I'm 16 years old and last night, my 20 year old boyfriend who I have been dating for about 3 and a half months asked me to marry him. The time we have spent together has been phenomenol and we both feel like we have been dating for at least a year. I, of course, responded to his question with a "yes". My question is, is it the right thing? He makes me feel so amazing and I have never been this close to a guy. I have had sex with him and we talk on the phone every night for at least 3 hours. So I don't think that all he wants is sex, but I am not sure and have been thinking about it since he asked me. Was my decision the right one?

Probably not, I do not think that 3 1/2 months is long enough to decide whom you will spend the rest of your lifes with. Also, due to the age difference this could be a case of statutory rape even with your consent because there is 4 years difference, but that is not your question. So, perhaps you should tell him that you need to hold off for a little while. And did he give you a ring when he asked you? If not, it sounds as though he is playing with your emotions and will take advantage of you. Just how much do you know about this guy after 3 1/2 months??

It could be a good decision, or a bad one it all depends on the relationship. However, with today's divorce rate you have a better chance of the marriage failing then succeeding, especially since you're so much younger. Just ask him if you can wait to have the wedding ceremony... If he really loves you then he will understand and will be willing to wait until you're out of school or at the least 18- an adult.
If you're second guessing yourself then your not ready.
Love is everlasting and needs to be taken seriously, trust your gut feeling. Is it right or wrong?

Ok I feel like I have a little insight on this... for I was in a similar situation. Are you too young? Yes... your probably only in your second year of high school right? I dated a guy that was 5 years older then me... and we were together for 3 1/2 years... yes he gave me a ring and asked me to marry him... but it turned out to be more like a promise ring. Even after more then 3 years together, it ended up not being the perfect match, and we had a very exciting and loving relationship in the beginning like you do now... but to be honest... and I'm only saying this because I have totally been there before... just give it time. Your in no rush to get married. If he really loves you... he'll stick around no matter how long it takes. And if your still together by the time you turn 18, and you still want to get married, then go for it. Because by then you will know if you really love him or not, and you'll be old enough to make that decision on your own.

good luck though. I know what I feels like to be young and VERY in love. It's the best feeling in the world. Just take it one day at a time. There is no use in rushing these sort of things.

=)

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To young to marry?
I'm 16 years old and 20 year old boyfriend

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YES !

Try living with someone and then see how you feel about spending the rest of your life with them.. talk about a test and a half on a relationship!
Seriously,if its meant to be and you guys really want to spend your lives together then you can wait. At the end of the day marriage isn't going to keep you guys together- it's the two of you that will do that...
I was as in love when I was 16 and without being patronising (really I'm not,just talking from experience!) I'm glad I waited. Because although I'm only 3 yrs older now I've already learnt that these things only get better as you get older...
I'm sure deep down though you'll know yourself what feels right.
Hope it goes well for you whatever you decide! X

Listen to Mr. Curlyben, he is 100% right.

I agree w/ a lot of people on here. Ive been friends w/ more in mind w/ a friend of mine for over 1 year and a half now. I was 16.5 when we met and he was 22. But we decided not to date until Im 18. That's two monthes away and we are so happy we've taken the time to really get to know each other before dating.

Have you gotten to know the important things about him? His goals in life? Does he want kids? Does he plan on living where he is now?

What about his friends and fam? His boss and co-workers? What do they think about him?


Bottom line is that if he loves and respects you, he will wait for you.

.Brandy,

I do hate to rain on your parade but not only are you to young to be married, you should not be spending your time with a fellow that is 20 years old.

I promise you, that I do not say this to be mean. I married at 18 my lady was also 18. The first four years were relatively nightmare as we struggled to learn how to live together.

We were extremely lucky that our son wasn't born until we were 22.

At sixteen your biggest problem should be what to wear to your ring dance or Prom, not contemplating marriage.

Please, relax and enjoy being 16. If you are that important to your boyfriend, he can wait two years. I would also suggest that you spend time with your Priest or Pastor or Rabbi so that you can talk this through with him/her.

Honey, the fact that you asked this question tells me that you are having second thoughts.

