:confused:

I have a question, my husband lovesss his porn, he works 10 hours a day then he comes home eats dinner barely talks to me then heads back to the computer room for 3 HOURS... then I found that he is going onto these sex dating sights, should I be worried? Or is this just another way for him to get off. The thing that really bothers me is that I seen his page on this dating sight, and it says that he is separated and that he is looking for a bad good for some good times. AND he user name is hornysailorman. I mean come on... you see my user name I mean damn that is my user name for everything.

A little info about us, we got married April 5 2007, I'm 21 he is 23, I'm a little over 300lbs and he is like 220. He is 6'3 and I'm 5'10. We met online on eharmaney around march2005.

I am worried that it is my wight, and that he married me because he loves me for the girl that is inside, and that is grate but I'm worried that he does not find me sexy anymore.

Some of my friends say that I should talk to him... well I have, more times then I can count. I have told him how it hurts me and how it makes me sick. But he still does it. We can't go to conseling because we don't make that kind of money. The thing is I am the one talking, he just sitts there just looking at he TV. Saying that maybe if I picked up the house a little more then he might want to hang out in the living room more.
This it is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. It is like being married to a 3 year old.

SHOULD I BE WORRIED??

Um... yeah.

Not communicating with you and 3 hours every night of porn is a problem. Sounds like he's addicted, really.

You may want to confront him, and see if he will go to marriage counseling with you, because you're probably going to need it.

I second that.

He's just going through the motions.

No communication kills relationships.

Porn.. well that's up to the couple and how they interpret it... some couples report it helps their sex life, some couples believe it can destroy a marriage, but you aren't doing this as a couple.

So the big concern is he isn't engaged in this relationship. Porn is just the outlet he's using to fill whatever gap there is.

Time to have a serious talk.

I refer you to the first sentence of your post. Anything that takes a spouse away from the other spouse, (ex: 3 hours after working) especially after being away from them for a 10 hour day is wrong unless it would be the care of a sick child, etc. Even if a child is chronially ill, a couple still needs to arrange time to be spent together for closeness and loving, and renewing their love.

I would be very worried about the lack of communication between the two of you. At the ages you are, both of you should be fulfilling each other's desires with each other, bonding, becoming closer in body and soul.

My personal belief is that porn is wrong.

Anything that takes time away from those you love by such large blocks of time would concern me, whether it be sports, porn, alcohol, gambling, daydreaming, reading for hours at a time, shopping, and the list could go on forever. Anything that controls your time rather than you controlling your own time is of great concern in not only a marriage but just for the individuals mental and emotional state of well-being.

He should not shut you out or look at porn because of your weight but if that is a concern for you, then I would encourage you to begin an exercise program, better food choices, etc. BUT, do this for yourself, not to keep him interested in sex with you. If he is hooked on porn, it probably won't make much difference if you are slim or overweight. This seems to be more about his self-gratification and not about your marriage.

I wish you the best. I would just encourage you to address these issues with him and express your concerns and your emotions it is putting you through. He is your husband and needs to know your needs. Maybe by sharing your concerns with him, it might make him more aware of your need to have time with him. Perhaps he will then share what he is needing from you to make him a better husband to you. Just communicate.

EDIT: I started this post then got pulled away. I should have checked to see if other's had posted. They addressed the same issues but maybe seeing this many voice some of the same concerns will help you also. Best to you!

As to whether porn is wrong, personally, I'm believe it is, but that is because of my religious beliefs. But what I can tell you is that him spending 3 hours a night looking at it definitely is! It sounds like he has an addiction! Also, not even attempting to spend time with you is also wrong.

I would be worried about the dating sites. It sounds like maybe it started with a fantasy, and now he is taking it to the next level by going to the dating sites. To me, it sounds like the beginning of a downward spiral.

You say he refuses to change, refuses to talk to you, and claims if you cleaned more he would talk to you. Honey, this guy has no idea how to respect a woman! You are a valuable, beautiful, intelligent human being, and this guy isn't treating you that way. He goes to work, comes home and trashes the house, then spends three hours on line looking at naked woman and now he's trying to meet them? And then he has the nerve to blame it on you!? That make me so mad! What a jerk!!

