen again he can pack his and leave pardon the language... but I feel a lot better now please wish me luck and hugs and kisses to everyone:)
He signed up for free trial it did not cost I know for a fact he did not get the full versions of these sites.Quote:
Originally Posted by jjwoodhull
Good luck working everything out. Keep us posted.
You are correct, the postpartum depression does not excuse it but it does offer a possible explanation. Sometimes, when dissatified with a relationship... for whatever reason, people first take it personally and look elsewhere... the grass might be greener sort of thing. Not necessarily that they would act upon it... although some people do, hence affairs, but to know they have options can be a boost to the fragile ego. Unfortunately it sometimes takes the hurt of the one they love, or fear of losing a relationship to snap them into reality and realize they need to put that energy back into the relationship instead.
Good that you discussed it some more and he was able to understand how it made you feel.
Keep the communication going... wishing you much luck!
Keep the lines of communications open, and be proactive in your treatments for depression. Good luck!
I really do agree that communication is there key. Now that all the cards are on the table you both know how each other feel and were you are coming from. Ask him how he is doing, be affectionate toward him, and if you don't feel like sex then there are other things you can do to help him out in that department.
On the flip side he needs to be really attentive to your feelings, helping you with your new baby, help out around the house, and all the things a good husband should do to be supportive of his wife that is struggling with something that is really hard to deal with.
My wife suffered from postpartum as well. I know it is not an easy thing to deal with. Good luck our thoughts and prayers will be with you.
He probably has no clue what your going through, or how to deal with it. He needs some education, and friendly advice, and some outside support as well.
I recently experience the same problem... I was playing with my husband's blackberry for work and found an email account in which he had mail from a couple of dating sites. I went ballistic and was devastated. We separated for several weeks and were discussing divorce until he called and asked me to go to dinner with him on my birthday. We have since gotten back together. Although, it is still hard for me to understand completely, he says he was missing attention from me. I do suffer from depression and find myself slipping into ruts where I do not want to do anything. His complaints were that we did not talk and I never wanted to go anywhere with him. And that was true. I feel like, yes, I do have some responsibility in it but at the same time he did not try talking to me about the problem. I do know for a fact that he did not make contact with anyone until after we were separated. I would love to hear how things are going for you and how you have coped with this situation. If you like, you can instant message me. My thoughts are with you and best wishes for you and your family.
OK ladies and gentlemen he has been doing it again and this time it is over I am moving out I have had it
I let it go for too long
This time he was calling a girl and I called her
He was lying to her as well so you know what screw him and the horse he rode in on
I am sorry it came to this. Good luck getting your life back on track.Quote:
Originally Posted by nitelight198073
I am so sorry... I know the pain far too well. Wishing you peace and strength in your decision. Time really does heal... even if it doesn't always seem that way. Unfortunately there is no quick way to go through the process... surround yourself with family and friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by nitelight198073
Dear nitelight,
I am wondering if you are doing well with your baby... please focus on taking care of yourself and your baby.
Don't worry love me and my son are fine will be even better when I can move out of here we are still living together and all be he knows not to touch me or even want sex I am so done with himQuote:
Originally Posted by myagony1234
We will be better off once I find a place to go no uneeded stress on me or my baby
I found out that my fiancé had joined a dating site. He then lied about it. We had moved to a different state together. His profile listed him in that state. He had to have done this when we were together. We broke up for about a year. During this time he of coarse joined more sites. He has not done it since we have been together again that I know of. If he does, we are over. There is no questions of a man's intentions for doing this. He is looking to score or is looking for a relationship and is to weak to end the one he is in first.
Advice: Dogs bite anyone who gets in their way. Do not let him leave scars on you!
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