No matter what happens in your life, don't ever question that little nagging voice in the back of your mind. If you choose to ignore it, you will regret it. Been there, done that. I can guarantee you that when I chose not to go with my gut instinct, it always came back to bite me in the butt. So, give this a lot of thought. There is a reason why you are suddenly not sure. Just take a step back and continue dating him. The good thing is at your age, legally you can't rush into marriage. So, just tell him that (by law) you need to wait until you are 18 to get married and that it is better to wait until then to discuss marriage. By that time, you will both know if it is the right decision. Although I don't approve of your having sex, I am not your mother. Please make sure that you are using protection at all times. There are so many sexually transmitted diseases out there now that do not have any cures. Of course, pregnancy is another big issue. You are too young to be dealing with such emotionally devastating life altering stuff. I am sure you are smart enough to realize all these things and are taking the proper precautions.

You must be so flattered that he asked you. It is something to save in your heart. But it is something rather selfish (yes!) because you have so much life to live before you settle down. He does too. How sad to realise how many marriages turn sour, and then couples divorce. Regret over hasty marriage is tops on the list of reasons. You can't imagine ever not loving him? Right, you don't have enough time in your relationship to have seen all sides of each other. Give yourself time to be a carefree teen, sweetie. You will not ever regret that.

If you were 20 and he 24, is it still way too soon to be considering marriage. You are still in the "puppy love" stage of your relationship where everything is beautiful. You have to get past that initial part of your relationship before thinking about a long term deal like marriage.

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Originally Posted by cerisa

You must be so flattered that he asked you. It is something to save in your heart. but it is something rather selfish (yes!) because you have so much life to live before you settle down. He does too. How sad to realise how many marriages turn sour, and then couples divorce. Regret over hasty marriage is tops on the list of reasons why. You can't imagine ever not loving him? Right, you don't have enough time in your relationship to have seen all sides of each other. Give yourself time to be a carefree teen, sweetie. You will not ever regret that.

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Hey, got to spread some around, but you are correct. She should not be concerned with such things as marriage right now. She should be concentrating on school, college, a career, then marriage. No one is garranteed tomorrow, but if you waste today, it is gone forever.

Has anyone picked up on the fact that she has said she has had sex with this 20 yr. old? By the way that is statutory rape. Where or where, are the girls "parents"?? Something is just not right here, ohh, I know what it is, a 16 and 20 yr old engaged and having sex, that's it.

Not all states use 18 years as the age on consent.

Brandy, I was hoping to avoid this area of your post, but too late. First what state do you live in and what is the legal age of consent in your state?

I apologize in advance because of the intrusiveness of the question but unfortunately you opened the door. Also, are you currently pregnant or do you think your are pregnant?

Have you had the opportunity to talk this over with your parents?

To mowerman2468- I don't recall her saying she was specifically religious so I would not agree with forcing my own religious views on someone else. And seeing as she has already had sex with him, and already accepted his proposal then I think its fair to presume she isn't a devout practicing catholic either.
Isn't the important thing here to try and help brandy_lyn and respect the choices she's made for herself, and not impose our own beliefs?

Lonelily,

I disagree with you with respect to what our obligation to Brandy. The collective audience has a great deal of information and anecdotal situations that can be used to educate Brandy.

So far its obvious she is not thinking and planing very clearly. For goodness sakes, just look at the situation she's living in now.

Personally, I believe the boyfriend here is creator of this situation. Why in heaven's name would a 20 year old young man seek the solace of a 16 year old?

Then to take the next step and bed the young lady, apparently without any concern for the ramifications of that action on Brandy.

Next he complicates that felony by asking her to marry him. For all we know the marriage may be nothing more than a method criminal charges for statutory rape. All this within the space of 3.5 months.

The skeptic in me says that Brandy was manipulated and planted where the boyfriend wanted. My granddaughter is turning 16 soon and if this were her, I hope I would be wise enough to convince Brandy that this is bad enough without her running into a marriage while she is barley out of diapers.

One final comment. I was the one who suggested that Brandy seek the guidance of a Priest, Pastor or Rabbi. I did not make the suggestion as a statement of faith. I made the suggestion because it is my hope that one of the three would counsel Brandy against marriage at 16.

Thank you so much for your insight and answers. Its so cool knowing that some people care about what I'm doing and the decisions I'm making.

Okay... to clarify. I live in Montana where the legal age for consent is 16. Which, I am. Also, if we are going to get married (I am now seriously considering it) we are going to wait until I am 18. And if we are still together, I would at least have a clue about whether we are going to last.