You said you didn't have the money to go to counseling. Have you considered finding a local minster or religious leader of your choice that would sit down and talk to you? (no offense, if you aren't a religious person) If you explain to the minister that you and your husband are having some problems and need help with your marriage, then I'm sure he/she would be happy to help. At least, the minister at my church always is. It might be worth giving it a shot, since it's free.

Ultimately, you have to do what will make you happy. Give it some time, keep encouraging him to seek help, keep trying for a while. But, if time goes by and this guy doesn't change, don't feel bad if you leave him. You are young and have your whole life ahead. Don't waste time with a guy who doesn't care how you feel.

Good luck, and I'm always on here if you ever need someone to talk to. Just send me a message or make a post. Just remember that you are a wonderful person, and don't let this guy drag your self-esteem down.

You wrote: " this is is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. it is like being married to a 3 year old."

How long have you been married? Is he still under warranty? If not, marriage counseling/therapy is a must. Sounds as though he has no conscience; therefore, he could be an adict.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by George_1950

You wrote: " this is is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. it is like being married to a 3 year old."

How long have you been married? Is he still under warranty? If not, marriage counseling/therapy is a must. Sounds as though he has no conscience; therefore, he could be an adict.

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We got married April 5th 2007. We are not even on our 1 year mark yet.

You may be suffering 'new-relationship syndrome'; I hope you will find marriage/relationship counseling helpful because I can appreciate that your husband is disappointing you a great deal.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by George_1950

You may be suffering 'new-relationship syndrome'; I hope you will find marriage/relationship counseling helpful because I can appreciate that your husband is disappointing you a great deal.

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I have been depressed for about 3 weeks now. Disappointing is not even the tip of the ice burge

This one might sound the same as another one, but I didn't get the answer I was looking for. So I thought that I would try again. Please help, any answer will help no matter how big or how stupied it may sound.

My husband lovesss his porn, he works 10 hours a day then he comes home eats dinner barely talks to me then heads back to the computer room for 3 HOURS... then I found that he is going onto these sex dating sights, should I be worried? Or is this just another way for him to get off. The thing that really bothers me is that I seen his page on this dating sight, and it says that he is separated and that he is looking for a bad good for some good times or somrthing like that. AND he user name is hornysailorman. I mean come on... and we only have sex once a month, is that normal??

A little info about us, we got married April 5 2007, I'm 21 he is 23, I'm a little over 300lbs and he is like 220. He is 6'3 and I'm 5'10. We met online on eharmaney around march2006.

I am worried that it is my wight, and that he married me because he loves me for the girl that is inside, and that is grate but I'm worried that he does not find me sexy anymore. What can I do about that.

Some of my friends say that I should talk to him... well I have, more times then I can count. I have told him how it hurts me and how it makes me sick. But he still does it. He says that is looking something up for work and that he needs the door closed because it is to cold with it open, and to stay warm he has to close it. BS. He will be in there for about an hour and I will find something to put away that has to go into the back room and every time I knock on the door and he yells back " hold on.... rusel, zip, a click click form the computer, and then a come on in". And when I walk in the computer screen is back to the main screen. What would you think?? What wound be going on in your head?

We talk at night before we go to bed, that is where I feel like it is eazer to talk to him, and he said that he loves me and doesn't want a devorce,(witch he as thretened me a few times if I don't start picking up the house more) and that he is sorry that he is spending all that time back there. He said yesterday that he is done with the work crap that he has to do, soooo we will see how much time he spends back there now. And another thing, he sciped luch today, he always comes home for lunch. But I love him and trust him that he says he is working.

We can't go to conseling because we don't make that kind of money. The thing is I am the one talking, he just sitts there just looking at he TV. Saying that maybe if I picked up the house a little more then he might want to hang out in the living room more.
This it is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. It is like being married to a 3 year old.

SHOULD I BE WORRIED??

Moderator note: Please do not post the same question twice.

Sounds like he has an addiction, and he needs help for that. He's already left the relationship emotionally, in my opinion. And with that profile on the dating site, it might even be MORE than emotionally.

