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Originally Posted by bettybranch

First of all, this is my first day ever using this site. I responded to what I was able to see. If he is mentally retarded he should be commended; however that does not change her situation. She appears to be struggling with a person that does not bring value to the relationship. Instead it appears that he brings stress. It's not cool to have to live in debt and ask others for assistance all the time. If she wants to continue in her marriage with him, then they both need to make some sacrifices and some changes.

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I know it's your first time, and welcome. However, we all learned(sometimes the hard way) how to follow the rules, be respectful, and most importantly read the entire posts' history BEFORE we make comments. Once again you have insulted a mentally challenged individual by saying he brings no value to the relationship. How do you know what he does, and doesn't do to this relationship?

He may very well be one of the best things that has happened to Jennie, short of her daughter. READ the post, read what's going in on in their lives, before you kick a man out into the streets.. . " he brings stress"? I'm sure he brings love, joy, and happiness as well, most importantly he brings UNDERSTANDING. A little something we all need more of eh Betty?

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I know it's your first time, and welcome. However, we all learned(sometimes the hard way) how to follow the rules, be respectful, and most importantly read the entire posts' history BEFORE we make comments. Once again you have insulted a mentally challenged individual by saying he brings no value to the relationship. How do you know what he does, and doesn't do to this relationship?

He may very well be one of the best things that has happened to Jennie, short of her daughter. READ the post, read what's going in on in their lives, before you kick a man out into the streets. ..." he brings stress"? I'm sure he brings love, joy, and happiness as well, most importantly he brings UNDERSTANDING. A little something we all need more of eh Betty?

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I had to spread the rep but I couldn't agree more.

Another thing to realize Betty, he's mentally handicapped yet still manages to hold down a job and provide for his wife and child. Even though he doesn't make millions, he doesn't look for handouts either. He rides his bike to work every day and does what he has to do to put a roof over their heads and food on the table.

They don't have expendable income, which is the main purpose for this thread. He buys a few luxury items (cigarettes, fast food etc) that they really can't afford and that causes Jennie stress because there isn't extra money for those items. Leaving isn't the solution, taking on some of his burden is.

He does bring value to the relationship. He's not abusive, he's not a deadbeat, he just doesn't make a lot of money. That's not a reason to walk out of a marriage.

I tried to give you some rep alty. But I had to spread it aparently.
But well said.

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

thanks for the support everyone. i wasnt entirely sure what to say to 'bettybranch'

justy, her biological father has a court order to pay 158 a month for child support, and he did for a few years into her life, but stopped completely. from what i understand, they dont know where he is. *grr* i dont know where he is, but i know from his myspace that he has a new girlfriend who he is getting married to (or has already married) so, if she is working, and he is not, that would explain why his wages arent being garnished anymore. very frustrating.

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This is where you need to start being in charge.
You start researching, you find out who you need to contact to have the state follow up on your child support.
Ayla is being financially supported by your husband, now is the time to make the man truly responsible - RESPONSIBLE.
You have enough free time on your hands, you need to make this a priority as well.
The child support office is not concerned with your child support, you have to be.
Be the squeaky wheel. Get active in your case. You have time take your order back in front of a judge, force someone to pay attention. Do some leg work and find out where he is. Surely you have some information.
It may only be $158/month but that is a 10% increase on the income you have now. Make it a priority.
You can't strap and punish a man for trying his hardest to take care of you and Ayla, while you let another man, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE, walk away from the situation.

So Jennie, how's the job search going?

Hello everyone.

First, I may have a job soon! The school is interveiwing me for a janitor job. It's a night job. So keep fingers crossed for me and keep prayign for me.



OK... now on to the reason I came online here...

I'm sorry to let everyone know that issac and I will be getting a divorce... there is no other option anymore.
And before anyone says anything, please read all of this. Or you won't understand my reasons.

This morning my mother and I were on the phone talking about my grandmothers MS, and how she is having a very bad MS attack and that we would be moving my birthday celebration to next week end because of it (my birthday is this Sunday... but somehow the joy has gone out of it)

My husband was talking in the background asking what was for dinner.

I kindly said 'hang on hon, ill tell you in a sec'

I said it in an offhand, converstional way. Just an every day comment.



He stormed off. And started yelling 'f-ing stupid b#### can't even answer my D*** question'
My mom said that she couldn't hear me over him so told me to go talk to him and she would call me later. (my mother understands that he is mentally challenged and sometimes his temper gets the best of him. But its normally never more than him cussing and yelling)



So I hang up. And go to talk to him. And he comes rushing over. And PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE, and says "your mother is a ing just like you! i dont know why you even talk to her!!"



...



So I'm at a loss for words now (other than what I have already said of course)

But my duaghters biological father beat me and ridiculed me and abused me for several years . And I WILL NOT accept it AGAIN.