Most people don't think that true love can be found when you are "young" like I am. And now that I think about that... its true. Love when you are young isn't really love, its lust. Maybe that's what my relationship is about... I'll have to consider...

During the teenage years, feelings of "love" or whatever are often enhanced with the surge of and change in hormones. That's why such an extremely serious decision as marriage is best made when a person is past such a strong time of change in a person's life. Just because the legal age of consent is low, doesn't necessarily mean a person has to get married at that age. The wise course would be to wait, at least until the teen years are over. I know from experience that during such a time in life, my feelings for people or certain things seem to fluctuate from week to week or month to month. You might want to read up on the statistics for those who marry at a very young age... the success rate for such marriages is so low it's scary.

Brandy,

I can not agree with your statement above. I met my wife when we were 17. We met at my oldest brother's wedding.

To this day I have no idea what drew me to her so strongly. I know that her eyes were the softest eyes I have ever seen. Even then, she was a formidable young woman.

It was 1964, the era of free love and hippies. The war in Viet Nam was starting to pick up in its fury. Even then my lady would shut down my attempts at conquering her.

She would tell me, "Are you ready for your autopsy." Or, "Do yo see your wedding ring on this finger?" I don't know how I knew or why I felt so strongly for her, but 13 months after we met, we eloped!

However, I did not love my lady in the same way as I do now. To be honest it was primarily Lust but over the years I believe my love has deepened to what love should be without choking her.

Good luck and thank you for waiting until you are 18

Yes too young to marry, not too yong to love. If he loves u he will wait for u. If u love yourself and want a fulfilled future you will wait.

If your states legal age is 16 as you say and you are going to spend the next couple years working on a relationship I don't see why your relationship is any more likely to be doomed than a 24 yr old/20 yr old in the same situation. Heck even people dating in their 30's can't even get it right. I live in a state that 18 is the legal age and many girls are pregnant with their third baby to their twentieth boyfriend by the time they turn 18. And the other two babies are from the first few boyfriends. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and who knows you may even have the guy for you.
Good luck and God Bless

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Originally Posted by Brandy_Lyn

I'm 16 years old and last night, my 20 year old boyfriend who I have been dating for about 3 and a half months asked me to marry him. The time we have spent together has been phenomenol and we both feel like we have been dating for at least a year. I, of course, responded to his question with a "yes". My question is, is it the right thing? He makes me feel so amazing and I have never been this close to a guy. I have had sex with him and we talk on the phone every night for at least 3 hours. So I don't think that all he wants is sex, but i am not sure and have been thinking about it since he asked me. Was my decision the right one?

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Well I must say that you are too young. But that's my opinion. I don't know you personally. It seems to me that you are doubtful, though. Which means you may not be ready for such a commitment. You are probably feeling very very amazed, and flattered because you are sharing such intimacy with him. *sigh* It's OK. Just really think hard about your future. You are sooo very young, there is so much more to your life, trust me. I'm young as well, I'm only 21, but I know that I have so much in front of me. Don't over flatter yourself over sex OK? I did that when I was 18, I accidentally gave my virginity to a married man. I didn't know. But then again, like you, I was so in love, and so very flattered. Enjoy your life girl ;) Trust me, there's a lot more to enjoy. Be a smart young lady.

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Originally Posted by Brandy_Lyn

I'm 16 years old and last night, my 20 year old boyfriend who I have been dating for about 3 and a half months asked me to marry him. The time we have spent together has been phenomenol and we both feel like we have been dating for at least a year. I, of course, responded to his question with a "yes". My question is, is it the right thing? He makes me feel so amazing and I have never been this close to a guy. I have had sex with him and we talk on the phone every night for at least 3 hours. So I don't think that all he wants is sex, but i am not sure and have been thinking about it since he asked me. Was my decision the right one?

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This marriage could turn out to be awesome! I'd give it a year though, a year of engagement. During that time, check out his reaction to every single situation the two of you can be involved in. If he really wants your total commitment, he will wait!

I think its too soon. I am 16 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years... I just think you should wait until you are more ready and I don't think you are ready now.

Its not necessarily a wrong decision, but it all depends on how you act upon it. If you run away and get married before you're 18... BIG mistake.