My husband and I don't believe that porn is necessary in a marriage, so if I were to find him spending that much time on a computer, hidden away from me, with a dating profile, I would consider that a form of cheating. I would confront him about it, and I would find SOME sort of counseling for us as soon as possible.

For some reason or other, I don't recommend confrontations, but I do recommend you getting help from a relationship/marriage counselor, whether from a school or church or county services. You want someone who is competent in the field as well.

You have a very serious problem. It's not that your husband likes porn, it's that he is only having sexual gratification with porn. He fell in love with you the way you are, but men are usually ( I am not saying ALL men so don't jump me) very visual creatures. Put on something sexy? Ask him if you can watch him, or be with him while he is watching porn, and maybe sexually please him? Just a suggestion, it may or may not work for you. Communication is the biggest missing factor here, you are both young, and maybe afraid to verbally discuss certain subjects. I wish you ALL the luck, but it's time to speak to him!

He and I talk alitttle. We do it at night when we are in bed and that way I feel at eas. We have talked the other night he says that he loves me more then anything, and that he things that in still sexy, whe he gets home he wants to do so many things that he can't do. Like spend time with me, email his buddys, and watch TV. But he can't because of the hours that he is pulling, and a few things have to suffer. And he doesn't mean to hurt me but he thought I wound understand. And I told him again that what he has been doing hurts.

I asked him what happened to the man that I married, we spent a lot of time together, watching TV together, going on car rides, going out to dinner, (witch was nurmaly fastfood but we were together), and that back then you tuched me. I told him that he does not even tuck me anymore, besides when he leaves to go to work, he gives me a peck on the cheak. All he could say was sorry, and that he didn't realies what he was doing to me and that he is really sorry. He said that he loved me, I said love you too and we when to bed.

So...

Sounds like you made some progress! What do you think? Is this something to build on?

We are going to work on it. But we both love each other and that I know to be true. :)

Personally, and I do mean personally Porn is worse than wrong.

It portrays women as nothing more that lusting babes that will do anything just to get a male to penetrate themselves in any one opening large enough to accommodate the size of the telephone pole of a penis. Not to mention, that for the next 20 minutes or so, this guy and gal will go at it solid and absolutely no ejaculation from the male for hours or as long as it takes to get the scene shot.

Ladies, when was the last time you went to the store or pulled into your driveway in absolute heat, get inside, get naked find your husband in bed with two other women and decided, what the devil, I'm joining in.

Yet when you watch this trash, that's what you see and condition yourself to.

Personally, I would much rather have my way with my lady, if I can get healthy enough again, in real time in real life. Its no fun for me to want to touch a TV screen when I can hold and make love to a real air breathing lady.

Ayashe,

Sorry to disagree. Porn is not set up for anything nobler than making money from people who shy away from real relationships. There is no moral or immoral reason other then to make money.

Actress's are a dime a dozen lined up to do this for a reason that is unfathomable to me.

Please, I understand. I don't like to see women degraded even if they want to be. But what is the point of showing porn on a TV or Screen that cannot be felt and touuched like a realperson.

The point?

The point is that some people are visually stimulated.

I humbly submit that most people who watch porn are aware that they they're watching a make-believe movie, and can tell the difference between a movie and real life.

I mean, people who like Bruce Willis movies don't go out and blow stuff up to save their city every couple months, do they?

And really--why is it always the WOMEN who are considered to be degraded in porn? Heck, the women are the ones that end up with marketing lines in sex toys! They make money even when they're NOT performing! Name one MAN that has done that! And really--when was the last time a MAN was treated realistically in porn, either?

If you don't like porn, and it does nothing for you--GREAT! Don't watch it! I don't watch action movies for the same reason--I can't suspend disbelief long enough to enjoy the movie. But--like EVERYTHING else in life--porn is fine in moderation. I can't say it does much for me, personally, but it's a nice tool that the hubby and I use together. We've ALSO used "The Joy of Sex" books, romance coupons, naughty dice, handcuffs, blindfolds, sex toys, and erotic literature to spice things up---are all of THOSE things bad too?

