All her threads are merged into one.


I am getting the vibe that my husband still has feelings for his ex. We have been married for two months and been together for a year. The thing is, my husband was in a relationship with S for a year and a half and they were planning on getting married but few weeks before the wedding S broke it off and decided to end it for no apparent reason.

Now this story happened three years ago and two years before we met, so I know I'm not a rebound. But the subject of the ex was opened a few times cause she was a family friend and still is so his family tend to bring her up every now and then. However, every time she's mentioned my husband gets nervous and starts taking deep breath (big sigh) without commenting on a single word. And the thing that's making paranoid is that I asked him why he refuses to forgive and forget her, is it cause S meant a lot to him because it seemed that way to me but he also didn't comment on that!!

He tells me he loves me and swears by it but what do you think people, the fact that he gets nervous of the ex subject and tries to ignore talking about it even after 3 years have passed, doesn't mean that he still has feelings for her?! Please be honest...

Only he knows for sure.

When you say, "before the wedding S broke it off and decided to end it for no apparent reason", it makes me wonder if perhaps he just needs closure from that relationship.

He must want to know why it ended, and I imagine whenever he hears her mentioned, it might cause him to feel uneasy and bring up all the hurt and unanswered questions again (that he felt when S broke it off for no apparent reason).

My guess is that he is scared. It is hard for some people to talk about past hurts. Maybe he is scared that you might leave him too.

I feel for you. I think communication is key. Let him know how you feel, about your fears. Try to get him to open up with his feelings about the breakup with S.

Not sure what I'd do... maybe ask him if he thinks he needs answers once and for all so he can put the past to rest for good. You two need to have a clean slate!

Sounds to me like he is keeping his feelings all bottled up inside. It would be really difficult, but it might be beneficial for your future together to have him write her an email or letter to get his questions answered, even if he doesn't send it. Just so he can vent his feelings.

But, on the other hand, maybe you are seeing something that isn't there! Maybe he is totally over the whole thing and feels like it was a bad time in his life that he just is uncomfortable talking about.

I am not a relationship expert, so don't take my advice. Just throwing ideas out there for you to think about. If nothing else, go talk to a trusted friend or parent, or go see a marriage counselor.

Good Luck, I really wish you the best!

He probably wishes nobody would bring her up at all. And the big sigh is likely because when somebody does bring her up, it's going to mean you getting upset about it again.

When you ask him why he refuses to forgive and forget her, you keep 'their' history alive based on the past. Every time you bring it up and he doesn't want to talk about it, you have invited her memory into your marriage.

She was a woman he nearly married. She was a woman he once loved. She is also a person that he has left in the past, where she belongs. He likely does have memories, good and bad, about her, just like he, or you, would have about any person you were in a relationship with- in the past. You can't selectively wipe your memory clean. Living through relationships, and breakups is how we mature and grow as a person, and what we use (experience) to pick the next partner.

My advice to you, having been married 35 years myself, is to let his ex remain in the past, where he has left her. Accept that you have no reason to keep her memory so alive that it is affecting your own marriage. Move on, and never mention her again.

Maybe its just a dumb subject for him to be reminded of it. You asked for honesty, DROP IT completely, as your logic is flawed. VERY FLAWED!!

Probably pisses him off when his family brings it up. And when you make a big deal of it too. Those aren't vibes, its disgust.

Thank you all for taking the time to help me out... I know we're married and it's stupid to think about it but I've never felt this insecure in my life. He told me he love her and she was the prettiest so I don't believe that love just washes away in a few years time. I want to feel insecure enough with him cause I love him unconditionally but this subject makes me want to hold back my love.

But this is about you not him, your feelings not his. Your fear, not his.

We as humans can love many people on many different levels forever. As long as you are afraid of his past, then your love is NOT unconditional. I mean what do you want the guy to do??

You are being carried away by your own unreasonable fear. Stop it.