I'm sorry, I understand he is mentally challenged... I understand he may be bipolar like me... I UNDERSTAND. He might be having an off day.
BUT NO MAN will EVER HIT ME AGAIN AND BE FORGIVEN FOR IT.


*hugs* thank you everyone for supporting me, and helping me struggle to save my marriage... but I'm sorry, no matter what any of you say, this is the end of it... I won't fight for this marriage anymore, even if it was just a one time thing, even if he says sorry it will never happen again... ive lived through abuse, and I refuse to do it again...

Thanks for listening...

There is no excuse for abuse of any variety.
I am sorry for what you are going through.
Please keep this in mind and spend some time learning to enjoy yourself and Ayla.
I think you should also keep this in mind in the future because you seem to jump into relationships head first and I think it would be the most beneficial if you just stay single for a long while.
Leave this relationship behind you and don't look back.

You are absolutely right justy. I DO jump into relationships... not that its any reason or good excuse to do so, but I think its because when my duaghters 'father' treated me like that, I was so desperate to find better. You know what I mean?

I'm going to be SINGLE. Maybe for the rest of my life... I have my daddy, and I have my best friend who happens to be a guy (total plutonic, no romantic relationship lol) and I got my brother. That's all the male relationships I need.

*hugs* thanks hon. I need to start getting our stuff together. We will NOT be here when he gets home from work. If it was just me, I would stay to tell him why I'm leaving and, yes, as bad as it sounds, possibly take the chance of getting hit again. But I can live with that, and I have some words to share with him lol.
But my duaghter will be home, and that crap is NOT going to be around her AT ALL.

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

hello everyone.

first, i may have a job soon! the school is interveiwing me for a janitor job. its a night job. so keep fingers crossed for me and keep prayign for me.



ok...now on to the reason i came online here...

im sorry to let everyone know that issac and i will be getting a divorce...there is no other option anymore.
and before anyone says anything, please read all of this. or you wont understand my reasons.

this morning my mother and i were on the phone talking about my grandmothers MS, and how she is having a very bad MS attack and that we would be moving my birthday celebration to next week end because of it (my birthday is this sunday...but somehow the joy has gone out of it)

my husband was talking in the background asking what was for dinner.

i kindly said 'hang on hon, ill tell you in a sec'

i said it in an offhand, converstional way. just an every day comment.



he stormed off. and started yelling 'f-ing stupid b#### can't even answer my D*** question'
my mom said that she couldnt hear me over him so told me to go talk to him and she would call me later. (my mother understands that he is mentally challenged and sometimes his temper gets the best of him. but its normally never more than him cussing and yelling)



so i hang up. and go to talk to him. and he comes rushing over. and PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE, and says "your mother is a ing just like you! i dont know why you even talk to her!!"



...



so im at a loss for words now (other than what i have already said of course)

but my duaghters biological father beat me and ridiculed me and abused me for several years . and i WILL NOT accept it AGAIN.

im sorry, i understand he is mentally challenged...i understnad he may be bipolar like me...i UNDERSTAND. he might be having an off day.
BUT NO MAN will EVER HIT ME AGAIN AND BE FORGIVEN FOR IT.


*hugs* thank you everyone for supporting me, and helping me struggle to save my marriage...but im sorry, no matter what any of you say, this is the end of it...i wont fight for this marraige anymore, even if it was just a one time thing, even if he says sorry it will never happen again....ive lived thru abuse, and i refuse to do it again...

thanks for listening...

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I'm very sorry Jennie that you had to relive that kind of abuse,even for one moment.
I was abused and I can't even bear to watch that type of thing on TV without having a sense of inner panic.

I think this may very well be the best thing for all of you as an environment where behavior is that unpredictable is dangerous for you and your daughter.

Know that we are here if you need to let off steam.

Be strong and you will get through this.You have proven yourself to be a survivor.Remember that!

Jennie,

Regardless of your decision, I wish the very best for you and your daughter. No one should ever have to live in fear of being assaulted in their own home. I had no idea he was physically abusive. Sometimes the mentally challenged have out bursts of anger. It's their only way of expressing frustration.

I hope the split goes smoothly, please let us know how it goes.

I'll be praying for you. GOD bless.

Jennie, I am happy that you made the decision to move on. Mental disability does not excuse one from temper tantrums such as this, nor does it excuse one from being physically abusive. He knows better.

Your little one does not need to grow up in this environment, it will only teach her that abuse is normal and okay. She will grow up being abused, verbally or physically, if you stay in this marriage.

I'm sorry this has to come right around your birthday, but look at it that your present is a new stress free, violence free life.

I'm proud of you girl.

Jennie,

I really hope that you called the police, filed a report. If he decides to make this difficult then you need as much documentation as possible so that you can stay safe.

If you haven't already done so, file a report.

Now that we know he is a total idiot, I think we all stand behind your decision.

Good luck from here.

Thanks everyone.
Yes alty I filed a report. Not much can really be done at this point, as from what I understand, domestic voilence in this area is VERY VERY common and the police have to be nuetral in these affairs. But the report is made.