You make an interesting argument but as to why do I see it as a humiliation of womanhood.

Lets think of all the ways women bend, fold spindle, sit, stand to get the guy inside of them. The "hunger or lust" for the penis up to and including chocking themselves with it. Yep that says to me I am woman, respect me.

Oh and by the way, put the radio on so I can tear my clothes off and ravish you since I'm here.

We are going to have to disagree on this one. I cannot see any woman willing to debase herself as seen in these pictures as a healthy person.

Something has twisted or skewed her self wealth or self appreciation to the point where she sees herself as nothing more than a life support system for a pu** and breasts.

After all everyone she meets wants at her.

In truth, I'll probably never know. The number of porn starlets we have over for dinner or that just drop in and take advantage of poor little me is just catching up on zero!

Just to play devil's advocate with you a bit (because I see your point, and I am glad you at least have a rational reason for disliking porn), since this discussion is somewhat interesting to me. And please--I'm not attacking your opinion. I just find your responses intelligent, and would like to further the discussion, if you don't mind.

Couldn't the same argument be said of the men in those movies? After all, they are narrowed down to just a penis (seriously--the male bodies and faces in porn movies are generally awful. Male porn stars are chosen for penis size only) and they generally don't get THEIR pleasure in any of it until she has taken HER pleasure every which way from Sunday.

Men in these videos are often reduced to such roles as "gardener" or "cable man" or "pool boy"--demeaning positions, making him less than the woman to begin with.

IF you accept my argument that porn debases men as much as it does women--then doesn't porn just make sex about the mechanics of the action, not the intimacy involved? If that's the case, and the people watching it KNOW that that's the case--where's the harm?

I used to get together with a group of friends, mostly male (I've never been one of those women with a lot of female friends; I enjoy the straightforwardness of men to the games so many women play) on Monday nights in college. It started as a movie night, but, being poor college students, our selection was limited by what we ourselves owned at the time. After about 5 months, we ran out of movies, and someone suggested a porn.

Let me tell you---I learned more about sex and communicating about sex from watching those movies with friends. There was never any sexual advances toward the women in the room (or toward the men from the women, either)--it was just another movie that we watched as a group and did our version of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 to. I learned that much of what is portrayed isn't even a turn on. I learned that different things turned different people on, or intrigued various people. I learned that most of the guys I knew didn't care for the lack of intimacy in the sex scenes, or expect a woman to look THAT good.

In return, the guys learned some things from us women--that sometimes there really ARE times when we just want to rip his clothes off and go at it. The different stances on spitting and swallowing, and WHY we felt that way. I've had some of those guys come back and thank me later through the years for being so frank about it, because now their wives like the TALKING in the bedroom.

So really--I think that porn, like everything else, is situational. If you're watching it alone every 3 hours to get off, and can't get off with your partner--then it's a problem. If it gives you unrealistic expectations of sex--it's a problem (but then again, I say the same thing about love movies and romance novels giving unrealistic expectations of love).

If it's watched to open communication, or to get ideas to spice up a sexual rut, or to just get off and get some sleep once in a while--I don't see a problem.

It's when it's habitual, or when it's become an addiction, that it's a problem.

PS--Just want to point out that the porn industry is actually in trouble right now. Why? Home videos on the internet of actual real people is stealing much of its clientel.

Dang it, Synen, I read that entire epistle thinking you were really playing devil's advocate and were going to ask donf a question. What happened?

Erm... sorry.

I think my questions were: Why is it only women objectified? Even if it IS objectification, can't porn be good if it opens communication, or makes you learn about yourself?

I was just curious what kind of porn donf may be watching?

Our admiration guides our affection
Our affection guides our attitudes
Our attitudes guarantee our action

I think this is part of what we are being told by Brocksgirl. It began with viewing porn and now he is on a dating site.

What happened to the "Art of Love Making"?

Whatever you feed, grows. Spending time on porn, feeds your desire for more porn, spending time in frantic shopping, feeds your desire to shop more, spending time gambling, feeds your desire to gamble. If Brocksgirl's husband or anyone would put more into developing the "Art of Love Making", it would enhance every part of your day, in my opinion.

