He just called me and ripped me a new ***hole saying "you just couldnt leave it alone" referring to me messaging her. Something I don't think I deserved...

Nope, you sure didn't. You do what is in your heart. But if you need to talk, I am right here...
Tell him he gave you no choice because he JUST wasn't straight with you. Bottom line.

I told him that already, and he still said "you should have trusted me".

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Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Its all done and over with anyways. I'm asking him for a divorce when I get home. She messaged me saying it was "nothing" and "not my problem".

I'm tired of the lies, and tired of the bull****.

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Oh Star, I can only imagine how hurt and upset you must be right now. This is just so awful. Like everyone else said I wish we could all be there with you in your living room giving you a good shoulder to cry on.

I think Captain has a great idea to get out of the situation for a few days to clear your head and figure out what you want and what you need to do in this situation. He needs to get that there are ramifications for our actions in this life. If everything was so innocent then he should have come clean right from the get go. This girls sounds like a complete trollop. Why would she even care if your husband was interviewing in KY?

This situation just gets me so steamed. You are such a sweetheart you do not deserve people in your life to act like such rats!

Thank you Glinda. Everyone's thoughts and responses mean so much to me.

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Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

He just called me and ripped me a new ***hole saying "you just couldnt leave it alone" referring to me messaging her. Something I dont think I deserved...

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SERIOUSLY?

Uh, should his loyalty not be to his wife? How are you to trust him when he is acting in such an untrustworthy manner? He is acting like an absolute goof!

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

SERIOUSLY?

Uh, should his loyalty not be to his wife? How are you to trust him when he is acting in such an untrustworthy manner? He is acting like an absolute goof!

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My thoughts exactly.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

SERIOUSLY?

Uh, should his loyalty not be to his wife? How are you to trust him when he is acting in such an untrustworthy manner? He is acting like an absolute goof!

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Goof? You're too polite!
He needs his @ss kicked!
This guy is unbelievable...

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Originally Posted by CaptainRich

Goof?! you're too polite!
He needs his @ss kicked!
This guy is unbelievable...

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Absolutely.

He is being a total double dirty rat and no one needs someone like that around :mad:

I agree, except... remember we are all angry and we need to be calm and get down to the truth... They still need to talk to each other face to face, he has a lot of shame to bring out into the open, we all know how hard it is, so the anger of course sets in at first...
Star, your anger is completely justified, I just want you guys to talk, see what the big picture is and if he is going to come clean. Remember, breaking it off is HUGE, and I am not saying you shouldn't just make sure it is what you need to do.
Please, talk with him or go clear your head at Mom's house. Or a friends so you can relax a bit and think. I wish I lived near you. I would invite you...

Aww thanks start, I'd take you up on that offer too. :)

I'm going to see how things go when he gets home from work.

From now until he gets home will give me time to calm down.

Very good idea, even though he is a stinky rat...
Even I am mad... (me? Mad?)
And will be thinking about you all night.

Thank you start. :)

I need to be rational and think and discuss this with him calmly before I make any decisions.

Sorry to hear your going through all this turmoil, and can only hope you take the time to get over those very raw feelings, and talk in person to an older trusted person that you respect, before you make any decisions at this time.

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Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Thank you start. :)

I need to be rational and think and discuss this with him calmly before I make any decisions.

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See! That's what we're used to, calm and collected. Just don't buy into the crap. He's going to plead and try to play as if he's the victim. YOU KNOW BETTER! He needs to close his account at that face-space-place-book-crap thing.

Start is absolutely right. Everyone is mad on here so naturally your anger is obscenely higher then ours.

Keep in your mind that to come out this from a place of anger to your husband will cause him to completely shut down. However, if you approach it calmly and rationally and maintain calm throughout the conversation it will be a productive and good conversation - even if the outcome is yuck. The goal is to get him to not shut down.

I think the right now is the best time for anger to be expelled so that you can get yourself to a place of feeling rational. Do whatever helps you cool out. I know for me when I'm mad I need to go for a run and boost those endorphins. I have friends who need to be alone and quiet in fact my best friend typically only needs a long hot shower then she's calm and collected.

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Originally Posted by CaptainRich

See! That's what we're used to, calm and collected. Just dont' buy into the crap. He's gonna plead and try to play as if he's the victim. YOU KNOW BETTER!! He needs to close his account at that face-space-place-book-crap thing.

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Yeah I think he needs to close that account too... lol. I'm thinking about taking my cell phone away from him too.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Start is absolutely right. Everyone is mad on here so naturally your anger is obscenely higher then ours.

Keep in your mind that to come out this from a place of anger to your husband will cause him to completely shut down. However, if you approach it calmly and rationally and maintain calm throughout the conversation it will be a productive and good conversation - even if the outcome is yuck. The goal is to get him to not shut down.

I think the right now is the best time for anger to be expelled so that you can get yourself to a place of feeling rational. Do whatever helps you cool out. I know for me when I'm mad I need to go for a run and boost those endorphins. I have friends who need to be alone and quiet in fact my best friend typically only needs a long hot shower then she's calm and collected.

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Music makes me feel better. I currently have music blasting in my face. :p

You are right on Captain...
I just think anger can make things work, it may feel good at the time but it clouds our true objective sometimes. I don't think she shouldn't be mad, just think things through a bit. We all know he is being a dirty rat...