I meant in my previous comment is that I want to feel Secure* enough with him, I want to trust him more. Everything you said it right and true but I can't find it in myself to let this fear go... I'm not capable of handling such a situation and it's ruining my life but I still don't know how to handle it. I don't know if this makes any sense, but my husband isn't really helping; whenever we go he like looking at beautiful women, he likes to flirt indirectly with all pretty women even if they are friends. We talked about it but he thinks I'm just overly jealous so that's another issue that making this situation even worse.

Then find it in yourself to get the help and guidance to overcome your fears, and gain control over your feelings, so you can deal with reality.

Your other post were deleted as it's a lousy idea putting personal info, and pictures on a public forum.

Get the help you need. Why suffer alone?

My Husband and I have been married for around two months. He's so sweet to me, loves me and appreciate me but we have one huge issue and it's causing us to fight constantly and I'm getting to the point where I want to end his relationship; He can't keep his eyes off girls. It is too exhausting and it's making my life miserable.

The other day we went out with a group of friends and he kept looking back and forth at my friend who is pretty cute. And this wasn't the first time. He stares at girls whether we know them or not and when I tell him to stop, he denies it and tells me it's my imagination!! The thing is if he loves me like he says, why does he do it, why did he marry me in the first place if he can't change his attitude and adapt to being a married man. Am I not good enough for him or not attractive enough for him.

Please help me out, I want to understand this,, I'm so confused and on the edge of ending this whole relationship...

All her threads are merged into one.

First it was his past ex, you bugged him about, now its your friend. Cut it out. Everybody, both males and females look at attractive people. Its natural, and you are not only over reacting, but being unreasonable in expecting your guy to not look at others.

This is all about you being insecure, paranoid, and unreasonable. That's not how married woman should act, all needy, and controlling. Relax why don't you and stop acting like all these small things are a big crisis. What are you scared he will run away with them, or leave you for some passing hottie? What is it that makes you so afraid of other females??

WOW! You just got married! Did he do this before you were married? I think you need to catch him in the act and talk to him about it. Don't end a marriage just because he looks at other women. Yes it is wrong but first talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. Please answer mine... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-annoying-him-he-really-into-me-592634.html

I am not afraid of anything I swear but I just feel so very disrespected. If I go out and a guy who is with his wife starts staring at me every two seconds I'm going to start feeling sorry for the wife for not being good enough for her husband!! This is what happening to me now,, do you really think that it is okay for my husband to keep looking back and forth at my friend while I'm sitting next to him!! So it's not fear that he'd leave me, it's feeling disrespected in front of the world...

"I'm getting to the point where I wanna end his relationship"

Then why did you marry him if you have those doubts..?

Hindsight is 20-20

Blame yourself.

Why do you think you can control what people look at? Why do YOU feel disrespected by someone looks at? Why would you blame a wife for what her husband looks at?

Why is your point of view the only one you see?

He is married and supposedly loves his wife very much but can't help it with wanting other women to notice him and like him! What is that called?

Narcissist, I think, sums it up.

A cheat

All her threads are merged into one.

I call a man who actively seeks the attention of women other than his wife 'insecure'. Though some are just born flirts who enjoy the banter and it means nothing more than having fun. Most even enjoy it when their spouse flirts with them in public.

I call a wife who actively sets out to seek negative opinions about her husband of two months 'insecure', too. Is he really flirting as much as you think he is or is your own perception making it seem worse than it is?

Have you sat down at home and discussed what each of you considers good behavior when around other people? Have you discussed ways you can let him know he is crossing the line without putting him on the defensive or you feeling like you are tugging on a leash?

Have you found ways to help yourself feel more secure in your marriage whether you are out or at home?

Thanks all. Cat1864 you have a point there but I don't know how to do that, we're both super stubborn sometimes we get into a fight and stop talking for almost a week and we live in the same house ! I think my marriage is in deep trouble and I'm too exhausted I just want it over

How long did you date before you got married???

Merging your posts suggests one of you has a lot of baggage, and you two don't communicate very well.

Instead of making new questions, why not share your whole story here, so we can see, and understand what you are dealing with. PLEASE?