I am a visual person. I enjoy making love with the lights on with my husband because of this but the visual is my husband, not some guy I have watched on a movie. If we have had an argument but one of us are wanting sex, we do just have sex and it is great but it does not hold a candle to "making love". The depth of what is given and received in that context is limitless. Just the art of kissing seems to be getting lost these days.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BROCKSGIRL86

:confused:

i have a question, my husband lovesss his porn, he works 10 hours a day then he comes home eats dinner barely talks to me then heads back to the computer room for 3 HOURS.... then i found that he is going onto these sex dating sights, should i be worried?? or is this just another way for him to get off. the thing that really bothers me is that i seen his page on this dating sight, and it says that he is seperated and that he is looking for a bad good for some good times. AND he user name is hornysailorman. i mean come on.... you see my user name i mean damn that is my user name for everthing.

a little info about us, we got married April 5 2007, im 21 he is 23, im alittle over 300lbs and he is like 220. he is 6'3 and im 5'10. we met online on eharmaney around march2005.

i am worried that it is my wight, and that he married me because he loves me for the girl that is inside, and that is grate but im worried that he does not find me sexy anymore.

some of my friends say that i should talk to him............ well i have, more times then i can count. i have told him how it hurts me and how it makes me sick. but he still does it. we can't go to conseling because we dont make that kinda money. the thing is i am the one talking, he just sitts there just looking at he tv. saying that maybe if i picked up the house alittle more then he might want to hang out in the living room more.
this it is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. it is like being married to a 3 year old.

SHOULD I BE WORRIED?????

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I don't think it is wrong for your husband to like or watch porn, but personally I do think it is wrong for him to go onto date rooms of any kind it must be awful for yourself esteem if I was you id give him a good talking to and tell him how you feel otherwise it will eat away at you

Synnen,

Just out of idle curiosity, are you playing with the spelling of your name as in (sinning?)

I guess I'm skewed by more than a little. I'm 61 this Thursday. I've been married for almost 42 years. Prior to marrying my lady at 18 we had no sexual hoopla's or Love In's.

We were very, very good friends a year after we met. We decided to get married and neither one of us had any idea of the maelstrom of events and how they were to change.

To be honest with you, any woman can fascinate me and drive me to the edge of the universe in despair for being spurned. However, I'll get to go home to be with the one person who has taken me from diapers to manhood to middle age. This lady has nursed me back from death when I suffered a Pulmonary Embolism. Literal Bonnie had to stick her nose almost to my skin to see if she could pick up the scent of gangrene.

When I got high enough in salary, I began taking Bon on business trips with me. I've been asked to re-locate 5 times over 38 years, by IBM and then Lexmark. My wife's career's just started and entered. One time she asked me not to take the assignment to Dallas. She wanted me to take a spot in Orlando.

She went to Dallas with me. She always supports me without pushing me. She always claimed that when the corporate life ended I would still have to come home to her.

All she ever asked me about career is to try to do better, take on challenges and do my best. Never forget that in our world family would come first, last and only.

My lady and I have one son - one grandaughter. We buried 3 son's back in the mid seventies. I was useless to help her. I had no concept of how much pain and misery I could cause her just because I was to dense to consider her.

Against this backdrop, you paint the picture of porno. I have to ask what is there for me to compare my wife to as opposed to porno queen.

A funny thing we developed over the years was meeting for lunch. When I left the field as a went into the IBM and Lexmark Labs we still would find time to meet for lunch.

Surprisingly with out rhyme or reason some ended in romantic romps. Again, I come back to porno, why do I need to wash my brain in sexual fantasy on the tube when a real warm feeling woman is at my shoulder. My imagination cannot hold a candle to Bon's. And none of it is smutty. I've come to believe that it is pure Love without attachment's

How can I then be with this lady and treat her as less than a lady!

As to the male stars, I can honestly say that I have no desire to get into a measurement contest, you know a tack versus a pile driver kind of mentality.

I apologize for the length of this missive, but I honestly believe that this lady has so blessed and enriched my life and the entire time I had no clue of the me she found under the rock tough snotty Bronx Boy.