There is nothing wrong with being engaged for a few years. Talk about college, work, raising kids, religion, family life, morals, politics, budgets, the future, death, insurance, living wills, money, bills, and all those fun things that married couples have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Give yourselves time to learn about each other and grow as a couple and as individuals.

One day down the line you'll either be 100% sure you're ready for the challenge, or 100% sure you would be happier going your separate ways.

My cousin is 18 and proposed to his 15yr old girlfriend. (stupid, I know) She dug it and they seemed happier than ever... but 2 months later she split. The pressure was too much and she wanted to be 15 again. She made the right decision for both of them.
This might be your situation, it might not. Just take your time; this isn't something to be taken lightly. I know... I dated my first love for 4 years before we got engaged when I was 16. Turns out, I was meant to marry someone else though. ;)

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Originally Posted by Brandy_Lyn

I'm 16 years old and last night, my 20 year old boyfriend who I have been dating for about 3 and a half months asked me to marry him. The time we have spent together has been phenomenol and we both feel like we have been dating for at least a year. I, of course, responded to his question with a "yes". My question is, is it the right thing? He makes me feel so amazing and I have never been this close to a guy. I have had sex with him and we talk on the phone every night for at least 3 hours. So I don't think that all he wants is sex, but i am not sure and have been thinking about it since he asked me. Was my decision the right one?

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Not only are you too young, I can't believe he asked a 16 year old to marry him after only 3 months. I fact, I'm wondering why a 20 year old is dating a 16 year old. Is it just sex? I think it is sex and control. This guy IMO is a bit screwy. And where do your parents stand in this?

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Originally Posted by donf

Lonelily,

I disagree with you with respect to what our obligation to Brandy. The collective audience has a great deal of information and anecdotal situations that can be used to educate Brandy.

So far its obvious she is not thinking and planing very clearly. For goodness sakes, just look at the situation she's living in now.

Personally, I believe the boyfriend here is creator of this situation. Why in heaven's name would a 20 year old young man seek the solace of a 16 year old?

Then to take the next step and bed the young lady, apparently without any concern for the ramifications of that action on Brandy.

Next he complicates that felony by asking her to marry him. For all we know the marriage may be nothing more than a method criminal charges for statutory rape. All this within the space of 3.5 months.

The skeptic in me says that Brandy was manipulated and planted where the boyfriend wanted. My granddaughter is turning 16 soon and if this were her, I hope I would be wise enough to convince Brandy that this is bad enough without her running into a marriage while she is barley out of diapers.

One final comment. I was the one who suggested that Brandy seek the guidance of a Priest, Pastor or Rabbi. I did not make the suggestion as a statement of faith. I made the suggestion because it is my hope that one of the three would counsel Brandy against marriage at 16.

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I wanted to spread some rep your way. This young man has taken advantge of this girl. I can't believe some are telling her this is OK.She is 16. Should she marry some 20 year old who probably took her virginity 3 months ago and wants to control her by asking her to marry him. PLEASE!
And where are her parents?

Give it a couple more months and then decide if you really want to be with this guy for the rest of your life, I'm pretty sure you can't marry him for 2 years anyway. 3 and a half months might seem like a long time, but it's really not.

Yes you are. In only dating a person for 3 and a half months you are still in the "honeymoon" stage of your relationship. Yes you like the person but you are probably just over joyed at getting a person that well and I is distracting you from seeing the truth. I most of the time takes people years to get to know a person fully. And as for sleeping with him sometimes that will make you think you "love" him to. Don't let him control you. Take your time don't grow up to fast.

My parents met when my mother was 16 and my dad was 22, fresh out of the navy. They have been married for over 42 years. So, I am not sure the age difference bothers me. My husband is 3.5 years older than me. So..

But to consider marriage right now and only after 4 months of dating, I don't think it is wise. I think, in life, we have to figure out who we are before we can be a good friend, wife, mother etc. Marrying, even at 18, I don't think you know exactly who you are yet.
What would be wrong with waiting - go to college, live a little?

Don't waste your life by wishing it away. "I wish I was 18", "I wish it was friday".
ENJOY TODAY AND WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER YOU. Tomorrow it will be over. Work on YOU - as you, not as a wife.

