Ask Me Help Desk - My split is really affecting me...

Quote:

Originally Posted by rol

and just out of interest, how long did you take before you really began to miss her(this is for my help in my situation and how long did it take before you told her how you were feeling?)

It took about 2 weeks then a switch went off in my head and I haven't stopped thinking about her since then.

Things may sound great but I don't feel great. She has said even though she has all those strong feelings for me that she would get a divorce so she could date other people. There are a lot of ups and downs. Two days ago she told me she loved me and was considering wearing her engagement ring again, then yesterday some doctor asked her to do something and now she's all confused again. I think if she goes out with a doctor she will like it because she is with a 'doctor'. She admitted the guy wasn't very attractive but he was nice and he is a doctor.

Well I wonder should you both stop the divorce for now and give each other about 6 months and see how you feel about each other? Maybe the seeing each other now is confusing things? Maybe she needs to date some more guys so that she will realise what she had with you ?
Maybe you can communicate this in a very nice way to her
Example.. "i know ive treated you so bad this last year, i really was scared and maybe not ready for marriage as i thought..and i understand you lost feelings and trust for me. I love you so much however I am ready to wait for you and you date who you want to see if you can find someone better than me.." I'm sure this will get her to change her mind about the doctor:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by rol

well i wonder should you both stop the divorce for now and give each other about 6 months and see how you feel about each other? maybe the seeing each other now is confusing things? maybe she needs to date some more guys so that she will realise what she had with you ?
maybe you can communicate this in a very nice way to her
example.."i know ive treated you so bad this last year, i really was scared and maybe not ready for marriage as i thought..and i understand you lost feelings and trust for me. I love you so much however I am ready to wait for you and you date who you want to see if you can find someone better than me.." im sure this will get her to change her mind about the doctor:)

That's good advice, I may try that. But then again I think she will be very attracted to dating a "doctor". I don't have nearly as much money as a doctor. The other thing, I don't think she will date anyone unless we're officially divorced. That's why I think we may end up getting a divorce just so she can go on dates. I personally don't think that's a good reason for divorce. We'll see what happens??

Rockne - What do you want? I mean, you left. Of course she should date. Her world certainly doesn't ans shouldn't revolve around you. You left - you're capable of doing git again. You hurt her. She needs stability and you don't provide that at all.

Yes I'm also just hoping the reason that you want her back is not because you heard she was dating someone else? Or was this the thing that got you out of the uncertainty?
If you knew she was out there waiting for you and not dating would you still be feeling that you want her back??

She just started talking about dating other people. I wanted her back before she ever mentioned that. Bottom line is, I made a big mistake and didn't realize it until she was gone. She keeps telling me things are great between us now, but she's worried they will go back if we get back together. I don't really have an answer for her, I only tell her time will show that I truly care now.

Well, she told me last night that she is tired of going back and forth, one day telling me she loves me and the next day thinking she may want to date other people. She says she's going to have a decision made by the middle of next week whether she want's a divorce or not.

Would the best thing for me to do is to just give her space and let her make her decision? Not contact her at all? It's tough because I feel like if I can't show her I care and she never sees me then the decision will not be a good one for me.

It's too confusing - just the other day she said she was still in love with me, she's really happy while spending time with me, she want's to have kids with me, I would be a great father... The only reason she says she would want a divorce is so she could date other people just to see if I'm the one for her. After we get the divorce it would be too late though.

WELL SEE WHAT HER DECISION IS, ITS in her hands now.. back off now . Maybe you can send her messages to tell her you are thinking of her etc
And if she decides she still wants the divorce,maybe getting the divorce and dating others is not a bad idea to see if you are really meant for each other..

Caring or loving - it's not like that's all of a sudden going to start again.