Donf---that's just beautiful. Seriously---I had tears in my eyes reading. You're one lucky couple, that I'm sure has had to work at being so lucky.

Congratulations :)

George1950,

Here's the kind of porn I've been watching today. I was up at 05:30, I don't remember why. At 09:25, Bonnie opened the spare bedroom door to check on me before she left for work. I was told to, eat breakfast before I take my meds, nebulized, stay in bed and for God's sake call her if I needed help. No hero suffering today, please (Like's that's going to happen anyway. If I have to suffer, I'm going to do it with an audience) I woke up again around 11:00, fooled around with an FM radio that I'm trying to get a little more bandwidth on.

Then I did go out to the living room, sat in my, "Thoughtful spot" and stared at the Christmas tree that I've yet to take down.

So as aptly described by Bud Abbot and Lou Costello, slowly I turned and found some of the decoration boxes and started putting the decorations up. When the sweating started, I sat back down, sucked down another 32 ounces of Iced Tea and went back to work.

Early afternoon showed up so I put a Clive Cussler book on the cd player ans listed to the first three discs.

We had our conversations about porno and that was it. Bon and Jim came in the door, fixed dinner for me and the are watching TV and I'm in my Thoughtful spot again.

Look, I'm no prude, by any means. Yes, I've seen porn, particular when at sea as a just after diapers. Its just not an art form for me. I prefer to hold my wife and breathe in her various scents. I trip out over the real woman not the celluloid image.

I do have a very close friend, who is a porn star. She is a great woman, married, and wonderful person in general. We will have to agree to disagree on this one! I have been married 20 years, and if hubby and I watch something on a porn, that one of us wants to try, we give it a go! Again, its adult entertainment, just as gambling, or being online. Any of the entertainments, as an addiction, is a problem.

Porn isn't nearly as worse as a dating site. Because it means he's actually interacting with other women which is not a good thing. You say that you have talked to him and he doesn't talk he just "listens" You need to think Do you want to be in a relationship/Marriage with someone who's basically cheating on you. The time he is spending on the computer he should be spending with you. If you have tried talking to him then you should not come home one day. I don't know put him to the test Maybehe will realise that you are a great person and he really loves you. If he truly oves you he will choose you over the computer. Maybe instead of him having to go on the computer you could dress up into something sexy when he comes home. Make him see that he dusnt have to jack off to some chick on webcam when he has a beautifull woman he loves in the next room. I don't know if this helps at all. Good luck.

I don't think that porn itself is your problem. Porn can be healthy as long as your partner doesn't become REPLACED by it. It seems that your husband has taken it to another level. Porn is a fantasy... women/men you will never meet. Being a member of a dating site makes it all a little too real. The next step would be a meeting with an actual person-cheating...

When you try to talk to him about it, how are you approaching him? Do you yell, accuse, or nag? I am a VERY argumentative person, and I have learned in the past that such an approach usually doesn't get you the reaction you really want. It can shut the person off and make them not want to listen. Come out and ask him if your weight is the issue. If it is, ask him if he would be willing to work on changing diet and exercise routines TOGETHER (you would get into better shape, be more healthy, and get closer to each other!)

Finally, it's obvious that you don't have very high self esteem. People can only love and respect YOU as much as you love and respect YOURSELF! You need to work on that before any of the problems in your marriage can truly be resolved.

I did like Peggyhill's suggestion to find spiritual (free) counselling--I am not religious myself and I don't know if you are, but it couldn't hurt.

Okay,

I have no qualm about anyone watching porn. Or even enjoying porn.

I'm was trying to isolate my responses to my perspective(only) on the subject.

I've never met a porn star, male or female. Come to think of it, I've never met a promiscuous female or a sexually obsessed woman. But I have not as yet hung a sign out front advertising for them either.

I would truly like to have the strength of character to meet and talk and appreciate and decide on the person without feeling like I have to get her out of her clothes and let her have her way with me. Personally, I believe that any guy can be had by any woman with minimal effort.