And I most likely will be making another report tomorrow. He has been calling me and yelling at me all day, telling me what I MUST do, like 'get the rest of your 'stuff' (he didn't SAY stuff if you know what I mean) or 'now I can't freaking pay the bills because I don't have enough money!' (obviously he didn't say freaking either)
Which isn't MY problem, because for a YEAR now, I have paid THE Same bills, with the Same amount of paycheck. Its hard yes. But its not MY fault he can't figure it out. At this point, I really don't give a flying rats butt. (obviously, I could use stronger words)

Then he goes on and on asking about if I'm going to come get my 'stuff' tomrrow. I say yes. 'well what about your wedding stuff' (amazingly he accually said stuff this time)
I said 'yeah probably, what I don't want to keep I can probably sell or give away to friends who need it'
He says
'wel no you can, cause I destroyed it all'

!!

My wedding flutes... my wedding picture frame, our wedding album... my wedding dress... EVERYTHING.

From what I understand from my uncle who is a retired police officer and working as a guard in a jail right now, he says I can sue him for destruction of property. Obviously the wedding picture and album is BOTH of ours, so he said that was 'common property' but id like him to explain why he thinks that my wedding DRESS is his also. And the wedding flutes were given to me at my bridal shower from my friend.


So tomorrow, when I go over there, if its true, I'm filing a report on that too.


I have had SO SO Many oportunitys to 'get back at him' such as, his paycheck is going into our JOINT ACCOUNT tomorrow *evil grin*

However, I'm not going to give him any ammo to use against ME in court. I'm going to be nice, polite, and fair. So that when I cut the rug out from under him on all the crap he has pulled in the last few days, the judge can laugh and award me alimony.
Not that I WANT his money... I could care less... but you know... I don't want him to think he can just do all of this, and get away with it...

OH and good news for a change! I am so excitedly happy about this. I was crying my eyes out because ayla may have had to change schools because my mom couldn't afford the gas to drive 20-30 minutes there and back 2 times a day to get her to school. And she has an amazingly wonderful teacher (who doesn't care about the 'PC' stuff about personal boundarys in school and gave me a hug today when picked ayla up. I was crying and she asked what was wrong so I told her and she hugged me. And she REALLY LOVES our kids! And ayla LOVES her, and she has a best friend (they were holding hands today, SO CUTE) and so many friends, and she is finally settling down and adjusting to her classroom and everything...

I didn't want to take that away. So I spent all day today on the phone and computer calling and emailing everyone I could think of to help at the school district (and friends as well to see if anyone could possibly help)

And it turns out, that in situations like this, its considered 'being forced out of home' and because of the no child left behind act, the school district has a program in place so that if a student in the school district, loses their home, and has no way to get to and from school anymore, they will PAY me (or my mom) 47c a mile! And from what my dad says, really the range for most cars is only 10-30 cents in gas to drive a mile (depending on your miliage ability)

So my mom said with this program, we can continue to take her to her school :) :)

Which I'm glad for also because I walked by the school here in my moms neighborhood today when school let out. And DID NOT LIKE IT. It was so disorganized, and unsupervised. A KINDERGARDENER was walking around in the street ALONE, and there were no teachers or parent volunteers supervising! Not even CROSSING GUARDS!!

Jennie,
Thank god you had the courage and the sense to get out of there. I'm very proud of you. There are not a lot of women who can do that. They always seem to think things will get better, and they rarely do.

Good luck with the coming days and Happy belated Birthday!:)

Please keep us informed.

Congratulations, Jennie! I'm so happy to hear you are getting away from the abuse and also that your daughter can stay in her school. That's wonderful!

To help your daughter handle the abuse that's been going on (and I don't just mean physical abuse), I recommend Lundy Bancroft's book "When Dad Hurts Mom." I hope you can get it from the library.

Your life is going to be better now.

Oh jeni best wishes with everything your going through right now. Keep yourself and your daughter safe. Think before you act. Your at a tough time right now. I hate to see you act out against him and then have it held against you in court. Be strong and wise. Good luck and come back to keep us posted.

Jennie,I am glad you are being strong and taking what I know is not the easy path to a better life,but a better path in the long run.
My only advice is to not go back to your place without someone to protect you.
There is no telling what kind of mental state your husband is in and I worry for your safety.
Leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman who has been abused.
I know this was not a pattern of his but the potential for escalated abuse still exists.
Many Blessings my dear,stay strong!

Jennie, when you go back, as Artsy has said, have a police officer accompany you. Since you have filed charges, they will go with you for protection. Also, make a list of everything you are taking as that may be admissible in court should he make a problem of it.

Stick to your guns girl. The next thing coming is him saying he is sorry, that he will never do this again, and that he loves you. This is the cycle of abuse. Be aware of it, be ready for it, but don't be fooled by it.