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He said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and give you all the things you deserve.". Refers to you sometimes as his wife and himself sometimes as your husband. When not at work the time is spent together. Live together,spend time with both families and acts as if married. Closed about talking on relationship. Says that if you have already confessed love and commitment there is no need to discuss it. Has not proposed. What can I do?
In a relationship where two parties are getting seroius and talking or thinking about life together, both parties should be free to discuss their relationship, and should have serious talks about it.
Sit down and discuss your life together.
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I agree with Fr Chunk that you both need to have a good talk together and see where the two of you are going.
From your post it sounds like you are both really in love and have a lot going for you both! Do we need to have a piece of paper to confirm what we already know in our hearts?
How long have you both been together and how long have you been living together?
Why would he mess up a good thing,for a piece of paper?:cool:
hi wannabemarried,
I do see a problem here. You say that he says:"if you have already confessed love and commitment there is no need to discuss it". I'm not sure whether this refers to marriage itself or even the expression of love. Either way, here you are on a forum looking for answers, rather than seeking them of the man you hope understands you better than anyone.
communication obviously needs to be worked on here. What do both of you want? Marriage appears to be important to you. Are you willing to continue this relationship if it is not an option? (ie if he does not and never wants to marry anyone) and does that mean you are then compromising your ideals? Only you can answer these questions. But before you broach the topic again, be sure you know these answers yourself. I do feel you need to discuss this with your mate in depth. If he is not willing to discuss the relationsip, how well are you "relating"? Is that enough for you? Are you the type of person who needs to discuss the varying stages in relationships or can you just go with the flow without conversation? Neither is right or wrong, everyone is different - but you must be sure what type of personality complements your needs before you jump into marriage.
if you aren't getting what you want from a CONVERSATION about marriage, then do you think the marriage itself will hold up? Just keep your needs in mind, and hopefully your beloved will understand how important this is to you. Good luck!
Marriage definition is different for different people. Some believe that the commitement is good enough and do not need the peace of paper and others believe it is very important. For him not to want to talk about it causes problems right away. Relationships should be open communication about anything. When communications start to close it could cause problems. Marriage is a commitement to each other and God that you will be life long parntners. I myself personally, want the church involved and signing and witnesses and family.
Joe
Why change things?
He's living with you... he thinks that is commitment. Why is a piece of paper necessary?
What concerns me though is the fact he is not even willing to discuss it.
Without good communication, relationships are headed from trouble, whether you are married or not.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, and how long have you two been together? This might help us better answer your question.
I do not understand why you are so negative wannabemarried. I was just stating what I believe is important in a relationship. I was making comments. So you do not agree that to have a good relationship the communication needs to be open?
I agree Jesushelper76. You are trying to assist wannabemarried with a problem, she shouldn't come at you negatively like that.
Wannabemarried, and one more thing. I never once said that you should leave him, you are the one that made that statement. Why is that?
Joe
Wannabemarried I think that as you have posted above he does not seem to be over open and I'm thinking that maybe this is something that you and him could work on as a couple... Is he a really shy person?? And have you ever asked him straight out "Will U Marry Me" !Quote:
from his family and himself I'm the only woman he's taken to meet them. He has opened up to me more than to anyone; it's the way he's been all his life-closed
Hi, wannabemarried,
If you have a good relationship, are happy together, then whatever works.
He apparently is not interested in marriage right now; otherwise he would want to talk about it. Maybe eventually, he will want to get married. I do wish you both the best.
Allright. Ima give my opinion here. I agree about talk to the man an yada yada. However anytime I hear a man try to use that sorry " why do we need paper?" excuse I want to pop him. Truthfully all it really is is an easy way out and an excuse not to make a true commitment. I trust no man that tells me " why do we have to marry as long as we know we love each other?" Those men are the ones who will have another woman in your bed because um he's not married.
I agree with you crankie for the most part,but I think the man in this thread is just a little quirky and not cheating, but the fact that this couple live together is a good example that there is a commitment.Now how deep it really goes is anyone's guess. The problem is that now she wants to get married,but after 4 years he is quite happy with the way things are,and why not?The problem is he will not discuss any kind of change in the status quo,and she obviously want a change in things and by her post feels very strongly. I feel until he talks about it they will be in a major conflict until they both communicate and reach a fair agreement between them both.At least she deservers to know why!Could her clock be ticking?:cool:
This could well be true, that's why you need to talk with him and probe him a little at a time. As they say Rome was not built in aday and getting a person that has always kept things bottled up will take time. I think TLC is called for and moving into getting him to open up, just take it step by step and slow until he can exspress himself fully!Quote:
Could he be closed and withdrawn because of bad relationships in past and scared to open up?
wannabemarried, nwsflash and I agree that it will take time and love to get your man to open up to you,whether his past or his personality ,patients on your part is important.This problem didn't happen in a day,so neither will the solution appear overnight.I think I speak for most of us when I say he loves you very much and obviously you love him. Tell him the truth, that you want your future kids to have the sanctity of marriage,and see if it opens a dialog,be honest and be loving:cool: :)Quote:
Originally Posted by nwsflash
Umm I'm a little confused... nwsflsh why are you agreeing and saying the same thing as wannabemarried?Quote:
Comments on this post
Nwsflash agrees: we have been together 4 1/2 yrs. Living together for 4 yrs. Basically we do great together.
Wannabemarried agrees: Been together 4 1/2 yrs. Living together 4 yrs. Thanks for responding
There's so many comments on this thread lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orange
LMAO Orange, I was answering this post as wannabemarried had already posted how long they had been together ! :) So just wanted to help :D I was having a lazy day with cut & paste pmplQuote:
Originally Posted by jeffatl
Ahh, okay, I thought of that afterwards haha, thanks for responding. Seriously though this thread wins for the number of comments! Geez Louise, as my mother used to say! :D
You guys and gals have been great to respond. Thanks a million! Best wishes to all of you. I hope you each find that special person to share your life.
Anytime to want to ask something ask away as there are people here 24/7 willing to help. Hope you enjoy using the board.
I believe you are in a good position for negotiaating what YOU want. Hestepped up the commitment.
You have to keep trying to talk with this guy. If he won't communicate further you have problems.
What is it that you want out of this relationship? Do you want to get married? If so, then you need to let him know in no uncertain terms. You may even want to consider giving him an ultimatum, something like "if, after 3 months, you havent committed to planning marriage, then I'm going to have to leave." It appears that he wants to keep one foot out the door "just in case." I certainly don't blame you for not wanting to accept such an arrangement. He should be willing to "take the plunge" and go for it all the way. Otherwise, he's not worth hanging on to.
Be happy with where you are at - as long as you both love each other there should be no rush.Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabemarried
Maybe he just wants to be the one to bring it up, when he is ready. He may battling his own inner demons about commitment so don't rush him. When he is ready to put his commitment on paper, he will let you know. Until then enjoy the time you have together, it is beautiful to see two people in love.
Women are so quick to rush into a life-long commitment... It seems like he is just making sure you are both completely compatible and will make each other happy. It may take a month or ten years but at least you know that when it finally does happen, he and you will be very happy and neither one will feel like it wasn't a well-thought out decision.
Much love.
Just wait. If it meant to happen, it will.
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