You are still basically a child. IMO 16 years is too young to be married, 18 is too young for that matter. You have graduation from high school to think about, college. 3 months is not long enough to know anything, you are still in a state of lust and infatuation which is not a good mix for deciding to marry. If this guy is still around, give it a couple of years.
What does this guy do for a living. Do your parents know about this guy?

My thoughts are yes, you are too young to marry. I am 24 now, but when I was a freshman in high school I started dating a guy and we dated for over 2 years. It was exciting and fun but we at the end decided we were very different people with very different dreams and I realize how much I missed because I was in a serious relationship. That doesn't mean that you will not end up marrying this guy. Just don't rush into agreeing to marry him. Especially after only 3 months. You still have a lot of living to do and marriage is a full time commitment. So I would say to take it a day at a time. Besides, if he himself is only 20, then he still has a lot of living to do too. You never know who or what might come along. Besides do you really want to go to college married?
You should be thinking of school and fun, not how you are going to pay your bills, when you graduate.

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Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

Its not necessarily a wrong decision, but it all depends on how you act upon it. If you run away and get married before you're 18... BIG mistake.

There is nothing wrong with being engaged for a few years. Talk about college, work, raising kids, religion, family life, morals, politics, budgets, the future, death, insurance, living wills, money, bills, and all those fun things that married couples have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Give yourselves time to learn about each other and grow as a couple and as individuals.

One day down the line you'll either be 100% sure you're ready for the challenge, or 100% sure you would be happier going your seperate ways.

My cousin is 18 and proposed to his 15yr old gf. (stupid, I know) She dug it and they seemed happier than ever... but 2 months later she split. The pressure was too much and she wanted to be 15 again. She made the right decision for both of them.
This might be your situation, it might not. Just take your time; this isn't something to be taken lightly. I know.... I dated my first love for 4 years before we got engaged when I was 16. Turns out, I was meant to marry someone else though. ;)

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Hmmm, morals?? That one has already been shot down! But the last paragraph gives good experienced information.

Lets see here, some are telling her that yes it is okay to consider marriage at such an early, impressionable age. She has already lost the morals race I think by partaking in sexual acts with this MAN of 20 yrs old. I think she should be thinking of the future that she wants, chances are this guy is going to use her for awhile longer, then dump her and crush her tender little heart for some other young girl that he can control and have sex with. She says they have only dated for 3 1/2 months, that is way to soon for all this commitments. She needs to enjoy her school years and plan her college and career paths, not be worried with some older guy taking advantage of her.
And one other thing directed directly to the original poster. When you take your marriage vowels, remember to think about what YOU and your groom Promise to GOD, you promise GOD, " 'til death do you part".
And where is your parents, what are their thoughts on this situation? Ask them if they are ready to be a grandparent yet, and see what their faces and reations to that question is going to be.
And another thing, remember that not any pregnancy prevention device available is 100% guaranteed to prevent unwanted, or unplanned pregnancy except the one that GOD prescribed, that would be abstinence. Abstinence is the only 100% guaranteed form of birth control available today.

Well you're awful young. How long do you plan on staying engaged? At 16 and 20 years of age, are you ready, financially and otherwise, to maintain a home and raise a family? You're not even finished high school yet and he certainly hasn't had a lot of time to acquire a solid marketable skill that'll enable you to support yourselves and whatever children you end up having. Frankly I'd wait until you've both acquired solid, stable careers before getting married.

TO MOWERMAN!
Umm. I don't think you get it in our world today, teenagers go through so much more drama and peer pressure than "back in the day", girls can be horrors at 13 not even. Our world is going to crash, and honestly I think she should live her life too.

-you should live your life, I mean if he really loves you he will wait until you are ready, you may think your ready now which you probably are, but live your life. Because you would never know what you missed.

Brandy is asking for advice, she asks if her decision is the right one. Mowerman has some life experience to draw from, in which he can answer with some authority as to the consequences of jumping off the cliff without a net. Having an opinion is everyone's right. Having an informed opinion is what is of value here. Peer pressure and drama are nothing new. I believe they were invented sometime before that old tearjerker, 'Romeo and Juliet'. A story about a couple of kids,written in the fifteenth century. 13 year old 'horrors'? Ummm, 'Lolita' covers that one. About the world crashing... if you have insider information I would like to have it. But, you redeem yourself in the second half. Yep, she should wait. As S cianci wrote, there is a lot to be said for having a marketable skill. Having a roof over your head, and food in your belly, makes the time waiting for the world to crash more pleasant.