In my situation, I would not like to fail that test. What's is so wrong with being happy where and with who you are with? What can another woman offer me that my own lady cannot? I guess I just will never find out and that's okay with me.

I'm going back under my rock, it's my safety zone!

Nothing is wrong with it, donf.

Those of us actually advocating porn aren't advocating that someone become obsessed with it!

The question was asked "Is porn wrong?" In the OP's situation--yes, it is, because porn is replacing her.

I don't think, though, that porn in general is wrong. Or rather--I don't think it's any MORE wrong than sex toys, romance novels, erotica, or watching a movie about a love story. It's the way that it's used, and the way a particular person reacts to it that is wrong.

I guess to me, it's like alcohol. In moderate amounts, at the right time, alcohol is a nice thing. It's when someone puts alcohol before their family, their own safety, and the safety of others that alcohol use is wrong.

Synnen,

To say nothing is wrong with watching porn is too much of a simplification for me. I just can't get comfortable with porn as being a entertainment experience.

Watching "Mary Poppings" almost 700 times was an entertaining experience as much as watching Gregory Peck as Atticus Fitch or Captain Newman MD.

My all time favorite, Angie inson was an entertainment experience for me and I think she always managed to have clothes on.

What I don't like to see is all the information on the "How we did it" dumped on the screen for us technocrats to learn. TV, Legit, Movies are mediums that abound with opportunities to astound us with illusion. Why go around and tell us the mechanics of the illusion.

Why remove the allure, the mystery and the feminine charms of a woman. I guess I a hopeless romantic. I'd rather have the real live person to hold, touch and feel, listen to her breathing Smell her perfume feel her skin, "Just be with" if you know what I mean. Not have to look at a screen and think, gee I wonder what that would be like?

Still on friendly terms?

Of course we're still on friendly terms!

Difference of opinion doesn't make for war every time!

Agree to disagree?

The problem isn't whether porn is good or bad, but a husbands behavior towards his female, which is making her feel terrible. Of course she takes it personally, but as with any addiction it is causing problems, and needs to be addressed. As with any addiction, help is needed to guide him through the process of recovery. At least they are talking which is great, but until he start losing the things he loves, he will never get real help. In other words, its time to stop accepting his behavior, and being guilty about it. That only makes it worse.

Honestly, having the living room spotless is not what is keeping him from the living room. He is displacing his addiction on you, to make you feel like it is your fault for what he is doing. Sexual addiction is based more on his need for the "chase", not merely the pornography itself. As far as the pornography goes, it is only going to get worse. The reason porn addicts spend so much time online looking at porn is because they are more addicted to the anticipation of getting off, which means they will spend longer and longer online to find an image that best represents their fantasy for the evening.

Sometimes this can lead to an addiction too much worse. I suggest you separate from this man as soon as possible. By staying with him, you are demeaning yourself. It will only continue to hurt you more and more until you have no more hope. In addition, his activity online may or may not be legal or his tastes will reach an illegal status.

I read that Eharmony and other dating sites are viewed by men, as a means of getting sex. I went on a date through this site, and true enough, he was only looking for sex. Many times men will prey on vulrenable women for security, engage in demeaning behavior, and treat their partner badly to keep them perpetually insecure.

Your weight is not the issue. Your self-esteem is the issue. He knows he has power over you, especially since you are married. I have a lot of experience with this issue and was in therapy for two years. Please message me if you need a caring person to talk to. In the meantime, make an appointment with the doctor and go with your husband. There are anti-depressants that can be prescribed to hinder the libido and help curb the addiction.

I know you said money is tight, so he might be able to attend AA meetings and/or get a free referral from your doctor. As far as meds, some practices have free samples. I am not saying that anti-depressents are the best option, but I have heard the success rate is high. You are very strong to handle this so maturely. This has happened to me in the past, and it took me a very long time to view it rationally.

Love yourself first.
<3 laney.

Make no mistake this is largely his problem, and I hope you help yourself also at this time, as others have said, with someone to talk to, to help you through this, as you need to love yourself, and seek to do things that make you a happy fulfilled person, outside of your husband. Waiting for him to come home and make you happy, can only magnify the situation, and make it worse when he does not.