I know that this response is a little late...
But if you want to marry him, I would definitely stay engaged until you're at least 18 years old. Just so you know, him having sex with you is statutory rape, even if your parents are OK with it & regardless of whether you consented. At any time, the state can pick up the case & prosecute him for statutory rape without a 3rd party involved (ie: you or your parents). I've seen it happen to a few friends of mine & if you love him & want the best for him, do not post a confirmation on the internet about any kind of sexual involvement between you two! If I were you, I would delete any & all evidence of that, especially if you have any identifying information online that can be linked to you, which would convict him. There are government officials scanning the internet 24 hours a day, 7 days a week specifially looking for child molestation/pornography/statutory rape, etc! I think it's insane that the government can do this, but it is what it is & we have no control over it! All we can do is protect ourselves!! Even if you or your parents consent the relationship, the state can still step in & charge your boyfriend (for statutory rape) & your parents (for negligence)!!
So, back to your original question... I don't think you should get married at least until you are 18. I know from my own experiences, you will grow a lot & change even more in the next 2 years. After high school, you change a lot! I've grown so much in the past few years & changed a lot! I'm 23 now & my boyfriend is 27. I know that I was a completely different person when we first met! Both of us have grown together, but that took years of work & communication!
Right now, you are in the "puppy love" stage as real as it may feel!! Things change drastically within the first year of a relationship, whether good or bad. Another thing, many people put up a front that can last for up to 2 years before you see their "true colors". Make sure before you tie the knot that you can live with him!! I know that moving in with my boyfriend was the best decision I've ever made! We've been together for almost 4 years & have lived together for a little more than 3 1/2 of those! I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can live with him for the rest of our lives. It's a lot different when you're just dating someone than it is when you live together. When you live together, you get to see a lot more good qualities & bad flaws about the other person because you will be spending a lot more time with them! I've had friends who were dating their significant other for years & then got engaged & moved in together. The relationship got destroyed because they couldn't deal with each others quirks/flaws! The quirks vary from: cleanliness to hygiene to organization to personal goals/achievements to money issues to communcation. Money issues can destroy a healthy relationship, especially when one person wants one thing & the other doesn't. This all depends on how strongly the foundation of the relationship was built!!

I don't think that there is anything wrong with you saying yes to his marriage proposal, but I would definitely wait a few years before you get married! The divorce statistics, especially with younger couples, are very high! If you plan on spending the rest of your lives together, waiting a few years to actually get married should not matter!! I strongly believe that you should wait & get to know each other better! My boyfriend & I were only together for about 5 months when we moved in together, but we just knew when we met each other that we had something special! We are still waiting another year or so to get married! I can say with 100% confidence that you will learn so much more about each other in the years to come! This information is VERY important! Talk about your futures together & make sure that you both want the same things in life! There are people out there who love each other with their whole heart, but can't be together because they have different goals/ambitions/thoughts about the future! Talk about things like: where you will live if/when you get married, how many kids you want (if any), your views on raising children, you views about family, whether he wants you to work or stay home after having children, saving money, vacations, life insurance, whether to have pets, both your views on cleaning/cooking/laundry/maintaining the house, & so many other things that married people/people who live together share!! Make sure that you both want the same things in the future!! MARRIAGE IS A VERY SERIOUS COMMITMENT & MAKE SURE THE PERSON YOU ARE MARRYING IS THE PERSON YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH!!! If you do not agree on major future goals, your marriage probably will not last.

Please post an update & let me know how everything is w/ your relationship!!!!

This may be a little off topic, but is VERY IMPORTANT:
One last thing, NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP (physical, emotional or sexual)!!! DO NOT ALLOW ANOTHER PERSON TO CONTROL YOU!!!

A lady can always change her mind, right? 16 is too young to marry. I believe your first goal in growing up is to become independent; you should be able to hold a job for six to twelve months, open a bank account, file a tax return, buy something on credit, etc. If you can not do these things, then you shouldn't be married. You will be someone else's dependent. You will be dependent on your man; will he be your husband, brother, father, boss, or who?